Finding Mr. Right « Lisa Steadman

Arielle Ford on Magnetizing Mr. Right

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on January 4, 2011 - 6:00 am
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If you don’t know Arielle Ford, you SHOULD. She’s the guru when it comes to manifesting Mr. Right without ever dating again.

According to Arielle, finding true love is possible for anyone at any age if you’re willing to prepare yourself to become a magnet for love. She used the techniques in her book The Soulmate Secret to bring her soulmate into her life at age forty-four. They were engaged three weeks later and have been happily married for over ten years.

The techniques, rituals, and projects found within will allow you to prepare your home, body, mind, and spirit for the soulmate your heart truly desires.

And btw, The Soulmate Secret works for men and women of all ages. It even worked for Arielle’s 80 year old mother-in-law, Peggy!

Here’s what I know for sure: Finding true love is possible for anyone at any age if you’re willing to prepare yourself, on all levels, to become a magnet for love.

This wonderful Universe of ours is set up to deliver the people and things we draw to us that our consistent with our personal belief system. If you don’t believe you will ever find the ONE, then, guess what? You get to be right …you probably won’t.

If, however, you learn to believe that the ONE is not only out there but is ALSO LOOKING FOR YOU, then true love can be yours.

The basic Law of Attraction states that you will attract to you those things that match your state of belief.

Believing that your soul mate is out there is critical to the preparation of manifestation.

I believe that the Universe is always mirroring back to us our beliefs about ourselves and the world. If we believe the world is a loving and friendly place, then most of the time that will be our experience. But, if we believe the world is a chaotic, stressful and fearful place, then that becomes our reality. So, believing and knowing that your soul mate is out there is the most important part of the formula.

What if I told you that it’s not your job to know HOW your soul mate is going to appear? What if I told you it’s only your job to be ready, willing and open to love. Think about it this way: You really don’t know where air comes from but you do believe that it’s always there for you, right?

The same is true for love. It’s there for you. It’s always been there for you. You just need to remember the love that you are and once you do, the Universe will deliver to you the perfect soul mate.

Here is what worked for me and I know it can work for you: When I was in my early forties I decided to manifest my soul mate using everything I had ever learned about manifestation, psychology, spirituality, and the Law of Attraction. My intentions became crystal clear while I simultaneously cleared out the clutter in my house AND in my heart. I learned and invented techniques, rituals, visualizations and prayers that helped me prepare my body, mind, spirit and home for an amazing relationship. And they worked. I met my husband, Brian, who has exceeded all of my desires and expectations. He was and is everything I ever wished for.

Finding true love is possible for anyone at any age if you’re willing to prepare yourself to become a magnet for love.

Want more tips on how to magnetize Mr. Right?

Start by taking your man blinders off.

Then unlock the secrets of going from Ice to Nice.

And be sure to check out the top 30 places to meet men this month!

Want to start Lisa’s 30 Day Get Out There Challenge from the beginning?

About The Expert

Arielle Ford has spent the past 25 years living and promoting consciousness through all forms of media. She is the author of THE SOULMATE SECRET: Manifest the Love of Your Life with the Law of Attraction. She also created THE SOULMATE KIT to help singles manifest Mr. Right in no time.

Why Men Cheat During the Holidays

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 19, 2010 - 7:00 am
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With the holidays upon us, has your To Do list become a mile long? From buying and wrapping presents to scheduling family festivities and travel to finishing up those year-end projects at the office, it’s no wonder that romance falls off the radar! It’s also no surprise when you hear of a man cheating during the holiday season. What causes this rise in infidelity? Is it libido, ego, or, gulp, is it us?

The following are some of the most common reasons men cheat during the holidays…

1. He doesn’t like the way he’s being treated

Oftentimes, a man cheats because he doesn’t like the dynamic in his current relationship. If he feels like his partner nags him, belittles him, disrespects him, and/or treats him like a child, meeting someone new who treats him with respect, admiration, and with desire will feel incredibly appealing. So what does that have to do with the holidays? With the added stress of that long To Do list, some women may be unconsciously treating their man like he’s yet another thing they have to cross off their list, but they just don’t have time for. And honestly, who wants to be treated that way?

No one! To avoid driving your partner away, spend time every day nurturing your relationship. And not just during the holiday season. All year long, let your partner know how much you love and appreciate him. Ask for the same in return. By being treated the way you want to be treated and ultimately treating your partner with love and respect, you take an important step in affair-proofing your relationship.

2. He feels ignored/unappreciated

Like it or not, men are wired differently than women. It’s that whole Mars/Venus thing. So when a woman’s attention is diverted by holiday shopping, decorating the home, and/or dealing with party planning and family visits, a man can feel completely ignored and unappreciated. Of course, his first response should be to talk to his partner about how he’s feeling. But again, men are wired differently. Asking to have his needs met can make a man feel weak. Instead, he may look outside the relationship. This is where problems may arise. Instead of summoning his inner strength and asking for love, attention, and/or validation from his partner, a man is much more comfortable seeking these things from another woman. At first, this new woman may only be an emotional confidante. However, over time this female friend may stir up other needs. That’s when a man is likely to initiate physical intimacy. To avoid this danger zone, it’s important to maintain open lines of communication between you and your partner. If and when these feelings of dissatisfaction or hurt surface (during the holidays or any time of year), your man should feel free to discuss them with you, thus eliminating his need for outside emotional companionship.

3. He’s unhappy and the holidays remind him of what’s missing

The holidays are a time when everyone — both men and women — take stock of their lives. If the year has been good, you’re likely to feel good about the holidays. However, if the year has been difficult, challenging, and/or unsatisfying in terms of career, health, family, finances, and/or relationships, the holiday season may bring on added stress or a deeper level of unhappiness. If he feels like he can’t talk to his partner about this dissatisfaction, a man may look elsewhere for solace. To avoid getting into the dangerous scenario of your partner seeking comfort from another female, it’s once again important to keep those lines of communication open. Even if your year has been stressful — from finance to romance — let your partner know it’s safe for him to express himself about any and all issues. Even if you disagree, give him a secure space to share how he’s feeling. And don’t argue or chastise him for what he says or how he feels. Instead, listen, validate, and let him know he’s been heard. Above all else, it’s important to realize that a difficult year doesn’t have to end in infidelity. Instead, these trying times can bring two people closer, if you’re both willing to be vulnerable, honest, and work together rather than against one another.

4. He’s bored

Mistletoe, tree trimming, sipping hot cider or egg nog? Let’s face it. All those things that make the holidays fun and exciting for you may just bore your partner to tears. And while that’s no excuse for cheating, infidelity happens. However, this particular relationship rut can be easily remedied. Find out what floats your partner’s boat when it comes to the holiday season. See if he’s got any festive fantasies you can indulge in. By nurturing the novelty of the season together, finding traditions you can both get excited about, and making holiday plans you both enjoy, you’ll not only affair-proof your relationship, but find meaningful ways to deepen your bond during the holiday season and beyond.

Ultimately, the reasons a man cheats during the holidays are the same reasons he’ll cheat any time of year. By keeping a relationship healthy all year long, you remove the risk of your partner cheating, and enjoy the fruits of a successful partnership. If or when you see signs your man might be straying, talk to him. See what’s going on. Together, work to make your relationship affair-proof — during the holidays AND throughout the year.

Marriage. Defined.

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 15, 2010 - 6:39 am
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For the last 6 years, I’ve been writing books about breakups, dating, and relationships. I’ve also coached women who want to reinvent their love future, and talked to thousands more about how to heal their hearts and find true love.

And what I hear over and over again is…“I want to meet my husband. I’m ready to get married!”

While I know these women genuinely mean what they say, I also know that if all they really wanted was to GET MARRIED, they would be married already. Or at least married by tomorrow.

YOU COULD BE MARRIED TOMORROW.

Would it last? Probably not. Would you be happy? Not necessarily. But if a woman just wants to be married – if you really just want to be married — she can find some guy to marry her.

You can find some guy to marry you today.

The truth is, you don’t just want to be married.

I believe what you really want – what most single women want – is to find YOUR beautiful, blissful, unique happily ever after story.

You want to fall madly in love with Mr. Right. And vice versa.

Why wouldn’t you want that?

Every person on the planet deserves to find healthy and happy love with their perfect partner.

There’s just one problem. A lot of single women do not have all the tools they need to get love right.

You may not have all the tools you need to get love right.

I know I didn’t when I was single.

Once upon a time, I repeatedly got love WRONG.

I chose the wrong men.

I didn’t know my own needs, let alone how to communicate my own needs to my partner.

I let my emotional baggage rule my relationships. And as a result, my relationships suffered under the tremendous weight of my baggage.

I wasn’t the only one coming to the relationship with unhealthy habits, beliefs, and patterns. My partners weren’t exactly poster children for healthy and happy men. And why would they be?

If like attracts like — and it does — I was always attracting my emotional equal. Ay-ay-ay!

You will, too. And that’s why it’s essential to get as healthy and happy with yourself and your own life before becoming somebody’s wife.

Before settling down with someone, you’ll want to make peace with yourself, your issues, and any baggage you haven’t already healed.

The truth is, nobody can fix you, save you, rescue you, or heal you. That is, no one but Y-O-U.

So if you’re stuck in a fantasy that Prince Charming is going to come along and save you from your miserable life, do yourself a huge favor and rescue yourself. Even if you don’t agree with what I just said, please keep reading. Your future marriage depends on it.

Let me repeat that. If you’re stuck in a fantasy that Prince Charming is going to come along and save you from your miserable life by marrying you, do yourself a huge favor and rescue yourself, starting right now.

Speaking of, now is the perfect time to get real about marriage.

Notice I said marriage, not how to meet your husband.

I find that most women are so focused on meeting their husband and having a beautiful wedding that they forget all about the marriage that follows the wedding. And this is a huge mistake.

A wedding is one day out of your long life. Marriage is a long term commitment that takes time, energy, attention, and commitment.

Take it from someone who’s happily married. Marriage takes work. And to enjoy it, you better like the guy. Not only that, you better have done enough personal work on yourself to NOT be carrying around a truckload of baggage that’s going to squash your relationship.

And you better be willing to love a man who’s imperfect.

You also better be willing to be vulnerable. To reveal yourself, warts and all, to your partner. To be seen and heard at your best and your worst. And to love a man at his best and his worst.

Oh, and one more thing: You better be willing to give up other men. That may sound like a no brainer, but hear me out. Monogamy is a choice. And temptation is a bitch. When you’re married, flirting with other men on occasion can be fun. But it ends at flirting. You won’t know how infuriating this is until you meet a man who makes you melt and all you can do is walk away and remind yourself that you have a husband.

Be prepared: After you find Prince Charming, he will turn into a mere mortal man. And you’ll be stuck with his sweet, snoring, sometimes stinky, sometimes boring self. That, my friend, is the unglamorous, unselfish, rarely talked about truth about marriage. Period.

Of course, there’s an upside, too.

In loving a mere mortal man, you give yourself the opportunity to be loved. Truly, madly, deeply loved. To become family. To merge lives so completely that you can’t imagine your life without the other person. And that is worth putting up with snoring, stinkiness, and the occasional bout with boredom.

I’ll be honest. My husband grinds his teeth in his sleep. He plays video games sometimes. And on Saturday nights, you’ll usually find us parked on the couch watching movies.

But guess what else comes with this extraordinary man?

He cooks amazing, delicious, flavorful dinners for me every night. He likes to snuggle. He’s always saving for the future. He takes me to Paris every 2 years. He throws an annual fundraising dinner for a charity he chooses. He supports me and my goals, dreams, and grand life vision. He meets my emotional needs, thinks I’m low maintenance, and always holds me when I cry. Plus, he’s the most amazing kisser I’ve ever met. And he goes downtown like a champ. Yes, you read that last part right.

For me, there’s no contest. I clearly married the right man. For me.

I want YOU to marry the right man, too. For you.

Before you’ll know who’s right for you, it may be easier to recognize who’s wrong for you. So let’s start there.

In the wrong relationship, you’ll feel compromised. Dissatisfied. Frustrated. Alone.

You won’t feel heard, appreciated, or understood.

And you’ll long for your single days.

Doesn’t sound like a lot of fun, does it? Having been in relationships like that, I can tell you. It’s not.

On the other hand, in the right relationship, you’ll be happy. Fulfilled. Secure. Excited about the future.

In the right relationship, you and your husband will inspire one another to be better people. Your dreams will flourish. Your goals will be met. And together, you’ll celebrate all of these successes with joy and appreciation.

Here’s something else to keep in mind. While you may have a certain vision of who your husband is and what he looks like, be willing to be wrong. Be willing to reinvent what he looks like because of how he makes you feel. And be willing to meet someone you never thought would be your type, but who can actually rock your world AND be your rock.

Before you can meet Mr. Right, you need to become absolutely, positively sure about what you’re looking to attract into your life.

Do you simply want to get have a big, fat wedding and be married?

Or are you looking for YOUR happily ever after with the perfect partner for YOU?

These are 2 very different goals. Neither one is wrong. I just want you to choose so we can proceed with clarity.

The truth is, in the right relationship with the right man, marriage may or may not happen. And you’ll STILL be happy.

In the wrong relationship, even if you DO marry, you will be miserable.

Again, the choice is yours. Make your choice clearly and consciously. This is the first step to finding the kind of love you desire and deserve.

For more tips on how to become a man magnet, enroll in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.

You can also pick up my e-book How to Meet Your Husband: Unlock the 5 Essential Secrets to STOP Attracting Jerks, Get Out Of Your Dating Desert, and Manifest Mr. Right.

So You Want To Meet Your Husband…

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 3, 2010 - 7:29 am
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As the holidays approach and you start to reflect on the year that has passed — thinking about all that happened in 2010 and all that did not — how are you feeling? If one of your goals was to find love in 2010, did you achieve that goal? And if not, how are you feeling about NOT finding love this year?

As you start thinking about 2011, is your desire to meet the man of your dreams, settle down, and get married high on your list of priorities?

If so, congratulations! As someone who’s very happily married to my perfect partner after YEARS of being the token single girl in my social circle who kept getting love wrong, I know how extraordinarily rewarding being married is.

I also know that I could NOT be married to any of the other men I ever dated on my happily ever after journey. And I was single for the first 33 years of my life, so I dated A LOT of men.

Without a doubt, any other marriage with any other partner I’d ever dated would have ended in divorce. Or murder.

I would have killed them for driving me crazy. Or vice versa.

This is important to keep in mind as you embark on YOUR happily ever after search for your husband in the coming year.

But first, let me tell you a little bit about how I met my husband.

I met my husband in 2005 at a bar one hot summer night in Los Angeles. We just happened to be sitting at tables next to each other with our friends. I was there with my girlfriend. He was there with his friend and his friend’s girlfriend. My friend started talking to him and his friends, and by the end of the night he asked for my number.

He called the next day to arrange for our first date. While in the past I would have considered him too eager for calling me the very next day, I was at a place in my life where I could appreciate that he wasn’t playing games.

Of course, I wasn’t at a place where I was perfect. I flaked on our first date. And when my husband called me on my bad dating behavior, I knew I would be foolish to flake again.

On our first date, my husband showed up with flowers and was impeccably dressed. Again, my inner critic who had once ruled my love life wanted to point out that he was trying too hard. She also wanted to point out that this nicely dressed nice guy who showed up at my doorstep with flowers was just too darned, well, NICE.

Fortunately, I’d gotten to a place in my own personal development where instead of believing every word my inner critic said, I simply turned down the volume so I could pay attention to the nice guy who had just brought me flowers.

I reminded myself that in the past, men only brought me flowers when they had screwed up royally. Flowers just because? How thoughtful! a new voice inside whispered.

Unlike my inner critic, this new voice was kinder, gentler, and 100% invested in my happiness. This voice was NOT my inner critic. It was my gut instinct. Or, what I now lovingly refer to as my Woohoo Within™, that wise place inside each of us that knows what’s best for us. If we can tune in and listen, that is.

My Woohoo Within™ was saying, “You’d be a fool not to get to know this nice guy.”

If you have ever ignored YOUR gut and then found yourself saying, “I should have listened to my instincts!” pay attention to what I’m saying here.

Your gut will never be wrong.

Your inner critic, on the other hand, is a selfish, scared, sabotaging brat who’s looking to maintain the status quo, a.k.a. keep you single. The sooner you can distinguish the difference between your gut and your brat, the sooner you can tune into your gut and turn down the volume on your brat. I’ll talk more about this later.

Now, back to how I met my husband.

Our first date was a sweet success. He took me for Thai food in my neighborhood and then we went to a lounge where we listened to live music. We talked, laughed, and enjoyed each other’s company.

While other men had complimented me in the past on my hazel eyes or beautiful smile, my husband told me he liked my nose.

While other men had tried to play tonsil hockey with me on the first date, my husband took 3 pregnant pauses on our first date, looked at me intently, and then did NOT try to kiss me.

And while other men had dropped me off and driven away at the end of the evening, my husband walked me to my door and hugged me goodnight, saying he’d like to ask me out again.

Again, I was far from perfect. While I appreciated his gentlemanly ways, I was so nervous about having to wait an entire second date before experiencing our first kiss that I leaned in, planted one on him, and ran inside the house. Stunned, he almost fell down the stairs. He did, however, promise once again to call.

And he did.

On our second date, I told this nice, sweet, cute man that I never wanted to get married or have children. And at the time I meant it. I just didn’t know any tremendously happy married couples. And without an inspiring role model to follow, why did I want to get married?

We married in 2008.

A girl’s allowed to change her mind.

In the 5+ years I’ve been in a rock solid relationship with my husband, I’ve come to understand exactly what I did right that ultimately helped me manifest Mr. Right.

I’ve also realized the things I did wrong — both in past dating experiences as well as with my husband — that almost derailed my success.

In hopes of helping YOU meet your husband in record time (or at least find the loving relationship you desire and deserve), I’ve identified the 5 most important steps I took in the months leading up to meeting my husband that helped me not only manifest him, but also magnetized him to me so that he not only fell for me, but he decided I was The One.

Over the next few months, I’ll reveal my 5 secrets that will help YOU transform your love life into your very own happily ever after story.

As I share these secrets, I encourage you to not only read about them. I encourage you to IMPLEMENT them.

Notice I said IMPLEMENT. That means take action.

Not to get all Oprah on you, but here’s what I know for sure. It’s not enough to read a book and change your life. You have to be willing to take action. You also need to be willing to be consistent in taking new actions to get new results.

So if you really want to meet your husband in 2011, you must be willing to take action, starting now, and continuing until you’ve reached your goal. It won’t always be easy. It won’t always be fun. You won’t always get the results you desire. It may not happen in the time frame you desire.

But guess what? By not giving up, by consistently committing to getting a different result in your love life, you will eventually — and I hope quickly — get that different result, a.k.a. meet your husband.

To get started, pick up a copy of my e-book How to Meet Your Husband: Unlock the 5 Essential Secrets to STOP Attracting Jerks, Get Out Of Your Dating Desert, and Manifest Mr. Right.

You can also enroll in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.

Share your experiences here on the blog.

Signs you’re hung up on “What could have been”

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 3, 2010 - 7:36 am
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Last week, I announced that I was going to start sharing valuable tips and tools so you could let go of Mr. Wrong and do what it takes to find Mr. Right.

To be honest, I see way too many beautiful, smart, successful women getting and staying hung up on a guy who’s not good for them. And while the occasional run in with Mr. Wrong is normal during a single gal’s journey, getting stuck in a bad relationship or in a never ending loop of loving one Mr. Wrong after another can lead to massive heartbreak, disappointment, loss, and serious financial and emotional debt.

Trust me, I’ve been there.

And I’ve worked with enough women who are starting over yet again after Mr. Wrong wronged them that I want to help you change your fate.

Over the next 3 weeks, I’ll share top 5 traps I see women get stuck in. I’ll also share how you can get un-stuck from these traps so you can find out what it takes to meet Mr. Right.

Even if you’re not quite ready to manifest Mr. Right, you can take at least 1 step today to let go of your love for Mr. Wrong and/or your addiction to bad love.

First, I need you to be honest.

Do you think your ex was The One?

Are you paralyzed by the fear that you don’t have what it takes to get love right?

Do you spend countless nights lying awake, obsessing about how much time you’ve wasted in relationship after relationship that just never worked out?

I get it. I’ve been there. And as someone who once got love wrong every time until she woke up, wised up, and discovered what it takes to find Mr. Right, I want to share with you how being hung up on “What could have been” is sabotaging your chances of finding love.

If you’re haunted by the disappointment you feel at what your future could have looked like but never quite materialized, STOP.

You’re not alone. I’ve been there. And so have so many other smart, successful, amazing women just like you.

As women, we’re biologically and socially wired to want certain things: a home, someone to love, possibly a family. When a relationship ends, it’s like a part of our soul dies. The disappointment in ourselves and our inability to make love work can stifle any hopes of letting go and moving on to a more hopeful future.

But guess what?

It’s time to turn down the volume on that pain and disappointment.

It’s time to accept that for whatever reason, things didn’t work out with Mr. Wrong. You did your very best. In fact, I know you did more than your share to ensure relationship success. You don’t have to know why the relationship ended in order to move on. But you do have to give yourself permission to stop looking over your shoulder, stop obsessing about “What could’ve been,” and instead reacquaint yourself with your present circumstances, freeing yourself up to walk step by step into that magnificent future.

Today, I invite you to ask yourself: How am I hung up on “What could have been?”

And then, give yourself permission to let go of your fantasies about the past and step into the reality that Mr. Wrong wasn’t The One. You are not a failure at love. There’s STILL time for you to get love right.

You just have to get un-stuck first.

Can you see how being stuck in the trap of “What could have been” is holding you back? If so, give yourself permission to set yourself free and move on.

Stay tuned for more tips on how to set yourself free from dating drama and disappointment.

If you’re ready to do what it takes to find Mr. Right, enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge.

And be sure to pick up my man-ifesto for meeting Mr. Right: If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right, available on Amazon and in bookstores.

For added support, join my Facebook Fan page here:
http://www.facebook.com/LisaSteadmanFans

Jennifer Tardy on 1 Simple Way to Prove You’ve Found Mr. Right

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 22, 2010 - 5:02 am
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If you haven’t already met Jennifer Tardy, allow me to introduce you. Jennifer has a simple formula for how to know if the guy you’re dating has the potential to be more than Mr. Next and actually be Mr. Right…

During Lisa’s 30 Day Get Out There Challenge, I’ve hope you’ve had fun reclaiming your sparkle, meeting men in every day life, and getting comfortable with your personal flirting style. What comes next is even more fun! It’s time to see if any of these cuties can be Mr. Right.

So, you’ve been out there dating. You’ve walked through downtown for lunch, instead of sitting behind your desk all day. You’ve visited the many festivities offered by your neighborhood—for some much needed networking and socializing. You’ve been open, honest, and optimistic which is everything that your girlfriends have urged you to be. As silly as it sounded at the time, it’s actually worked in your favor! You’ve been dating one special guy for a few months now, and you have this strange feeling that he could, in fact, be—Mr. Right. The only problem is that you are uncertain of how to confirm this. As it stands, you thought the other deadbeats that you fell for previously were all Mr. Rights too.

No worries.

You’re covered.

Here’s a secret: The number one way to confirm that you’ve met YOUR Mr. Right is to ask yourself one simple question, “Has being with him made my life LESS complicated?”

And more importantly, has he ENRICHED your life?

If you say yes to these basic questions, then you are good to go. You already are head over heels for him. Now that he’s helping to balance your life in the simplest way—by making it less complex and MORE enriching, you couldn’t ask for anything more. As a matter of fact, let’s get specific. Here are four ways that you can confirm that he’s truly making your life less complicated and more enriching…

1. He’s compatible. He’s well-matched, like-minded—similar. Both of you have things in common. You don’t have to waste a lot of time arguing over what to do this weekend, or where to go on vacation, or what the terms of your relationship are. You both have similar goals, visions, and you are simply—a good match. Studies show that although opposites attract, couples who have things in common tend to stay together longer.

2. He’s involved. The relationship is not just yours to hold together, it’s both of your responsibilities. He recognizes that. He puts in as much work as you do even if it means late night debates, or early morning apologies. He’s in it—and for the long run. That takes so much of the pressure off of you.

3. He’s a partner. He’s the yin to your yang. You cook the dinner, and he cleans the dishes. He pays the bill, so you leave the tip. You notice your undercooked food, and he’s already complaining to the waiter. You’re buying his groceries as he’s cleaning your car. It just flows—your relationship, that is. It feels so good because you don’t have to do everything by yourself anymore. You truly have a partner in its most genuine sense.

4. He’s responsible. He’s such a man of his word! If he says that it’s going to be, you can consider it already done. You don’t have to check behind him, follow up with him, ask him repeatedly to get something done. He doesn’t behave that way in the relationship—at least not where it matters.

All of these rules of thumb only point to the fact that he makes your life less complicated and more enriching. It’s amazing how the simpler things in life have been carelessly overlooked. We are paying hundreds of dollars for matchmakers to tell us what complex type of relationship we need. In reality aren’t we really seeking peace. Things like peace and simplicity are being shadowed by drama and complexity. You know just how very stressful the average relationship can be. Sometimes it even seems like you are working overtime just to see eye to eye with your partner. It can be difficult to envision a life less complicated. But we all want it. We already know that we can do badly on our own. Why date someone who can make it worse?

Those who may not know the good feeling that I’m referring to, may not really understand just the vigor it emanates. As couples are complicating the philosophy of love, trust, respect and communication, we have to begin seeking simpler ways of really understanding how we feel while dating. Always remember that in any relationship you get involved in (romantic or otherwise), always seek a life, well—less complicated.

About the Expert
Jennifer Tardy (a.k.a. JM Tardy) is a Healthy Relationship Activist™, Post Dating Adjustment Coach™, and author of a series of relationship books under the umbrella of her Forever Tardy, but Never Late collection including Volume I: His Ingredient Label: A Woman’s Guide to Recognizing a Junk Food Man. She’s trained thousands in understanding the behaviors of others and how this can strengthen relationships personally and professionally. You can visit her Relationship Resources site at http://www.JenniferTardy.com/.

Cheri Valentine on “Where all all the good men?”

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 21, 2010 - 10:13 am
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Ever wonder where all the good men are? My friend and relationship intuitive Cheri Valentine has some specific examples of where you can start meeting men today. Enjoy!

In searching for Mr. Right, my clients often ask, “Where can I find good men?” Many women do not enjoy going to bars and feel like a fish out of water when they do go. Other people think they are too busy to look.

Since Lisa’s 30 Day Get Out There Challenge is all about getting you out from behind the computer and meeting men in every day life, let’s be clear. You CAN find men anywhere doing what you already do. This works best when you are living your life from a place of presence and joy. When you are happy with yourself, and your life, you will attract and be drawn to others who are also happy with themselves and their life. You connect without even trying by just being open. Of course, you must believe this is possible. However, it is helpful to have a little more guidance, so I offer you the following…

1. Choose venues where you can effectively meet people who can be likely potential partners. The more aligned the venue is with your interests and values, the higher rate of success you will experience.

2. Have an open mind about dating, enjoy the people you meet, and be present when dealing with people.

3. Be yourself. Stay true to yourself. This begins with knowing who you are, what you want, trusting that you will meet the right one for you, and committing to wait until you meet him. Until you do meet Mr. Right, evaluate each experience for the lesson that makes your life and search for your perfect partner richer.

4. Remember to smile. Smiling sends a message that you are open and welcome the opportunity to engage with another. Say hello. Initiate conversation and practice this art often. Don’t wait for someone to approach you. Remember how amazing you are!

5. Be willing to attend venues alone to scout out potential cuties. How romantic to meet Mr. Right in front of your favorite painting at the museum or watching underwater sea life at the aquarium. Open your mind to who looks interesting. You can learn so much from talking to people, so don’t narrow your vista to what you think is “your type.” That hasn’t worked so well for you in the past.

6. Stay open and receptive when in PUBLIC SETTINGS – the grocery store, post office, coffee shop, and work place, at the ball field where your children play sports, or the playground, beach, amusement parks. You can meet people anywhere; so do not discount these public places as a way to meet someone who could have your top requirements.

Beyond meeting men in every day life, you’ll want to put yourself out there in 3 specific venues:

GENERIC SINGLE EVENTS such as singles dances or single gatherings of any kind, personal ads, dating services, internet dating sites. You are getting a bit more specific where you will meet people who are single. If you are using a dating site, remember this is to find potentials and meet them. Get out from behind that computer once you’ve connected and make real contact.

SPECIAL INTEREST ACTIVITIES like ski club, hiking club, chess club or any club that is of interest to you, photography class, art class, etc. Here you can meet people who have more in common with you besides being single. It is also an opportunity to make friends and build a community of support even with people who are not single. Married people have single friends. Single friends have single friends, and so on.

HIGLY ALLIGNED COMMUNITIES that share your values, interests, goals, and passions like church communities, social activist groups, and spiritual organizations. This is also a great place to ask for help in meeting single friends from the members in these communities. By asking for help, and letting people know you are actively looking to find the right person for you, you increase the numbers of men to meet.

Part of finding Mr. Right is being a happy single who is living your life fully. When you are living life, enjoying your present moments and taking in life for the pure pleasure and experience it offers, you are in a far better position to meet your future love partner, one who also is happily living their life while waiting to meet you. Remember the law of attraction is always at work!

About The Expert
As a Relationship Intuitive and Love Strategist, Cheri Valentine has been cooking up recipes for attracting ideal relationships. She has successfully guided men and women through the maze of Relating, Dating & Mating on a transformational journey to love that is perfect for them. She is the creator of 90 Days 2 Love Attraction Collaborative and will be releasing her book, 90 Days 2 Love – Transforming Your Love Life from the Inside Out this fall. She can be found at http://www.cherivalentine.com/

Jennifer Gauvain and Anne Milford on 3 signs you need to call off your wedding

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 20, 2010 - 6:47 am
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I often meet single women who are so singularly focused on finding a man they can marry that they lose all sense of reality and common sense. That’s why I’m soo excited to share this next article with you. I met Jennifer and Anne on Twitter, heard about their amazing book How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy, and just HAD to share their genius with you. So before you jump into the wrong relationship with both feet, read on…

As a relationship therapist and researcher, we’ve talked to hundreds of women who married the wrong guy for the wrong reason. What’s even more amazing is that every one of them knew they were making a mistake as they were walking down the aisle. What can we learn from their mistakes? If you hear yourself saying any of the following, it may be a sign that you need to call off your wedding or end your relationship:

“If it doesn’t work out, we can always get a divorce.”
If you are already thinking that divorce may be in your future, it should be a big red flag about the relationship. Divorce is a miserable, messy and expensive. The women we talked to said it was the most painful experience of their life. Even when YOU are the one serving the papers — it will be more stressful than you ever imagined. Don’t walk down the aisle with someone you’re not sure about.

“We’ve dated for so long; I don’t want to waste the time I’ve invested in the relationship.”
Don’t marry a guy just because you’ve dated him for a long time. Length of relationship does not equal healthy relationship. If you’ve been settling for a ho-hum, less than fulfilling romantic relationship, don’t turn it into a boring, unhappy marriage. He doesn’t have to be a liar and a cheater to be wrong for you.

“Things will get better after the wedding.”
What you see is what you get! Your relationship will not instantly change and improve after you get married. An unfaithful fiance will be an unfaithful husband. A short-tempered and dishonest boyfriend will be a short-tempered and dishonest groom. Don’t marry someone thinking they will change. If your groom-to-be has character traits or issues that you don’t like — don’t fool yourself into thinking they will magically disappear after your wedding.

While the women we talked to were very different, their reasons for going through with a mistaken marriage were surprisingly similar. We heard variations of these same three reasons over and over again. If you are telling yourself the same things, or believe that you may be marrying the wrong guy — you need to put the brakes on the wedding planning. Don’t say “I do” when you are thinking “I don’t!” For more reasons why women date and/or marry the wrong guy visit www.coldfeetpress.com.

About The Experts

Jennifer Gauvain, MSW, LCSW and Anne Milford are the authors of How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy: Is He the One or Should You Run? (Broadway/Random House, May 2010).

Day 18: Want to find Mr. Right? Fall madly in love with yourself!

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 18, 2010 - 6:00 am
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Psst…Want to know the surest way to have a man fall madly in love with you?

Fall in love with yourself!

The truth is, we teach people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. When you fall madly in love with yourself, warts and all, you show the universe that you have compassion.

You show the people in your life how healthy and happy you are. And that’s attractive to a good man.

Think about it. Would a healthy and happy man really want to get to know someone who was miserable?

No. And since the only kind of man you want to attract is someone who’s healthy and happy on his own, you must become healthy and happy, too. And that starts with falling madly in love with yourself.

Today, make a list of 20 reasons why you’re a fabulous catch. Give yourself permission to gloat with glee. Have fun doing this! The more you can connect to all the fun and fabulous ways you rock, the more you can celebrate yourself.

Again, the surest way to magnetize a man who will love and appreciate you is to love and appreciate yourself. This may feel challenging at first. Don’t give up. Keep at it. Practice makes perfect!

Once you’re madly in love with yourself, revisit your relationship goals. Reconnect to how you want love to look and feel. And then be open to meeting healthy and happy man wherever you go.

Above all else, have FUN!

For hands on help pick up a copy of my e-book Bad Love No More! and my latest book If He’s Not The One, Who Is: What went wrong and what it takes to find Mr. Right.

For more tips like this, check out http://lisasteadman.com/category/30-day-challenge/