Day 6: Play to Win, NOT to NOT Lose
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 6, 2010 - 6:21 am
Today’s 30 Day Get Out There Challenge tip comes from a wise 22 year old.
Are you approaching your dating life with a winner’s attitude?
Or are you playing it safe and hoping to NOT lose?
The truth is, attitude is everything. During my challenge, you’re learning how to flirt, how to be more approachable, and how to get clear about what you want.
But if you don’t approach your dating life with a winning attitude, you may still fail.
What a waste of time!
Starting today, adopt a winning attitude. Go for it! Push your comfort zone. DO NOT settle. And have fun!
And as always, report your progress here.
Lois Barth on 3 Luscious Life Lessons Smart Single Women Need to Know
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 4, 2010 - 6:46 am
My good friend and relationship expert Lois Barth has 3 amazing life lessons for us to learn during my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge. See which ones you need to re-learn this month…
When it comes to dating and finding love, do you know what it really takes to find the right relationship for you? Here are 3 important life lessons to learn before luscious life partnership can take place.
Lesson #1 : Understand chemistry. Don’t give so much power to something you know so little about.
Learn the difference between the mistake and mystique of chemistry.
Yes, you need chemistry and attraction for a relationship to work, otherwise you’re in TRS (terminal roommate syndrome). That being said, often that feeling of “fireworks” that you may be looking for isn’t born of health and won’t lead to healthy choices. So if you’re finding yourself having “chemistry” with someone who is ultimately not right or available for you, here are some sure ways to address and overcome this self-destructive pattern:
Be aware of your biology as a woman
As women we’re oxytocin machines. Oxytocin is the intimacy hormone. It allows us to breastfeed or start a conversation with “I love your pocketbook” and then bond for life. It’s who we are and it’s wonderful. What gets precarious is when we combine our innate “urge to merge,” with the za-za-za of “chemistry” and make assumptions that this person is right for us. It may be the case, but there’s just not enough information. Go slow and find out. When you feel that buzz of chemistry, breathe and remind yourself, “Sometimes it’s just oxytocin doing its thing.”
Fess up to your wiring
On that note, if you have a history of being attracted to unavailable partners, due to a myriad of reasons (past history, family patterns, etc.) knowing that that is your default mode can be very helpful. Be patient with yourself and allow your “physiology to catch up with your mental clarity” of what you really want in your life. Give yourself a fighting chance to have your body synch up and respond to healthy available and appropriate partners. Three clients of mine did that, and all got proposals in the same month.
Attraction does not equal availability
This is a tough one and confuses us regularly. When you feel a mutual attraction with someone it’s sooo easy to “assume” that the person is available. NOT!!! Sometimes, “Yes,” a lot of times “No.” So how do you know? Turn down the volume on their words and up the volume on their behavior. I say, “Words are weak. Behavior is bold.” Pay attention to the behavior that your suitor or partner is displaying more than the words. Finding a luscious life partnership is always a blending of heart and head.
Lesson #2 :Know what beliefs you are bringing to the relationship and dating table and make sure they are aligned with what you say you want in a luscious life partnership.
This is where a coach comes in VERY handy, since it’s not “what we know that we don’t know, but what we don’t know what we don’t know,” that really stops us from luscious life partnerships. Fear not, limiting beliefs are like weeds in your garden of greatness, they can be pruned so your garden can flourish, but first they have to be identified as weeds.
Lesson #3: Get clear of your requirements, needs, and “wouldn’t it be fabu” list for a luscious life partnership.
Ever been on a date that felt more like an interview? Yuck! So not fun! By focusing on what your requirements, needs, and “wouldn’t it be fabu” wish list for partnership allows far more flexibility, creativity and breathing space.
Let me break down these 3 very different lists.
Requirements/Non- Negotiable Deal Breakers/ Must Haves
If everything else on the list is in your partnership but that one isn’t, you can’t stay in the relationship, or even move forward in it. If you can, but it will be an issue, that’s a need, not a requirement.
Needs
Your needs list is comprised of things that if not met on a consistent level, will be what I call “emotional or logistical splinters,” meaning there will be a big wince on your part, but you’re certainly not going to have to cut off your finger because of the splinter in it. If you can live with it, it’s a need, if you can’t, then it’s really a requirement.
Wouldn’t it be fabu wish list
Not a deal breaker, not a need, but if you got it, it would be like winning luscious life partnership lotto!
While this process is best gone through with a coach or outside set of eyes, you can start playing with your lists during Lisa’s 30 Day Get Out There Challenge. By gaining clarity, you increase your chances of success.
Oh, and don’t forget to have fun!
About The Expert
Lois Barth is a relationship and life coach who loves showing women how to create luscious lives. A highly sought after speaker and former standup comic, Lois brings humor and compassion to her work. She can be found at http://www.lusciouslivingwithlois.com/
Day 3: How to Get Rich. Target Rich!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 3, 2010 - 11:16 am
On Day #3 of my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge, it’s time to get rich. Target rich, that is!
Today, identify the best target rich environments where you’re likely to meet like-minded cuties.
So what’s a target rich environment? Any environment where you’re likely to meet like-minded men. For example…
– If you love art and culture, museum galas, art openings, and outdoor music festivals are the perfect target rich environment for you
– If you love the outdoors, joining the Sierra Club will help you meet like-minded cuties
– If you’re politically active, join a cause in your neighborhood where you’ll meet plenty of like-minded people who may just introduce you to a cutie or two
Remember, online dating is great. But during my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge, your goal is to get out from behind your computer and into everyday interactions with men. And it should be fun.
So identify your ideal target rich environment and then put yourself in one this weekend. And report your progress here!
Before you can meet Mr. Right, you must first know these dating dos and don’ts
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 6, 2010 - 6:00 am
Spring has sprung and you’re ready to meet Mr. Right. Well, before you leap into the dating pool, first brush up on these important dating do’s and don’ts:
Dont: Drag excess baggage on dates
Just as you shouldn’t have to date a guy who lugs his emotional baggage wherever he goes, you shouldn’t be That Girl either. Nobody in your present dating life wants or deserves to bear the brunt of your past relationships. Your relationship history — the good, bad, and even the ugly — is just that. History.
Do: Learn your relationship lessons
Instead of obsessing about past relationship failures, look at those experiences as valuable lessons. You can learn from any dating disaster, relationship gone awry, and even a bad breakup. These experiences ultimately teach us about our own resilience, what we’re really looking for in our perfect partner, and how we can do better next time by applying our lessons learned.
Don’t: Be a critic
Raise your hand if the following scenario sounds familiar: You’re on a date with someone new, and instead of being present and actively getting to know the person seated across from you at the coffee house/restaurant/cocktail lounge, you’re stuck in your own head judging your date. He’s too short. He doesn’t drive the right car. I don’t think he makes enough money. Chances are, you’ve been there, done that. And if so, you may have walked away from what could have been a great date because your inner critic got the best of you. While you may think your inner critic is merely pointing out relationship red flags, what it’s really doing is sabotaging your ability to get to know someone new; someone who could be a great guy if you gave yourself a chance to get to know him. You owe it to yourself to turn the volume down on your inner critic, pay attention to the person you’re on a date with, and then decide for yourself if you’d like to see him again. By muting your inner critic, you may just discover you’re a better judge of character.
Do: Have fun
In your quest to meet your partner, you may sometimes lose sight of the fact that dating is supposed to be fun. Yes, it takes a lot of time, energy, and patience. But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the process. If you’re feeling particularly stressed about dating, maybe it’s time to take a brief break. Focus your energies elsewhere for a while; on work, a hobby, or just on nurturing yourself. When you’re ready, get back out there. But first adopt a more Zen approach to dating. Enjoy getting to know new people without worrying about where it’s leading or if he’s The One. By enjoying your dating journey, you’re all the more likely to attract a healthy and happy partner because you yourself are happy and healthy.
Don’t: Look at being single as a bad thing
Be honest — does being single sometimes feel like a life sentence you’re forced to endure? If so, don’t be surprised if you’re attracting like-minded individuals or not attracting anyone at all. This kind of negative thinking is both dangerous and defeating to your dating efforts. After all, would you want to date someone who hated being single?
Do: Become a successful single
The key to enjoying your social life as a savvy single is to relish in the possibilities. You have yet to meet the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with and that’s fantastic! By being footloose and fancy free, you have the opportunity to meet and date and try on different partners until you find the right fit. While not every person you date is going to be right for you, by playing the field you exponentially increase your chances of meeting that perfect person. By becoming a successful single and enjoying the quality of your life in general, you’re bound to attract like-minded healthy and happy partners — maybe even Mr. Right.
For more tips on getting back out there and manifesting Mr. Right, check out my book If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right.
Dating 101: Top Five Ways to Meet the Man You’ll Marry
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 30, 2010 - 6:02 am
Shameless plug alert! My friend Carol Allen, vedic astrologer and relationship coach, is absolutely amazing! I recently read an article she posted on Yahoo! Personals entitled Dating 101: Top Five Ways to Meet the Man You’ll Marry that I thought you’d be interested in. Check it out…
If you’re fabulous, single, and utterly mystified by your ongoing solo status, it may be time to “work smarter, not harder” at meeting the right man for you.
Many otherwise bright and successful women find that this part of their lives hasn’t magically worked out like they expected. Upon closer examination, it becomes clear that they haven’t taken advantage of the best ways to meet single men — usually for no other reason than they simply didn’t know better.
Although these suggestions may sound obvious, if you’re still single and don’t want to be, chances are you haven’t realized what you can do, or haven’t made enough of an effort. So here goes!
The five best ways to meet the man of your dreams:
1. Spending Time With Other Single Women. An active social life with other single women has been statistically found to be the top way that women meet their husbands. Why?
Click here to read the full article.
“How do I meet my soul mate?”
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 23, 2010 - 9:10 am
If you know me even just a little bit, you know I don’t tout other people’s products and services without careful consideration.
However, when Ariele Ford shared her new program with me, I realized this was something you would really enjoy.
See, Arielle is the best selling author of The Soulmate Secret. And if you’ve ever wondered what it takes to find the love of your life, then listen up.
Like me, Arielle manifested the love of her life 13 years ago and now she is sharing her secrets in THE SOULMATE KIT – an amazing, comprehensive, step-by-step guide to manifesting BIG LOVE.
I’ve interviewed Arielle and we both agree that finding love doesn’t have to be difficult, painful, or frustratig. In her new program, Arielle shows you how to take control of your romantic destiny by using the Law of Attraction.
Finding true love is possible for anyone at any age if you’re willing to prepare yourself to become a magnet for love. Arielle knows this from experience. She used the techniques in this book to bring her soulmate into her life at age forty-four. They were engaged three weeks later and have been happily married for over twelve years.
I used similar techniques to manifest my husband. And while we waited years to get married, I did move in with him within 3 months of meeting.
In THE SOULMATE KIT Arielle shares the techniques, prayers, rituals, and projects that will allow you to prepare your mind, body, spirit and home for the soulmate your heart truly desires.
This ancient formula reveals that our Universe is set up to deliver the people and things into our lives that are consistent with our personal belief system. If you don’t believe you will ever find the One, then guess what? You probably won’t. If, however, you learn to believe that the One is not only out there but is also looking for you, then true love can be yours.
Are you ready for LOVE? Let Arielle guide you all the way. Even if you think you’ve already “tried” everything when it comes to the Law of Attraction chances are you have left out the MOST important ingredients which are doing daily “feelingizations,” “feathering the nest,” “living as if,” and “savoring the waiting.”
Stop Waiting and Start Manifesting! THE SOULMATE KIT includes Arielle’s original “feelingizations,” a series of unique processes are the “missing link” to the manifestation process.
To start manifesting your soulmate NOW, click here.
THE SOULMATE KIT works for men and women of all ages. It even worked for Arielle’s 80 year old mother-in-law, Peggy! Now, that’s a story you’ve gotta hear.
Arielle shares dozen true stories of men and women who have used these techniques to manifest love, including stories from the director of the movie, THE SECRET, and two of the featured teachers in the film, John Assaraf and Marci Shimoff.
THE SOULMATE KIT includes DVD’s, CD’s and Arielle’s bestselling book The Soulmate Secret: Manifest The Love of Your Life With The Law of Attraction and more!
If you are serious about finding True Love in your life in 2010, now is the time to take action.
I invite you to choose to take action right now by clicking here.
And, for the heartbroken, THE SOULMATE KIT provides expert advice from Dr. Gay Hendricks, Dr. Joan Borysenko, and Dr. George Pratt on how to heal a broken heart. You know I love helping women heal their hearts, and I absolutely respect what these experts have to say on the subject!
30 Day Woohoo Challenge: Day 13 — Become the Chooser
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 22, 2010 - 6:00 am
Welcome to day #13 of my 30 Day Woohoo Challenge!
Today we’re working on shifting your mindset. I want you to step into the idea that instead of waiting around for some guy to choose you, you’re going to be the chooser.
And not just with any one person. Become The Chooser in your entire life. I talk a lot about how to become The Chooser in my book If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right.
To clarify, becoming The Chooser means that you:
- Stop waiting, hoping, and praying Prince Charming will magically come along and make your life better
- Stop passively wishing that people, opportunities, and events would miraculously happen TO you
- Stop putting your life on hold and step into choice, action, and personal responsibility
By being The Chooser, you step out of letting life happen to you and instead become an active participant in your life.
You decide who you want to date, rather than waiting for someone to pick you.
So how do you become the chooser?
Stop waiting around for some guy to notice you.
Stop attending singles events and online dating hoping someone will see you, fall madly in love with you, and rescue you from your life.
What if you get ballsy, put yourself out there, and smile, make eye contact and ACTUALLY talk to men on a daily basis (at the grocery store, in the latte line, and the elevator at work, at the gym, in line for popcorn at the movies, while rollerblading on the beach…)
And test, experience, and tweak your results.
Is it scary to become The Chooser? Sure. Because it requires you to change your behavior. It means you have to get beyond what’s comfortable. But the more you do it, the more comfortable you get.
For more tips on how to become The Chooser, get my book If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right.
And report your successes by leaving a comment here or on my Facebook Fan page.
Mr. Next or Mr. Right? Top 5 Signs He Could Be The One
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 13, 2010 - 5:53 am
Think your Mr. Next has the potential to be Mr. Right? Before you leap without looking, take an honest inventory of who you’re dating. Before you upgrade Mr. Next to Mr. Right status, you’ll want to ensure you’re reading his signals correctly. See how many of the following 5 essential Mr. Right traits your Mr. Next possesses.
Quality #1: He Listens to You
The best way to know if Mr. Next is interested in (and worthy of) being a candidate for Mr. Right? He listens to you. You’ll know he’s listening when he shows genuine concern, consistently remembers things you’ve told him (your birthday, favorite food, best friend’s name, etc.), and offers emotional support in honest and thoughtful ways. If your current Mr. Next exhibits the signs of a thoughtful listener, he’s in the running to become Mr. Right.
Quality #2: You Share An Effortless Ease
We’ve all been in those relationships that take W-O-R-K (and suck the life force out of us in the process). When a relationship works on its own, it feels effortless, easy, and fluid. You don’t have to force anything, forgive anyone, or turn a blind eye to red flags or gut-twisters. Instead, you and Mr. Next communicate and collaborate with comfort, compatibility, and undeniable chemistry. If and when you experience this kind of interaction with Mr. Next, you may be on to something really special.
Quality #3: You Don’t Have to Compromise Who You Are
So often, women feel the need to sacrifice some part of themselves to make a relationship work. In the right relationship, there’s no need. You don’t have to hide, tone down, or apologize for any aspect of you or your fabulous life. With the right partner, you’re not only able to be yourself, but you’re better able to be the best version of your most authentic self, no compromises needed.
Quality #4: You Trust Him
A relationship without trust is doomed from the start. But a relationship with abundant trust? A fabulous foundation for real and lasting love! Built over time, trust is based on the simple belief system that Mr. Next has your best interests at heart and will never intentionally hurt you (and vice versa). If and when you discover that Mr. Next is 100% trust worthy, you’ll have no trouble giving your heart to him. In return, he’ll most likely give you his heart and pave the way for a lasting loving relationship to unfold.
Quality #5: He Enriches Your Life
In the wrong relationship, your partner tears you to emotional shreds, brings you down, and in general drains your energy. In the right relationship, Mr. Next enriches your life, inspires you to be your best self, and in general brings a sense of peace and possibility to you. You’ll know Mr. Next is enriching your life if and when he encourages and supports you professionally, personally and spiritually. And when he does, he may just be Mr. Right!
Does your Mr. Next possess all 5 qualities? If so, congratulations! You have done your homework, chosen wisely, and are now well positioned for relationship success. If not, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back into the dating pool with a clearer understanding of who you want to date. Remember, finding Mr. Right isn’t always easy, but by being clear, honoring yourself, and acting accordingly, you’ll cut down on wasted time with Mr. Wrong and Mr. Next, and ultimately make room for Mr. Right.
Want to know more about the subtle differences between Mr. Wrong, Mr. Next, and Mr. Right? Pick up a copy of my book If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right.
Ready to Find Love? Join my 30 Day Woohoo Challenge!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 10, 2010 - 5:59 am
The other night, I gave my final FREE call of the year on the subject of “Calling in the One.”
The response was so tremendous — my most popular call of the year — and I’ve received so much e-mail since then with follow-up questions,
comments, etc.
Thanks so much for your participation and questions!
Your feedback got me thinking…
It’s not enough to share these five success strategies that I implemented to call in my husband.
I want you to step in to action.
I want you to start implementing those success strategies, starting yesterday. 
I want to give you a 30 day challenge.
Are you up for it?
Here’s the deal.
The replay of my FREE call can be accessed here:
You can listen to it, enjoy it, and never change a thing.
OR…
You can step into action, join my challenge, and change what’s possible for you in the next 30 days.
It’s your decision.
I hope you’ll decide to join my challenge. Here’s how it’ll work:
Every day I’ll post an exercise or assignment based on the strategies I shared on the free call, PLUS more of the success strategies I share in
my e-book Bad Love No More, available @ http://badlovenomore.com/
I’ll post these videos on my Facebook fan page.
If you want to join the challenge, become my fan today.
Then every day you’ll enjoy my free video with your Woohoo! Action assignment for the day. These assignments may include…
- Talking to one cutie you don’t know that day
- Identify three to five target rich environments and put yourself in one that day
- Figuring out who you need to forgive and forgive them
- Creating your new love vocabulary
- Giving yourself permission to just have fun!
The goal of my 30 day challenge is to get you out of your comfort zone, step into action, and get ready to answer the question, “If he’s not the one, who is?”
By taking part in my 30 day action plan, you’ll be ready to call in love in 2010, and ready to dive into my brand new book If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right which will show you EXACTLY how to do that.
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right isn’t available until January 18, 2010 so now’s the time to take action to get ready for your fabulous journey!
All you have to do to join my challenges this. Join my Facebook fan page NOW.
You’ll see my first video already posted. And stay tuned for more videos posted every day.
Leave me comments, let me know how you’re doing, and let me know what you think of the challenge.
And if you want a leg up on the challenge, get your copy of my e-book Bad Love No More, available @ http://badlovenomore.com/.
When you do, you’ll get some amazing bonuses from my fellow relationship experts absolutely free!
Here’s to your success!
Nice Guys Finish Last (And that’s a good thing!)
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on February 26, 2010 - 9:47 am
I have a confession. I used to be addicted to men who were bad for me. Workaholics, addicts, emotionally unavailable, and/or lost causes. And then one day, fed up with feeling frustrated, I decided to give nice guys a try. That’s when I met my husband. To help you understand the value and benefits of dating a nice guy, read on…
Nice Guys Are Sweet
Nice guys plan great dates. And pay attention to your likes and dislikes for future dates. Nice guys show up on your doorsteps with flowers. Not long-stemmed red roses that give a “too much too soon” vibe. But pretty spring flowers that will remind you of the great time you had long after he drops you off with a quick kiss and a promise to call again.
Nice Guys Call
I think we can all agree. Guys who say they’ll call and then never do are SO last year. Because there are nice guys who actually call when they say they’re going to. And when they call, chances are they’re going to tell you what an amazing time they had on your last date. They’ll even ask you out again. All you have to do is be gracious and say yes. Bad boys may have conditioned you to think dating and relationships have to be hard but the truth is, with a nice guy things are fabulous, fun, and drama-free! (And isn’t that what you deserve?)
Nice Guys Are Smart
Remember the hottie slackers we lusted after in high school and college? Not so hot anymore, are they? What’s super hot in 2010 are smart guys. They have good jobs. And pay their bills. And listen to NPR or watch PBS or have a subscription to Newsweek or The Atlantic Monthly or National Review. Which not only makes them well-informed, but excellent conversationalists. And who doesn’t want a guy who can both listen AND share?
Nice Guys Are Ambitious
Maybe they’re not as flashy as those career-obsessed men we used to think would make great husbands/providers. Or maybe they don’t toot their own horn on a daily basis. But don’t be fooled, Ladies. Nice guys possess ambition. They just don’t feel the need to broadcast their accomplishments to the world. An ambitious guy who doesn’t brag and boast all the time? Jackpot!
Nice Guys Are Attentive
Ambition’s important. But nice guys strike a balance between professional ambition and their personal lives. Sure, they give a lot of time and energy to their careers. But nice guys recognize the value of a good woman and make time for you even during hectic times. Nice guys snuggle on the couch. And cook you dinner. And remind you every day how much they love you.
Nice Guys Are Passionate
Let’s be honest. We assume nice guys are bad kissers. Bland in bed. Inexperienced, right? Not true! Nice guys can be just as passionate – if not more so – than those emotionally stunted bad boys we’ve been dating all these years. And nice guys aren’t just passionate in the sack, they’re passionate in life. Nice guys volunteer. Nice guys recycle. Nice guys love women. Nice guys aim to please. And who doesn’t want a man who loves his life AND knows how to go downtown? Can I get an Amen?!
Nice Guys Are Sexy
Not only are they passionate, but nice guys are definitely sexy! Maybe they’ll never be on a billboard in Times Square in their underwear. But when he wears that blue t-shirt that shows off his deliciously broad shoulders and those jeans that hug his butt just right? HELLO! Who needs a himbo with six pack abs and narcissistic tendencies when we can have a nice guy with soulful eyes that focus on you?
Nice Guys Take It Slow
Nothing’s sexier than a man who isn’t in a rush to get in your pants. Sure, you want to be wanted. But you don’t want to be groped on Date #2. Or have to fend off grabby hands before you’re ready to give up the goods. Nice guys get that. It’s not that they don’t want you. It’s just that they’re not in a hurry to heat things up until they know you better. So the next time you’re baffled by a boy who seems content to just kiss on his couch, remember this – taking things slow may be new to you, but that nice guy is definitely worth the wait!
Nice Guys Let Us Finish First
OK, Ladies. How many of us have fallen victim to the hot guy who skips over foreplay or races to orgasm before we even heard the starter pistol? Oh yeah. Been there, done that. Never again. And with nice guys, you don’t have to worry about that! Nice guys want you to finish first. In fact, they do everything in their power to ensure you finish first. They’re in no rush. They like and respect you AND think you’re hot. And they know the secret to keeping a good woman happy is to meet her needs – in AND out of bed. (Honestly, if that doesn’t cause you to reconsider nice guys, I don’t know what will!)
So there you have it. The little known secrets of nice guys. They may let us finish first but isn’t it time they got props for doing so? Woohoo!
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