Are you scared to be single?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 12, 2010 - 7:15 am
When it comes to being single, what scares you the most…
Standing on your own two feet?
Not having a date on Saturday night?
Never dating again?
Never meeting your perfect partner, falling in love, and experiencing your very own version of happily ever after?
All of the above?
The truth is, you ARE worthy of love, warts and all. Your happily ever after still exists. It’s just up to you to redefine it. In the meantime, it’s okay to be scared to be single. It may be new and unfamiliar territory, but guess what? As uncomfortable as it can sometimes feel, being single is also a gift and a blessing. And in time, you may just discover that you actually enjoy being single.
So how do you change how you feel about being single?
First, you admit that you still want to find love. That’s natural, normal, and biological.
Second, you surrender to NOT knowing when it will show up.
Then, you start creating a life YOU love, complete with taking full responsibility for your emotional well being, your financial fitness, and any other baggage that may be weighing you down.
And then you put yourself in target rich environments several times a week.
And celebrate fabulous YOU! In doing so, you’ll ease up on the self-imposed and societal pressure to couple up and instead live and love your life today.
If you’re ready to do what it takes to find Mr. Right, enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge.
And be sure to pick up my man-ifesto for meeting Mr. Right: If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right, available on Amazon and in bookstores.
For added support, join my Facebook Fan page here:
http://www.facebook.com/LisaSteadmanFans
Day 30: Celebrate YOUR success!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 30, 2010 - 6:00 am
Woohoo! Welcome to Day 30 in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge!
What was your favorite part of the challenge? What did you find most challenging?
What kind of results did you experience?
I can’t WAIT to here how you did during the challenge.
Even if you only implemented a few of the tips, celebrate your success. Treat yourself to a mani-pedi. A glass of wine. A relaxing massage. And keep rocking these tips moving forward.
And be sure to share your Woohoo!s here on the blog. I can’t wait to hear from you!
For more tips like this, check out http://lisasteadman.com/category/30-day-challenge/
Day 29: Do you know the difference between Mr. Next and Mr. Right?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 29, 2010 - 6:00 am
With just two days left in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge, now’s the time to understand the subtle differences between Mr. Next and Mr. Right. That way, when he shows up, you can recognize the difference.
Mr. Next is any guy you date who’s got potential. You can date Mr. Next as long as you want until you realize that he’s not a suitable match for you and your long-term goals and relationship requirements. Once you recognize that he’s not the guy for you, let him go. That way, you cut down on wasted dating time for both of you.
Mr. Right on the other hand is an elusive but oh so worth the wait guy who meets all of your relationship requirements, is emotionally available for commitment, and shares similar values and long-term goals. It takes time to find Mr. Right, and that’s fantastic! Not just anybody can be your perfect partner. Choose wisely.
For more on the sometimes subtle differences between Mr. Next and Mr.Rright, pick up my book If He’s Not The One, Who Is? What went wrong and what it takes to find Mr. Right.
And be sure to share your Woohoo!s here on the blog.
For more tips like this, check out http://lisasteadman.com/category/30-day-challenge/
Catherine Behan on Before You Try E-Harmony, Get a Dose of ME-Harmony
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 28, 2010 - 7:34 am
Here’s some great advice from my friend Catherine Behan on how to check yourself before you wreck your love life…
“I hate on-line dating!” Maggie sighed. “Everyone lies and posts pictures of themselves from 15 years ago.”
“I know what you mean,” moaned Lisa. “I want a guy over 6 feet and the last three matches were all under 5? 8!”
Can you relate? Have you worked and worked on your online dating profile and still attract people you would never pick for yourself? What’s wrong with the system?
Personally, I have worked with many people who have had excellent results with online dating. Some, though still single, really enjoy the people they have met through these dating resources. So what’s the deal? Why aren’t more people lucky in on-line love?
If you aren’t finding a good match, could it be that YOU are not a good match? Is it possible that you aren’t projecting the whole picture? If you are attracting people that are not even close to your ideals, you just might need to focus on a little ME-Harmony before you go to E-Harmony.
Long time singles like yourself have a Lost Love Legacy that holds your future captive. Each person you have encountered along the way…BFFs included, have left a sort of footprint in your mind and heart. Some past relationships have been good and the breakups mutual. But, the fact is, all past relationships have disappointments and heartbreak that lodge themselves in your heart.
No one is perfect. People hurt each other in relationship when misunderstandings happen, no matter how hard you try not to. When you attract the exact opposite of who it is you want to be with, it is a sure sign that you are coming across with a confusing vibration. The Law of Attraction is relentless and always brings exactly what you are vibrating…not what you are hoping for.
One part of you craves to be loved and adored. Another fears opening deeply to let love in. One part of you wants to co-create a marriage that works. Another part is intimidated by the negotiating it takes to walk it out.
One part of you wants a partner who is open and vulnerable. Another part of you is terrified of being open and vulnerable. See what I mean?
When you focus on ME-Harmony, you learn you can accept your doubts and fears and still move forward. Making peace with the ghosts of relationships past is the fastest way to get there. Each heart break in your past holds the power to make you an amazing partner. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. Finding self compassion and letting go of your hurts and disappointments will bring you to a place of shining self confidence.
When you have ME-Harmony, you may not even return to online dating. There is nothing more irresistible than a happy, confident person. Your luck in love will surely change when you choose that as your primary goal!
Curious about how to bring that harmony to yourself? Take the Soul Mate Quiz right here: http://AttractYourSoulMateNow.com
About The Expert
Catherine Behan is a gifted teacher, author, speaker, seminar leader and coach who has been helping people find True Love for over 30 years. She is the creator of “Seduce Your Saboteur: How To Enchant, Engage and Enlist Your Strongest Ally and Find True Love In 6 Months or Less.”
Day 28: Does the idea of finding Mr. Right freak you out?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 6:00 am
I rarely talk about what to do AFTER you meet a great guy.
And yet I find that this is where most women truly struggle.
We say we want love. We say we’re ready. And then when someone really great shows up who’s interested and available, we freak out. We sabotage. We run the other way.
Sound familiar?
As someone who has been there and done that, I had to break free of my own fears about actually finding love. My fears of being seen, heard, vulnerable, not to mention being in a relationship with an imperfect person. I had been looking for perfection for so long I couldn’t even accept a good man into my life when he showed up.
Until I broke free of my fear of what love actually looks and feels like.
If the idea of being in a relationship, taking risks, being vulnerable, and falling in love with an imperfect person terrifies you, pay attention to that. And works to shift your thinking.
Healthy and happy life is imperfect. You do have to be vulnerable. And that’s okay. That’s fantastic!
Surrender to the imperfectness of love. Give good guys a chance. And be willing to be imperfect yourself.
Got questions? Post them here.
For more tips like this, check out http://lisasteadman.com/category/30-day-challenge/
Lakeshia Ekeigwe on The Truth About Being Single
Submitted by Lakeshia Ekeigwe on June 27, 2010 - 7:20 am
When Lisa invited me to participate in her 30 Day Get Out There Challenge, I gladly accepted. I love sharing the truth about being single with single women everywhere. And the truth is…
You’ve been lied to.
How have you been lied to?
- The lie that you are supposed to love being single, and that something is wrong with you if you do not accept and embrace your single life just the way it is.
- The lie that you are lacking in self-love and self-esteem if you know you would rather be married than single.
- The lie that “the universe” may intend for you to be single so that you can accomplish great things.
- The lie that lust and/or money can replace love.
- The lie that you are “too picky.”
These were just some of the lies I heard when I was single, and I was sick and tired of them.
The circumstance of being single, when you would rather be married, just does not feel good. If it did, a whole lot of reality TV and ALL of the online dating services would cease to exist.
Would you like to know the truth?
The truth is you are inclined to being mated.
The truth is you are inclined to sharing your life with someone.
The truth is you are inclined to love.
The truth is you are not supposed to be single.
The truth is in your biology.
Yes, the truth is in your biology! Every 28 days or so, women are physically, hormonally and emotionally, either preparing to menstruate, menstruating or recovering from menstruation. What is the sole purpose of the menstrual cycle? To reproduce. What does it take to reproduce? A man.
We are instinctively drawn to being mated because the continuation of the human race depends on it. That is it. That is the biological truth about being single. You are not supposed to be.
So, you want a partner for life. You want to be married. Well guess what, that is precisely how you should feel.
Unfortunately, single women have been made to appear bitter, stupid and foolish for even thinking that their lives would be better in a happy, loving marriage. But, take a moment to think about it, does it not make perfect sense that you would prefer to join in the most basic ebb and flow of humanity from the beginning of time — that of having a mate and creating a family.
Want more of the truth? Good, I have more.
It is okay to feel that being single is not how you thought your life would be.
It is okay to feel that you would be happier married.
It is okay to know that you would feel complete – yeah, I said it; “complete” meaning NOTHING is missing – with a partner to share your life with.
It is okay to have very high expectations of the man you will share your life with. In fact, his wonderfulness should mirror yours.
It is okay to refuse to settle for less!
How will this information help you “find Mr. Right”? Well, hopefully you are now liberated from old beliefs that were confusing and self-defeating, eliminating some pressure. You no longer need to defend and justify your singleness! That said, you can now shout from the rooftops – I WANT TO GET MARRIED! - and enjoy the journey to finding your Mr. Right who will shout that out right back to you!
About the Expert
Lakeshia Rivers Ekeigwe is a Personal Development Coach and co-author of the book The Truth About Being Single. She works with individual clients and groups, facilitating classes and webinars designed to help people live the lives they want as they deepen their self-awareness and build greater self-esteem. She can be found at www.thetruthaboutbeingsingle.com and www.coachkesh.com.
Day 27: Are you addicted to a man’s potential?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 6:00 am
Be honest. Do you fall over and over again for a man’s potential, only to be devastated and disappointed when he doesn’t measure up?
Stop. This is a vicious cycle you need to break free from.
So many women believe that a man’s potential is who he really is.
They’re wrong.
Who a man is TODAY is who he really is. Trust that. Believe that. And don’t try and change him.
If you cannot accept a man for who he is right this minute, don’t date him. Falling in love with potential will only leave you feeling frustrated. And it will only make your man feel like a huge disappointment.
It doesn’t matter if he’s the most talented artist, the most amazing singer, uber smart with tons of potential. If he’s not living up to that potential today and you can’t accept that, do not date . Period.
Instead, get clear about what you really want. Stop dating in extremes and date in the middle. And love yourself enough to stop sabotaging your love life by falling in love with potential.
Got questions? Post them here. I can’t wait to hear from you!
For more tips like this, check out http://lisasteadman.com/category/30-day-challenge/
Day 26: Do you believe love is out of reach?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 26, 2010 - 6:00 am
Do you believe love is possible for everyone but you?
Are you convinced that you’re somehow the exception to the rule that happily ever after exists?
If so, then this is the REAL reason you’re single.
If our beliefs match our reality — and they do — then whatever you believe shows up for you every day.
Rather than spend another minute in despair about why love isn’t possible for you, why not instead shift your beliefs?
If needed, have amnesia for a day. Surrender to the fact that you have no idea when Mr. Right will show up. And live and love your life anyway. Pretend you have no relationship history bogging you down and TRUST that love is available for you. Tweak your love vocabulary and practice it throughout the day.
Report your progress and setbacks here. Good luck!
For more tips like this, check out http://lisasteadman.com/category/30-day-challenge/
Day 25: Plan a Girls Night Out
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 25, 2010 - 6:00 am
Now that you know how to talk to cuties every day, how to magnetize men, and how to flirt, today is the perfect day to play! So gather your gal pals for a girls’ night out.
Be strategic about where you go and what you do. The goal is to put into practice all of the skills you’ve been learning. So start by inviting three healthy and happy single girlfriends. Identify the ideal target rich environment for all of you. Then get all dolled up, put yourself out there, and have fun.
Make sure you’re approachable and easy going. Men can be intimidated by women in groups.
Practice being each other’s wing women, scoping out cuties and making connections. Laugh, be playful, enjoy yourselves. And above all else, have fun!
I can’t wait to hear where you and your gal pals go on your girls night out!
For more tips like this, check out http://lisasteadman.com/category/30-day-challenge/
Day 24: F*** your beliefs
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 24, 2010 - 6:00 am
Ever wish you could have amnesia and wipe the slate clean of your limiting beliefs and bad love habits?
Do it today. Here’s how…
Instead of walking around with the same old tired belief system that says love is out of reach, relationship success is for others, that time has run out on your chance to get love right, change your story today.
Seriously, rewrite it. Get out a pen and paper and write the story you want to have. Get specific.
See yourself falling madly in love with someone who is equally crazy about you.
Picture your dream wedding. Be there. What music is playing? What food are you serving? How does it feel to be this blissfully in love?
No, this is not some cruel joke. By having amnesia for a day and connecting to the love you want and deserve, you give yourself permission to rewrite your story. You create the opportunity to break free of whatever is holding you back from believing it can actually happen for you.
If this exercise seems trivial or pointless, DO IT. Resistance proves that you need to do this exercise. Have fun with it. Play! Get creative! Give yourself the happily ever after ending you truly desire. You deserve it.
Once you’ve rewritten your beliefs, embody them for a day. Walk around strutting your stuff and knowing that your happily ever after future already exists. Mr. Right may not have shown up yet. But he’s here. And he’s doing everything possible to get to you. So why not do everything possible to get to him, including rewriting your story?
Share our stories here on the blog. I can’t wait to hear from you!
For more tips like this, check out http://lisasteadman.com/category/30-day-challenge/
