Blog « Lisa Steadman

Punk Rock Girl: Boy Meets Girl, Boy Loses Girl. Thank God!

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 2, 2012 - 4:17 pm
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In this Breakup Chronicles oldie but goodie, Jeff F. of Redondo Beach waxes eloquently about the girl who got away (Thank God!). I love getting the guy’s point of view. Check it out…

The day that I really learned I was a dumb shit was the same day that Ms. Ex and I tried to re-kindle our romance by getting matching tattoos. This was our attempt to re-ignite, for all the wrong reasons, a fizzled romance that had ended two years prior.

I first met Ms. Ex while I was in college. She had just started Law School while I was beginning my third semester as an undergraduate. I was five years her junior, but now I realize that my maturity and her lack-there-of bridged that gap nicely.

I was in awe of her. She wore the badges of “cool” commonly recognized inside the “alternative” group of people I liked to associate with. We felt that we were better than everyone else was because we CHOSE to be different. Ms. Ex’s look was the first thing that I fell in love with: She was tall and thin, with short dark hair, beautiful milky white skin, and she had been a punk rocker when it meant something to be one. Little did I realize that the SOMETHING was a giant chip on her shoulder and a nagging habitual use of heroine.

She oozed cool. She also had cool friends who were lesbians, or in bands, or who drove cool old cars and listened 50’s music all the time. She was different. I loved that about her. I had always attempted to separate myself from other people by hanging with the “different” or “alternative” kids. Cool to me meant wearing Doc Martin boots well before they became fashionable, hanging out with the punk rock crowd, writing poetry, and hating others because they were trendy. But compared to her, I was little more than a poseur. To me, she was the real deal and I looked up to her because she had lived the life that I wanted, or so I thought.

I offered her young exuberance, a shameless fear of nothing, and the chance to rekindle her youth by taking her to see the nouveau, post-punk bands of the late eighties. We trudged to dingy little clubs on Sunset and in East LA to see bands like Big Drill Car, ALL, and the Descendents. She fell for me the night I let her hold my leather jacket as I joined the “slam pit.” When not getting my ass kicked in the middle of the crowd of drunken idiots, I was holding her hand. It was the perfect juxtaposition of cool-dude and sensitive-boy. She kissed me first, and I acted as if I didn’t know it was coming. It was these acts of coy playfulness that won her over for an entire year.

We weren’t completely honest with each other, though. While I hid from her only my deep-rooted fear that some day she would realize that I wasn’t cool enough for her, she hid from me an expensive, debilitating drug habit. Obviously, a romance built on such tenuous ground would never last, but we soaked up as much of each other as possible before her love gave way to her annoyance at pretty much everything about me. I think that my “non-cool” interests began to take their toll on her. She was especially infuriated by sports of all kinds, and my participation in them. I not sure why, maybe it was because the shoes I wore while playing basketball or soccer weren’t cool enough for her. Whatever her motivation was to break it off, I was devastated by the breakup. But I survived and eventually moved on.

The two years following our initial breakup flew by pretty fast. I shirked most alternative/punk rock social gatherings to concentrate on my studies, while Ms. Ex dated lots of men who looked like Elvis, drove cool cars, and who probably took her to see even newer, “cooler” bands. I met new types of people, and made new valuable friendships. I bottled up my attitude and opened myself up to more of the mainstream. While I didn’t start line dancing or listening to Michael Bolton, I did try to see other people’s points of view and I shed the “cool” look for jeans and t-shirts. It felt good to experience life from all sides, and I think I started to grow up.

But two years after our initial breakup, Ms. Ex and I had a chance re-acquaintance. She was taking her BAR exam in a hotel next to the building I worked in. We talked a little, exchanged numbers, and started dating again.

I had changed though. No longer did I judge people based on pre-conceived notions. No longer did I place their value on their hair or choice of comfortable footwear. I had grown out of that phase and realized that my choosing a clique based on being different was no better than those who chose to be just like everyone else. I had been judging people based on what they wore rather than who they were, and I had forced them to do the same to me because I wanted them to know that I was DIFFERENT.

Unfortunately, Ms. Ex had not come to the same realization in the two years we had been apart. And while I tried to get back into “the scene” with her, I pretty much refused to wear the badges that she felt were essential to being cool. I should have known that it would never last when the first words she said to me were “Where are your DOCS,” referring to my lack of “cool” footwear.

I had been dating a nice, un-cool girl who loved me and who I loved back. But I dropped her like an old sock for another chance with Ms. Ex. I don’t know exactly what I was thinking. I had come so far in the two years we had been separated, but the chance to be with her again was too intoxicating to pass up.

One night, about two weeks into out rekindled relationship, as I sat outside a run-down beach shack in Hermosa Beach, I came to a realization. Ms. Ex was inside getting “fresh ink.” It was my turn next. I was smoking again. That was another savory habit that came hand-in-hand with dating Ms. Ex. I realized that I didn’t want to get a tattoo. I didn’t want to be sitting outside on the sidewalk, smoking and trying to be cool, and I didn’t want to be wearing these new Doc Martin boots she had purchased for me. Why couldn’t she see that cool was not what you wore, but who you were? I kicked off the shoes and sat staring at my stocking feet for quite some time. I stared at the shoes, back at my feet and really started to wonder just what the fuck I was doing.

“You’re a dumb shit,” I said to myself.

I waited for almost half an hour, and then I went inside to check on Ms. Ex and her tattoo. She had finished getting her “ink” and was in the corner, shooting up with the ink artist. She really looked “cool” now. They looked pretty “cool” together: both wearing their “cool” boots, smoking “cool” Marlboro Reds, and both shooting that “cool” shit into their arms. I realized that I had been a dumb shit to go back to this life. She was the trendy-ass poseur, and I had been an idiot to not see it. I dropped the shoes, flicked my “cool” cigarette to the floor, walked out, and didn’t look back. I have been a better person ever since.

I love a self-actualized man. Too bad he’s married. Still, what a great story. And what an important lesson. If breaking up has taught me anything, it’s that you break up for a reason. Going back into a doomed relationship only means you’re doomed to repeat yourself. Now I know some of you will beg to differ. And I welcome the opposition! Do you have a story about how a once-failed relationship later became a success story? Do tell! Post a comment below or connect with me on Facebook and share YOUR story!

Going The Distance: Girl Meets Girl. Girl Loses Girl. Amen!

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 3:59 pm
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Here’s another great story from The Breakup Chronicles archive. This one’s from Erica L of Los Angeles. Enjoy!

I didn’t know it at the time, but the relationship started as a personal challenge. I wasn’t in love, but I wanted to be. We were diametrically opposite people, she and I. Her: conservative, just entering the Los Angeles Police Academy, interested in making and accumulating money, athletic– a dedicated runner. Me: committed to community activism, outspoken, anti-firearms, a bookish, arts major with a decidedly leftist leaning – a nerdy couch potato.

My friends either shook their heads, or politely said they never thought to put the two of us together as a couple. Sure, there were aspects to her that I found initially winning. She was clean, tidy, and domestic; she knew how to cook a tasty meal – all things a far cry from what I’d been used to in the past. I was just appreciative of someone who could keep house. And her absolute discipline and love of athleticism – the most puzzling of all.

As a child, I excelled at words and pictures. In high school, Physical Education became synonymous with despair and dread. I’d grown up thin, a condition governed not by exercise, but by the sheer luck of genes. I thought I didn’t need exercise; after all, I hated sweat and physical pain, and that’s what a workout represented. Why voluntarily place yourself in that sort of uncomfortable situation? I was now in an office job, but she resurrected those old high school haunts.

My girlfriend loved, more than anything, the burn of a demanding workout. She was the captain of her high school basketball team. She ran marathons. Every morning, she stepped outside her Hollywood apartment to run for an hour. A friend of mine spotted her on Los Feliz Boulevard, and reported to me that it was like watching a gazelle sprint. One summer, while still in college, she obsessively ran three times a day, in the desert heat. She was lean, and proudly sported a six-pack.

I’d never been called fat in my life until her. As someone who fit a size six, I was flabbergasted. Still, her tactlessness caused both pain and resentment. I’d never experienced body issues before, but her gaze seemed to cut my body up into sections much in the same way butchers’ charts do. OK, maybe I was soft, but I wasn’t overweight! Or was I? According to her, I had a six-“fat”.

Pretty soon, I was joining her gym, and buying my first pair of running shoes. She taught me the best way to lift weights. I gritted my teeth through each crunch, defiant and determined not to be bested. My body transformed, despite my bad attitude, over the span of three months. I saw the difference in toned muscles; the word, “chiseled”, took on extra meaning. I knew where my deltoids lay. Exercise allowed me to manipulate my body, but I still felt no love for the activity, and conflicted about its results.

After a while, she felt I didn’t meet up to her expectations, and I got sick of waking up and kicking her gun, casually thrown on the floor. Not to mention the beginning of some explosive arguments. When the relationship finally ended, it was not without relief. But definitely, not without fall-out. My time with her firmly planted seeds of self-doubt and loathing; I lost a relationship, but gained body issues, revealing my body to be a despised and unorthodox landscape. It’s an awful feeling when you know the issue, realize its irrationality, but still fall prey to it, repeatedly. I was in a rut, worse off than before I met her, and I deeply resented the one and only method that would solve the problem.

The day we broke up, I wondered to myself when I’d be at a place where I loved and felt proud of my body again. I wondered for several years, dragged down by the twin feelings of apathy and guilt. It didn’t help that our paths still crossed once in a while, her eyes still cutting me up.

Physically, I felt I still brought nothing to the table.

Until last summer. In an attempt to overcome my hydrophobia, I signed up for swimming lessons and fell in love. Finally, an exercise that didn’t feel like a work out, and was fun! A once bona-fide couch potato, within 4 months, I dropped a pants size, and my jaw line showed up sharp in photographs. My father took my face in his thick hands, and asked me if I was eating enough. But it was not due to any special diet; under steady visits to the pool, my frame tightened up much in the same way a sculptor removes excess clay. I feel lighter and leaner than ever before, not just physically but mentally. Five lessons later, I am still swimming.

Post a comment below or connect with me on Facebook and share YOUR story!

Got Clutter? (What’s it costing you?)

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 30, 2012 - 12:23 pm
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I have a confession to make. I’m a clutter creator.

It’s not something I’m proud of. In fact, most of the time, I’ll deny it. But since it’s just between us (and everyone on the world wide web), I’ll call a spade a spade.

I create clutter. Honestly, I come by it naturally. My mother is the Queen of Clutter.

But it’s not her fault, really. She’s creative and her crafts create clutter. From the piles of fabric that she’ll one day use for a quilt (the woman quilts daily, so it’s entirely possible) to the old issues of Guideposts she’s saving for only God knows what to the stacks and stacks of THINGS…need I say more?

But this isn’t about my mother’s clutter.

This is about me and my clutter issues, which I didn’t even realize I had until one day about a year ago The Hubs was in my office and I caught him looking around in what looked to be concern. I surveyed the messy office, with piles of paperwork, unfolded clothes, office supplies not yet put away and realized, Maybe this isn’t normal.

And that was the trouble. The clutter didn’t bother ME. But the fact that it might bother him without occurring to me bothered me. Do you know what I mean?

And so began a year long journey of Closet Clutter. While my office itself looks relatively neat and tidy, all you had to do was open my office closet door, which my husband NEVER did, and see the real story – an overflowing trash bag filled with documents needing to be shredded and recycled, paperwork that needed to be filed but who had the time?, and any other items that just didn’t belong somewhere had found their way to the bottom of my closet.

A week ago, something happened. I opened the closet door, looked down at the clutter, and was DONE.

The next 4 hours were spent shredding, filing, tossing, and organizing every last scrap of paper, article of clothing, pair of shoes, business card, and receipt.

When I was done, I emerged from my office, dusty and trailing loose paper shreds, and smiling triumphantly. The Hubs just looked at me quizzically. Since he had never seen THE MESS, he had no idea how significant THE CLEANUP was.

Trust me, I said, kissing him on the cheek as I skipped down the hall, It’s significant.

The following week, I experienced the best financial week of 2012.

I felt lighter, had more clarity, and experienced a renewed enthusiasm for my life and business.

Coincidence? Me thinks not. Which is why when I met my new BFF Kathleen Ronald, I just HAD to share her with the Woohoo Radio audience.

Meet Kathleen Ronald

Known as the “Queen of De-Cluttering,” Kathleen is also an unparalleled networker, an internationally renowned speaker-trainer, business consultant, contributing best-selling author and the founder of Speaktacular.

Kathleen has devoted over 30 years to helping organizations redefine their ideas of what’s possible. For more than 18 years, companies and solo-preneurs have hired her as a culture-change consultant, resulting in first-year revenue increases of 20-50%.

Kathleen’s Clutter Clearing System is her #1 life and business strategy.

This week on Woohoo Radio, Kathleen’s joining us to reveal how clutter affects 19 areas of our lives, including our physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological, and financial harmony.

Whether you collect clutter or not, you don’t want to miss this week’s show. Not only is Kathleen a change agent, but she’s one of the most hilarious people I’ve met in a long time!

Join us Wednesday at 2pm Pacific | 4pm Central for Woohoo Radio live on Toginet.com.

And connect with Kathleen online at http://www.speaktacular.com/ and on social media at twitter.com/connectingqueen and http://www.facebook.com/kathleen.ronald.

Can You Spare Some Change?

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 25, 2012 - 12:04 pm
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How often are you solicited for money?

Think about it. From homeless people on the street or at the freeway off ramp begging for spare change to email marketers asking you to invest in your future by purchasing their program to catalogs, billboards, bumper stickers, and TV commercials all trying to get into your wallet…

While the question on everyone’s subconscious is Can you spare some change?, how many of the people or companies asking for a handout are actually MAKING change?

Not many, I’ll bet.

Imagine what the world would actually look like if everyone who was asking you for spare change STOPPED asking for money and STARTED creating change, starting with themselves.

I’m talking about making a difference. And not just in your own life, but in small, sometimes inconsequential ways that could eventually lead to BIG changes in the world. In raising The Wee One, The Hubs and I are hoping to make incremental changes to her future that can forever change the trajectory of her lineage.
We’re not the only ones making incremental change.

My friends Tim and Susan Madden are not only sparing some change, but they’re MAKING change. Through their organization Be The Power Of One, they’re on a mission to end poverty through education. They’ve started working in Haiti, but theirs is a global mission and they’re just getting started.

Before you click away, thinking, I don’t have enough money to do that they do, or Giving is for the wealthy, hang on.

It’s that kind of thinking that keeps us from MAKING change.

The truth is, you CAN spare some change to MAKE change.

Fact: It only costs $10 a month or $120 a year to send a child to school in Haiti
Fact: If you gave up 2 lattes a month, you could send a child to school for a year in Haiti
Fact: It doesn’t just take one person with a boatload of money to help. It can be many people giving a dollar, an hour, a lunch, a warm thought to make a difference. BE the Power of One.

This week on Woohoo Radio, Tim and Susan are sharing how they started sparing change in their lives to create radical change in Haiti.

Watch this quick video from Tim and Susan and see for yourself how YOU can unlock The Power Of One in your own life:

Click here to listen to the podcast

Join us Wednesday at 2pm Pacific | 4pm Central for Woohoo Radio live on Toginet.com.
And join the Be The Power Of One movement online here as well as on Facebook.

Do Romantic Comedies Mess With Your Love Life

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 20, 2012 - 1:50 pm
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Be honest…do romantic comedies f*** with your love life?

In this episode of He Said, She Said, Charles J. Orlando And I weigh in on the dangers of buying into what romantic comedies tell us about love.

If you’ve ever compared your romantic relationship to Drew Barrymore’s, Katherine Heigl’s, or Jennifer Aniston’s, then it might be time to STOP watching romantic comedies and START getting real about love!

What’s your fave romantic comedy? Post it here.

Does Facebook Lead to Cheating?

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 18, 2012 - 9:52 am
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Be honest. Do you flirt on social media. Have you ever reconnected with an ex in hopes of rekindling an old romance?

Does Facebook lead to infidelity?

In this episode of He Said, She Said, Charles J Orlando and I weigh in on the dangers of flirting on social media. Find out if it’s healthy or harmful. And share your comments here or weigh in on Woohoo Radio live with Charles and me every first Wednesday of the month.

Love Has Four Letters—GIVE

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 9:07 am
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Love. Small word. BIG deal. Love makes this Woohoo Woman tick. Love for my husband, love for my parents, love for my work, love for life, love for my cats, love for The Wee One.

Sometimes the best form of love is the love we have FOR self. It’s also the trickiest because we always know a million reasons why we’re NOT lovable. And we often forget the many reasons we ARE.

This week on Woohoo Radio, we’ll be joined by my AMAZING friend Sherri Nickols who rocked my world over lunch last week when she revealed how love is transforming her life and the lives of everyone around her.

Sherri is the author of a brand spankin’ new book Sexy & Sparkling After 40: 7 Steps to Revitalize Your Radiance & Create Romantic Adventure in Your Life!

She’s also on a mission to redefine what love looks and feels like. And it has to do with another 4 letter word we often overlook: G-I-V-E.

In her own words, here’s what Sherri has to say about loving from a giving space…

From Gandhi to God it’s been said giving is one of the greatest components of love. The more you give, the more your world will become a dazzling place to live. Giving from the heart without any underlying motivation will ignite your diamond power and light you up from the inside out. Sparkling radiance, here you come!

The emphasis is on not having an agenda. If you are giving to get, it’s likely your results will be disappointing….The irony is that giving from your heart is the best investment you can make. There are no dividends anywhere in the world like it. You will always get back far more than you’ve given and you will always feel expanded and blissful.

Think how you feel when someone has given you something out of the goodness of his or her heart. Whether it’s a gift, an act of kindness, emotional support, or their time, aren’t you inspired to give back? It’s human nature to mirror so start creating a reflection of giving. Give your gifts and talents freely to loved ones, friends, cohorts, strangers, and the world. Stop hiding your light! Give what you can to others both emotionally and financially and you will start to see those protective walls that keep you small and separate start to crumble. You will feel so good about yourself you will glow with happiness, becoming irresistible.
One of the listeners of my weekly radio program, Mila, sent me an email I will always treasure. This beautiful woman from Sweden had tuned into my Valentine’s Day call, which was full of ideas for sparking romance in your relationship. After listening she decided to write her husband a letter acknowledging everything she appreciated and adored about him (Romance-Capade #3, Love Letter, on page 222). While he was in the shower she snuck in and wrote a passionate message including kisses on the mirror in red lipstick and then framed it with some sexy stickers. She placed her love letter beneath the message and slipped out before he was done. When he got out of the shower he was blown away by her surprise.

When he came out for dinner he was a different man. Normally on the quiet side, he was suddenly Mr. Jovial, talkative and responsive. He opened up to her in ways he never had before. She knew it was all due to the love letter, which had given him the gift of her true admiration of what she really loved and enjoyed about him. By opening up she created a space for him to open. Writing the letter made her feel a bit vulnerable because there is always that little voice saying, “what will he think?” or “will I be rejected?” But she was okay with those reservations, because more than anything she wanted to give him the gift of knowing the love that she felt for him. As for her husband, receiving this gift in the form of a letter gave him the luxury of reading and reveling in her love over and over again. Needless to say, he was overjoyed.

I love this story because in the end, her vulnerability proved to be her strength. How many times have you held back expressing your heartfelt feelings to your loved ones because of a fear that you’ll be rejected or it won’t be received the way you hoped it would? Yet when you hold back you’re actually giving power to your limitations and allowing your head to overrule your heart. You start thinking what the payoff will be for you to express your love; will you get anything in return?

This is what you want to get away from—step out of your comfort zone and express love without any expectations of what you’ll get back…The beauty of this type of giving is that it naturally creates a flow that’s going to bring you the love you want in return without you trying to control it. Can you feel the difference? Approaching any relationship, including the relationship you have with yourself, with what you can give rather than what you can get allows the truth to emerge and come forth.

There are a lot of ways to give love—don’t make this hard! You can make your man his favorite meal, tell your friend how much you appreciate her friendship, offer your time and services, give your mom a hug for no reason and tell her you love her, provide your sister a shoulder to cry on and be a good listener, hold the elevator, open the door for somebody pregnant or disabled, put money in the meter for a stranger without them knowing, pay the toll for the car behind you—the list is endless. There are a million little ways to show love. These acts of kindness are really just ways of paying it forward. They will be repaid at some point—karma is exact— you don’t need to figure out when or where or how. You just need to give with no expectation, from a place of willingness and a desire to be a generous spirit.
If you’re ready to reclaim your sparkle and create a Love brand that both gives AND receives, don’t miss this week’s show! And be sure to follow Sherri on Facebook and on Twitter.

Got questions or comments? Post them here or connect with me on Facebook.

Click here to listen to the podcast

What does it mean to rock the Woohoo that YOU do?

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 16, 2012 - 4:30 pm
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Don’t you just love a good light bulb (aka Woohoo!) moment?

I had one last week while I was a guest on Martin Presse’s Booya Radio Hour.

Martin was asking me about how people can find and choose a brand that works for their business. As I started to explain the Woohoo Way to Branding, I literally heard myself say, “When you rock the Woohoo that YOU do, it’s not about making you and your brand up. It’s about getting YOU down.”

Hello!

How’s that for a brand bullseye?

Which leads to my question for the day…

What would change in your messaging, branding, and business if you stopped making your brand up and simply got YOU down?

Would your audience resonate more with your story?

Would your lurkers become raving fans in record time?

Would some of those raving fans convert to loyal, happy, raving customers and clients?

Would you ignite your impact and have a bigger influence on the world around you?

And what opportunities would you magnetize to yourself easily and effortlessly?

Opportunities like…

•The chance to speak on the world stage (not 5 minutes after Martin asked me how I get booked to speak on international stages, he invited me to speak on his stage in October. I reminded him of his earlier question and we had a good laugh about how easily and effortlessly I magnetized the opportunity just by rocking the Woohoo that I do.
•The opportunity to share the Woohoo that YOU do on TV, radio, and on popular websites
•Publishers, producers, and managers clamoring to work with you and represent the Woohoo that YOU do (Last week, I signed up to work with a talent manager who loves the Woohoo that I do and sought me out, wanting to help me share it with the world. It’s possible for you, too!)
•Awakening your Woohoo Way to Wealth, a journey into the heart, soul, and rock star essence of you, your brand, and your business which magnetizes money and partnerships into your life just by being YOU.

All of this and more is possible when you STOP trying to do business like everyone else and START celebrating the Woohoo that only YOU can do.

Your next step is to get really clear about your mission for 2012 and beyond. Keep in mind your mission may have nothing to do with how you make money, but it’s an internal compass that keeps you consciously connected to your Woohoo Within. My mission is to give each and every person I come in contact with permission to be themselves.

Your next step is to align your mission with your brand and messaging. For example, when I talk about rocking the Woohoo that YOU do, I’m really talking about cultivating a rock star brand that matches the energetic essence of you, your mission, your message, and your innate greatness.

So how can YOU align your mission with your brand?

And then how can you monetize your mission?

Again, I’ll use my mission as an example. I realize that not everyone can afford to hire me as a brand consultant or coach. And given the direction my business is heading, I’m choosing to limit the number of private and group clients I work with on a weekly basis. I’ve created and am launching a brand new program this week called The Woohoo Way to Wealth that allows me to work with an exclusive group of individuals who are ready to ignite the impact they have in the world while rocking the Woohoo that they do. (Stay tuned – details coming soon!)

But here’s how I can keep my mission of giving everyone I come in contact with permission to be themselves beyond my coaching practice. (And this is what you should be doing, too. It’s how I magnetize opportunities to me on a daily basis.) Whenever I post on social media, speak at an event, write an email like this one, shoot and share a video, take care of The Wee One, love my husband, spend time with friends, and nurture myself, I embody my mission and message.

From bath time with The Wee One where we celebrate her beautiful baby belly to snuggling with The Hubs and thanking him for all he does to love and support me and The Wee One to sending my girlfriends thank you cards when they impact my life to stealing 5 minutes a day to meditate and tune in, do you see how my mission and message are always with me?

To REALLY rock the Woohoo that YOU do, it’s not just about making money, cultivating a buzz worthy brand, or building a rock star business. It’s about living, loving, and lighting up the world as only you can based on fully owning, embodying, and sharing your Woohoo Within.

What comes next is the Woohoo Way to Wealth and it’s an extraordinary, exciting, empowering journey that allows you to step into the spotlight, ignite your influence, and change the world as only you can.

Got questions or comments about how to STOP making your brand up and simply get YOU down? Post them here. Or leave me a comment on my fan page here: www.facebook.com/lisasteadman.woohoo