You don't have to be heartbroken to get it.

I often hear from successful singles that they’re sometimes hesitant to approach potential cuties in bars, on the street, when they’re out and about because they’re not sure if the person is single, available, and/or interested. As a result, they feel like they’re missing out on opportunities to meet great people because of uncertainty. While my personal philosophy is you should always take a dating risk and approach anyway, I’ve discovered some other ways to help let people know you’re single, interested, and available. Check out these great products created specifically for singles…

The Single Ring:Advertising your single status is as easy as slipping on a bling turquoise ring! This unisex ring can be worn on any finger or on a chain around your neck. According to the ring’s creators, “There are engagement rings and wedding rings, but there was no such thing as a ring for single men and women. Why not? If anyone needs to signal one’s civil status, it’s a Single. As a single person, you are on your own, but you are not alone – there are many of us around the world. We should stand up for what we are – we are always more attractive to others when we are comfortable being single. Dare to be a proud single!” Love that!

I dig the ring so much that I’m actually endorsing it in my next book. For more details, check out SingleRingen.com.

SingleTease:Another awesome way to advertise your single status is to slip on a super cute tee from singletease.com. This t-shirt idea was born out of the single gal’s desire to let guys know she was available and approachable (Amen!). In her latest music video, Mariah Carey is wearing one of the tees. The cute tee says “boy scouting (are you prepared?)” Other tees feature the following sayings:

- just ask me (out)
- single.
- support your local library (check me out)
- say hello.
- looking for good pick-up lines

So the next time you’re out and about, why not advertise your single status?

Good luck and happy dating!

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

“My ex and I broke up after 7 months of dating. We had a pretty good relationship at times. I got so sick of waiting for him to come over my house, and it seemed like his friends and beer were more important. I lost my job and the next day he broke up with me. It was really hard at first but with time I just got over it. I was always very generous and sweet towards him when we dated and he seemed to distance himself. We have been broken up for about 4 months now, and every time he calls (which is about once a week) I am so mean and rude to him, but the more mean I am the more he calls and wants to hang out with me. He seems to still love me and I feel disgusted when I’m around him. Should I not be his friend anymore?”
- Laurie

Friendship with an ex. Is that possible? Sure. Does staying friends make healing and moving on after your breakup easy? Of course not! Which is why I recommend a certain amount of distance from your ex after a breakup. Actually, if you can cut out all contact with your ex immediately following a breakup, the easier time you’ll have moving on. I realize that’s not always possible. After all, some people have children together, the work together, they own property together. If that’s the case, you have to create new boundaries with the ex. Only talk about the children, business, property, etc. do not discuss how you’re handling the breakup, if you’re dating yet, etc. And no, absolutely no booty calls. This is crucial to your recovery!

Previously, I blogged about ways to deal with your ex if he or she tries to get back in your life. Check out those tips for yourself. In the meantime, stay strong, keep those boundaries intact, and give yourself permission to heal and move on.

The truth is, if you’re meant to be friends with your ex, the two of you can come back together as friends after you’ve had some time to heal. But with the breakup so fresh, friendship isn’t a wise decision for most. It’s just too hard to move on while keeping in contact with your ex. Good luck and happy healing!

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

If dating is a game (and it is), then successful singles play to win. How? By understanding that it’s all about the numbers, Baby! Gone are the days of sitting home by the phone waiting for some guy (or girl) to call. In 2008, savvy singles regularly attend singles events, put themselves in target rich environments, and are active online daters. They understand that not everyone’s going to be a match for them and so they practice, practice, practice with a variety of interesting and available partners until they find someone worthy of being exclusive with. This goes for both men and women. And even when they go through a dry dating spell, savvy singles continue to put themselves out there, spend time with their amazing circle of friends, and enjoy their savvy single lives.

This weekend, put the numbers game into practice for yourself. Wherever you go, whether it’s the beach, the grocery store, a bookstore, or Starbucks, play the numbers game. Look around, make eye contact, smile, even flirt with any cuties you see around you. It doesn’t have to go anywhere. But by playing the numbers game, you are practicing, getting comfortable in your own savvy single skin, and enjoying these random encounters. And you may just get or give a phone number out of it!

Good luck and happy dating!

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

According to online reports, TV personality Star Jones has filed for divorce from her husband Al Reynolds. After the spectacle she made of her nuptials to Reynolds in 2004, it would be really easy to rejoice at Ms. Jones current misfortune. However, I’m not going to go there. I’m just going to wish her well, respect her privacy, and share her public statement:

“Several years ago I made an error in judgment by inviting the media into the most intimate area of my life. A month ago I filed for divorce. The dissolution of a marriage is a difficult time in anyone’s life that requires privacy with one’s thoughts. I have committed myself to handling this situation with dignity and grace and look forward to emerging from this period as a stronger and wiser woman.”

Having been through enough breakups, I know that what comes next for star is incredibly painful. However, after the pain comes the pleasure of rediscovering yourself and who you’ve become as a result of lessons learned. I wish her happiness and healing.

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

“I’ve been dating this guy for about 3 years, and he would lie to me about a lot of things. I’ve caught him cheating on me various times. But he would always come back to me. He will tell me he loves me, and that he won’t do that stuff again. I’m a person who will always believe what someone says. I love this guy so much, but I don’t know what to do.”
- Anonymous

When we’re in love, our sense of judgment sometimes goes out the window. We want so badly to love and be loved that we put up with things we wouldn’t normally find acceptable. We sometimes let people cheat on us, lie to us, and in general treat us with such disrespect that if it was happening to someone else, we would tell them in no uncertain terms to walk away and never look back. But because it’s happening to us, we lose our sense of reality, putting blinders on to put up with what’s normally unacceptable to us. We’ve all been there, we’ve all done it. It’s human nature.

Here’s the absolute (and sometimes painful to accept) truth. As long as you stay in a relationship like this, as long as you turn a blind eye to the disrespect, you will continue to get disrespected. Like it or not, this is the pattern in your relationship, a pattern you may not like but a pattern you are telling your partner (by staying) that you accept. Maybe your words tell your partner that you don’t like his or her behavior. But your actions speak louder than your words because you continue to stay, or you continue to come back to the same situation. Your partner’s actions are speaking louder than his words, too. He may say he loves you, but cheating and lying are not loving behaviors.

While it’s not impossible, it is incredibly difficult to change the dynamic of a dysfunctional relationship, especially when one partner is getting what they want already. In this particular scenario, your partner is getting his needs met. He gets to cheat, lie, AND keep you in his life. What’s his incentive to change? Ultimatums aren’t going to work because you’ve probably already issued them, walked away, and always let him come back into your life. So what’s left for you to do?

Healthy, loving relationships start with you. You have to love and respect yourself. Your actions and your words should match one another. So should your partner’s. If someone is telling you they love you, but then treating you like garbage, their actions are not loving. Their actions are definitely louder than their words. Your actions needs to match your words. And if your words are “I love and respect myself” then your actions have to match. That means calling people when they treat you unfairly. And if their actions don’t change? It means being strong enough to walkg away, saying no to an unhealthy relationship and yes to yourself.

Learning self love and self respect can be challenging if you’ve never had it. But you owe it to yourself to learn how to love yourself first so that your relationships with others can be more loving and respectful. You can start by looking in the mirror every day and telling yourself how much you love you. It may feel cheesy at first, but it’s going to get easier and you’re going to start believing it. This is the first step on your road to a happier and healthier future.

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

If you’re in the throes of a bad breakup, listen up. Chances are you’ve got revenge on the brain. After all, breakups sting. And we want to make sure our ex in as much pain as we are, right?

Stop right there. While revenge fantasies are sweet, revenge realities can come with restraining orders, jail time, and other unfortunate consequences. Do yourself a favor. Instead of actively acting on your revenge fantasy, live out the scenario in your head. You can even write it down in your journal. Make it as vindictive, ridiculous, as scandalous as possible! If needed, buy a couple of dolls at your local toy store and act out the revenge fantasy in your living room. Run him over in a plastic jeep! Stick pins in his thick skull. Put his picture on the wall and throw darts at it. Do what ever it takes to exorcise your post-breakup rage. But do it in the comfort of your own home where you remain safe and secure. Don’t get so caught up in the fantasy that you hop in your car, speed over to your ex’s house, and bash his windshield in. Not worth the consequences!

Good luck and happy healing!

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

This just in from TodayShow.com…

In the new romantic comedy “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” the broken-hearted main character takes a recovery trip to Hawaii, only to find his ex-girlfriend there… with a new beau. Have you ever had an encounter with an ex that completely mortified or shocked you? Ever run into a former love and say something bizarre or clumsy? Did you stalk, pine or obsess over an ex — with disastrous results? If you have a bad ex encounter, share it with us and we might feature it on TODAYShow.com!

Living in Los Angeles, I’m sometimes surprised how rarely I encounter an ex (thank God!). The only bad encounter I can recall is during my big breakup when my girlfriend and I went to lunch one day during the week (remember, I worked with Mr. Ex). We were going to try a new restaurant. I opened the door and the first person I saw was Mr. Ex. Seated across from him was a blond woman. He and I made eye contact, he smiled awkwardly, and I turned around and left the restaurant.

Later that day, out one of the windows in my office building I saw them standing very close together in the parking lot, talking and laughing. I knew I shouldn’t let myself just stand there, watching him enjoy the company of another woman, a beautiful woman I’d never seen before but I couldn’t stop myself. My heart raced and I wanted to throw up. But I stayed there and watched them. It was agonizing! My only consolation was that he never knew that I saw them in the parking lot. Ouch!

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

This weekend when you’re out there in the dating trenches, be sure you’ve got 20/20 vision. Having 20/20 vision is a skill that all successful singles cultivate. Basically, it means that not only are you clear about what you want in the relationship area of life but that you see people clearly. Rather than project a fantasy of who you’d like someone to be, you see them for who they really are, who they reveal themselves to be.

Here are some tips for developing 20/20 vision:

1. Turn down your inner critic so you can actively listen to the person you meet
2. Pay attention not only to the person’s words, but to their actions as well
3. If somebody seems too good to be true, they probably are (i.e. don’t buy the hype or project a fantasy onto anyone)
4. Know how to spot a player (more on this next week!)
5. Make sure you have 20/20 vision about yourself and are not projecting an inauthentic image of who you really are onto the people you meet

Good luck and happy dating!

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

By now, you’ve probably heard about the youtube video of a scorned socialite trashing her ex for the world to see. If you haven’t, here’s the gist of it: Young, blonde, British socialite Tricia Walsh Smith thinks her husband, Broadway theater mogul Philip J. Smith wants to evict her from their posh New York apartment. Instead of handling things with dignity through a lawyer, Tricia takes her case to YouTube, trashing her ex’s reputation by claiming they never had sex during the marriage but that he is obviously having sex with other people since she recently found his stash of Viagra, porn, and condoms.

Tricia is playing the victim to the hilt. She claims her husband is trying to evict her, that their air-tight prenup has screwed her over, that her stepdaughter is stealing the money she rightfully deserves, not to mention the fact that her acting career isn’t going in the direction she’d like.

Wait a minute — actress? Is this whole thing staged? It’s definitely produced better than the average amateur video but the facts remain the facts. Tricia thinks she’s being a “warrior,” taking action instead of letting her hubby ambush her, but all she’s really doing is making her husband’s case for divorce that much stronger. (While making herself out to be a gold digger, admitting that she married her hubby knowing they would never have sex, asked him how much money she’ll get if he had a stroke, and calling his children evil because they’re trying to protect his assets.)

Here’s the thing. In an age when airing our dirty laundry online has become the norm, have dignity, decorum, and fairness gone out the window? When celebs routinely blog about their personal battles with other celebs, lovers, etc. on their MySpace page, people breakup via text messages or blog entries instead of face to face, and embittered divorce battles play out before the cameras before they play out in court (Sir Paul and Heather, anyone?), what’s next? Seriously, it won’t be long before America starts voting on whether or not two people should breakup, who gets what in the divorce, and who gets to play the villain.

While it’s tempting blog about, film, or in any other way air your personal battles online (the momentary sense of empowerment and justice can be quite satisfying), proceed with caution. And keep the following in mind:

Revenge is a dish best served privately
When we’ve been scorned, we all fantasize about seeking revenge on the person who’s hurt us. Especially if that person is a former lover. But while revenge fantasies are fun, revenge realities are dangerous, possibly involving cyber stalking, restraining orders, and/or jail time. Rather than spend any more of your energy on your ex, focus instead on your personal recovery and bright future. And keep the revenge fantasies just that — fantasies.

Your personal rant can and will be used against you
If you choose to air your dirty laundry online, be prepared for the consequences. Not only will the people you wanted to see your rant be able to view it (your ex, his friends, your friends, etc.), but plenty of others will too. Strangers will weigh in with their opinion (and not all in favor of you!). Plus, your ex may retaliate, either using the information against you in court (if you’re going through a divorce) or creating their own online rant that paints a very nasty picture of you. Is it worth it?

What comes around goes around
Just as we leave a carbon footprint on the earth, we also leave an online footprint based on our internet activities. This activity is easily monitored, by potential employers, future boyfriends or girlfriends, etc. All anyone has to do is Google you. Do you really want such petty behavior to come back and haunt you? Is the momentary feeling of self-satisfaction worth the long term consequences?

As for “poor” Tricia, her saga promises to continue to playing out online.

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

After a breakup, it’s only natural to feel a roller coaster of emotions. The ups, the downs, the seriously downs, the lower than lows, the 10 million layers below rock bottom, etc.

Sound familiar?

The only way to get through all this pain and anguish is to celebrate your slump. Wallow. Cry. Engage in emotional eating. Curse your ex for days on end! The point is to get it all out.

Whether your slump lasts a day, week, month, or six months is okay. Everyone’s threshold is different. And everyone celebrates their slump a little differently. Some cry on the couch and watch sad movies. Others engage in a little retail therapy. Others recruit their Boo-Hoo Crew and get away from it all with a girl (or guy) getaway. Only you will know how to accurately celebrate your slump. There is no right or wrong way –as long as you’re not harming yourself or others.

For more details about the slump, read chapter 2 of my book It’s a Breakup Not a Breakdown.

And feel free to report your progress here.

Good luck and happy healing!

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."