FREE CALLS: 2 Nights. 4 Love Experts. YOUR Questions Answered!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on September 2, 2010 - 6:24 pm
Does Mr. Right Know How To Find You?
Summer’s over. Fall is here. And before you know it, you’ll be standing under the mistletoe.
The question is…
Will you be standing under it alone or with someone special?
Join Lisa Steadman and 3 of her all time favorite love experts for 2 FREE calls where you get to ask the questions AND get time tested tips and tools for meeting men and ultimately manifesting Mr. Right.
Stop putting off your chances of finding love.
Get in the game with the help of these 4 passionate dating and love coaches who want to help YOU understand men, master your attraction factor, and set the scene for romance. (On New Year’s Eve, you’ll thank us!)
Tuesday, September 7
6:30pm Pacific | 9:30pm Eastern
How to Become A Man Magnet
With Love Experts Lisa Steadman, Lois Barth, and Robyn Vogel
Wednesday, September 8
6:00pm Pacific | 9:00pm Eastern
Understanding the Manimals
With Lisa Steadman and Marni Battista of DatingWithDignity.com
To register for these FREE calls, enter your information below.
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Start your search for love this September on the right foot with these 2 calls featuring 4 amazing experts who want to help YOU find love!
Ditch It, Donate It, Destroy It: What to do with all your ex’s stuff
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 13, 2010 - 7:00 am
It’s over. Now what? A better question would be what are you going to do with all the memories left behind? Whether you know it or not, the key to surviving and thriving lies in your ability to successfully sever ties with your ex. Not to mention all the stuff he left behind.
Starting today, make a conscious effort to get rid of any evidence that your ex actually existed. Maybe you feel like you’re not ready yet, but I promise this is an important and necessary step to your recovery. So wrap that comfy blanket or quilt around you, keep a handful of tissues in one hand, and in the other grab a sturdy bag or box. Now, go from room to room, putting anything into the box/bag that your ex left behind. This includes his old stuff (socks, toothbrush, Xbox, etc.), items that will only remind you of your ex and therefore torture you (old photos, letters, mementos), or gifts that your ex gave you (including the teddy bear on your bed). Once you’ve done a clean sweep of your home, clearing any visual reminders of your ex, put the bag/box down. You now have a decision to make. Will you:
1. Trash his stuff
2. Donate his belongings
3. Return the items of value, dump the rest
4. Put everything somewhere for safekeeping until you’re over him
While I’m a big believer that time plus distance equals moving on from an ex, I have my sentimental side, too. I recognize that you may want to keep certain mementos from your relationship — old photos, letters, cards, etc. However, for the duration of your recovery, your ex’s things have got to go. And that’s what the box is for. Once you’ve packed up all of his stuff and gotten rid of as much of it as you’re willing to, close the lid on the items you want to hold onto. Put the box in the very top of your hall closet, in a storage area you don’t frequent, or better yet, give it to a friend for safekeeping. Explain that you’ll eventually want the box back but that first, your heart needs to heal. You’ll thank yourself later for performing this necessary exorcism.
For more on how to perform a thorough exorcism, get copies of my books It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good! and It’s a Breakup, Not a Breakdown Workbook: A 21-Day Action Plan to Plot Your Revenge, Spoil Yourself, and Find Out How Good Your Life Is Without Him.
And to remind yourself that you’re NOT alone, check out The Breakup Chronicles, featuring real stories of how breaking up with the wrong person is always the right thing to do.
Are you scared to be single?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 12, 2010 - 7:15 am
When it comes to being single, what scares you the most…
Standing on your own two feet?
Not having a date on Saturday night?
Never dating again?
Never meeting your perfect partner, falling in love, and experiencing your very own version of happily ever after?
All of the above?
The truth is, you ARE worthy of love, warts and all. Your happily ever after still exists. It’s just up to you to redefine it. In the meantime, it’s okay to be scared to be single. It may be new and unfamiliar territory, but guess what? As uncomfortable as it can sometimes feel, being single is also a gift and a blessing. And in time, you may just discover that you actually enjoy being single.
So how do you change how you feel about being single?
First, you admit that you still want to find love. That’s natural, normal, and biological.
Second, you surrender to NOT knowing when it will show up.
Then, you start creating a life YOU love, complete with taking full responsibility for your emotional well being, your financial fitness, and any other baggage that may be weighing you down.
And then you put yourself in target rich environments several times a week.
And celebrate fabulous YOU! In doing so, you’ll ease up on the self-imposed and societal pressure to couple up and instead live and love your life today.
If you’re ready to do what it takes to find Mr. Right, enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge.
And be sure to pick up my man-ifesto for meeting Mr. Right: If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right, available on Amazon and in bookstores.
For added support, join my Facebook Fan page here:
http://www.facebook.com/LisaSteadmanFans
Divorce 101: Surefire strategies to rock your recovery
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 11, 2010 - 6:45 am
Healing and moving on after breakup is easier when you can cut your ex out of your life completely. However, when you go through divorce, you can’t always do that. Maybe you have kids together, property together, a business together, etc. If this is the case, the first thing to do when going through a divorce is create new boundaries with your ex. Only discuss matters that relate to both of you, i.e. the children, business, property. Don’t try to nurture each other through the divorce or talk about your new social life. That just muddies the water and makes moving on more difficult.
Enlist the help of your Boo-Hoo Crew
No matter how many breakups we go through our life, we never get through them without our friends. Divorce is no exception. It’s important to have a support system in place for those times when you’re sad, depressed, or just have the urge to contact your ex. If you don’t feel comfortable, enlisting the help of friends he made during your marriage, call on old friends or join a divorce support group. And don’t worry — as you ease into Movin’ On Mode, your Boo-Hoo Crew becomes your Woo-Hoo Crew!
Give your bedroom a makeover
It may seem insignificant, but your bedroom holds the key to how quickly and easily you move on after a divorce. That’s why it’s necessary to give your bedroom a bit of a makeover. Buy new sheets or a new comforter, move the bed to another wall (or get a new bed!), invest in a new set of pajamas that your ex never saw you in, invite a new scent into the room with candles or air freshener. Do whatever it takes so that every time you enter the bedroom, you’re not reminded of your divorce and instead are able to focus on celebrating you and your ability to move on!
Give yourself a makeover
Divorce can be tough on your self-esteem. That’s why it’s so important to treat yourself to a makeover. It helps us reconnect with our inner fabulousness. So go ahead — invest in that cut, color, and highlights. Re-vamp your closet. Stop by the makeup counter at your local department store and get a new look. You deserve to celebrate the new you that’s emerging after the divorce. She’s fabulous. And she deserves to be celebrated!
Throw yourself a movin’ on party
Celebrate the new and improved life after your divorce by throwing yourself a movin’ on party. The party is not so much focused on celebrating divorce as it is celebrating the life that’s now waiting for you, a life that promises to be more authentic and inspired now that you’re free to be true to yourself. Only invite friends and family who can celebrate your future and not dwell on the past.
For hands on help getting over your divorce or breakup, pick up copies of my books It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good! and the 21 day workbook It’s a Breakup, Not a Breakdown Workbook: A 21-Day Action Plan to Plot Your Revenge, Spoil Yourself, and Find Out How Good Your Life Is Without Him.
Feeling lost when it comes to love?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 10, 2010 - 7:03 am
Now that you know the signs you’re hung up on What could have been, how to STOP feeling like a failure at love, and how to END your suffering for wasting too much time with Mr. Wrong, it’s time to get some serious clarity.
It’s time to stop feeling lost when it comes to finding Mr. Right.
Let’s get your internal compass working again!
First, let’s determine where you got lost in the first place.
If you spent most of your last relationship catering to your ex’s every need, don’t beat yourself up for being too accommodating. Celebrate the fact that you’ve got a lot of love to give. Moving forward, why not put all of that amazing love and attention on your own interests, your own needs, your own self nurturing? That way, you’ll never again get lost in a relationship, living solely for the purpose of helping your partner get everything they want and need, all the while feeling suffocated, isolated, and/or under-appreciated.
Truthfully, in a healthy and happy relationship, wants and needs are a two-way street. You take care of yourself AND your partner, and vice versa.
Starting right now, ask yourself what it would FEEL like to get your needs met.
Imagine how your life would improve if Mr. Right was there for you.
It’s possible. First, you have to connect to how healthy and happy love looks and feels. Define it. Meditate on it. Journal about it.
CONNECT to it regularly so you’ll be able to recognize it when it shows up in your life.
Then when it shows up and you recognize it, don’t run the other way. Celebrate the fact that you’re a powerful manifester.
And embrace the fact that you are not lost nor are you a loser at love. You are right on time for YOUR happily ever after.
Stay tuned for more tips on how to set yourself free from dating drama and disappointment.
And if you’re REALLY ready to do what it takes to find Mr. Right, enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge.
Pick up my man-ifesto for meeting Mr. Right: If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right, available on Amazon and in bookstores.
For added support, join my Facebook Fan page here:
http://www.facebook.com/LisaSteadmanFans
Love that! In the meantime, focus all that love and attention on Y-O-U.
Happily Ever After…an archive favorite
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 9, 2010 - 7:12 am
This happens to be one of my all-time fave stories ever shared with The Breakup Chronicles. Enjoy!
By Lani Voivod
I would start with the image of a semi-crushed can of Keystone Light flying across a seedy motel parking lot in Cody, Wyoming at four in the morning, followed by an impassioned SLAP in the face, but it all sounds like one big freakin’ cliche. So I’ll pick some arbitrary spot on the timeline, label it “The Beginning,” and start there instead.
Mr. Ex arrived at the resort toting nothing but a duffle bag and a crooked smile. I had been working on the outskirts of Nowhere for about two months – two months that felt like a few hard, lonely years at Sing Sing. I had fled my life in our nation’s capital to claim a personal sabbatical in the Wyoming wilderness at the ripe old age of 24. Ironically, heartbreak was the catalyst for that decision, too.
On the national spectrum of good-looking men, Mr. Ex would probably fall in at about a five. On this remote resort’s spectrum of good-looking menMr. Ex leaped to a whopping nine. He had all his teeth, a full head of hair, some rippling muscles, and the flirty confidence of Tom Cruise.
He also had a teardrop tattoo (gang slang for, “Look at me! I’ve murdered a rival gang member!”) and an Indian-inked “ODESTO” tattoo that sprawled across his abdomen. It was supposed to say “MODESTO,” as in Mr. Ex’s hometown, but unfortunately for Mr. Ex, the artist/fellow inmate ran out of ink before he could finish. I guess they were too busy with cockroach races to bother finishing it up over the rest of the six-month sentence Mr. Ex earned for robbing a mini-mart of $40 and a case of beer.
Here are my excuses: I was lonely, drunk, heartbroken, desperate, deluded, stoned, and lacking in self-esteem, self-worth and self-knowledge – not necessarily in that order. I didn’t know what I wanted out of life, thought I had lost my youth, and had gained 40 lbs. in two months. At such times in a woman’s life she sees only one “cure,” however temporary. That cure is SEX.
Mercifully, Mr. Ex was too drunk to notice the sprawling lard that was my ass and my bad perm. He spoiled me with booze and sweet, city-licked poetics, plowing through his meager paycheck in one sitting. We went on hallucinogenic hikes through grizzly-infested woods. We lit bonfires anywhere we pleased and insisted we were “one with nature.” Short, unexpected bursts of intelligence and insight were punctuated with the word “dude” and his air-headed laughter.
Among other things, he begged me to buy him a wallet with a chain attached to it. Lord knows what he intended to put in it, but I acquiesced. I had become some sort of white trash sugar-mama. I was even contemplating a life in a pick-up and cab-trailer with this moral-less, penniless, vision-less moocher, and yet somehow I thought my father was the crazy one when, after a long talk in a phone booth, he suggested I was out of my damn mind.
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Which brings me to a certain motel parking lot. After a long day attending to some weird crisis involving evictions, suspended licenses and general mullet-filled drama, I found myself shelling out yet more money for a room in town in which about ten misfits – myself included – would party and crash for the night. Several cases of cheap beer later and I’m standing in a parking lot at four in the morning, REALLY angry, looking Mr. Ex straight in the eyes. My eyes are red and puffy from crying, and we’re fighting over something -definitely something ridiculously stupid.
It is at this degrading point that I throw the semi-crushed can of Keystone Light across the parking lot. I would have said this is the absolute lowest point in my life, but, ever the perfectionist, I had to up the ante by actually slipping further down the hole of humiliation and slapping this guy hard across the face.
I don’t know why he didn’t hit me back. He wanted to – I could see it in his eyes – but he didn’t. The sound of the slap in the pre-dawn Wyoming air woke me up to the absurdity of the scenario. It also summoned three inner truths that had been in hibernation for some time:
I want better than this.
I deserve better than this.
I AM better than this.
I went back inside, crashed on the floor next to a bunch of other lost souls, and woke up again a few hours later to a brand new day.
Thank God.
Mr. Ex left the following week with one of the other female lost souls sitting faithfully by his side. They had found a 1978 pick-up in town for $300 and decided to seek their fortune in Jackson Hole. I stayed on at the resort through winter, left around the first day of spring, and headed south on Rt. 25, eventually bound for Southern California.
Less than six months later I met my husband. My darling, beautiful, intelligent, handsome, law-abiding husband, whose only tattoo is a tattoo of a playing card: the seven of hearts. He surprised me with it about six months after we moved in together. He says it’s his good luck card, and I’ll happily ever after take his word for it.
Funny how life works out. You just can’t make this stuff up. I guess, in the end, it all sounds like one big freakin’ cliche, huh?
What’s YOUR Breakup Chronicles story?
Feel like you wasted years with Mr. Wrong?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 8, 2010 - 7:55 am
Be honest…
When you look in the rearview mirror of your last relationship, do you:
A. Kick yourself for staying too long
B. Feel like you wasted weeks, months, years of your life that you’ll never get back
C. Worry that your ex still has time to get everything he wants, but it’s too late for you
D. All of the above
Whether you chose A., B., C., or D., the good news is that it’s never too late to be true to yourself.
Did you stay longer than you should have in the wrong relationship? Maybe. But you probably still had lessons to learn. Can you recoup those so-called wasted weeks, months, years? Not literally, but cosmically, yes.
How?
By learning your lessons, promising to never again repeat patterns and habits that no longer work for you, and by remaining consistently committed to your amazing future. If you commit to your successful future, you will never again waste time on the wrong guy.
First, you must commit to doing the following:
1. Make your list of relationship wants, needs, and requirements so you’re crystal clear about what you do and don’t want
2. Become a red flag specialist who never again ignores all the signs that Mr. Wrong is NOT The One
3. Trust that Mr. Right is out there for you and don’t get unnecessarily sidelined by men who don’t match his description
4. Create a life you love so that you’re not waiting around for some guy to rescue you
5. Let go of unhealthy baggage that’s stifling you and keeping Mr. Right away
Can you see how getting hung up on the time you may have wasted with Mr. Wrong only keeps you stuck? Give yourself permission to set yourself free and move on — for good!
Stay tuned for more tips on how to set yourself free from dating drama and disappointment.
If you’re ready to do what it takes to find Mr. Right, enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge.
And be sure to pick up my man-ifesto for meeting Mr. Right: If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right, available on Amazon and in bookstores.
For added support, join my Facebook Fan page here:
http://www.facebook.com/LisaSteadmanFans
Breakups 101: Letting Go Of Your Old Self
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 7, 2010 - 7:00 am
Are you feeling hung up on your ex?
Paralyzed and not sure how to move on?
Wondering if you’ll ever find love again?
Stop.
It’s time to set yourself free.
In order to heal and move on after heartbreak, your first order of business is to ask yourself what aspects of the old you no longer work. Keep in mind that your mission is not to launch a personal attack on your psyche. Rather, this is an opportunity to examine who you used to be and who you’re slowly but surely becoming, along the way identifying any old behaviors, beliefs, and/or personality traits that may be holding you back. Things you may want to leave behind include:
1. Limiting beliefs about love and relationships
2. Low self-esteem that inhibits your personal development
3. Deep seated fears that forecast a bleak future
4. Walls and/or boundaries you put up to keep people out but ultimately leave you isolated and unhappy
By letting go of what no longer works, you take yet another step towards your bright future. So go ahead, ask the question:
What is it about my past self that no longer works?
Make a list of at least ten things. The more thorough you are in this exercise, the better. If you need help getting started, feel free to borrow from the following sample list, as it applies to you.
What is it about my past self that no longer works?
1. I was too needy with my ex (and in every other relationship, too)
2. I didn’t feel like I could be myself around my ex and his friends
3. I have a bad habit of throwing temper tantrums when I don’t get my way
4. Everyone I know is miserable and unhappy, so I’m doomed to be miserable and unhappy, too
5. I’m afraid I’m too screwed up to have a good relationship
Once you’ve made your list, review it. Pay special attention to how many items on the list relate to your ex as well as how many issues you’re still holding onto because of your ex, thinking there’s still value in being defined by them or him. The truth is, it doesn’t matter who you were with what’s his name. What matters is who you want to become now that you’re free to be your most authentic self. That’s one of the gifts your breakup gave you — the opportunity to become the real you.
Look at the list again. How many items on the list relate to low self-esteem or limited beliefs about what you deserve in life and love? There are probably at least one or two. Whether you know it or not, the only thing standing between you and the beautiful/amazing life you deserve is your future belief system. Your past beliefs don’t matter. Your new set of beliefs can be whatever you want and need them to be. You, too, can be whomever you want and need to be. The only thing stopping you is, well, you. Today, get out of your own way and embrace a healthy and happy new belief system.
For help with this exercise, pick up a copy of my book If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right.
Do you feel like a failure at love?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 6, 2010 - 6:47 am
One of the biggest signs that you’re not yet ready to find Mr. Right is that you’re stuck in the trap of “What could have been.” Specifically, you’ve fallen into the nasty trap of believing your ex was The One, and without him, you’re doomed.
Sound familiar?
Here’s another common trap I see women fall into…
They feel like a bit, fat failure at love.
When you look back at past relationships and see that the only two common denominators are you and the fact that the relationship ended, it’s easy to fall into the false assumption that you must be a failure at love. And while it’s true that you participated in each and every one of those past relationships, it’s also true that there was something about each of those relationships that worked for you at the time. On some level (emotionally, spiritually, sexually, etc.), you got something out of it. And you stayed because that need was being fulfilled.
The truth is, you are not a failure at love.
If you apply the lessons you’re learning from past relationships to your future, you’ll never again repeat those same issues, patterns, and mistakes. In fact, if you apply the Goldilocks principle to your next relationship, learning from what did and didn’t work in the past, you may even get it “just right” next time!
The key is to learn from the past, make the decision to stop repeating the same mistakes over and over in relationship after relationship, and choose better next time.
How can you learn from past relationship mistakes and STOP feeling like a failure at love?
Stay tuned for more tips on how to set yourself free from dating drama and disappointment.
And if you’re REALLY ready to do what it takes to find Mr. Right, enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge.
Pick up my man-ifesto for meeting Mr. Right: If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right, available on Amazon and in bookstores.
For added support, join my Facebook Fan page here:
http://www.facebook.com/LisaSteadmanFans
Breakup Behavior to Avoid: How to Keep Your Breakup from Becoming a Breakdown
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 5, 2010 - 7:00 am
Like the old song says breaking up is hard to do. But you don’t have to have a total breakdown. Instead, adhere to the following post-breakup Do’s and Don’ts and you’ll be healing your broken heart in no time:
Don’t: Call, email, or maintain any other contact with your ex. It’s just not healthy for your recovery. Instead, use this post-breakup time to focus on yourself and your own healing.
Do: Create a support group of friends (a.k.a. your Boo-Hoo Crew) who can help you through your post breakup recovery.
Don’t: Spend too much time obsessing about what went wrong, how things could have been different, or continue to ask yourself Why?
Do: Accept that the breakup has happened, give yourself time to heal, and allow yourself to mourn the loss (a.k.a. celebrate your slump).
Don’t: Engage in risky post-breakup behavior including rebounding and revenge (it will just cloud your vision and/or result in legal action).
Do: Take all that post-breakup rage and channel it into positive, healthy outlets. Join a gym and kickbox your rage away. You’ll look and feel better in no time! Instead of trashing your ex’s stuff, why not donate it to a homeless shelter? He still loses out on his Little League trophies, favorite blue shirt, etc. but someone else – someone in need – benefits!
Don’t: Lose yourself in misery. While it’s okay to celebrate your slump, the time will come when you’ll want to dump your slump, which is why you can’t get caught up in the post-breakup blues. Give yourself time to feel the pain, but then give yourself permission to move on.
Do: See your breakup for what it really is – a chance to learn some important life lessons, celebrate your resilience, and eventually meet someone new (someone better suited for you who would have gone unmet had the breakup never happened).
For hands on help getting through your breakup, grab copies of my survival manifestos It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good! and It’s a Breakup, Not a Breakdown Workbook: A 21-Day Action Plan to Plot Your Revenge, Spoil Yourself, and Find Out How Good Your Life Is Without Him.
For added support, join my Facebook Fan page here:
http://www.facebook.com/LisaSteadmanFans
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