Bad Breakups Revisited: The Broken Hearted Club Weighs In
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 7, 2010 - 9:00 am
Think your breakup was bad? Curl up with your fellow breakup survivors to find out how other people got the boot…
“My ex broke up with me while I was out serving jury duty. He wrote me a one page letter and left it on my kitchen table so that I could see it when I got home from court. While I was in court serving jury duty, he was packing his things in his suitcase getting ready to go to the airport to fly from NYC to CA (where he is originally from). Later that afternoon I came home to find this one paged letter and an empty apartment. He is such a coward. He never even called me up to at least say sorry. We were in a relationship for over three years! I at least deserve an explanation. What I got was another really long letter via email a day later.”
- Brooke
“I had been in a four year relationship with a guy whom I fell in love with in almost an instant. While I was pregnant with his baby, I found out that he was hiding a serious drug problem from me. I helped him through detox and stuck by him through all of it. About seven months ago he cheated on me and again I forgave him. But in the end I had to break up because he got into harder drugs and I couldn’t have my baby being around all that. I am trying to get over this and be strong but the truth is, no matter how you break up or what it is over it still hurts!”
- Cherry
“Mr. Ex and I dated for almost a year and everything was great! We did everything together and had so much fun. He would shower me with beautiful gifts and I fell deeply in love with him. Then just last month we went to Vegas for vacation. We had the best time! But when we got back, he told me he wanted to explore his options and date other people. I cried for three weeks straight.”
- Carla
“When he can’t tell you everything, when he keeps his phone calls, emails and chats “too private,” when you have that gut feeling in your stomach that something’s not right – more often than not you are right! Trust issues are the worst obstacles. I should know! If you don’t trust your partner, you’ll find yourself too tired of playing Private Investigator all the time. End it while you still have your dignity intact. It’s hard but it’s the only way.”
- Lydia
“I was engaged to be married. We were together 5 years. Everything for the wedding was done and we had bought a house. He has a daughter from a previous relationship who I helped raise from the time she was 7. In June 2004, 2 weeks before my shower, he decided that he didn’t think it was going to work. He just called the whole thing off. Five months after what would have been our wedding day, he married another woman and had a baby six months later. As much as I hurt, I now realize how lucky I am. Marrying that liar would have been my biggest mistake.”
- Rosie
“I was dating this guy for five months and everything was absolutely amazing. We went places and spent almost every waking hour with each other. Then one day he just started acting kind of shady, like he didn’t want to be bothered with me anymore. Come to find out that he has this psycho baby mama that he lives with and when she found out about me, as she demanded he stopped seeing me. What was I supposed to do? They have a kid together. I had to let him go.”
- Delinda
“My ex and I were together for the best year-and-a-half of my life. We broke up because her negative family issues overwhelmed our relationship and hindered us from moving on with our lives together. I would never want to tear her away from them, but I wished she could have stopped being so dangerously co-dependent.”
- Mike
Now that you know you’re not alone, get hands-on help by picking up your very own copies of my books It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good! and It’s a Breakup, Not a Breakdown Workbook: A 21-Day Action Plan to Plot Your Revenge, Spoil Yourself, and Find Out How Good Your Life Is Without Him.
Want to share your story with me or ask me a question? Email ask@lisasteadman.com.
Breakup Rx/Movin’ On Tips @ SingleEdition.com
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on January 29, 2010 - 7:15 am
I was recently interviewed on SingleEdition.com.
In the interview, I dished on the 3 most important survival strategies women must follow after a breakup, if you can stay friends with your ex, and how to let go of all that post-breakup Boohoo and celebrate the Woohoo Within.
I also talked about the value of discovering your own resilience.
Here’s a snippet of the interview:
Q: What are 3 warning signs that a relationship is doomed from the start?
When there’s everyday drama, when you can’t openly and easily communicate, when you’re not equally invested in the relationship.
Q: Do you think women and men can/should be friends after a break up? Why or why not?
Men seem to be able to stay friends and still heal their hearts and date other people. Women can’t. We’re not wired that way. Our heart stays connected and that means we aren’t moving on. Bad news for us when we realize we’ve been holding out hope of reconciling and he’s already in a new relationship. Ouch!
Click here to read the full article.
From breakup Boohoo! to dating Woohoo!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on December 25, 2009 - 11:07 am
Yesterday, I got this amazing email from one of my Facebook friends. I just had to share it…
“I just can’t tell you how much your book, It’s a Breakup not a Breakdown has helped me through these horrible past two months! Without your wise, funny words, examples and ‘check-ins’ I think I would have lost my mind. My loving, committed, best friend ex of almost 5 years had been cheating on me for two years with a married neighbor down his street! After more drama than a mini-series, and going from angry to betrayed to utter depression and sadness, I’m slowly beginning to thrive–not mearly survive. In fact my Single and Ready to Mingle Movin’ On Party is scheduled for Sept. 22. And my Boo Hoo Crew is definitely now my Woo hoo’s!!!”
Hugs,
Anna
Here’s what I love about getting emails like this. It shows the resilience that lies within all of us. Even in the midst of excruciating heartbreak and betrayal, we can find a silver lining. We can also rise from the ashes of our old life, reinvent ourselves, and celebrate our metamorphosis. Woohoo!
It also illustrates the importance of building your success team. Anna has a supportive Boohoo Crew, AND she’s been doing the accountability exercises in my book.
Who’s on your success team?
What are YOU doing to heal your heart and move on?
Your healing won’t happen magically. You actually have to participate! That’s why I wrote my 21 day workbook. So you not only read about healing your heart, but you participate on a daily basis. This is ESSENTIAL to letting go of the past and stepping into your future.
If you’re REALLY ready to heal your heart, here are some easy ways to get started:
- Create those new boundaries with your ex
- Recruit your Boohoo Crew/Success team
- Spend time every day forgiving yourself, loving yourself, and engaging in nurturing activities
- Shift your focus from your ex’s future to what you want for YOUR future
- Reinvent your space, especially your bedroom
And if you REALLY want to accelerate your healing, get hands-on help, and work closely with me, sign up for my final Heal Your Heart 8 Week Group TeleClass of 2009. Here’s what you get:
- 8 weekly group calls led by me.
- Weekly materials including worksheets, tools, and tips to help you surmount any recovery hurdle.
- Access to an exclusive area of my message board for a rich and supportive community.
- A FREE copy of my workbook It’s A Breakup, Not A Breakdown Workbook: A 21 day plan to plot your revenge, spoil yourself, and find out how good life is without him.
- Discounts on my private coaching for added support.
But hurry — space in my teleclass is limited and it WILL SELL OUT.
To ensure your spot, sign up NOW!
As my gift to your healing and recovery, I want to offer you 25% off the class. Here’s how to redeem this generous offer:
- Visit my TeleClass page
- Click the Add to Cart button on the program you want
- Enter this coupon code on the next page: Lisa Gift
- Click Apply (you’ll see the discount applied) and then click Check-Out
It’s THAT easy to redeem your gift, save money, AND heal your heart!
To your success!
xoxo,
Lisa
Have you been “Turkey Dropped”?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on December 1, 2009 - 11:27 am
I just read this on npr.org. Click here to listen to the audio story on All Things Considered. And yes, I subscribe to kcrw, so I’m sure they don’t mind me re-purposing their material…
It’s not just turkeys that get nervous this time of year. Chances are high that a failing relationship will also meet its end during the holidays. That’s because it’s not just turkey season — it’s turkey drop season.
“The turkey drop is that holiday breakup season where all the college students return home for their first major vacation, and everyone breaks up,” Washington University junior Carly MacLeod tells guest host Robert Smith. She writes the romance column for the student newspaper.
It’s often freshmen who do the majority of the turkey dropping, MacLeod says. After three months living apart and making new friends, high school sweethearts reunite to find their long-distance relationship is more burden than they want. Upcoming finals add to the emotional stress. “Go home, hook up and break up is pretty much the pattern,” MacLeod says.
You’re not safe from the turkey drop if you’re out of college, either, according to relationship and sex advice guru Dan Savage. “For grown-ups,” he says, “it’s the anticipation of being stuck for three or four more months.
“You’re a cad if you break up around Christmas. And then there’s New Year’s — and you can’t dump somebody right around New Year’s. After that, if you don’t jump on it, is Valentine’s Day,” Savage says. “God forbid if their birthday should fall somewhere between November and February — then you’re really stuck.
“Thanksgiving is really when you have to pull the trigger if you’re not willing to tough it out through February.”
Both Savage and MacLeod speak from experience. MacLeod was turkey dropped her first year in college, by a boyfriend who told her the distance was too hard to handle. “He was still a senior in high school,” she says. “That one hurt even a little bit more than, I think, a regular breakup.”
Savage doesn’t have any advice to share from his breakup. “I’m actually bad at the turkey drop,” he says. “I had a turkey drop that was coming, and I fled the state.”
The 5 Stages of Breakup Recovery
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on October 19, 2009 - 1:59 am
Every breakup consists of five stages. Which stage are you in, or which stage do you most relate to?
Breakup Stage #1: Denial
Breakup Stage #2 – Anger
Breakup Stage #3 — Bargaining
Breakup Stage #4 — Sadness
Breakup Stage #5 — Acceptance:
