WWGD (What would your gut do?)
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 16, 2011 - 7:00 am
Be honest. How many times have you had a gut reaction about something (or someone) and ignored it?
How many times has your gut told you something and you chose to pretend you didn’t hear?
And what were the consequences?
Probably not the best, right?
If you really listened, what would your gut tell you?
My gut recently started talking to me. And instead of questioning it or ignoring it, I listened.
Want to know what it said?
Go to Malibu.
Huh?
Mind you, I’ve BEEN to Malibu before. It’s beautiful. But having lived in Los Angeles for the last 15 years, I can honestly say I never THINK about Malibu.
When I want to go to the beach, I go to Santa Monica. Or Venice. Or Redondo.
Yet this past Saturday, as the 5 day business conference I was attending in Santa Monica was winding down, my gut went from whispering to roaring…
GO TO MALIBU!
When the conference ended that evening, I got in my car and drove up the coast to Malibu. It was a spectacular drive.
And it wasn’t enough.
Along the drive, my gut started speaking again.
Spend the week in Malibu.
Now, I’m all for splurging on a vacay, but a week in Malibu? Well, it just isn’t practical. Especially not after missing a week of work while at the conference.
But again, my gut insisted I at least consider it. And so I pulled into the parking lot of this cute hotel on the beach, walked in, and asked 3 simple questions…
- Do you have wifi? (A girl’s gotta work!)
- What are your room rates? (I’m STILL practical!)
- When can I check in?
It was that simple.
Did it make sense? No.
Was it logical? Of course not.
Was I supposed to do it? Yes!
And here’s why. During the five days I was at the conference put on by my own business coach, I learned A LOT.
I even shifted some thinking, limiting beliefs, and blocks I’d been holding onto that no longer served me.
And I realized that my gut probably knew – better than I did – that in order to process my new awareness, it would be in my best interest to be in an environment FREE from my old beliefs, blocks, and habits (namely, my office, home, routine, etc).
Of course, I had some loose ends to tie up in my office before trekking to the beach. So I put nose to the grindstone and plowed through my To Do list yesterday and this morning.
Then at 2:30pm, I loaded the car, loaded 80s music on the CD player (the PERFECT road trip music!), and started the pilgrimage to Malibu.
Upon arriving at the beach, my gut started talking again…
I AM A GENIUS!!!
And it was right, as usual. As I type this, I not only hear the waves crashing against the shore, I see them out my private patio window. Genius, right?
And you want to know what’s on my agenda while I’m here?
NOTHING.
Well, I have to do some work. But I want to honor the REAL reason I’m here – to process my new awareness in an environment free of any old bad habits, limiting beliefs, and emotional clutter.
Never having spent much time in Malibu, I couldn’t have picked a better place.
And my gut knew that.
So what does YOUR gut know?
I’ve been talking to a lot of women lately who say they KNOW their ex isn’t good for them, but they’re still holding on for dear life.
Or they know if they could just get over their fears, they could LEAP into their dream life.
These same women also say their gut is telling them they HAVE to move on, HAVE to make change, and HAVE to stop feeling so much pain.
And yet many of these women are ignoring their gut instinct to evolve.
I’d like to invite you to STOP ignoring your gut.
I chose to listen to mine, even though it seemed impractical, silly, and un-affordable.
It’s NOT.
Just like whatever your gut is telling you is NOT IMPRACTICAL, SILLY, OR UN-AFFORDABLE.
In reality, you can’t afford NOT to listen to your gut. It’s COSTING you EVERYTHING.
Starting today, tune in. Honor what you hear, even if it scares you.
ESPECIALLY if it scares you. That’s how you know you’re up to the challenge of making change!
So while I’m here processing, listening, and honoring, I’m also putting the finishing touches on my enhanced 8 Week If He’s Not The One? Teleclass. It’s the upgraded version of my Heal Your Heart TeleClass. To create the best program possible, based on what I’m hearing from the women who’ve signed up, I want to spend some time tweaking, refining, and expanding the content.
It’s going to be more than emergency heartbreak recovery. We’re going to dive deep, identify blocks, break free, and MAKE CHANGE.
To find out more about what I’m creating and how to get a FREE guide to living and loving your life, go to ifhesnottheonewhois.com.
And drop me a line or leave a comment to let me know what your gut is telling you. I’d love to know!
My gut is now telling me to turn off the computer and step out onto my private patio to enjoy the waves crashing against the sand.
And since my gut is a genius, I better do it!
How to Meet Your Husband in 2011
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on January 3, 2011 - 12:00 pm
Be honest. Did your New Year’s resolutions for 2011 include some variation of “I want to meet my husband this year!”? Then keep reading. It’s time to set the scene so you can purposefully and powerfully manifest Mr. Right.
First, let’s clarify your REAL resolution. The truth is, I don’t think what you REALLY want is to be married. I believe what you ultimately want – what most single women want – is to find YOUR beautiful, blissful, unique happily ever after story. You want to fall madly in love with Mr. Right. And vice versa.
Why wouldn’t you want that?
Every person on the planet deserves to find healthy and happy love with their perfect partner. There’s just one problem. A lot of single women don’t have all the tools they need to get love right. You may not have all the tools you need to get love right.
I know I didn’t when I was single. Once upon a time, I repeatedly got love WRONG. I chose the wrong men. I didn’t know my own needs, let alone how to communicate my own needs to my partner. I let my emotional baggage rule my relationships. And as a result, my relationships suffered under the tremendous weight of my baggage.
I wasn’t the only one coming to the relationship with unhealthy habits, beliefs, and patterns. My partners weren’t exactly poster children for healthy and happy men. And why would they be? If like attracts like — and it does — I was always attracting my emotional equal. Ay-ay-ay!
You will, too. And that’s why it’s essential to get as healthy and happy with yourself and your own life before becoming somebody’s wife. Before settling down with someone, you’ll want to make peace with yourself, your issues, and any baggage you haven’t already healed. The truth is, nobody can fix you, save you, rescue you, or heal you. That is, no one but Y-O-U.
So if you’re stuck in a fantasy that Prince Charming is going to come along and save you from your so-so life, do yourself a huge favor and rescue yourself this year. How do you rescue yourself? Start by following these 4 basic steps:
Step #1: Identify What or Who is Holding You Back
Whether you think your ex was The One, if your dysfunctional family has you running away from getting close to others, or if your beliefs about love have somehow shut you down to the possibility of ever finding it again, keep reading. The first step in opening up to healthy and happy love in 2011 is to identify who and/or what is holding you back from manifesting Mr. Right.
The truth is, your past may be keeping you stuck in ALL areas of your life. To get un-stuck, now’s the time to name and claim your obstacles in order to deal and heal. This may be a step that requires professional help. Enlist the assistance of a therapist, coach, mentor, or friend to work with you through the breaking free process.
Step #2: Release Your Need to Be Right and Surrender to Being Happy
Are you so attached to your beliefs that love has to be difficult, unsatisfying, or impossible to experience that your need to be right is overpowering your desire to be happy? Here are some examples of what I mean:
Are you choosing to be right as in Yes, you ARE too old, too fat, too screwed up to ever find love…
Are you choosing to be right as in Yes, your ex was the best thing that ever happened to you and you’ll never meet anyone as amazing as he was ever again…
Are you choosing to be right as in Yes, your parents screwed you up so badly that there’s no way love can show up for you…
If so, then your need to be right about being single is far more powerful than your desire to change your single status. Starting today, what if you simply chose to be HAPPY? If all you have to do to meet your husband is CHOOSE to no longer believe that it’s hard, impossible, or out of reach for you to experience the kind of love you desire and deserve, how EASY is that? If all you have to do to meet your husband is CHOOSE to be happy as you are right now, instead of who you may one day become (that debt free, cellulite free, baggage-free ideal we long to become but may never actually attain), how FREEING is that? If all you have to do to meet your husband is surrender to the beautiful truth that love IS available for you, that it’s not too late, that you’re open to it showing up any day now, how FABULOUS is that?
Today, surrender your need to be right about why you’re still single and instead choose a happier and healthier love future, even if it hasn’t shown up yet.
Step #3: Celebrate Good Men
Now that you’ve identified who and what may have been holding you back from manifesting Mr. Right, and have surrendered to the fact that happiness is so much sexier than the need to be right, it’s time to take the next step in your journey towards meeting your husband. It’s time to start celebrating the good men already IN your life. The truth is, there are good men EVERYWHERE, both already in your life and just passing through on a daily basis. However, if you do not see them, acknowledge them, and celebrate them, you will forever sabotage your chances of meeting your husband. Start paying attention to the men who open doors for you, who help you fix your flat tire, who share their umbrella with you, who smile at you, etc. Celebrate these simple acts by good men and before you know it, you’ll start appreciating men more and more. And when the right one comes along, you’ll be ready to recognize and celebrate HIM!
Step #4: Become The Chooser
So many women spend years — decades even — letting other people choose what’s best for them. They let their parents tell them what to do. They let boyfriends and ex-husbands tell them what to do. They let their alpha female friends tell them what to do. They let their jobs and bosses tell them what to do. And they remain in the passenger seat of their lives.
So how do you become The Chooser in your life? First, you stop WAITING for opportunities to find YOU. Specifically, you stop sitting around, hoping some guy will notice you. You STOP attending singles events and lurking on online dating sites just hoping and praying someone will see you, fall madly in love with you, and rescue you from your humdrum life.
Instead, you get ballsy, put yourself out there, smile, make eye contact, and talk to men on a daily basis (at the grocery store, in the latte line, in the elevator at work, at the gym, in line for popcorn at the movies, while rollerblading on the beach, on the subway, at the bookstore, while volunteering for that cause near and dear to your heart, while enjoying live music at your favorite hot spot, at the chiropractor, at yoga class, etc.) See how many opportunities there are in every day life to make eye contact, smile, and strike up a conversation? Have fun with this!
Step 5: Understand the Difference Between Mr. Wrong, Mr. Next, and Mr. Right
As you start meeting men in 2011, pay attention to which category you put them in. Mr. Wrong is the guy you’ve dated and ultimately assessed that he does not measure up to your long term wants, needs, and desires. Mr. Next is a guy you’ve met and started to get to know. He shows a whole lot of promise, and yet you’re withholding your final decision until you find out more about him. He could be your husband, but for now he’s Mr. Next. And that’s a good thing! Mr. Right is that elusive, once or twice in a lifetime guy who comes along, meets your wants, needs, and requirements, shares similar goals and plans for the future, and is interested and available for commitment with you. AND, you are interested in him and available for commitment with him. Trust me, this guy is worth the wait. If you haven’t found him yet, you’re well on your way.
For more tips on how to meet your husband in 2011, enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
You can also pick up my e-book How to Meet Your Husband: Unlock the 5 Essential Secrets to STOP Attracting Jerks, Get Out Of Your Dating Desert, and Manifest Mr. Right.
Top 5 Hot Singles Winter Getaways
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 24, 2010 - 7:00 am
‘Tis the season to celebrate being single! While your married with children friends are stuck at home trying to figure out how to assemble their kids’ Christmas presents, you are footloose and fancy free to get away from it all. Whether warmer climates beckon, an adventure on the high seas sparks your interest, or you simply want to slip away for a few days, there’s definitely a destination for you. In case you’re overwhelmed by all your winter getaway choices, I did a little homework and found the top five hot singles getaways this season. And now, for your reading pleasure…
Getaway #1: Set Sail on a Singles Cruise
Once upon a time, cruises catered to couples and families. The romantic dinners, family oriented activities, endless buffets, etc. Those days are over, my friends. All you have to do is Google “singles cruises” to see just how many cruises there are celebrating the single life. Love the idea of snorkeling, scuba diving, and/or hiking in the rain forest alongside your fellow single adventurers? Looking to relax poolside with other single sun worshipers? And what about the never-ending nightlife on board a singles cruise — the dining, dancing, live music, etc.? If the idea of setting sail in the company of like-minded singles appeals to you, then climb aboard this winter for destinations both known (sunnier climates) and unknown (a possible romantic rendezvous?).
Getaway #2: Hit the Slopes, Singles-style
Listen up, ski bunnies and other snow worshipers. One of the hottest singles spots this winter is the ski slope, of course! Whether you snowboard, ski, or spend your day lounging in the lodge, there’s no better place to meet like-minded singles than on a singles ski trip. All it takes is a little research to locate an organized singles ski weekend in your area or bound for your fave snowy slope. Recruit a friend or two to join you or make it a solo ski vacay — you decide. Then pack your parka, load up the skis, and board a bus for a few days of snow, sun, and fun!
Getaway #3: The Girl Getaway
Listen up, Ladies. With girl getaways increasing in popularity, what better time to take one with your best gal pals than this winter? Of course, first you have to decide where to go, and that all depends on your interests. Are you and your friends fanatical about art, wine, and/or culture? Then plan your trip accordingly including museums, wine tastings, and nightlife in Paris, Provence, or Italy. Would you and your posse prefer to get pampered? If so, a spa getaway complete with massages, mani-pedi’s, and facials should do the trick. Or, do you and your g.f.’s share a passion for fashion? Then perhaps a shopping spree weekend in New York City is the girl getaway for you. Regardless of how you and your friends decide to spend your vacation this winter, by spending it together celebrating your fabulous single gal selves, a good time will be had by all. And of course, if you fit in some nightlife complete with a little flirting with the local single guys, all the better!
Getaway #4: The Guy Getaway
OK, Guys. Wish you didn’t have to give up your golf game during the winter? Now you don’t have to. This winter, the hottest single guy getaway lets you not only “get away from it all” but improve your golf game as well. If this sounds like a win-win, then a golf school vacation is the ideal guy getaway for you and your buds. Of course, since you’re single and ready to mingle, golf shouldn’t be the only thing on the agenda. Therefore, you’ll want to find a resort golf school like the Nicklaus/Flick Game Improvement School in Scottsdale or the Advantage Golf School (various locations throughout Arizona) that also feature plenty of other entertainment in the surrounding area, including a happening nightlife. Golf by day, meet beautiful single women by night — what could be better? Be sure to book in advance as these guy getaways are becoming increasingly popular.
Getaway #5: The Do-Gooder Getaway
This holiday season, nothing’s sexier than doing something good for others. And if you’re single, why not combine your free time with a do-gooder getaway, a.k.a. a volunteer vacation? Nothing will make you feel more fulfilled than dedicating your vacation time to a cause near and dear to your heart. From helping to build a school or home in a needy community to swimming with endangered dolphins to record their behavior to tutoring orphaned children, giving back to others this winter is SO the thing to do. Plus, you never know who you might meet. A fellow sexy single with a charitable side? Score! To find out about volunteer vacation programs, visit charityguide.org.
So there you have it — the top five hot getaways for the savvy single this winter. Whether you’re looking to celebrate your single and ready to mingle self, simply want to get away from it all with your friends, or feel the need to do something good for others, there’s definitely a destination to fit your winter wishes. For help planning your singles vacay, check out Singles Travel International.
For tips on how to make the most of your single gal travel itinerary, check out the 60+ tips shared by 30 love experts during my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
How to be a Holiday Flirt!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 23, 2010 - 7:00 am
I’ve got another great tip to celebrate your single self this holiday season…
I want you to become a flirting master!
Now, you don’t have to lose 20 pounds to rock your inner flirt.
You don’t have to get plastic surgery or get a new wardrobe either.
Flirting can happen anytime, anywhere, with anyone.
When you’re at the grocery store and looking for produce, keep a look out for the cuties in your vicinity. Smile, make eye contact, and give him permission to approach.
By giving yourself permission to be open and to see who’s in your environment, you can start flirting and having fun today. This is your chance to reclaim your fabulousness, and what better time then the holiday season!
For more tips on how to celebrate being single and ready to mingle this holiday season and into 2011, enroll in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
You can also pick up one of my 3 books, depending on where you are on the journey way from Mr. Wrong and towards Mr. Right:
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right
4 Common Mistakes Single Women Make
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 18, 2010 - 7:32 am
As the holidays approach, are you left wondering why you haven’t met Mr. Right this year? I’ve been talking to a lot of single women about how to STOP making the same mistakes over and over and instead get love right in 2011.
To help YOU rock your dating life in the near year, here are the most common mistakes I see single women making. See which ones you’re committing:
Mistake #1: They Allow Work to Consume Them
Be honest. Are you consumed by your work? When you meet someone, do you do your best to push him away? As a coach, this is a common mistake I see single women make. So many women are so committed to the idea that if a man is interested in them, there must be something wrong with him, that they dismiss potentially really great guys without giving them a chance. And then they re-immerse themselves in work mode, staying in masculine energy that makes them not only hard to approach but practically impossible to connect with.
Mistake #2: They Believe Time Has Run Out
Think time has run out on your chance to have love, marriage, and babies? You’re wrong. While it may have been true that once upon a time love, marriage, and babies had a predictable timeline, in 2010 our lives are less predictable. And that’s a good thing. As many women are delaying marriage until our 40s and 50s, the truth is we are never behind schedule. We’re right on time for our lives. And yes, I understand the biology isn’t always on our side. But if you truly want to have a family, not being able to bear your own children shouldn’t be the deal breaker. You can adopt, hire a surrogate, be a foster parent, or even a step parent to your future partner’s children.
Mistake #3: They Ignore Good Men
I see this time and time again. When a woman believes that there are no good men available, all she sees is proof that she’s right. I invite every woman who believes that all the good ones are taken to let go of her need to be right and instead step in to the desire to be happy. The truth is, there are good men everywhere. Not all of them are available. Not all of them are interested. And you’re not interested in all of them. However, by acknowledging and celebrating these good men, even if they simply open a door for you, let you ahead of them in line at the grocery store, or compliment you on your perfume, this is an opportunity to recognize a good man. When you start celebrating the good men you interact with every day, and lighten up on your need to be right about your belief that there are no good single men left, you will change who you attract. In the process, you can attract somebody pretty fabulous.
Mistake #4: They Run The Other Way
Time and time again, I see single women asking for a good guy to show up. And then when he does, they have the urge to run the other way. This is actually perfectly natural. If all a woman has ever experienced in her dating life is frustration, disappointment, and lack of emotional availability, then that’s what she’s used to. However, if she wants a different dating result, she’s got to change her behavior. As initially uncomfortable as receiving interest, adoration, and genuine connection with a good man can feel when you’ve never felt it before, now’s the time to get uncomfortable. Let yourself experience a different dating result. That’s what you’ve asked for. Celebrate what you’ve manifested, move through the discomfort, and into the pure enjoyment of getting to know someone truly amazing who’s truly interested in getting to know you.
When it comes to creating a life you love and attracting the love of your life, the key lies in getting really clear about how you may have sabotaged your success in the past. Once you acknowledge how you may have contributed to past disappointment and drama, you can change your behavior. With that simple act, you can create new beliefs and behavior and ultimately enjoy different (and better) results.
To start celebrating being single and ready to mingle this holiday season and meet Mr. Right in record time, enroll in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
You can also pick up one of my 3 books, depending on where you are on the journey way from Mr. Wrong and towards Mr. Right:
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right
When will you unleash your ROAR?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 17, 2010 - 7:00 am
I’ve got a question for you. Are you playing it safe?
Are you living small, playing by the rules, and in general, tiptoeing through your life?
If so, how’s that working for you?
More importantly, how’s that NOT working for you?
How has playing by the rules kept you stuck, limited, and unsatisfied?
How have you squelched the authentic part of you that wants more, dreams bigger, and believes in possibility?
Maybe playing it safe has kept you in unsatisfying relationship after unsatisfying relationship.
Maybe living small has kept you from pursuing your dreams, taking a risk, and stepping outside your comfort zone, all necessary requirements for living your dream life.
I see it time after time. Women choosing to play it safe because they don’t know how to unleash their ROAR.
Women settling for less than they deserve in life and love because they’re too afraid to open their mouths and ROAR.
Are you one of them?
And if so, when will you unleash your ROAR?
What’s it going to take for you to step up to your Remarkable Openness to Awakening and Reinvention?
That’s really what I’m talking about. When you ROAR, you’re really…
- Awakening to what’s possible
- Opening up to making change and getting better results
- Summoning the inner strength to reinvent in the face of fear and uncertainty
If you ask me, the time is now. You’ve played it small long enough. And look what it’s gotten you…
- Mediocre relationships
- A so-so life
- Heartbreak after heartbreak
- The general feeling that you’re not living your best life
So again, I want to know…
What’s it going to take for you to unleash your ROAR?
As someone who has had her fair share of life’s ups and downs, faced reinvention time after time, and constantly challenges herself to ROAR, I want to help you.
I want to help you unleash your ROAR!
Sounds scary? It’s not. In fact, it’s freeing, fabulous, and fun! And it starts with a simple and profound baby step.
It starts with committing to your ROAR right this minute.
Again, I ask…
What’s it going to take for you to unleash your ROAR?
What’s it going to take for you to let go of the never ending cycle of:
- Mediocre relationships
- A so-so life
- Heartbreak after heartbreak
- The general feeling that you’re not living your best life
And instead embrace what’s possible including:
- Healing your heart and attracting the love of your life
- Living life on a grander scale, fully committed to your most authentic self
- Breaking free of all limiting beliefs and self sabotaging behaviors to live your dream life
This is such an exciting time for you.
I can’t wait for you to unleash your ROAR!
Post your ROAR experiences here.
How to Beat The Holiday Blues BEFORE Thanksgiving
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 16, 2010 - 7:00 am
As the holidays approach, it’s all too easy for a single gal to start feeling sorry for herself. Frustrated that yet another year went by without meeting Mr. Right, you can start to feel like the entire year was a big fat waste of your time. But the truth is, you’ve got plenty to celebrate this holiday season. So before you start feeling sorry for yourself, instead start celebrating your fab single self. Here’s how:
Single Strategy #1: Focus on friends and family
Instead of obsessing about what went wrong with your ex or why you didn’t meet the love of your life this year, focus your energy and attention this holiday season on your friends and family. You are loved by many people! You may just need to tweak your perspective. Take some time to reconnect with old friends, tell a family member how much you love them, and in turn heal your broken heart.
Single Strategy #2: Pamper yourself
Think of all the money you’re saving by being single this holiday season! No ungrateful ex to shop for, no annoying in-laws to visit, no ridiculous lovers’ spats after one too many cups of eggnog. This holiday season, celebrate your single status by pampering yourself. Spend a day at the spa. Splurge a little on gifts for yourself. Decorate your home to your heart’s content. Whatever floats your boat, you’re footloose and fancy free to do it!
Single Strategy #3: Reserve the right to say “None of your bees-wax”
Nosey relatives asking too many questions about What went wrong? Well-meaning but intrusive friends trying to tell you what to do to find love? This holiday season, your single status is nobody’s business but your own. So when someone sidles up to you with a gossip gleam in their eye and asks, “So where’s What’s His Name?” reserve the right to protect your healing heart. Simply smile and say, “None of your business.” Or, if you’re so inclined, choose a more radical response, i.e. “I shipped him off to Afghanistan for the new year,” or “He’s contemplating his bad behavior from behind ex-boyfriend bars.”
Single Strategy #4: Become your own arm candy
Stressed about going to holiday parties alone? Instead of fretting about all those outings by yourself, celebrate being single by being your own arm candy! Before going to the party, stop by the mall makeup counter and get a professional makeover. Wear that saucy red dress and stiletto boots. (Or if you’re a guy, invest in that cologne that makes women weak at the knees, or buy a new sweater or blazer that makes you feel like the hunk o’ man you are). Then walk into the party like you own the room. Go ahead – give yourself permission to be your own arm candy!
Single Strategy #5: Give yourself permission to celebrate your slump
There will be times this holiday season when you won’t feel like celebrating. Times when you will want to mourn the loss of your past relationship or feel sorry for yourself for still being single. And that’s okay. Give yourself permission to turn down a party invitation or two in favor of curling up with a good book, a glass of wine, or your favorite sappy movie in your pajamas at home. This is your life – feel it, celebrate it, let it go!
What do you think about these 5 tips? Share your comments here on my blog.
Ready to rock your love life this holiday season? Enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge.
Need hands on help fighting the holiday blues? Pick up a copy of my books It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good! or If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right.
Ready to manifest Mr. Right? Grab your copy of my new e-book How to Meet Your Husband: Unlock the 5 Essential Secrets to STOP Attracting Jerks, Get Out Of Your Dating Desert, and Manifest Mr. Right.
No annoying in-laws this holiday season? Woohoo!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 13, 2010 - 7:00 am
Being single during the upcoming holiday season is full of challenges. Maybe you’re frustrated you didn’t meet Mr. Right in 2010. Maybe you’re feeling sorry for yourself that you’re minus a Plus One at all the upcoming holiday parties you’re going to. And maybe you feel lost when it comes to how to meet your husband.
Before you spend the holiday season feeling sorry for yourself, listen up. Over the next few weeks, I’ll share some of the many ways you’ll want to celebrate your single status this holiday season.
Celebration #1: No In-Laws
Take a look back at your relationship history. If you had difficult in-laws, relatives of your ex who weren’t very nice, or maybe even friends of your ex that used to pick on you or degrade you, now’s the time to give thanks that they’re gone.
Now’s the time to surround yourself with people you actually like.
And if you don’t like your own family, give yourself permission not to spend the holidays with them. Find a family that works for you. If you have friends, see if you can hitch a ride with them to their family celebration.
Not having to spend time with in-laws you’re not fond of this holiday is a great thing to celebrate! Choose the friends and family you surround yourself with this holiday season. Make new traditions that are fun, celebratory, and fabulous!
Report your successes and setbacks to me on my Facebook Fan Page.
For more tips on how to celebrate being single and ready to mingle this holiday season and into 2011, enroll in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
You can also pick up one of my 3 books, depending on where you are on the journey way from Mr. Wrong and towards Mr. Right:
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right
Inside the Mind of the Single Guy
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 12, 2010 - 7:50 am
Ladies, listen up. If you’re having trouble in the dating trenches — whether it’s meeting a guy, attracting the right kind of guy, or maintaining a guy’s interest — this may just be the blog post for you. I’m taking you inside the mind of the single guy to find out what makes him tick. From his dating dos and don’ts to how he feels about monogamy and marriage, you’ll learn all you need to know to successfully snag the attention — and, possibly, affections — of the single guy.
Real guys like real girls (so just be yourself)
If you’re looking to meet a genuinely good guy, the first thing you need to know is that real guys like real girls. You don’t have to have 36-24-36 measurements or play fickle relationship games, and you definitely shouldn’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Guys consider phoniness a huge turnoff, so the next time you meet a single guy, do yourself a favor and just be your fabulous self. Maybe you won’t attract every guy in the room, but the right guy will be intrigued. The rest is up to you!
Independent women rule
For the single guy, the beauty of being single lies in his ability to have a full and rewarding life independent of a relationship. This allows him to nurture his career ambitions, enjoy time with friends, date interesting women, and live life to the fullest. That’s why it’s important for you to do the same. By being strong, independent, and fully in love with your own fabulous single gal life, you’re that much more likely to attract the single guy who just might be right for you.
It’s okay for you to make the first move
By now we’ve all heard about those notorious pickup artists who employ various tactics to meet, woo, and ultimately bed their conquests. Aside from these players and their questionable motives, there are single guys out there who might prefer that you make the first move. In fact, a lot of guys report that they like it when a girl makes the first move. It lets them know she’s interested (and it’s a real confidence boost!). But a word of caution — if you make the first move, don’t make the second, third, and fourth. Guys want and need to be part of the delicate dating chase. If you do all the work, they’ll just stop chasing.
Physical intimacy means different things to different people
One very crucial thing to know about some single guys is that sex and intimacy can be two different things. And here’s where dating can get tricky. Typically, women equate sex with intimacy. It’s hormonal, even biological. If we’re getting physical with someone, we’re at least thinking about having a relationship with him. Like it or not, it’s often different for men. Sex can be perceived as more recreational. Sleeping with someone does not necessarily mean they’re looking to get serious with her. This information isn’t meant to change what you believe. It’s meant to give you some perspective. If you’re taking your physical relationship to the next level, you might want to have a conversation first to make sure your intentions and his are clearly stated. Then you can decide for yourself if you’re ready.
Most single guys are not marriage-minded
This isn’t bad news. In fact, it’s valuable information you can put to good use. The sooner you understand that most single men are not on the prowl for a wife, the easier it will be for you to relate to your date. As fabulous females, we sometimes have marriage on the brain and often spend much of the first date evaluating whether or not the guy seated across from us could be The One. Men, on the other hand, go on a first date to have a good time and ultimately decide if they want a second date with you. It’s as simple as that.
Maybe the guys are on to something, ladies. By approaching dating with the attitude that they just want to have fun and meet a variety of interesting people until they meet someone worth committing to, men are playing the field with a healthy dating attitude. Instead of spending all your single gal time wondering and worrying if and when you’ll meet your husband, you too could become a successful single by taking the focus off of when and start enjoying right now.
Commitment is not a bad word
Just because he hasn’t been planning his wedding since he was 8 doesn’t mean the single guy won’t eventually commit to you. The truth is, when the right girl does come along, most single men are comfortable committing. By taking their time and really getting to know the women they date, guys again have the right idea. Take a page from their dating playbook and just have fun dating and relating! That way, when you do meet someone truly special, you’ll not only know he’s The One, but you’ll be ready, willing, and able to commit because you’ve successfully played the field.
So there you have it, ladies. Insight straight from the source — the mind of the single guy. By applying some of his dating success strategies to your own single gal life, you may just discover a happier and healthier relationship future.
Now that you know what single guys are thinking, it’s time to become a man magnet! Enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
You can also pick up one of my 3 books, depending on where you are on the journey way from Mr. Wrong and towards Mr. Right:
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right
Dating 101: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 10, 2010 - 7:19 am
How do I know if and when it’s time to break up?
There’s a lot of good in my relationship but the bad is unacceptable. What do I do?
I keep waiting for my partner to make the changes I need. How long do I wait? And what if they never change?
Chances are, at some point in your dating past or present one or more of the above questions has weighed heavily on your mind. The truth is, there’s no one size fits all answer for if and when to breakup. However, your gut knows what you want and need to do. It’s up to you to tune in, listen, and honor what you know is right for you. And while it’s admirable to hang in there, try to work it out, and make the best of your relationship, at some point you need to recognize when it’s better to cut your losses and move on rather than stick it out for another day, week, month, year. The following are some tips to help you tune in to what your gut is really saying.
Know what you want
So often I hear from people who feel they stayed too long in the wrong relationship, only to later regret all that wasted time. The best way to guarantee that you don’t waste time in the wrong relationship is to become clear about what you want before you get into a relationship. That starts with knowing your relationship requirements. What are relationship requirements? They are 10 non-negotiable traits, characteristics, and relationship must-haves that you’ve written down and use to screen potential partners. Even if you’re already in a relationship, go ahead and make your list of 10 non-negotiable requirements. If your current partner or person you’re dating doesn’t meet them (and is incapable of meeting them), that may be a clear indication that this is not the right person for you.
Become a red flag specialist
When we’re dating someone, unless they’re a serious con artist they reveal themselves to us through both words and actions. It’s up to us to pay attention. And it’s equally important to become a red flag specialist. What’s a red flag specialist? Someone who can easily and unemotionally identify a relationship red flag when it’s presented to them. Everyone’s red flags are different, and they’re based on your relationship requirements and core values. If your potential partner is consistently late, that could be a red flag. If your date claims to be smart, together, financially secure, etc., but their actions tell you a different story, your red flag alert system should sound the alarm.
Develop 20/20 vision
Rather than project a fantasy of who you’d like your partner to be, it’s essential that you take off any rose colored goggles you’re wearing and see the people you date for the individuals that they really and truly are. By being clear about your requirements and honing your ability to identify red flags as they are presented to you, you will cut down on wasted dating time and avoid getting into a relationship with someone who doesn’t meet your requirements.
Put a deadline on The Waiting Game
If you’re in a relationship and are waiting for your partner to make some changes (get a job, fix their finances, get out of their funk, etc.) before you decide whether to stay or go, put a deadline on your waiting game. And feel free to communicate the deadline to your partner. Let them know if you don’t see promised changes in a reasonable timeline, you’re not going to just hang around and wait for them to get their act together. You have needs, too, and they don’t involve putting off your life indefinitely while your partner tries to figure things out.
1, 2, 3 strikes you’re out
In baseball, there’s a reason you only get three strikes before you’re out. Otherwise, the game would go on and on, strike after strike, with no end in sight. Dating requires a similar rule — the Three Strikes Rule. If you play by the Three Strikes Rule, you give potential dates a margin of error without feeling taken advantage of. If your date is consistently late, doesn’t call when they say they’re going to, behaves inappropriately, or engages in any other unacceptable dating behavior, you reserve the right to call Strike One. And it’s important that you call them on it so that your strike system is clear. If they repeat the same behavior, Strike Two. And again, reiterate your needs, letting them know you’re not messing around. Strike Three? They’re out. It may sound and/or feel harsh at first, but if you really want to cut down on wasted dating time, you’ll listen to your gut and practice the Three Strikes Rule.
So there you have it. Five important tips to help you listen to your gut. By keeping these boundaries firmly intact, you’ll ultimately cut down on wasted time with the wrong person and improve your chances of meeting the right one.
Good luck and happy dating!
Older Posts »
