You don't have to be heartbroken to get it.

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After going through a breakup, a lot of us want nothing more than to retreat under the covers and hide for the next six months. But you’re never going to get through this breakup all by yourself. You need help. A support system. And that’s where your Boo-Hoo Crew comes in.

Chances are, you’ve heard me talk about Boo-Hoo Crews before. If this is your first introduction to the term, keep reading. A Boo-Hoo Crew is your inner circle of support. It should consist of a least two if not three friends who are loving, nurturing, but also know when to give you a kick in the pants. The role of the Boo-Hoo Crew is to provide the following:

a shoulder to cry on

a voice of reason

damage control (in case you get the urge to contact your ex)

the bright side

Not everyone’s cut out to be a Boo-Hoo Crew member. It’s important to recruit only those friends who are up to the challenge. While assembling your crew, keep the following considerations in mind:

include only girlfriends who are loving and supportive

exclude any so-called girlfriends who may say things like I told you so, brag about their own relationship, or ask if they can call your ex (in fact, dump these friends immediately!)

do not include any mutual friends who may report back to your ex on your progress (and/or dish about your set backs)

There will be times when you’re going to obsess about your ex, times when you won your ex back, and times when all you can think about is picking up the phone and calling your ex. These are the times when your Boo-Hoo Crew is crucial. They’re the ones you call instead, the ones who will remind you of the nitpicky negative things you use to say about your ex, and why your ex isn’t worth pining over now.

If for some reason you don’t have friends close enough to be part of your Boo-Hoo Crew, then you’re going to have to find a support system elsewhere. Join an online message board where you can share your experiences. Find a support group in your area of people going through transitions. Or get into therapy for a while. You’ve got to be able to get these confusing feelings out in order to move on.

Good luck and happy healing!

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

Forbsey writes: My girlfriend of 3 years recently broke up with me. She was my first love, I had been in love with her for a good 6 years as we were best friends at school though she never saw me that way. I helped her through her first serious breakup and 3 months later she realised she wanted me. We have been through alot, a miscarriage, her ex boyfriend always being around trying to get her back but through all of it we stayed strong and loved each other. No cheating ever happened and we had it all. Suddenly she said that she wants to be with me forever but not for now and maybe in a year we will get back. It was so sudden!! I cry all the time and it’s been a month already.

Lisa writes: Avalanche breakups are especially tough because we just don’t see them coming! If you’re still shaking your head and wondering why?, chances are your breakup was an avalanche. And it’s no wonder you sometimes feel like you can’t breathe. You’ve just been emotionally buried! In the case of an avalanche breakup, you may also be feeling betrayed, irrational, devastated, angry.

To add insult to injury, your ex has left the door open for the possibility of a future relationship. Typically, when someone tells us they want to be with us, just not right now, it’s their way of trying to let us down easily. But the truth is, it leaves us hanging because we’re expecting a future with them. It gives us no closure, and no ability to move on.

You deserve to move on! But it’s up to you. Take it day by day. Avoid contact with your ex. And remind yourself that you deserve healthy and happy love in your life. If your ex can’t give it to you, someone else eventually will. But you first have to heal your broken heart and ready yourself for a whole relationship.

If you don’t have a Boo-Hoo Crew, get one. Or join the message board and share your story with other breakup survivors. It’s so important to have a support system right now!

Give it time. It will get easier. And in the meantime, celebrate your slump. It’s okay to cry, mourn, grieve. You’ll know when you’re done celebrating your slump. But for now, embrace the slump!

Good luck and happy healing!

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

I love, love, love this recommendation from contributor and travel junkie Kelly Westhoff…

Sooner or later, every woman who goes through a painful break up partakes in a little bit of retail therapy.

Maybe it’s a trendy, spendy purse. Maybe it’s a countertop full of cosmetics. Maybe it’s a new pair of jeans that hug your curves just so. Or maybe those flirty, peep-toe pumps call your name.

While the pretty new things might make you feel better right now, can they actually heal your broken heart? Can retail therapy transform your life?

Probably not. But there’s a good chance travel can. Maybe you should redirect those shopping dollars into a solo, travel adventure.

If the thought appeals to you but you’re not sure how to proceed, seek out Tara Russell. She’s a life coach with a twist. She’s a “Travel Coach”.

Tara is the founder of Three Month Visa Coaching and Consulting. She helps her clients change their lives through meaningful international travel experiences. “I will get you off the couch and on the plane!” she said.

“I’m getting more and more women coming to me after a breakup or divorce who are saying, ‘I’m not going to hang my head and cry.’ They realize there are other ways of dealing with a separation and are looking for a healthy, empowering way to navigate a difficult period,” Tara said.

Some of Tara’s clients want to lounge on a beach in Fiji. Others want to volunteer or teach abroad. Some want to be a backpacking nomad for 10 months. The commonality is that they all want to do something for themselves.

Tara acknowledged package travel deals are tempting, but she doesn’t recommend pre-planned trips. “After a breakup,” she explained, “you need to unbraid your life in a way, to separate and let go of what you wanted with your ex and re-discover what you want for yourself. You need to figure out what you need and a planned itinerary doesn’t leave room for you to strike out on your own. If you’re traveling to help yourself over a breakup, it’s important to ask yourself, ‘What do I want from this time away?’”

Many of her clients have big travel dreams, but are uncertain how to finance their trips. “I help women analyze their spending patterns to see where they can adjust in order to make travel savings effortless,” Tara said.

“I always ask my clients, ‘Do you want a lifestyle or do you want a life?’ The important thing is to keep your eyes on the prize and to remember that when you’re watching the sunset over the beach in Ipanema, you’re not going to miss those cute shoes you never bought,” she said.

Besides, chances are that once you’ve conquered the world on your own, you won’t need some silly sandals to make your heart feel whole. “When you’re away from your routine and everyone you know,” Tara said, “you have the chance to ask yourself whether you really even want your old life back. What if there is something better?”

Tara’s parting advice to many of her lovelorn clients as they take off for parts unknown is this: “Don’t hold yourself to who you were before you left. If you come home wanting something new, that’s a good thing. The more you travel, the more you realize what you are capable of. You will bring home a new horizon and belief in yourself. Your life will expand to be spacious enough to hold who you are becoming.”

Check out Three Month Visa for yourself!

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Kelly Westhoff is a writer and editor from Minnesota who firmly believes in the transformational power of travel. She has survived a cockroach attack in Guatemala, the plucking of her leg hairs in Vietnam and too many dubious bathroom situations to ever count. See more of her work at KellyWesthoff.com.

Catch up with contributer LJ Maggie’s ongoing dating saga. It’s a familiar tale…

I decided to give Craigslist guy a chance. He seemed sweet and maybe just needed a boost of confidence, besides he was fun to talk to.  He picked me up and I was a little shocked. Am I wrong, but shouldn’t you dress up for a first date? I know it was just a movie but I was wearing a dressy tank top, jeans and heels. He could have put on a nice shirt. He was wearing a sweatshirt, jeans and tennis shoes. Am I expecting too much?

It was a fun night though most of it we were watching a movie and not talking. We did talk while he was driving me home but there was no spark.

We went out a second time. This time it was dinner, drinks and a midnight movie. Again he wore the same type of outfit. I cut him some slack though because it was a midnight movie and I was wearing black comfy pants, a sweater and UGGS. I don’t normally wear UGGS unless I am back home in the Midwest but a midnight movie requires being comfy. I had also considered him more of a friend. When he dropped me off he did try to kiss me and I moved my face so he kissed my cheek.

Yes I moved my face so he couldn’t kiss me on the lips. I didn’t feel that way about him and didn’t want to give him a false sense of hope. And I should be straightforward and tell him I just want him as a friend but I have done that before and the guy told me it would be to difficult for him. I also have been on the other end of that conversation and it doesn’t feel good.

The whole night got me thinking about attraction and what qualities people are attracted to. My day job consists of occasionally working in a retail store so I get to people watch a lot. Lately I have noticed the strangest couples. Not so much in them acting weird, though this is LA so there are plenty of those. But when you look at the two people, you wonder what attracted one to the other. One is noticeably hotter, thinner, more attractive, or even has more money than the other. And you think to yourself, “Really?” and “No wonder I can’t find a decent guy, all the supermodels are dating them.” Then you start putting yourself down and wondering what you can do to change to get that guy that you think is gorgeous and makes your friends jealous.

And yes I have had a few of those types of guys, and when we met they hit on me, one of them a soap star and was he gorgeous. But then I remember those gorgeous guys weren’t willing to offer me a relationship. And the nice average guys who wanted to, I didn’t feel that spark with.  But then the ones who were both gorgeous and nice I pursued a relationship with and it still didn’t work out.

Can’t I just take qualities from all of the guys I have dated and make a man?

Stay tuned for more…

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LJ Maggie was conceived in a small rural town in Wisconsin, where she was the only girl of 4. Growing up with 4 men in the house accounts for her strange sense of humor and independence. Through various career changes and much soul searching, she has found her true passions, music and writing, combining the two whenever she gets a chance. Her friends admire her for her strength, independence and courage to go after her dreams. Inspiration for all of her work comes from various stages and situation in her life. She is currently working on her first novel loosely based the relationship with The EX.

In today’s world of casual dating, rejection is not a four letter word. It’s just part of the process. After all, you’re not going to be a perfect match with every single person you meet online, at a bar, etc. So instead of letting rejection slow you down and stall your progress, embrace it as part of being a successful single.

The next time you’re on a date and you think everything goes well, only to never hear from that person again or to get a rejection email from them, chalk it up to one less rejection you’ll get later. You’re one step closer to a yes! And give thanks that the person was honest enough not to waste any of your fabulous time if they weren’t interested.

The same goes true for you. If you sense that someone isn’t a match for you, you owe it to yourself and to them to be honest, straightforward, and not waste any of their fabulous time.

By looking at rejection as just part of the dating process, it becomes easier to let people down gracefully and move on without hard feelings.

Good luck and happy dating!

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

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This week’s breakup tip is your fast pass recovery! If you adhere to it, you’re going to heal and move on much quicker.

How fab is that?

This week, if you haven’t already, you are going to establish firm new boundaries with your ex. If, for example, your ex is still in your life, now’s the time to create new boundaries so you can still heal and move on.

Of course, the quickest way to heal and move on is to have zero contact with your ex. So if you can create that new boundary, excellent! That means no phone calls, no emails, no text messages, no leaving comments on their MySpace page, no driving by their house to see if they’re home, etc. And if they call, email, text you? Don’t answer, respond, pick up. These are new boundaries and they may be hard at first, but they are crucial to your recovery.

Now, there may be times when you can’t create such clear-cut boundaries with your ex. If you have children together, are going through a divorce, share property or work together, putting your ex out of your life entirely will be impossible. But creating new boundaries is a must. Limit your interactions with your ex as much as possible. And only discuss your mutual interest, i.e. the children, business, etc. Do not discuss your personal lives or how you’re getting through the breakup. Exes are notorious for preying on our weaknesses, and it’s up to us not to let them.

Your ex may not like these new boundaries. But you know what? They just have to deal. These boundaries are for you and your recovery. If they can’t respect them, too bad. Stay strong and keep those boundaries firmly intact!

Report your progress here.

Good luck and happy healing!

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

In the game of dating, there are many milestones to covet. The first amazing kiss. The first intimate encounter between the sheets. The first time you exchange those three little words I love you. But along the road to these major milestones, you first have to get past the first date. And if you decide you like someone on a first date, even the savviest single sometimes finds him or herself hoping (and praying) the other person feels the same way and secures a second date. While there is no one-size-fits-all formula for scoring a second date, the following are some tried-and-true tips for first date success in hopes of snagging a second:

Tip #1: Be yourself
First and foremost, it’s important to be yourself on a first date. Yes, you should put your best foot forward but you should NOT pretend to be somebody or something you’re not in hopes of impressing your date. In an effort to make your best first impression, wear something that makes you feel comfortable and cute and is activity-appropriate. For example, a short skirt on a rollerblading adventure is a definite no-no and so are Bermuda shorts at the fancy wine bar. When it comes to first date dress codes, follow this general rule: guys, don’t be too sloppy casual and ladies, avoid wearing something too risqué.

Tip #2: Have fun
While first dates can be nerve-racking, they should also be fun. You heard me — fun! By putting the fun back in first dates, you take the pressure off. So instead of worrying about where this might be going, sit back, relax, and give yourself permission to be your most fabulous self. That involves making eye contact, smiling, and engaging your date in casual conversation, not grilling them about their job security, relationship history, and credit report. There will be plenty of time to assess long-term compatibility if and when you decide to continue seeing one another. But on a first date? Flirt a little and just have fun!

Tip #3: Turn down your inner critic
The purpose of going on a first date is not to decide if you want to marry the person seated across from you at the bar, coffee house, or restaurant. It’s to discern if they’re worthy of a second date. So do yourself a favor and instead of obsessing about what went wrong on your last date or worrying about whether or not this particular date is The One, turn down your inner critic and just enjoy getting to know your date. Ask questions, and actually listen to their responses. Share things about yourself that are genuine in hopes of helping your date decide if they would like a second date with you as well. It’s important to remember that dating is a give-and-take and if you spend the entire date stuck in your own head with your inner critic babbling noisily, you’ll never actually enjoy the pleasure of your date’s company nor will you be able to make an educated decision about whether or not to green light a second date.

Tip #4: Leave your date wanting more
Just as you shouldn’t let a first date go too far physically, you should also avoid being emotionally slutty on a first date. There are certain subjects that are appropriate for first date conversations (where you grew up, what you do for a living, what you’re passionate about), while others should be saved for later (How many sexual partners you’ve had, the many ways your ex was a jerk, how your parents really screwed you up, etc. In fact, it’s just better if you permanently bench these baggage-heavy topics.). The purpose of the first date is not to tell your entire life story. Rather, it’s to provide a brief and honest glimpse of the incredible person you are and the amazing life you have so that the other person can decide if they want to know more.

Tip #5: Don’t play games
Just as you should be yourself on a first date, you should be equally genuine with your intentions and actions following it. If you’re interested in a second date, say so. But if you’re not, don’t string the other person along with the promise of a call that you’ll never actually make. And if the other person calls or emails you, practice common courtesy and respond promptly, regardless of whether or not you’d like to see them again. If their invitation for a second date doesn’t appeal to you, don’t play games. Instead, be honest but kind. After all, you never know when you’ll be on the receiving end of a similar call. And if you both agree to a second date? Success!

Ultimately, the key to scoring a second date is to relax and have fun on the first date. By being yourself, allowing yourself to get to know your date, and not participating in unnecessary games, you greatly increase your odds of dating success. At the end of the day remember this: just because one or both of you doesn’t pursue a second date doesn’t mean the experience was a waste of time. After all, practice makes perfect. And in order to eventually experience those major relationship milestones we all covet, it’s important to get plenty of practice in.

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

After attending Mark Victor Hansen’s Mega Book Marketing University, I’m sold on his hands-on approach to empowering individuals to make the most of their lives. As the owner of a brand-new business WooHoo Inc., I have much to learn. That’s why I’m attending Mega Business.

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I’ll be there! Will you?

Click here for more info>

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

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According to my fellow relationship professional Evan Mark Katz, the beauty myth is not a myth. What does that mean for the savvy single? You’ve got to make yourself market ready! Now, before you tune me out, hear me out. I’m not saying you have to drastically alter your physical appearance in order to attract members of the opposite sex. All I’m saying is that you should make your existing appearance as pleasant as possible. And by that I mean when you leave your house, try to look your best. For women, put on a little lip gloss & mascara to run your Saturday errands. Instead of running said errands in sweats and a ratty T-shirt? Put on something cute and casual that makes you feel good about yourself. Gentlemen, when you leave the house, make sure there aren’t remnants of the last meal you ate on your face or clothes. Showering is a good thing! And if you’ve got a unibrow, book an appointment with Helga the hot waxer. Even if it’s winter, ladies should shave their legs. You just feel better about yourself when you’re smoothe, don’t you?

If there are physical changes you want to make, i.e. losing weight, getting LASIK eye surgery, revamping your wardrobe, take the necessary steps to achieve those goals. Don’t put off living your best life as your best self for some “later” date. This is your life — right here, right now. Live it up!

Other ways to make yourself market ready include:
- Getting a new haircut, color, style
- Updating your makeup/beauty regimen
- Practicing the art of smiling confidently at cute strangers
- Tackling a toleration or two in your life (organizing your unorganized office, cleaning your messy refrigerator, paying down debt, etc.)

Ultimately, making yourself market ready involves doing whatever it takes to make you feel your best. Good luck and happy dating!

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Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist™ is the creator and editor of BreakupChronicles.com. She's also the author of "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown."

If you’re healing and moving on after a breakup (or know someone who is), don’t miss out