You don't have to be heartbroken to get it.

Welcome to The Savvy Single’s Guide to Flirting. Whether you’re a natural born lash-batter interested in brushing up on your skills or a novice looking to cultivate your come hither credentials, this is the year to embrace the fine art of flirting. Ready to get your flirt on? Let’s get started!

First, it’s important to acknowledge that flirting can happen anywhere, at any time, with anyone. From picking out produce (while picking up guys) at the grocery store to making casual conversation while standing in line for your latte to exchanging flirty glances at the dog park, you can — and should -– flirt daily! After all, practice makes perfect and to become a seasoned flirting pro, you should practice often.

Second, it’s equally important to know that flirting doesn’t have to lead anywhere. You can routinely flirt with cute strangers and never give them your name or number. By flirting regularly, you allow yourself to hone your flirting style so that when you do meet someone you’re interested in, you’ll have all the right moves. The result? He’ll ask for your number in no time. Score!

Now that you’re down with the importance of flirting daily, here are some tips to help cultivate your individual flirting style:

Be yourself (and always be prepared)
To flirt with confidence, you don’t need to channel Marilyn Monroe. Instead, it’s important to be yourself — your smart, sweet, sexy self, that is! And because flirting can happen anytime and anywhere, a seasoned flirter takes her cue from the Boy Scouts and is always be prepared, not to mention looking her best. That doesn’t mean wearing tons of makeup to the gym or stilettos to the supermarket. No, to be the best version of yourself, you should follow this simple rule: Always leave the house with the appropriate amount of makeup, hair styling, and cute & comfortable clothing for the day ahead of you. That way, if you happen to spot a cute stranger while running your Saturday errands or on the way home from work in the evening, you’re armed and ready to get your fabulous flirt on!

Make the most of your flirting moves
When you do find someone you’d like to flirt with, it’s time to use your best flirting moves. These include making eye contact and then looking away, offering a shy inviting smile, and playing with your hair. If the object of your flirtation approaches, let him do the initial talking and respond with subtle enthusiasm and confidence. Continue to make eye contact and smile. If he says something funny, be sure to laugh. That’s a definite ego boost for any guy who’s brave enough to approach a cute girl! Be sure to give him the occasional compliment to encourage him. Finally, if you’re enjoying the flirt fest and would like him to continue and/or ask for your number, find a reason to touch your guy. If you’re talking and want to emphasize a point, squeeze his arm. If he says something particularly amusing, laugh and lightly touch his hand or leg. These simple flirting moves tell the object of your flirtation that you’re interested, giving him the green light to ask for your number.

Don’t try too hard
Flirting is a subtle sport, and one that should not be played too aggressively. That begins with your appearance. Don’t wear something too provocative (i.e. low cut, too tight, too short, too revealing). It sends the wrong message that you’re not so much flirty as you are, well, easy. That’s actually an important distinction to make – the difference between flirting and being overtly sexual. Flirting should be light, fun, and casual whereas being overtly sexual entails using overly suggestive words and aggressive body language. Don’t make the mistake of trying too hard and being overtly sexual. Instead, relax, have fun, and be fabulously flirty!

Play the game (and play to win!)
Flirting is a game of cat and mouse. Just as you shouldn’t try too hard, you should also NOT do all of the work. Let the object of your flirtation pursue you, too. Make him work a little to get that pat on the arm and/or giggle. If your attention and affection come too easily, he’ll quickly lose interest. Remember, you’re a catch. Play the game by letting him try and catch you.

Leave him wanting more
Even if you’re having the time of your life, always, always, always, leave him wanting more. Cut the conversation or date short, using a variety of vague excuses that’ll make him wish he had just a few more minutes of your fabulous time. Excuse examples include:
“This has been fun but I really have to go.”
“Look at the time. I should get going.”
“It’s been great talking to you but I can’t stay any longer.”

By being just a little bit mysterious, your guy will go out of his way to try and see you again. If he hasn’t already, he’ll definitely ask for your number now that he feels you slipping away. And then it’s up to you whether or not you hand him your digits.

In 2008, the key to flirting lies in being yourself, practicing regularly, and making the most of your finely honed flirting moves. By becoming a seasoned pro, you greatly increase your chances of dating success because you’ve mastered the art of not only how to get a guy’s attention but how to play the game and leave him wanting more. Soon, you’ll be able to charm any prince who strikes your fancy. And in the meantime? Flirt away, Savvy Single!

---

Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

In the game of dating, there are many milestones to covet. The first amazing kiss. The first intimate encounter between the sheets. The first time you exchange those three little words I love you. But along the road to these major milestones, you first have to get past the first date. And if you decide you like someone on a first date, even the savviest single sometimes finds him or herself hoping (and praying) the other person feels the same way and secures a second date. While there is no one-size-fits-all formula for scoring a second date, the following are some tried-and-true tips for first date success in hopes of snagging a second:

Tip #1: Be yourself
First and foremost, it’s important to be yourself on a first date. Yes, you should put your best foot forward but you should NOT pretend to be somebody or something you’re not in hopes of impressing your date. In an effort to make your best first impression, wear something that makes you feel comfortable and cute and is activity-appropriate. For example, a short skirt on a rollerblading adventure is a definite no-no and so are Bermuda shorts at the fancy wine bar. When it comes to first date dress codes, follow this general rule: guys, don’t be too sloppy casual and ladies, avoid wearing something too risqué.

Tip #2: Have fun
While first dates can be nerve-racking, they should also be fun. You heard me — fun! By putting the fun back in first dates, you take the pressure off. So instead of worrying about where this might be going, sit back, relax, and give yourself permission to be your most fabulous self. That involves making eye contact, smiling, and engaging your date in casual conversation, not grilling them about their job security, relationship history, and credit report. There will be plenty of time to assess long-term compatibility if and when you decide to continue seeing one another. But on a first date? Flirt a little and just have fun!

Tip #3: Turn down your inner critic
The purpose of going on a first date is not to decide if you want to marry the person seated across from you at the bar, coffee house, or restaurant. It’s to discern if they’re worthy of a second date. So do yourself a favor and instead of obsessing about what went wrong on your last date or worrying about whether or not this particular date is The One, turn down your inner critic and just enjoy getting to know your date. Ask questions, and actually listen to their responses. Share things about yourself that are genuine in hopes of helping your date decide if they would like a second date with you as well. It’s important to remember that dating is a give-and-take and if you spend the entire date stuck in your own head with your inner critic babbling noisily, you’ll never actually enjoy the pleasure of your date’s company nor will you be able to make an educated decision about whether or not to green light a second date.

Tip #4: Leave your date wanting more
Just as you shouldn’t let a first date go too far physically, you should also avoid being emotionally slutty on a first date. There are certain subjects that are appropriate for first date conversations (where you grew up, what you do for a living, what you’re passionate about), while others should be saved for later (How many sexual partners you’ve had, the many ways your ex was a jerk, how your parents really screwed you up, etc. In fact, it’s just better if you permanently bench these baggage-heavy topics.). The purpose of the first date is not to tell your entire life story. Rather, it’s to provide a brief and honest glimpse of the incredible person you are and the amazing life you have so that the other person can decide if they want to know more.

Tip #5: Don’t play games
Just as you should be yourself on a first date, you should be equally genuine with your intentions and actions following it. If you’re interested in a second date, say so. But if you’re not, don’t string the other person along with the promise of a call that you’ll never actually make. And if the other person calls or emails you, practice common courtesy and respond promptly, regardless of whether or not you’d like to see them again. If their invitation for a second date doesn’t appeal to you, don’t play games. Instead, be honest but kind. After all, you never know when you’ll be on the receiving end of a similar call. And if you both agree to a second date? Success!

Ultimately, the key to scoring a second date is to relax and have fun on the first date. By being yourself, allowing yourself to get to know your date, and not participating in unnecessary games, you greatly increase your odds of dating success. At the end of the day remember this: just because one or both of you doesn’t pursue a second date doesn’t mean the experience was a waste of time. After all, practice makes perfect. And in order to eventually experience those major relationship milestones we all covet, it’s important to get plenty of practice in.

---

Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

Welcome to the latest installment of The Savvy Single’s Guide to Life. I want to talk about the importance of listening to your gut in dating and relationships and how being true to yourself ultimately cut down on wasted time. Sound good? Let’s get started!

Click on the play button below to hear the audio blog version!

How do I know if and when it’s time to break up?

There’s a lot of good in my relationship but the bad is unacceptable. What do I do?

I keep waiting for my partner to make the changes I need. How long do I wait? And what if they never change?

Chances are, at some point in your dating past or present one or more of the above questions has weighed heavily on your mind. The truth is, there’s no one size fits all answer for if and when to breakup. However, your gut knows what you want and need to do. It’s up to you to tune in, listen, and honor what you know is right for you. And while it’s admirable to hang in there, try to work it out, and make the best of your relationship, at some point you need to recognize when it’s better to cut your losses and move on rather than stick it out for another day, week, month, year. The following are some tips to help you tune in to what your gut is really saying.

Know what you want
So often I hear from people who feel they stayed too long in the wrong relationship, only to later regret all that wasted time. The best way to guarantee that you don’t waste time in the wrong relationship is to become clear about what you want before you get into a relationship. That starts with knowing your relationship requirements. What are relationship requirements? They are 10 non-negotiable traits, characteristics, and relationship must-haves that you’ve written down and use to screen potential partners. Even if you’re already in a relationship, go ahead and make your list of 10 non-negotiable requirements. If your current partner or person you’re dating doesn’t meet them (and is incapable of meeting them), that may be a clear indication that this is not the right person for you.

Become a red flag specialist
When we’re dating someone, unless they’re a serious con artist they reveal themselves to us through both words and actions. It’s up to us to pay attention. And it’s equally important to become a red flag specialist. What’s a red flag specialist? Someone who can easily and unemotionally identify a relationship red flag when it’s presented to them. Everyone’s red flags are different, and they’re based on your relationship requirements and core values. If your potential partner is consistently late, that could be a red flag. If your date claims to be smart, together, financially secure, etc., but their actions tell you a different story, your red flag alert system should sound the alarm.

Develop 20/20 vision
Rather than project a fantasy of who you’d like your partner to be, it’s essential that you take off any rose colored goggles you’re wearing and see the people you date for the individuals that they really and truly are. By being clear about your requirements and honing your ability to identify red flags as they are presented to you, you will cut down on wasted dating time and avoid getting into a relationship with someone who doesn’t meet your requirements.

Put a deadline on The Waiting Game
If you’re in a relationship and are waiting for your partner to make some changes (get a job, fix their finances, get out of their funk, etc.) before you decide whether to stay or go, put a deadline on your waiting game. And feel free to communicate the deadline to your partner. Let them know if you don’t see promised changes in a reasonable timeline, you’re not going to just hang around and wait for them to get their act together. You have needs, too, and they don’t involve putting off your life indefinitely while your partner tries to “figure things out.”

1, 2, 3 strikes you’re out
In baseball, there’s a reason you only get three strikes before you’re out. Otherwise, the game would go on and on, strike after strike, with no end in sight. Dating requires a similar rule — the Three Strikes Rule. If you play by the Three Strikes Rule, you give potential dates a margin of error without feeling taken advantage of. If your date is consistently late, doesn’t call when they say they’re going to, behaves inappropriately, or engages in any other unacceptable dating behavior, you reserve the right to call Strike One. And it’s important that you call them on it so that your strike system is clear. If they repeat the same behavior, Strike Two. And again, reiterate your needs, letting them know you’re not messing around. Strike Three? They’re out. It may sound and/or feel harsh at first, but if you really want to cut down on wasted dating time, you’ll listen to your gut and practice the Three Strikes Rule.

So there you have it. Five important tips to help you listen to your gut. By keeping these boundaries firmly intact, you’ll ultimately cut down on wasted time with the wrong person and improve your chances of meeting the right one.

Good luck and happy dating!

Need help figuring out your requirements?
Take advantage of my Relationship Readiness Coaching Package featuring five individual coaching sessions for just $200. That’s a 35% savings! For more details, email Lisa@BreakupChronicles.com.

---

Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

Click the Play button to hear my audio commentary! (NEW FEATURE)

For many singles, February 14th instills fear, dread, and the pressure to find someone, anyone, to partner up with. But this Valentine’s Day, The Breakup Chronicles encourages single people everywhere to give thanks for the ones who got away. The following are some do’s and don’ts for getting thru the Valentine’s Day blues:

Do: Give thanks for the ones who got away
In addition to celebrating the love in your life, give thanks for the ones who are no longer here. Even if you have yet to meet the love of your life, in letting go of those old relationships you have given yourself permission to be your most fabulous self. And in doing so, you’re bound to meet someone who’s better suited for you.

Don’t: Feel sorry for yourself if you don’t have an S.O.
Pity parties are SO last year. This is the year of you, fabulous you! If you happen to be single, celebrate. Remember - even though it may sometimes feel like it, being single is not terminal. It’s terrific! But it’s up to you to make the most of it. And you do that by being your most authentic and amazing self. And being open to the endless possibilities.

Do: Celebrate the love in your life
Whether it’s romantic love, true friendships, that unshakable bond between you and your pets, or the love you have for your family, this Valentine’s Day it’s important to take a look around and realize just how lucky you are. Maybe Mr. or Ms. Right hasn’t found you yet. But you know what? You are loved. When you celebrate that, it shows. (And you never know who might be watching and falling for you!)

Don’t: Buy generic candy or flowers
You don’t have to have a significant other to celebrate on February 14th. But you do need to use your imagination. Instead of recruiting your girlfriends to pay for an overpriced standard menu at a fancy restaurant or sending each other generic candy or flowers, get creative! Invite your gal pals over for a potluck and cocktails. Or go out for a night of disco bowling! Or if you feel like being alone, rent a favorite non-romantic movie and watch it in your pajamas while eating greasy Chinese takeout. And give thanks that Mr. Wrong isn’t there to Bogart the spring rolls!

Do: Flirt with strangers
Just like every other day of the year, flirting is a must! You never know what can happen. An innocent flirtation can boost your ego, brighten your day, and/or possibly turn into a coffee date that may lead to a budding romance. Come on – take a chance!

Don’t: Spend your night online
We have 364 other perfectly acceptable days and nights to find a date or chat with other savvy singles online. On Valentine’s Day, take the night off. Trust that if there’s somebody out there in cyberspace for you, they’ll be there on February 15th. And 16th. And so on.

Do: Give to charity
Instead of buying meaningless gifts for friends or loved ones this Valentine’s Day, why not give the gift of charity? Find a cause close to your heart. Doing something good for others will take the focus off of the Hallmark holiday and boost your single spirit for sure!

Don’t: Put too much stock in one day
And one last tip. Remember that Valentine’s Day is but once a year. It does not define. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’ll never find love or have a successful relationship (it only takes one!). Today more than ever, it’s important to maintain perspective.

---

Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

Click the play button to hear audio commentary on this entry.

Raise your hand if you’re looking for love (or at least dating success) in 2008. Go ahead — raise ‘em. Congratulations! You’re one step closer to achieving that success. And in an effort to maximize your dating and mating success in 2008, I want to talk about the importance of taking risks. No, I’m not talking about dating an ex-con, falling back into bed with your ex because so far nobody better has come along, or trying your hand at dating a married man. I’m talking about taking calculated dating risks, risks that get you out of your comfort zone and into target rich environments on a regular basis. By taking calculated risks, you exponentially increase your likelihood of dating and mating success. Read on for details.

Multi-tasking = multi-dating
Thankfully, gone are the days of sitting at home alone on a Saturday night, knitting, watching TV, eating Ben & Jerry’s, and wishing you had a date. In 2008, you’re going to put your natural born multitasking skills to work in the dating arena. Yes, you’re going to join an online dating site (or 10) and actively pursue potential matches. But you’re also going to get up from behind that computer, put on your most bootylicious jeans, and go out on Saturday nights with your girlfriends (in target rich environments no less!). You’re going to attend singles events on a regular basis this year, not to mention recruit your happily hooked up male and female friends to be on the lookout for a cutie for you. Plus, you’re going to start flirting with strangers on a regular basis (more on that later) so that you can get comfortable with your personal flirting style.

Target rich environments
Say it loud, say it proud — I will put myself in target rich environments as often as possible in 2008! Now repeat that mantra on a daily basis and be sure to follow it. What’s a target rich environment? Any location where plenty of potential partners, a.k.a. single men with shared interests can be found. Chances are, your living room doesn’t count. Neither does your car, your cubicle, or your book club. So where exactly do you encounter the kind of guy you could be into? Only you’ll know for sure but again, think about target rich environments in a calculated way. If you’re a culture junkie, try a museum on Saturday afternoon, that new jazz club on Friday night, or a fund-raising event for the arts. If you dig the outdoors, sign up for a sailing class, join the Sierra Club, or recruit your gal pals and have a picnic in a local park on Sunday afternoon. You get the idea. In 2008 it’s essential to get outside your comfort zone and into a target rich environment. ASAP!

Flirt with strangers
Let’s face it. Trolling the online dating sites on a Friday night is getting old. In 2008, you’re going to flirt with actual live human beings. On a regular basis, no less! Here’s how. In addition to going to work, the gym, and home each day, you’re going to find a way in your daily routine to talk to/flirt with a stranger. Sound scary? It’s not. Again, this is about calculated risk. I’m not asking you to approach a strange man in a dark parking lot at midnight by yourself. I’m asking you to take your self-imposed blinders off long enough to see that there are men everywhere. You heard me - everywhere! This is so easy for us to forget, but so unbelievably important to remind ourselves. Think about it. When you go to the grocery store, the bookstore, Starbucks, the dry cleaners, the gym, or even in the elevator at work, there are usually men there. They may not all be single men. They may not all be cute men. They may not all be interested in you. But plain and simple, they are men. And in order to attract somebody fabulous, you’ve got to get comfortable talking to the opposite sex, starting with the men in your everyday life. The next time you’re in an elevator, or waiting for the light to change at the corner, or picking out produce and there happens to be a man nearby, you’re going to strike up a conversation. It doesn’t have to be witty. It doesn’t even have to be flirty. It just has to kick start your practice of talking to the men in your everyday life. A simple Hi, Do you know what time it is?, or Beautiful day, isn’t it? will suffice. This isn’t rocket science. It’s calculated conversation. And you’re going to get good at it. Someday soon, you may even enjoy it!

Date more than one person at once
Right about now you may be thinking, But I can’t even find one person I want to date, let alone multiple partners! Here’s the deal. In 2008, you’re going to date like you’ve never dated before. You’re going to go on coffee dates, speed dates, blind dates, etc. And you’re not going to wait to see how you feel about one date before booking another with someone else. Dating is a numbers game and you’ve got to be in it to win it! So go ahead and say yes to that lunch date with the cute guy who works in your building while still making a coffee date with that cutie you met online. By juggling multiple dates, you not only get a lot of practice in but you also take the pressure off the importance of any one particular date. And that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy them all.

Turn down your inner critic
Okay, you’re putting yourself out there in 2008. You’re multitasking and multi-dating with the best of them. There’s just one more risk you need to take, and that involves turning down the volume on your inner critic. Your inner critic is that evil awful voice that whispers in your ear throughout dates. It’s the one that points out all of the guy’s flaws and all of the reasons why he’s not right for you without considering his good qualities or the reasons why he might be great for you. TURN THAT VOICE DOWN. Right now. Trust me — this is not the same as ignoring red flags. In fact, by turning down the volume on your inner critic you’ll be better equipped to notice red flags because you’re not so distracted by the incessant negative chatter going through your head throughout your dates.

Now that you know the importance of taking calculated risks, your 2008 dating future looks promising. When in doubt, refer to this article. Always remember that dating is a numbers game, and in order to be successful you have to put yourself out there, actively participate, take calculated risks, and try to have fun.

Good luck and happy dating!

---

Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

Click the play button to hear audio commentary on this entry.

Welcome to your 2008 crash course in living and loving your life as a savvy single. Whether you know it or not, there’s so much to be thankful for. Freedom of speech. Freedom to date. The right to vote. The right to flirt! The opportunity to fall in love — again or for the very first time. And most important of all, the opportunity to live and love our lives as they right now. Regardless of where you are along your path to happily ever after, your life is pretty magnificent. The only thing that’s truly lacking may be your ability to see it that way. If that’s the case, it’s time to tweak your perspective.

In creating a life that you love, you exponentially increase the likelihood that you will attract a more suitable partner. Maybe that person will be the love of your life. Or maybe they’ll be someone you date briefly along the road to happily ever after. Either way, the experience will be rewarding.

Unsure how to live and love your life? The following are a few tips:

Tip #1: Clear out mental/emotional clutter
Hung up on an ex? Stuck in a negative emotional space? Paralyzed by some kind of fear? Your mission is to clear out any residual mental/emotional clutter you may be clinging to. It’s the clutter that may be holding you back from a life you can truly live and love. So do yourself a favor and take an inventory of your emotional baggage. Then repeat after me: I deserve to live and love my life as it is right now!

Tip #2: Keep a gratitude journal
While there will always be something we wish we could change (our bodies, our debt, our job, etc.), it’s important to make peace with our lives as they are right now. That doesn’t mean you can’t strive for change. It just means you need to take time to be grateful for your life right now. Every day, write down five things you are grateful for. You can start with this: I am grateful for my life as it is right now!

Tip #3: Be honest about what you want
Having trouble living and loving your life? The next step in living and loving your life is to be honest about what you truly desire in life. Want to find real and lasting love? Make it a priority! Want to change jobs? Work towards making it happen. Want to pay off debt or go back to school? Make a plan and go for it. And repeat after me: I owe it to myself to go after what I really want!

Tip #4: Break up with limiting relationship beliefs
Take a quick survey of your past relationships. What do they have in common? Aside from the fact that they all ended, the other common denominator is you. No, I’m not saying you’re the problem. But you may have some limiting relationship beliefs that are hindering your ability to have a successful long-term loving relationship. I’ll show you how to break up with these beliefs in the coming months. For now, repeat this: I am ready, willing, and able to kick my limiting relationship beliefs to the curb!

Tip #5: Create a new love/life vocabulary
Are you stuck in relationship limbo because you just can’t visualize healthy, whole love? Then it’s time for you to create a new love vocabulary. Here’s how. Write down a few current beliefs about love. For example, you may believe love is hard. Now, replace that negative vocabulary with positive vocabulary, i.e. love is beautiful. Repeat this exercise every day for 30 days. You’ll be surprised at how your outlook can change in just one month.

Congratulations! You are now five tips closer to living and loving your life as a savvy single. Each month, I’ll bring you additional tips and tools to help you make your quality of life that much more enjoyable. Remember, in creating a life that you love, you constantly attract the love of your life. Love that!

---

Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."