Personalized Matchmaker Q&A
Submitted by intersectionsmatch on January 29, 2008 - 10:15 am
I’m very excited to welcome personalized matchmaker Jasbina Ahluwalia to the blog. Enjoy!
Q: I’ve been dating a girl exclusively for the last five months, and am presently on a tight budget–any ideas for Valentine’s Day?
A:  Don’t worry about your budget, and instead focus on personalizing the celebration for her. Instead of going out to dinner, consider making her a candlelight dinner consisting of her favorite foods; or if you have no culinary bent, consider picking up a selection of her favorite foods and having a cozy “picnic” inside. Instead of buying a gift, consider creating a mix of either her favorite music, or music that holds significance for the two of you, or hand-made “personal services certificates” which can be redeemed by her (ie, for a romantic massage to be performed by you, or your performing chores/running errands she dislikes doing herself). Consider bypassing an expensive bouquet of flowers for handfuls of petals strategically sprinkled throughout her place. Forget about the budget, focus on personalization and celebrate having each other.
Q: I generally have a pretty flexible and accomodating nature. So, when asked by dates what restaurant or activity I’d be interested in, I generally let the guys know that “I’m happy with anything.” I’m noticing that instead of appreciating my answer, guys oftentimes appear put off by it. Am I missing something?
A: Being flexible and accomodating will generally serve you well in relationships, and is a great trait to have. However, consider this: generally when a guy you’re dating asks you what you’d be interested in, it’s his way of showing that he cares about you, wants to get to know you better, and would like to provide you with an experience you’d enjoy. When your response to a guy’s inquiry is always “I’m happy with anything”, the (unintentional) effect may be to not only discount his caring, but to deprive him of the opportunity to get to know you and provide for you.  So share your preferences, with appreciation and gratitude.
Q: I think that my live-in boyfriend may be cheating on me, but don’t know for sure. Are there any red-flags I should look for? Thanks!
A: I’m sorry to hear this. There are three signs you may want to consider. First, has your boyfriend started making any otherwise inexplicable recent changes with respect to his physical appearance (i.e. has he suddenly started working out extensively, changed his hairstyle, changed his wardrobe)? Secondly, has your boyfriend’s routine schedule/work hours inexplicably changed (i.e. his previous 9 am-6 pm workday now regularly starts earlier and/or ends later). Thirdly, has your sex-life changed (i.e. he’s suddenly interested in either less or more frequent sex, and/or has changed his sexual positions/adventuresomeness)? Please remember to consider all of these factors collectively, and be open to the possibility that there may be reasons (apart from cheating) for any of the above behaviors.Â
Got a question for Jasbina? Email your dating/relationship questions to Jasbina@IntersectionsMatch.com.
