Happily Ever After…an archive favorite
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on January 9, 2011 - 7:12 am
Here’s another story I pulled out of The Breakup Chronicles archives.
In 2004, I launched The Breakup Chronicles because I’d just had my heart smashed to smithereens for the umpteenth time and needed to figure out why I was getting love so wrong, so consistently. The common denominator was most definitely me. In writing about some of my key relationships, I needed to figure out what I did wrong, how I contributed to the demise of each one, and what I could give thanks for as a result of having loved someone, even if it wasn’t forever.
Since then, I’ve met and married the Love of My Life, written 5 books about breakups, dating, and relationships, and love helping women discover their unique Love Brand.
Enjoy this oldie but goodie from The Breakup Chronicles…
By Lani Voivod
I would start with the image of a semi-crushed can of Keystone Light flying across a seedy motel parking lot in Cody, Wyoming at four in the morning, followed by an impassioned SLAP in the face, but it all sounds like one big freakin’ cliche. So I’ll pick some arbitrary spot on the timeline, label it “The Beginning,” and start there instead.
Mr. Ex arrived at the resort toting nothing but a duffle bag and a crooked smile. I had been working on the outskirts of Nowhere for about two months – two months that felt like a few hard, lonely years at Sing Sing. I had fled my life in our nation’s capital to claim a personal sabbatical in the Wyoming wilderness at the ripe old age of 24. Ironically, heartbreak was the catalyst for that decision, too.
On the national spectrum of good-looking men, Mr. Ex would probably fall in at about a five. On this remote resort’s spectrum of good-looking menMr. Ex leaped to a whopping nine. He had all his teeth, a full head of hair, some rippling muscles, and the flirty confidence of Tom Cruise.
He also had a teardrop tattoo (gang slang for, “Look at me! I’ve murdered a rival gang member!”) and an Indian-inked “ODESTO” tattoo that sprawled across his abdomen. It was supposed to say “MODESTO,” as in Mr. Ex’s hometown, but unfortunately for Mr. Ex, the artist/fellow inmate ran out of ink before he could finish. I guess they were too busy with cockroach races to bother finishing it up over the rest of the six-month sentence Mr. Ex earned for robbing a mini-mart of $40 and a case of beer.
Here are my excuses: I was lonely, drunk, heartbroken, desperate, deluded, stoned, and lacking in self-esteem, self-worth and self-knowledge – not necessarily in that order. I didn’t know what I wanted out of life, thought I had lost my youth, and had gained 40 lbs. in two months. At such times in a woman’s life she sees only one “cure,” however temporary. That cure is SEX.
Mercifully, Mr. Ex was too drunk to notice the sprawling lard that was my ass and my bad perm. He spoiled me with booze and sweet, city-licked poetics, plowing through his meager paycheck in one sitting. We went on hallucinogenic hikes through grizzly-infested woods. We lit bonfires anywhere we pleased and insisted we were “one with nature.” Short, unexpected bursts of intelligence and insight were punctuated with the word “dude” and his air-headed laughter.
Among other things, he begged me to buy him a wallet with a chain attached to it. Lord knows what he intended to put in it, but I acquiesced. I had become some sort of white trash sugar-mama. I was even contemplating a life in a pick-up and cab-trailer with this moral-less, penniless, vision-less moocher, and yet somehow I thought my father was the crazy one when, after a long talk in a phone booth, he suggested I was out of my damn mind.
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Which brings me to a certain motel parking lot. After a long day attending to some weird crisis involving evictions, suspended licenses and general mullet-filled drama, I found myself shelling out yet more money for a room in town in which about ten misfits – myself included – would party and crash for the night. Several cases of cheap beer later and I’m standing in a parking lot at four in the morning, REALLY angry, looking Mr. Ex straight in the eyes. My eyes are red and puffy from crying, and we’re fighting over something -definitely something ridiculously stupid.
It is at this degrading point that I throw the semi-crushed can of Keystone Light across the parking lot. I would have said this is the absolute lowest point in my life, but, ever the perfectionist, I had to up the ante by actually slipping further down the hole of humiliation and slapping this guy hard across the face.
I don’t know why he didn’t hit me back. He wanted to – I could see it in his eyes – but he didn’t. The sound of the slap in the pre-dawn Wyoming air woke me up to the absurdity of the scenario. It also summoned three inner truths that had been in hibernation for some time:
I want better than this.
I deserve better than this.
I AM better than this.
I went back inside, crashed on the floor next to a bunch of other lost souls, and woke up again a few hours later to a brand new day.
Thank God.
Mr. Ex left the following week with one of the other female lost souls sitting faithfully by his side. They had found a 1978 pick-up in town for $300 and decided to seek their fortune in Jackson Hole. I stayed on at the resort through winter, left around the first day of spring, and headed south on Rt. 25, eventually bound for Southern California.
Less than six months later I met my husband. My darling, beautiful, intelligent, handsome, law-abiding husband, whose only tattoo is a tattoo of a playing card: the seven of hearts. He surprised me with it about six months after we moved in together. He says it’s his good luck card, and I’ll happily ever after take his word for it.
Funny how life works out. You just can’t make this stuff up. I guess, in the end, it all sounds like one big freakin’ cliche, huh?
What’s YOUR Breakup Chronicles story?
Arielle Ford on Magnetizing Mr. Right
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on January 4, 2011 - 6:00 am
If you don’t know Arielle Ford, you SHOULD. She’s the guru when it comes to manifesting Mr. Right without ever dating again.
According to Arielle, finding true love is possible for anyone at any age if you’re willing to prepare yourself to become a magnet for love. She used the techniques in her book The Soulmate Secret to bring her soulmate into her life at age forty-four. They were engaged three weeks later and have been happily married for over ten years.
The techniques, rituals, and projects found within will allow you to prepare your home, body, mind, and spirit for the soulmate your heart truly desires.
And btw, The Soulmate Secret works for men and women of all ages. It even worked for Arielle’s 80 year old mother-in-law, Peggy!
Here’s what I know for sure: Finding true love is possible for anyone at any age if you’re willing to prepare yourself, on all levels, to become a magnet for love.
This wonderful Universe of ours is set up to deliver the people and things we draw to us that our consistent with our personal belief system. If you don’t believe you will ever find the ONE, then, guess what? You get to be right …you probably won’t.
If, however, you learn to believe that the ONE is not only out there but is ALSO LOOKING FOR YOU, then true love can be yours.
The basic Law of Attraction states that you will attract to you those things that match your state of belief.
Believing that your soul mate is out there is critical to the preparation of manifestation.
I believe that the Universe is always mirroring back to us our beliefs about ourselves and the world. If we believe the world is a loving and friendly place, then most of the time that will be our experience. But, if we believe the world is a chaotic, stressful and fearful place, then that becomes our reality. So, believing and knowing that your soul mate is out there is the most important part of the formula.
What if I told you that it’s not your job to know HOW your soul mate is going to appear? What if I told you it’s only your job to be ready, willing and open to love. Think about it this way: You really don’t know where air comes from but you do believe that it’s always there for you, right?
The same is true for love. It’s there for you. It’s always been there for you. You just need to remember the love that you are and once you do, the Universe will deliver to you the perfect soul mate.
Here is what worked for me and I know it can work for you: When I was in my early forties I decided to manifest my soul mate using everything I had ever learned about manifestation, psychology, spirituality, and the Law of Attraction. My intentions became crystal clear while I simultaneously cleared out the clutter in my house AND in my heart. I learned and invented techniques, rituals, visualizations and prayers that helped me prepare my body, mind, spirit and home for an amazing relationship. And they worked. I met my husband, Brian, who has exceeded all of my desires and expectations. He was and is everything I ever wished for.
Finding true love is possible for anyone at any age if you’re willing to prepare yourself to become a magnet for love.
Want more tips on how to magnetize Mr. Right?
Start by taking your man blinders off.
Then unlock the secrets of going from Ice to Nice.
And be sure to check out the top 30 places to meet men this month!
Want to start Lisa’s 30 Day Get Out There Challenge from the beginning?
About The Expert
Arielle Ford has spent the past 25 years living and promoting consciousness through all forms of media. She is the author of THE SOULMATE SECRET: Manifest the Love of Your Life with the Law of Attraction. She also created THE SOULMATE KIT to help singles manifest Mr. Right in no time.
Catherine Behan on Before You Try E-Harmony, Get a Dose of ME-Harmony
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 28, 2010 - 7:34 am
Here’s some great advice from my friend Catherine Behan on how to check yourself before you wreck your love life…
“I hate on-line dating!” Maggie sighed. “Everyone lies and posts pictures of themselves from 15 years ago.”
“I know what you mean,” moaned Lisa. “I want a guy over 6 feet and the last three matches were all under 5? 8!”
Can you relate? Have you worked and worked on your online dating profile and still attract people you would never pick for yourself? What’s wrong with the system?
Personally, I have worked with many people who have had excellent results with online dating. Some, though still single, really enjoy the people they have met through these dating resources. So what’s the deal? Why aren’t more people lucky in on-line love?
If you aren’t finding a good match, could it be that YOU are not a good match? Is it possible that you aren’t projecting the whole picture? If you are attracting people that are not even close to your ideals, you just might need to focus on a little ME-Harmony before you go to E-Harmony.
Long time singles like yourself have a Lost Love Legacy that holds your future captive. Each person you have encountered along the way…BFFs included, have left a sort of footprint in your mind and heart. Some past relationships have been good and the breakups mutual. But, the fact is, all past relationships have disappointments and heartbreak that lodge themselves in your heart.
No one is perfect. People hurt each other in relationship when misunderstandings happen, no matter how hard you try not to. When you attract the exact opposite of who it is you want to be with, it is a sure sign that you are coming across with a confusing vibration. The Law of Attraction is relentless and always brings exactly what you are vibrating…not what you are hoping for.
One part of you craves to be loved and adored. Another fears opening deeply to let love in. One part of you wants to co-create a marriage that works. Another part is intimidated by the negotiating it takes to walk it out.
One part of you wants a partner who is open and vulnerable. Another part of you is terrified of being open and vulnerable. See what I mean?
When you focus on ME-Harmony, you learn you can accept your doubts and fears and still move forward. Making peace with the ghosts of relationships past is the fastest way to get there. Each heart break in your past holds the power to make you an amazing partner. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. Finding self compassion and letting go of your hurts and disappointments will bring you to a place of shining self confidence.
When you have ME-Harmony, you may not even return to online dating. There is nothing more irresistible than a happy, confident person. Your luck in love will surely change when you choose that as your primary goal!
Curious about how to bring that harmony to yourself? Take the Soul Mate Quiz right here: http://AttractYourSoulMateNow.com
About The Expert
Catherine Behan is a gifted teacher, author, speaker, seminar leader and coach who has been helping people find True Love for over 30 years. She is the creator of “Seduce Your Saboteur: How To Enchant, Engage and Enlist Your Strongest Ally and Find True Love In 6 Months or Less.”
Relationship Red Flags: Three things you must know by Jennifer Gauvain, MSW, LCSW
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 26, 2010 - 6:56 am
Earlier in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge, I introduced you to Jennifer Gauvain, co-author of the fabulous new book How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy: Is He the One or Should You Run? I’m thrilled to share Jennifer’s amazing insight into relationship red flags and how to stop ignoring them.
As you continue dating and meeting men during and after Lisa’s 30 Day Challenge, I want you to keep something in mind. When it comes to relationship red flags, there are three things you must know:
1. You can’t ignore them.
2. They are different for everyone.
3. Your gut feelings help you recognize them.
Let’s be honest. We all know what red flags in relationships are. They are seriously unappealing or problematic actions, attitudes and behaviors exhibited by your partner. We’ve seen countless articles detailing red flag after red flag. The problem is that while we recognize them, we often choose to ignore them.
My friend Jincey dated a guy who was 38 years old and lived with his mother. “I knew that was a red flag, but I ignored it,” she says. “One night, not too long after we started dating, we went back to his mom’s house to watch TV. He stripped down totally naked and sat on the couch. His mom brought us snacks and he just sat there. She cleaned up and ignored the fact he was naked. He must have done it all the time!” So what’s wrong with watching TV naked? Jincey said the real problem was his child-like dependence on his mother. Guess what? She married him anyway and it didn’t end well. “He could barely take care of himself and was terrible with money. He had a hard time keeping a job. He was sweet, but so irresponsible. He didn’t want a wife, he wanted another mommy.”
She would have saved herself a lot of heartache—and money—if she had paid attention to the irresponsibility red flag that was flying from the very beginning. “I just wanted the relationship to work out,” says Jincey. “I was tired of being alone.”
The other often misunderstood fact about red flags is that they are different for everyone. Jealousy, meanness, and avoidance are common red flags. And while it’s important to be aware of these red flags, a one-size-fits-all list doesn’t address your gut feelings. A-life-of the-party-girl may see extreme shyness as a red flag in a potential mate. Or a sports fanatic female may be turned off by a guy who dislikes sports. Or….maybe she won’t. Everyone’s different. So how do you know what a red flag is for you? Your gut will tell you. Or that little voice in your head will start to speak up and point out a potential problem in your relationship.
Katie, a 27 year old teacher, confesses that she is stuck in a relationship with the wrong guy. He’s a nice guy, but there are several red flags that are stirring up her gut feelings. “He sees the world as a sea of options, and has a hard time deciding what he wants to do,” she says. “Then, when he decides on something, he has a hard time sticking with it. That’s a red flag to me. And my gut questions his ability to help any family we might have someday. He also seems to care more about his adventures and his life than he does my own. It makes me think that he won’t be there for the important milestones in my life.”
Katie’s inner wisdom recognizes these red flags. Let’s hope she find the courage to take action. Here are some things to think about to make sure you can recognize red flags, and more importantly, not ignore them:
• When his behavior bothers you, pay attention. Is the little voice in your head trying to warn you about something? Don’t look the other way! Think about the behavior that concerns you and reflect on it.
• Ask yourself if you are changing your behavior in response to your boyfriend or partner’s behavior. Are you walking on egg shells? Are you avoiding difficult conversations? If you do try to talk about something, how does he react?
• Fast forward ten years. How will this particular behavior or attitude play out in the future? Will he be a good dad? A good friend? A solid employee? A reliable husband?
When it comes to red flags, what you see now is what you get later. Once you train yourself to recognize—and act on—the red flags in your relationships, you are on your way to a happier, more satisfying life. The choice is yours!
About The Expert
Jennifer Gauvain is the co-author of How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy: Is He the One or Should You Run? (Broadway/Random House, May 2010). She is a marriage and family therapist with clients around the country. For more information visit her website at coldfeetpress.com.
Eris Huemer on 30 Of the Best Places to Meet Men
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 25, 2010 - 6:00 am
Here’s another gem of brilliance from my friend and dating coach Eris Huemer. 30 best places to meet men? Sounds like another 30 day challenge to me! 
You might be asking, “Where are all of the single fish in the sea?’
One of the Greatest Relationship Secrets that you must know now is: EVERYWHERE!
One of the greatest relationship myths is that “All the good guys are taken.”
In fact, the fact is that 44% of adult Americans are single, which means there are over 100 million unattached men and women. So, there have got to be some good – even GREAT – men out there.
So, the burning question on your lips right now is, “Where do I find these men?”
The answer is – OUTSIDE!
Yes, I said OUTSIDE. And, he’s looking for you.
That means he’s not in your home or hiding under your bed. And, he probably won’t be the mailman knocking on your door tomorrow morning. He’s out in the world, living his life, hunting for you.
That means that you need to start going out and about if you want to find your man.
As you probably know, attracting a relationship can be enjoyable but sometimes challenging. That’s why, if you want to attract the relationship that you want and deserve, you have to go where people gather.
But, before you start your quest you must know these 2 things:
1. What kind of a mate do you want to attract in your life? Write a list and be specific.
2. What hobbies do you enjoy? What hobbies do you want your mate to enjoy?
Write these things down and then begin to take on the perspective of men are everywhere. Remember the song “It’s raining men! Hallelujah!” Well, sing it and believe it.
After all, it’s all about perspective.
If you believe that all of the good men are taken. Then, you will attract all of the good men who are taken.
If you know that there are plenty of single, great fish in the sea, then that’s what you will attract.
Which perspective would you like to try on?
If you are ready to go out and attract the relationship that you want and deserve, I have scouted 30 of the top locations men can be found…
The Internet
Volunteering
The Apple store
A Fortune 500 or tech company
The weight room in the gym
A political rally or campaign
Sports Bar on a Sunday or Monday night
A volleyball league
A rock-climbing center
A steak house
Seminars
Business conferences
Baseball Diamonds
Restaurant Bar
Hotel Lounge
Polo Games
Golf Tournaments
Networking Events
Home Depot/Lowes
Singles groups
Grocery Store
Gas Station
Gallery Openings
Book Store
Best Buy
Airport
Work Functions
The Mall
Museums
The Beach
And the list goes on…
Do you get my drift? Men are everywhere.
There are many great men looking to attract the women of their dreams. I suggest that you go fishing and catch your mate.
Let me know how it goes. And keep rocking Lisa’s 30 Day Get Out There Challenge!
About The Expert
Eris Huemer, M.A., is an internationally sought after relationship counselor and coach, author, speaker and CEO of SIRE Enterprises, who specializes in doing Love Makeovers with singles and couples. She can be found at http://loveeris.com/
Melanie Gorman on Learning to Let a Toxic Wing-Woman Go
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 24, 2010 - 5:00 am
I’m a big believer that every single gal needs her Woohoo Crew, aka her group of healthy and happy single gal pals who can celebrate being single AND scout for cuties. Here’s an eye opening article from Melanie Gorman on how to let go of a toxic frenemy.
When I was single, my girlfriends made up the most critical part of my support network. They helped me when I was down and out, they supported me as I met (and vetted) men and they acted as my wingman for all occasions. If I needed a date to a wedding and a good man wasn’t around, I took a girlfriend. If I had a family dinner, holiday party or work event and I wanted a guaranteed good time, frequently, I took a friend. My girlfriends were the people I most trusted in the world; they were the backbone of my social life and without them I would have been truly lost.
Friends act as our mirrors. They tell us when things are good or bad. They have permission to be candid with their advice and are encouraged to tell us when we have a bad hair day, a bad boss and a bad boyfriend. Without them, we make the same mistakes over and over again. With them, we still make mistakes, but with more smiles and less pain as we grow from their support.
So what happens when one of our wing-women stops supporting us? When this happens we have to recognize the importance of their role in our lives and take action. Sometimes that means a coming-to-Jesus with our friend. Other times, the writing is on the wall, and we need to take a break.
When you think about your wing-women and their importance in your life, these are the signs that you’re dealing with a toxic friend:
1.It’s one-sided. All relationships have a natural ebb and flow to them when it comes to giving and receiving support. Here we’re talking about things like listening, making the effort to get together, spending resources on the friendship, you get the idea. The sign that a friendship is becoming unhealthy is when this give and take becomes overly one-sided. Examples include when you’re always the one to make the calls, text, say hello on Facebook/email, ask for the girls-night, do the driving, pay the tab etc.
2.It’s dishonest. Honesty and genuineness are critical to keeping friendships alive. When one or both people begin making excuses, leaving out details or outright lying there is something wrong. Our friends aren’t the home improvement committee, the simply love and like us as we are. When that is missing or we’re masking our true selves to keep the peace, it’s a sign that something deeper is wrong.
3.It’s overly critical. Friends are supposed to support us, if not, why have them? There’s a big difference between constructive criticism and cruelty. People who consistently criticize us hurt our self-esteem. It’s one thing to say that a shade of lipstick doesn’t match your skin tone, it’s another to pick out all the things that are wrong with a person’s appearance. If someone is constantly pointing out the things we’re doing wrong and makes no time to acknowledge the things we’re doing right, this is a sign the relationship is not a healthy one.
4.Your attraction and attachment to the friendship has changed. The truth is that people change. Life events, stress, age and time all affect how we see the world and how we behave. Sometimes our when our values and interests diverge we lose our connection. Change is ok; it’s a part of life. Chances are if your interest has changed that your friend is aware of this change and is feeling it too.
5.Your life feels better without them. Often during times of change, you’ll find that you have less time/interest in being with your friend. Ask yourself if you’re happier without them. Does the love and history they bring to your life make up for the stress and drama they also provide? If the bad outweighs the good, then your answer is clear.
Toxic friendships can truly be harmful to everyone involved. As you consider this list, if the friendship that you have in mind comes up as a net negative, then it’s clear what you need to do. All that’s left is to decide how you want to back away and if a conversation is necessary. There’s no requirement that you have a “big talk”, sometimes simply backing away is enough. But, if you feel the need to have the talk, try to remember points two and three above and be honest yet kind.
About The Expert
Melanie Gorman is the Director of Marketing & Business Development for YourTango.com, an online community offering smart talk about love. Check out her other articles and resources here.
Deborah Kagan on Tapping Into Your Mojo
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 23, 2010 - 6:21 am
Ever feel like you’ve lost your mojo? Wondering how to reclaim your sassy swagger? You’re in luck! My good friend Deborah Kagan is THE mojo recovery specialist. And she’s got some great advice for how to rock your mojo throughout the rest of my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge and BEYOND…
The best way to tap into your mojo — boost your libido and start thinking like a sexual being — is to start living below your neck. Get out of your head and feel your body.
While our brains are crucial to being a fully realized woman, your true brilliance comes when you connect the brain with your “power center.” Your power center has a physical location and specific function. It lives two finger widths below your navel and it stores your mojo. Mojo = fuel. It’s your life force. Think of it as your own personal gas station. You can sidle up to the pump anytime you need to recharge. When a conscious connection is made to the power center, you feel full, alive and juicy.
Here are a few surefire ways to tap into your power center and claim your mojo:
Breathe. Full belly breaths with awareness. Inhale so you can feel it in your pelvis. You can do this anywhere and anytime.
Stomp your feet. For real. Like a kid does when they’re about to have a major tantrum. Increase blood circulation south of your hips!
Bedroom purge. Remove anything and everything from the bedroom that doesn’t fall into the three R’s of Rest, Romance, Rejuvenation. The distractions clog the channels.
Dance party. Turn up the tunes and bee-bop around. Get your booty shakin’… And you might just work a partner in the mix!
About The Expert
Deborah Kagan is an educator/author/mojo recovery specialist. She works with women who have lost their sexual spark and want to find it and feel juicy. Her methods combine over 20 years of information and experience in the fields of holistic health and human sexuality. Connect with her at www.sacredinteriors.com and www.pussypowerposse.com.
Jennifer Tardy on 1 Simple Way to Prove You’ve Found Mr. Right
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 22, 2010 - 5:02 am
If you haven’t already met Jennifer Tardy, allow me to introduce you. Jennifer has a simple formula for how to know if the guy you’re dating has the potential to be more than Mr. Next and actually be Mr. Right…
During Lisa’s 30 Day Get Out There Challenge, I’ve hope you’ve had fun reclaiming your sparkle, meeting men in every day life, and getting comfortable with your personal flirting style. What comes next is even more fun! It’s time to see if any of these cuties can be Mr. Right.
So, you’ve been out there dating. You’ve walked through downtown for lunch, instead of sitting behind your desk all day. You’ve visited the many festivities offered by your neighborhood—for some much needed networking and socializing. You’ve been open, honest, and optimistic which is everything that your girlfriends have urged you to be. As silly as it sounded at the time, it’s actually worked in your favor! You’ve been dating one special guy for a few months now, and you have this strange feeling that he could, in fact, be—Mr. Right. The only problem is that you are uncertain of how to confirm this. As it stands, you thought the other deadbeats that you fell for previously were all Mr. Rights too.
No worries.
You’re covered.
Here’s a secret: The number one way to confirm that you’ve met YOUR Mr. Right is to ask yourself one simple question, “Has being with him made my life LESS complicated?”
And more importantly, has he ENRICHED your life?
If you say yes to these basic questions, then you are good to go. You already are head over heels for him. Now that he’s helping to balance your life in the simplest way—by making it less complex and MORE enriching, you couldn’t ask for anything more. As a matter of fact, let’s get specific. Here are four ways that you can confirm that he’s truly making your life less complicated and more enriching…
1. He’s compatible. He’s well-matched, like-minded—similar. Both of you have things in common. You don’t have to waste a lot of time arguing over what to do this weekend, or where to go on vacation, or what the terms of your relationship are. You both have similar goals, visions, and you are simply—a good match. Studies show that although opposites attract, couples who have things in common tend to stay together longer.
2. He’s involved. The relationship is not just yours to hold together, it’s both of your responsibilities. He recognizes that. He puts in as much work as you do even if it means late night debates, or early morning apologies. He’s in it—and for the long run. That takes so much of the pressure off of you.
3. He’s a partner. He’s the yin to your yang. You cook the dinner, and he cleans the dishes. He pays the bill, so you leave the tip. You notice your undercooked food, and he’s already complaining to the waiter. You’re buying his groceries as he’s cleaning your car. It just flows—your relationship, that is. It feels so good because you don’t have to do everything by yourself anymore. You truly have a partner in its most genuine sense.
4. He’s responsible. He’s such a man of his word! If he says that it’s going to be, you can consider it already done. You don’t have to check behind him, follow up with him, ask him repeatedly to get something done. He doesn’t behave that way in the relationship—at least not where it matters.
All of these rules of thumb only point to the fact that he makes your life less complicated and more enriching. It’s amazing how the simpler things in life have been carelessly overlooked. We are paying hundreds of dollars for matchmakers to tell us what complex type of relationship we need. In reality aren’t we really seeking peace. Things like peace and simplicity are being shadowed by drama and complexity. You know just how very stressful the average relationship can be. Sometimes it even seems like you are working overtime just to see eye to eye with your partner. It can be difficult to envision a life less complicated. But we all want it. We already know that we can do badly on our own. Why date someone who can make it worse?
Those who may not know the good feeling that I’m referring to, may not really understand just the vigor it emanates. As couples are complicating the philosophy of love, trust, respect and communication, we have to begin seeking simpler ways of really understanding how we feel while dating. Always remember that in any relationship you get involved in (romantic or otherwise), always seek a life, well—less complicated.
About the Expert
Jennifer Tardy (a.k.a. JM Tardy) is a Healthy Relationship Activist™, Post Dating Adjustment Coach™, and author of a series of relationship books under the umbrella of her Forever Tardy, but Never Late collection including Volume I: His Ingredient Label: A Woman’s Guide to Recognizing a Junk Food Man. She’s trained thousands in understanding the behaviors of others and how this can strengthen relationships personally and professionally. You can visit her Relationship Resources site at http://www.JenniferTardy.com/.
Cheri Valentine on “Where all all the good men?”
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 21, 2010 - 10:13 am
Ever wonder where all the good men are? My friend and relationship intuitive Cheri Valentine has some specific examples of where you can start meeting men today. Enjoy!
In searching for Mr. Right, my clients often ask, “Where can I find good men?” Many women do not enjoy going to bars and feel like a fish out of water when they do go. Other people think they are too busy to look.
Since Lisa’s 30 Day Get Out There Challenge is all about getting you out from behind the computer and meeting men in every day life, let’s be clear. You CAN find men anywhere doing what you already do. This works best when you are living your life from a place of presence and joy. When you are happy with yourself, and your life, you will attract and be drawn to others who are also happy with themselves and their life. You connect without even trying by just being open. Of course, you must believe this is possible. However, it is helpful to have a little more guidance, so I offer you the following…
1. Choose venues where you can effectively meet people who can be likely potential partners. The more aligned the venue is with your interests and values, the higher rate of success you will experience.
2. Have an open mind about dating, enjoy the people you meet, and be present when dealing with people.
3. Be yourself. Stay true to yourself. This begins with knowing who you are, what you want, trusting that you will meet the right one for you, and committing to wait until you meet him. Until you do meet Mr. Right, evaluate each experience for the lesson that makes your life and search for your perfect partner richer.
4. Remember to smile. Smiling sends a message that you are open and welcome the opportunity to engage with another. Say hello. Initiate conversation and practice this art often. Don’t wait for someone to approach you. Remember how amazing you are!
5. Be willing to attend venues alone to scout out potential cuties. How romantic to meet Mr. Right in front of your favorite painting at the museum or watching underwater sea life at the aquarium. Open your mind to who looks interesting. You can learn so much from talking to people, so don’t narrow your vista to what you think is “your type.” That hasn’t worked so well for you in the past.
6. Stay open and receptive when in PUBLIC SETTINGS – the grocery store, post office, coffee shop, and work place, at the ball field where your children play sports, or the playground, beach, amusement parks. You can meet people anywhere; so do not discount these public places as a way to meet someone who could have your top requirements.
Beyond meeting men in every day life, you’ll want to put yourself out there in 3 specific venues:
GENERIC SINGLE EVENTS such as singles dances or single gatherings of any kind, personal ads, dating services, internet dating sites. You are getting a bit more specific where you will meet people who are single. If you are using a dating site, remember this is to find potentials and meet them. Get out from behind that computer once you’ve connected and make real contact.
SPECIAL INTEREST ACTIVITIES like ski club, hiking club, chess club or any club that is of interest to you, photography class, art class, etc. Here you can meet people who have more in common with you besides being single. It is also an opportunity to make friends and build a community of support even with people who are not single. Married people have single friends. Single friends have single friends, and so on.
HIGLY ALLIGNED COMMUNITIES that share your values, interests, goals, and passions like church communities, social activist groups, and spiritual organizations. This is also a great place to ask for help in meeting single friends from the members in these communities. By asking for help, and letting people know you are actively looking to find the right person for you, you increase the numbers of men to meet.
Part of finding Mr. Right is being a happy single who is living your life fully. When you are living life, enjoying your present moments and taking in life for the pure pleasure and experience it offers, you are in a far better position to meet your future love partner, one who also is happily living their life while waiting to meet you. Remember the law of attraction is always at work!
About The Expert
As a Relationship Intuitive and Love Strategist, Cheri Valentine has been cooking up recipes for attracting ideal relationships. She has successfully guided men and women through the maze of Relating, Dating & Mating on a transformational journey to love that is perfect for them. She is the creator of 90 Days 2 Love Attraction Collaborative and will be releasing her book, 90 Days 2 Love – Transforming Your Love Life from the Inside Out this fall. She can be found at http://www.cherivalentine.com/
Jennifer Gauvain and Anne Milford on 3 signs you need to call off your wedding
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 20, 2010 - 6:47 am
I often meet single women who are so singularly focused on finding a man they can marry that they lose all sense of reality and common sense. That’s why I’m soo excited to share this next article with you. I met Jennifer and Anne on Twitter, heard about their amazing book How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy, and just HAD to share their genius with you. So before you jump into the wrong relationship with both feet, read on…
As a relationship therapist and researcher, we’ve talked to hundreds of women who married the wrong guy for the wrong reason. What’s even more amazing is that every one of them knew they were making a mistake as they were walking down the aisle. What can we learn from their mistakes? If you hear yourself saying any of the following, it may be a sign that you need to call off your wedding or end your relationship:
“If it doesn’t work out, we can always get a divorce.”
If you are already thinking that divorce may be in your future, it should be a big red flag about the relationship. Divorce is a miserable, messy and expensive. The women we talked to said it was the most painful experience of their life. Even when YOU are the one serving the papers — it will be more stressful than you ever imagined. Don’t walk down the aisle with someone you’re not sure about.
“We’ve dated for so long; I don’t want to waste the time I’ve invested in the relationship.”
Don’t marry a guy just because you’ve dated him for a long time. Length of relationship does not equal healthy relationship. If you’ve been settling for a ho-hum, less than fulfilling romantic relationship, don’t turn it into a boring, unhappy marriage. He doesn’t have to be a liar and a cheater to be wrong for you.
“Things will get better after the wedding.”
What you see is what you get! Your relationship will not instantly change and improve after you get married. An unfaithful fiance will be an unfaithful husband. A short-tempered and dishonest boyfriend will be a short-tempered and dishonest groom. Don’t marry someone thinking they will change. If your groom-to-be has character traits or issues that you don’t like — don’t fool yourself into thinking they will magically disappear after your wedding.
While the women we talked to were very different, their reasons for going through with a mistaken marriage were surprisingly similar. We heard variations of these same three reasons over and over again. If you are telling yourself the same things, or believe that you may be marrying the wrong guy — you need to put the brakes on the wedding planning. Don’t say “I do” when you are thinking “I don’t!” For more reasons why women date and/or marry the wrong guy visit www.coldfeetpress.com.
About The Experts
Jennifer Gauvain, MSW, LCSW and Anne Milford are the authors of How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy: Is He the One or Should You Run? (Broadway/Random House, May 2010).
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