You don't have to be heartbroken to get it.

Forbsey writes: My girlfriend of 3 years recently broke up with me. She was my first love, I had been in love with her for a good 6 years as we were best friends at school though she never saw me that way. I helped her through her first serious breakup and 3 months later she realised she wanted me. We have been through alot, a miscarriage, her ex boyfriend always being around trying to get her back but through all of it we stayed strong and loved each other. No cheating ever happened and we had it all. Suddenly she said that she wants to be with me forever but not for now and maybe in a year we will get back. It was so sudden!! I cry all the time and it’s been a month already.

Lisa writes: Avalanche breakups are especially tough because we just don’t see them coming! If you’re still shaking your head and wondering why?, chances are your breakup was an avalanche. And it’s no wonder you sometimes feel like you can’t breathe. You’ve just been emotionally buried! In the case of an avalanche breakup, you may also be feeling betrayed, irrational, devastated, angry.

To add insult to injury, your ex has left the door open for the possibility of a future relationship. Typically, when someone tells us they want to be with us, just not right now, it’s their way of trying to let us down easily. But the truth is, it leaves us hanging because we’re expecting a future with them. It gives us no closure, and no ability to move on.

You deserve to move on! But it’s up to you. Take it day by day. Avoid contact with your ex. And remind yourself that you deserve healthy and happy love in your life. If your ex can’t give it to you, someone else eventually will. But you first have to heal your broken heart and ready yourself for a whole relationship.

If you don’t have a Boo-Hoo Crew, get one. Or join the message board and share your story with other breakup survivors. It’s so important to have a support system right now!

Give it time. It will get easier. And in the meantime, celebrate your slump. It’s okay to cry, mourn, grieve. You’ll know when you’re done celebrating your slump. But for now, embrace the slump!

Good luck and happy healing!

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

I absolutely love this story by contributor Kelly Westhoff! Maybe it’s because it reminds me of my own solo travels following a breakup. But it also illustrates how resilient we can be after the end of a love affair when we give ourselves a chance to disappear and heal.

My boyfriend of five years tossed me to the curb. This didn’t happen recently. It happened ten years ago. Nevertheless, the memory stings.

Five years is a lot to give a relationship when you are in your early twenties. I gave those years willingly, though, as I had thought that boyfriend and I would get married, adopt a dog, buy a house, have kids - all that picturesque, American dream sort of stuff.

When that didn’t happen, I fell into a slump. I suffered more than just the broken-hearted blues. I had crafted an entire idyllic future life around that relationship and its dissolution, for me at that time, meant the disappearance of a dream. If I wasn’t going to get married in the next year and become wifey-dearest, then who was I going to be?

The only thing that made sense, my only solution, was to completely reinvent my life. To do so, I ran away. I fled to Argentina, to its capital city of Buenos Aires, and got a job teaching English. I stayed for eight months and Buenos Aires soothed me. Actually, there’s nothing “soothing” about Buenos Aires. It’s a massive, crowded, noisy, bright and caffeinated city. Maybe it would be better if I said that Buenos Aires distracted me. It distracted me from my broken heart and shattered dreams long enough for them to heal.

Solo foreign travel is, perhaps, the best breakup remedy. There is, of course, the obvious fact that it takes you far away from your lost love; however, it holds other perks. A solo trip to a new land empowers you. Perhaps you will learn how to navigate an unknown subway system, or dine alone in a room full of people, or master a handful of foreign phrases.

Granted, any or all of these things might seem scary or daunting before you take off, but for many who are suffering the broken-hearted blues, the mere thought of living a life sans THE ex is equally terrifying. One way or another, you’re going to have to conquer some fears. You might as well get a passport stamp while doing so. Yet the best thing, I think, about traveling alone in another country is that you are forced to stay connected to the real world. You can’t zone out and drift off into your secret revenge plots and romantic reunion fantasies. You can not wallow. You have to pay attention. Suddenly, flushing the toilet is a serious adventure. Those foreign knobs just aren’t in the same place you’re used to finding a flusher. Wait. How much should a bottle of water really cost? Should you have left a tip for the waiter? What was the name of your hotel’s street again?

Solo foreign travel demands that you live in the moment. And it will prove to you that you can exist in a new land. And really, when you stop to think about it, that’s exactly what your life is after a breakup - new territory. So dig out that passport and go. You don’t have to go super long and you don’t have to go super far. But you should go. And I highly recommend going alone.

Kelly’s story also reminds me of Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Eat, Pray, Love” which I’m reading right now. It’s about one woman’s post-divorce re-awakening in three different countries over the course of a year.

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Kelly Westhoff is a writer and editor from Minnesota who firmly believes in the transformational power of travel. She has survived a cockroach attack in Guatemala, the plucking of her leg hairs in Vietnam and too many dubious bathroom situations to ever count. See more of her work at KellyWesthoff.com.

Is 2008 starting off with a breakup? You’re not alone. Contributor BeatrixK shares her personal pain in hopes of exorcising her ex as well is helping others. Read on…

BeatrixK writes: I find it telling that I remember the date, time, day of the week I got divorced. (5/23/2000, 11:15 a.m., Tuesday) Am still fuzzy on exactly when I got married. Pretty sure it was 1996. I know it was July 20 something. It was a Saturday. And I was on way more valium that day than the law should legallly allow for any person to enter into holy matrimony. That’s all you will get from me on this one, tho. Just don’t recall the rest of the details. Speaks volumes that I remember far more about the demise of my first, and up to this point only marriage than I do it’s beginning.

Call me sentimental?

But, 2008 has thrown some curves at me already. It seems my cohabitative/engagement life is at an end. The man who, up until a few days ago, willingly shared our life journey feels that our journey’s are now seperate (or at least his sure as hell is). OK. Fine. Not gonna go into detail badmouthing him. 1)Because I still have to have a place to live until I can evict my tennant. (Thank the God-I-doubt exists that I heeded my parent’s advice and didn’t sell my house right away!) and 2)As hurt and angry as I am, I can’t fault him for being honest with me regarding his change in feelings for me. So, if you are reading this blog looking for great man-bashing zingers, I will dissapoint.

Right now, I am just trying to get through each day with fewer tears than the one before it. I want to end the day a little clearer on what has happened. I want to get a little more direction. I want to find a little more courage to use for tomorrow. I want to not feel like I am the most undesireable woman on the planet. I want to figure out why the hell other people can find a man who means it when he says ‘I want to be with YOU for as long as I can,’ and, where dating is concerned, I may as well be trying to get Britney Spears to a court hearing when it comes to finding a man who loves me…until his issues get worked out. I want to not look at myself in the mirror and criticize me for things I can never be. I want to have hope that love waits for me. I want to avoid playing Alanis Morrisette records until his ears bleed as he sits in the next room. I want to quit thinking Lacuna, Inc., should really exist.

I want to feel like me again. So, this blog will be an attempt to work through my pain without bashing or causing further pain to the man who I once loved and find astonishment how quickly he is becoming ‘human.’ I hope it can help other women who are feeling alone. I hope it can help heal my heartbreak by getting the emotions poisoning my self-image, confidence, and hope out of my head and into a place I can better make sense of them and put them in their rightful place.

I hope I can meet someone who eventually makes me remember the exact moment in time we found each other.

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I'm a 40 year old woman, college educated, not hideously deformed, who has found herself in the early stages of a break up to kick off 2008. I had planned to start this year getting organized. So much for best laid plans.

Check out this series of videos chronicling the five stages of breakup recovery. The first stage — denial!

To start playing the video, double click on the screen below. If you get an error message, you can view the clip here on YouTube.

To view video of the second breakup stage, click here.

Video production and editing courtesy of Post Haste Media

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

Check out this series of videos chronicling the five stages of breakup recovery. The second stage — anger.

To start playing the video, double click on the screen below. If you get an error message, you can view the clip here on YouTube.

To view video of the third stage, click here.

Video production and editing courtesy of Post Haste Media

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

Check out this series of videos chronicling the five stages of breakup recovery. The third stage — bargaining.

To start playing the video, double click on the screen below. If you get an error message, you can view the clip here on YouTube.

To view video of the fourth stage, click here.

Video production and editing courtesy of Post Haste Media

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

Check out this series of videos chronicling the five stages of breakup recovery. The fourth stage — sadness.

To start playing the video, double click on the screen below. If you get an error message, you can view the clip here on YouTube.

To view video of the fifth and final stage, click here.

Video production and editing courtesy of Post Haste Media

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

Check out this series of videos chronicling the five stages of breakup recovery. The fifth and final stage — acceptance.

To start playing the video, double click on the screen below. If you get an error message, you can view the clip here on YouTube.

Video production and editing courtesy of Post Haste Media

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

bridgetloves writes: I recently came upon Lisa’s work and realized what she shares is invaluable information.  I recently turned 30 and have mixed emotions about this new milestone.  On one hand I am thrilled with the progress I have made and on the other hand I cannot believe I am 30 and single!  Prior to my big 3-0 I sat down and charted out my love life.   I realized that no matter what happened there was one key event - the EX-fiance. 

Leading up to meeting him at age 23 and subsequently breaking off our engagement at age 26 my life was filled with the usual suspects.  I never had a very serious steady boyfriend prior to him, but I was also a little sure that although I was a fun and popular girl something was wrong with me b/c I didn’t find “the one” in college.  So when I met him everything seemed perfect.  I felt GREAT in my skin.  I had my college degree, tons of friends and a myriad of experiences that tested my strength and proved I could do anything I put my mind to.  So when he showed up I took a chance.  I believed in myself this time and I acted like a cool normal girl (in hindsight everything the books tell you to be — super confident, slightly aloof and uber busy and understanding).   I don’t think I let him see me for the amount of time he desired for months.  And I didn’t even do it on purpose — I was just like whatever. 

Fast forward to three years later.  I was a shell of my former outgoing self.  Unfortunately I fell in love with a narcissist and a master manipulator.  He used all the textbook methods to rob me of my self esteem and social life and replaced it with a dependency on him.  When the ring finally came (and oh yes there were three or four but he couldn’t find the “perfect” one), I was exhausted.  Somehow my survival instincts kicked in and I realized this was not right.  Giving up my friendships and my family was not a good thing.  And I got the courage to say NO to the security he provided (he was a very successful doctor, while I was a young insurance underwriter) and walked out. 

This was my BIG BREAKUP. 

I went to therapy for awhile, afraid I would crack.  But I didn’t.  Instead I used the energy (and there was a TON) to apply for grad school and begin my MBA, to buy my OWN condo with my very own money, travel, rebuild all of my friendships and make even more friends.  I am so so lucky that I emerged as a beautiful and vivacious young woman with more strength than I knew I had. 

The one thing I didn’t know at the time was there was a little piece inside that had died or cracked.  A little part of me that knew this was a traumatic event and wasn’t entirely sure how I ever got into it in the first place.  As I moved on with new dates and a few steady Romeos, this problem turned into an eating disorder.  NOTE:  I share this information b/c it is so important to take care of yourself like Lisa recommends.  It is time to discover your true self and really build upon your shattered sense of self.  Instead I covered this up and it got worse as that little part constantly worried about falling into a trap like this again. 

Eventually, I met a wonderful man through friends who I began dating seriously for six months, but by the end of our relationship (and he ended it) I was worse off than when I started.  I was more insecure, worried and a lot more into my eating disorder.  This was all a sign I was not building myself up to be strong and move to the next level. 

A few years went by and I continued to be a mover and shaker.  Despite these issues, I did seek help and although it was a long and steady road I was able to get better day by day.  And I was also able to really figure out who I am.  I moved to LA, got a better job, made tons of new friends and got a puppy. 

So when I turned 30, I was not married, nor was I dating anyone.  In fact I have not had a serious boyfriend since the six month one following the BIG breakup.  But suddenly I wasn’t judging myself anymore.  It would take me several sheets of paper to write down all I have accomplished in the past three years.  It blows my mind to see how far I have come.  I was a scared little girl back then.  And now I am a strong self-sufficient woman.  I started my own company- Barney’s Bling, matching fine jewelry for people and their pets and I have dedicated 2008 to make this a wonderfully successful and also philanthropic company. 

I believe that now that I know who I am I am ready to meet Mr. XY. And that day will come.  In the meantime please don’t stress or worry about the point you are in your life.  If you have ever gone through a BIG breakup, then please know you will only get stronger and stronger.  And when you do finally meet the person you are going to BE, then it will be a million times easier to team up with the RIGHT mate and live happily ever after…

Bridget Livingston
CEO/Founder Barney’s Bling

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I am a 30 year old single young lady living in Santa Monica, Ca with my little yorkie Barney. I am the founder/CEO of Barney's Bling, matching fine jewelry for people in their pets. After surviving the BIG breakup I found my heart and now as I live my best life I am sharing my stories with you. Life is not a dress rehearsal. Throw out your rule books and live your BEST life right now. xo b

I recently stumbled across this in the archive.  It’s one of the first stories I wrote when the idea for The Breakup Chronicles first came to me…

You want to know what I do to get over a nasty breakup? I take a trip. Travel abroad. I’ve racked up so many frequent flyer miles at this point, I could go to the moon and back. And that’s okay. Because I haven’t met The One yet. And rather than settle, I go for the breakup. And then I go far, far away. I cry, I sightsee, I fall in love. With myself, that is. Breakups take their toll on our self esteem. But the truth is, I’m all I’ve got. And rather than beat myself up over the end of a relationship, I cherish the fact that I probably learned something along the way.

With my college crush, I learned to make great ravioli from his mother’s recipe. With the bodybuilder, I learned that I actually liked to workout. With the Star Wars fanatic, I realized that nice guys really do exist. With the 22 year-old, I discovered how exciting I could be to another person. And with The One Who Rocked My World, I learned that unconditional love feels unbelievably amazing.

With each new relationship and subsequent breakup, I discover a little bit more about who I really am and what I want out of life. And that’s the girl I fall in love with every time I travel. The fun-loving, creative, adventure-seeking gal who goes to the Greek Islands in hopes of mending her broken heart, who discovers a sense of connection with the universe in the rhythmic lapping of the Mediterranean sea on the shore, and who delights in how the sun dances off the white-washed buildings in the afternoon. She’s also the spontaneously sassy chick who spends six weeks of her summer in Montana; hiking, writing, and going to a rodeo for the first time in decades. If it weren’t for the breakup, she’d never discover these simple pleasures.

One day I hope to travel with my husband. He’ll be handsome and witty and cultured and totally not neurotic. And he’ll love me for being unconventional, passionate, and a little bit nuts. But in the meantime, I’m not waiting for him to live out my dreams. I’m living them out every day on my own. So when he finally does come along, and his front tooth is crooked, or his spelling sucks, or he’s shorter than I’d imagined, I’ll know that’s okay. Because I haven’t been waiting for my life to begin until Mr. Perfect arrives. I’m just looking for someone who’s brave and bold, ordinary and extraordinary enough to join me on the journey. After all, that’s what life’s about. The journey. The messy, imperfect, magnificent, and virtually invent-able journey. And what would that be without a little heartache here and there to let you know you’re really alive and kicking?

Postscript: I love this story because it illustrates the importance of moving on after a breakup, even in the face of doubt and despair.  I also love this story because somehow that last paragraph perfectly describes Mr. XY.

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."