You don't have to be heartbroken to get it.

It’s a dating jungle out there, as frequent contributor LJMaggie has recently been reminded of…

I am not really sure right now. Things with the Single Dad were going along really good. Every time we were together we had fun and enjoyed each other’s company. I wasn’t sure where things were going but excited about the possibilities. That was all until a week ago. We shared another great night together, laughing listening to music and falling asleep in each other’s arms. And now I haven’t heard from him in over a week. I honestly couldn’t tell you why either. I keep going over everything in my head trying to figure it out and I can’t. I called once after the holiday to see how his weekend was and nothing. Then the other day I sent him a text because I am genuinely worried and wanted to know if things are okay and still nothing. I am not really sure what to do.

When I sought advice from a couple of trusted guy friends of mine, they didn’t know what to think either. But they did tell me I should just lay low for a while and even move on. The more I look back on certain actions, I realize I might have thought it could be more than it was. It was hard to face that reality but it is something I have to accept. I am still worried about him because I haven’t heard anything but know I can’t wait around.

The recent events have made me realize it is time to focus on me. I recently launched my website and yesterday I colored my hair completely different. I just went into the salon with a picture and said I need a change. It is a little scary but also very exciting. I have to take time to get to know myself again and listen to Mercy by Duffy.

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LJ Maggie was conceived in a small rural town in Wisconsin, where she was the only girl of 4. Growing up with 4 men in the house accounts for her strange sense of humor and independence. Through various career changes and much soul searching, she has found her true passions, music and writing, combining the two whenever she gets a chance. Her friends admire her for her strength, independence and courage to go after her dreams. Inspiration for all of her work comes from various stages and situation in her life. She is currently working on her first novel loosely based the relationship with The EX.

Contributor LJMaggie ponders the pros and cons of multi-dating in front of millions…

Tonight I was watching the recap of The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All. I will admit I am a bit of a reality junkie. Last season I watched The Bachelor as he didn’t choose either woman. So naturally I got hooked into this season of The Bachelorette to see the type of person DeAnna (one of the girls The Bachelor didn’t choose) would pick in the end. It has also been a long time since ABC has had a Bachelorette. It got me thinking about how lucky this girl is to date that many men at once in hopes to weed out the bad seeds from the good ones. Granted she is doing it in front of millions of viewers each week but she is taking full advantage of multi dating. What if all of us could be like the Bachelorette, date 25 guys at once and each week have our own rose ceremony? These guys would go into the situation knowing exactly what was involved. They would know going in, this wonderful woman they want to win over is also dating others. Would the guys still play games in order to win that girl over? Would they forget to call when they say they would? Would they go out of their way to plan the perfect date? Would they tell that woman exactly how they felt?

And what if we were that woman? Would we stay guarded with our feelings?  Would we still bring in experiences from past relationships? Would we be able to have separate relationships with all of them? Would we be able to narrow it down to just one? And if we were able to pick one, how would we know it was the right one in a few short months?

Men multi date all of the time, sometimes without us women knowing about it. We as women have a little bit harder time with it, as we are a bit more emotional than the men. I give DeAnna props for multi dating on national television. I am writing this the Saturday before the season finale when we find out who she picks. My personal pick for her is Jason, the single dad. What can I say I have a soft side for single dads. Like DeAnna said when she saw Jason with his son, “It just made my heart melt.”

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LJ Maggie was conceived in a small rural town in Wisconsin, where she was the only girl of 4. Growing up with 4 men in the house accounts for her strange sense of humor and independence. Through various career changes and much soul searching, she has found her true passions, music and writing, combining the two whenever she gets a chance. Her friends admire her for her strength, independence and courage to go after her dreams. Inspiration for all of her work comes from various stages and situation in her life. She is currently working on her first novel loosely based the relationship with The EX.

I’m a big believer in multi-dating! It definitely takes the pressure off any given date, as frequent contributor LJ Maggie can attest…

Not much has happened since I revealed my feelings to the crush. I have seen and talked to him in the weeks since but the relationship issue hasn’t come up again. And I am not one to wait around for anyone.

In trying to forget about the crush, I managed to line up three dates in one week. How it happened I am still not sure. And since I am a gambling woman I figured those were pretty good odds of one of them working out.  Two of the guys I met on Craigslist (Hey I met the crush through Craigslist but then again I also met The EX there, too) and the third guy I met on Chemistry.

Date One (CL Guy #1): We met up at the local movie theatre to see the highly anticipated Indiana Jones movie. He used to work in movie production and I am a writer, sounded like a good date right? Well the movie and the date were not that great. Throughout the movie he would make random comments about the movie and touch my leg while doing it.  It was okay the first couple of times but he did that a dozen times. Not exactly proper movie watching etiquette. I shouldn’t have totally dismissed him because of that but he also said he doesn’t like to wear anything other than T-shirts and shorts. Remember from my earlier posting, Back to the Game, I turned someone else away for that same reason.

Date Two (Chemistry Guy): We had been trying to figure out a good time to meet in person, we had been talking and texting each other for two weeks already. He had invited me to come over to his house and he was going to make me dinner. Going to a guy’s house on the first date is a little risky and mom would not approve (she actually didn’t when I told her the day after the date). But he is a single dad and from the conversations we had I just had this good feeling about him. When I got to his house there was a grilled feast that I wanted to eat all of but I remained a lady. We talked and watched a couple of movies before falling asleep in each other’s arms. It was a great first date. The next morning he had to leave for a couple of meetings but told me I could stay as long as I wanted and would call me later.  He did end up calling me the following day asking for a second date.

Date Three (CL Guy #2): I should have cancelled this date. I did once before because I wasn’t sure about this guy and should have stuck with my gut. But being the nice person I am, I gave him a chance. This date was just as bad as the one earlier in the week, if not worse. We decided to meet at the movie theatre and just decide on a movie when we got there.  There were only two movies that weren’t sold out when we got there. One was action the other was romantic comedy. I told him he could decide, shouldn’t be hard right? Well it was for him and I chose the movie which he ended up snoring in the middle of. Oh yes he was snoring and I had to nudge him to wake him up. We were watching an action movie, seriously how can you sleep in the middle of that? Oh yes I dismissed this guy.

The funny thing about the week was the only guy whose number I saved in my phone before the dates was the single dad from date #2. Must have been a sign.

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LJ Maggie was conceived in a small rural town in Wisconsin, where she was the only girl of 4. Growing up with 4 men in the house accounts for her strange sense of humor and independence. Through various career changes and much soul searching, she has found her true passions, music and writing, combining the two whenever she gets a chance. Her friends admire her for her strength, independence and courage to go after her dreams. Inspiration for all of her work comes from various stages and situation in her life. She is currently working on her first novel loosely based the relationship with The EX.

I recently received this breakup story from a girl who may have learned her lessons the hard way, but now understands that change starts with her. You know what they say — hindsight is always 2020…

“I started seeing this guy after leaving a very dangerous and rocky relationship. He was the best and it was something that I have never experenced before. After about 4 months, out of the blue he ended things and got with someone else. When we broke up, I tried to understand why and what I did wrong. I eventually had to realize that I didn’t do anything wrong. I did everything I was supposed to do. I loved him with all I had. He kept me strung along for months. We would talk on a normal basis and he felt that he needed to check up on me. Of course when his new girlfriend broke up with him, he came running to me and to my bed. I let him in and continued to do so until one day I woke up and realized that I had to stop. I cut him out of my life completely because it wasn’t worth going through the hurt again. I refused to be the bed warmer and the shoulder to cry on. He came to me because he knew that I had a soft place in my heart for him and he used me and I allowed it to happen but I put an end to it. One day he will realize that he had it all with me and by then it will be too late.”
- A Recovered Heart in the Heartland

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

Frequent contributor LJ Maggie discovers that closure comes with a cost…

I broke the number one rule of getting over a breakup, “Stop all communication with THE EX.”

We broke up ten months ago and haven’t seen or talked to each other in eight. Yes I know I shouldn’t have talked to him after the break up but it happens, I had a weak moment.

But lately I haven’t talked to him and was really good about it until about three weeks ago when he sent me a message online. I thought enough time had gone by and we could be civil with each other. We were having a great conversation and he was being really nice.  Before I knew it I was inviting him to come over the next morning. I honestly didn’t think he would show up but at 8am he was there and we were cuddling like we used to. I won’t lie it was nice to feel his arms around me again. Feel his touch and soft kisses on my back. We ended up laying there for two hours before both of us had to leave for work. On my drive in he called to tell me how nice it was to see me and he had noticed I was losing weight and looked good. Coming from him, this was huge because he rarely said anything like that when we were together. I thought “Wow maybe he has changed and we could do this again.” All I could think about all day was the morning we had spent together and it made me smile. Maybe we could try this again.

But he squashed that thought as quickly as he put it there. The day after that morning we were talking online and the conversation was good aside from his usual annoying comments. Then he admitted that he is still with one of his exes. Someone he was with before we met. What he had never told me until that afternoon was he has been with this girl for two years.

What???

If he was telling the truth he had been lying to me since the first day we met. We dated for six months and broke up ten months ago. You do the math. He was seeing someone when we first met even though he told me he had been single for six months. When I asked him if he was being serious, he said yes it was all true. I told him thanks for finally admitting that he is a liar and a cheat. I also told him he has no regard for people’s emotions and I never wanted to see or talk to him again. It was then I realized he will never change and will continue to do this to women as long as he can get away with it. It is a game to him, messing with emotions and he never feels he is in the wrong. It was the last little knife he was driving into my heart but I am not letting it affect me. I am getting past this and erasing him from my life for good.

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LJ Maggie was conceived in a small rural town in Wisconsin, where she was the only girl of 4. Growing up with 4 men in the house accounts for her strange sense of humor and independence. Through various career changes and much soul searching, she has found her true passions, music and writing, combining the two whenever she gets a chance. Her friends admire her for her strength, independence and courage to go after her dreams. Inspiration for all of her work comes from various stages and situation in her life. She is currently working on her first novel loosely based the relationship with The EX.

Let’s hear it for our gal LJ Maggie! She recently went out on a limb and confessed her crush. I know how hard that is, having been there myself. Read on…

Just Do It, the infamous Nike Slogan. It tells all athletes just to go for it, no matter what obstacle is in your way. Dating should have the same slogan but many of us are scared of rejection. Fear of being rejected by that one person that makes your heart do a little dance, makes you smile on a bad day, and you can’t wait to hear from.  Many of us are afraid to tell that one person how we really feel about them. There are a few of us brave and courageous ones who bite the bullet, tell that person and live happily ever after.

I have been brave and courageous twice. The first time was four years ago when I told a very good guy friend of mine that I had feelings for him. I had gotten a strange stomach a few months before when he was telling me about these two women he was dating. I couldn’t explain it or why but my friends said “It’s about time”. They had known before I did that something was there. After I told him through email (we were exchanging emails one day and it came out), things were a little awkward. We tried to act like nothing was said but it was something neither one of us could ignore. A few months later I told him I was moving to California, that is when his true feelings came out. He didn’t want me to move and was being even more affectionate than ever. When I moved he didn’t talk to me for two months, which was hard because we were such good friends. I was having a hard time adjusting to my new home and being away from everyone I cared about and all I wanted was my good friend. Anytime I would go back home to visit we would plan a date and he would always ask me to move back. When I asked him to move to California to be with me he said he couldn’t because he was comfortable in the Midwest. We both know if we lived in the same state we would be together, but we have accepted the other’s desire to go after their dreams.

The second time I was brave and courageous to tell someone I wanted a relationship was two weeks ago. When we first met a little over a year ago, the thought of a serious relationship was never in the picture. Since then we have been ‘friends’ seeing each other every couple of weeks and emailing or texting when we can. I will admit I did have thoughts of a serious relationship with him before but quickly dismissed it. Then two weeks ago I went to hang out with him the topic came up very randomly. He had been scanning a number of his childhood pictures into his computer because as he put it, “I want to be able to show this to my child someday”. That comment alone took me by surprise because I never thought of him wanting kids and that is how the mention of relationship came up. He had told me about his desire to settle down not only for him but to make his parents happy. He had told me about his search for a wife and it involved women from other countries. He made a comment about how hard it is to find an American woman that fits what he is looking for. When I answered “Thanks”, he replied “I didn’t mean it that way, besides you don’t want me for a boyfriend.” That is when I went ‘balls out’ and told him I would want him as a boyfriend. He didn’t think I was that type of girl, which I am guessing is because of the type of relationship we have. I did tell him I am that type of girl and I would like a relationship with him.

I am not sure what will happen, the conversation was random and just slightly awkward. Hopefully it won’t change things between us because he is a great guy. But if it does change things I hope it is us taking our relationship to the next level.

We’re cheering you on, LJ! Good luck, and congrats on being so brave and bold! It takes a lot of guts. You should be very proud of yourself.

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LJ Maggie was conceived in a small rural town in Wisconsin, where she was the only girl of 4. Growing up with 4 men in the house accounts for her strange sense of humor and independence. Through various career changes and much soul searching, she has found her true passions, music and writing, combining the two whenever she gets a chance. Her friends admire her for her strength, independence and courage to go after her dreams. Inspiration for all of her work comes from various stages and situation in her life. She is currently working on her first novel loosely based the relationship with The EX.

And now back to the ongoing dating adventures of LJ Maggie…

Sorry everyone it has been a while since I have last posted. I had a minor injury that sidelined my writing and dating. I also figured it would be good to take a break from dating, get my head together.

When I did get back into dating, I realized I should have stayed on a break.  A guy I met shortly after my breakup with THE EX, contacted me again after 3 months of nothing. We started talking again and he said he wanted to start dating me. I will admit I did consider it but very briefly. He quickly reminded me why we stopped talking months before, he is very flaky. He was planning dates with me but then would flake. Tell me he was going to call and then days would go by with nothing. Seriously this guy wanted a relationship with me and couldn’t even respect me enough to call and cancel a date. Next please.

I went on another date with someone I had met online. We had a lot in common, same strange sense of humor, same music and both liked to text. He seemed very cool, that was until we met. It was an inpromtu dinner date. We decided to meet up at the restaurant and when I got there, he was not what I expected. He was at least 3 inches shorter than me and looked like he was 12.  He even sounded like he was really young and when he was carded his ID said he was a year older than me. When he politely walked and we were saying our goodbyes, he pulled me close to him to kiss him. I moved my face to the side so he got my cheek instead of my lips. Then he tried to pull me closer to him, and even had me drive him to his car so he could attempt to kiss me again.  This guy was not giving up, at least not that night. But I think since I never responded to his texts I got in the days that followed he got the hint I was not interested. 

Then I had another one I met through chemistry claimed he was from Los Angeles but when I talked to him further he said he lives in Liverpool. When he finally did call me he didn’t sound like he was from either place. I stopped talking to him but he was insist on trying to contact me. He didn’t even get the hint after he tried calling 5 times in a row, and no I am not exaggerating, I had 5 missed calls from him within a matter of five minutes. And finally when I told him to stop and he wanted to know why. When I explained it didn’t feel right for me, he was still trying to state his case.  Most guys would have gotten the hint after I started ignoring his calls, no this one was still trying.

Seriously where are the normal guys?

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LJ Maggie was conceived in a small rural town in Wisconsin, where she was the only girl of 4. Growing up with 4 men in the house accounts for her strange sense of humor and independence. Through various career changes and much soul searching, she has found her true passions, music and writing, combining the two whenever she gets a chance. Her friends admire her for her strength, independence and courage to go after her dreams. Inspiration for all of her work comes from various stages and situation in her life. She is currently working on her first novel loosely based the relationship with The EX.

If you tune into this blog on a regular basis, you know that I’m a firm believer in the transformational power of travel. Many years ago, travel helped me heal my broken heart. Since that life-altering trip to Buenos Aires, I have encouraged every woman I know to get out there and see the world.

Turns out, I’m not the only faithful follower preaching travel to the ladies. In the past year alone, four dedicated journey women have published five different travel guides specifically designed for gals. None of these books are organized like a traditional travel guide. The pages don’t lay out countries and cities by chronology or geography, but by theme. This makes it easy to find a mountain spa to sooth your heavy heart. Perhaps it’s a shopping spree in a cosmopolitan city that will help you forget your EX. On the other hand, maybe a sacred pilgrimage to a holy woman-centered shrine will uplift your spirit and help you find the strength to carry on in your newly single state. Or maybe none of these options will do. Maybe what you really need to overcome your relationship blues is to go to Brazil and get a real Brazilian bikini wax!

It doesn’t really matter what sort of trip will help your shattered dreams heal. The point is that a big trip can help you transform your heartache into something empowering and good, and this new breed of travel guide can help you get there. If you’ve been thinking about planning your own global get away to break out of your break up funk, spend your next Friday night at your local bookstore hanging out in the travel section.

Here are the authors you need to scout and the books you need to consult:

The 50 Best Girlfriend Getaways in North America by Marybeth Bond

Fly Solo: The 50 Best Places on Earth for a Girl to Travel Alone by Teresa Rodriguez Williamson

Wanderlust and Lipstick: The Essential Guide for Women Traveling Solo by Beth Whitman

100 Places Every Woman Should Go by Stephanie Elizondo Griest

And if you’re looking for more travel guidance from any one of these travel gals, check out my interview with all of them.

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Kelly Westhoff is a writer and editor from Minnesota who firmly believes in the transformational power of travel. She has survived a cockroach attack in Guatemala, the plucking of her leg hairs in Vietnam and too many dubious bathroom situations to ever count. See more of her work at KellyWesthoff.com.

As usual, contributor Kelly Westhoff has travel and relationships on the brain. Before you embark on your next fantastic voyage with Mr. or Ms. Maybe, read on…

So you’ve got a new man (or woman) in your life. Things are going well. The relationship is progressing. And then he (or she) suggests a long weekend away. A trip. Together.

How do you know what time is the right time to travel with a potential new love?

That’s a hard one to answer. I’ve never heard a dating rule that states two months is too soon for a weekend away. And unfortunately, many of us are so over-stressed and over-worked that we are seduced by the mere idea of a mini-vacation. Five whole days away from the office? Upstate B&B? Cancun all-inclusive? Sign me up!

Yet many a romantic rendezvous have gone terribly wrong. Instead of strengthening a new relationship, plenty of first trips have signaled the end.

For many couples, the determining make-or-break travel factors come down to money and expectations, says Nadine Nardi Davidson, author of Travel with Others Without Wishing They’d Stayed Home.

Let’s tackle the money part first. If you’re toying with the idea of a romantic first trip, you’ve probably given some thought to the final bill.

Travel adds up and unless you’re dating a sugar daddy, financial toes are bound to get stepped on. One of you probably brings home more bacon, one of you probably deals with a tighter budget, and there are so, so many ways a travel bill can compound. First class or economy? Buffet or sit down? Guided day tour of area ruins or free day at the beach?

Davidson suggests couples talk about how they plan to split travel costs before ever getting on the plane. If you agree to split the cost of the room in a conversation, protect your credit card and your emotions by following up your conversation with an email. Write something like:

I just want to make sure that I remember what we planned. The hotel is $85 a night and we’re staying three nights so our total bill will be $255. That’s pre-tax and we agreed to split it.

Putting your money expectations into writing gives both parties a chance to “see” the numbers as opposed to just talking about them. It also gives you a chance to make sure you understand one another.

Couples also run into travel problems because they want to different things while on vacation. Maybe she wants to shop for souvenirs. Maybe he wants to go deep sea fishing.

Arguments over how to pass a vacation day can often sound like fights over money. He might say that souvenirs are a waste of cash and she might counter that deep sea fishing costs more than a couple of t-shirts. However, the underlying issue, Davidson says, isn’t money. It’s the value you each place on different activities.

Deep sea fishing is adventurous and outdoors. Shopping is usually indoors and – let’s face it – not an extreme sport. The couple arguing over these two vacation activities isn’t bickering over how to spend money, Davidson explains, but over how to spend time.

Davidson has devised a fun little quiz designed to reveal your inner travel desires so that couples who are new to traveling with one another can map out their traveler profiles before ever going away together. The quiz is posted on Davidson’s website, along with the nine different traveler profiles that she has identified. Before making the romantic travel leap, print out a copy and quiz your honey.

Don’t fret if your travel scores don’t totally match. Let him go deep sea fishing. You’ll have more fun shopping for souvenirs without him. And besides. It’s a vacation. You should each get to do something that relaxes you.

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Kelly Westhoff is a writer and editor from Minnesota who firmly believes in the transformational power of travel. She has survived a cockroach attack in Guatemala, the plucking of her leg hairs in Vietnam and too many dubious bathroom situations to ever count. See more of her work at KellyWesthoff.com.