After the Breakup: Facing Your Fear Factor
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 30, 2010 - 7:54 am
Are you facing the holiday season suddenly single? Did your breakup throw you for a loop? Are you struggling to figure out how to pick up the pieces and move on as the new year approaches?
When healing from a breakup and trying to move on, it’s only natural to be afraid to leave behind your old life, however painful, for a new life you know so little about. But what if instead of looking at your new life as unknown and scary, you see it as exciting, full of possibility, and with the opportunity to experience love, happiness, and fulfillment beyond your wildest dreams? What if the unknown future is more joyful, more satisfying, more amazing than your painful past? The truth is, I know your future holds all of those things. But in order for you to achieve it, YOU need to believe it. First, you may need to let go of your future-based fears.
See which of the fears below resonate most with you. By identifying where you’re stuck, you take the first step to healing and moving on.
Fear #1: Fear of Making a Mistake
What if you were to leap away from the life you’ve known and the ex you may still love, only to regret your decision? What if your new life was more miserable than the old one? Or worse, what if you took a flying leap away from your comfort zone and instead of landing on solid ground, you crashed and burned? The truth is, fear of failure can be powerfully paralyzing. If you let them, the what if’s can keep you stuck in your old life that no longer works — FOREVER.
Can I let you in on a little secret? The only mistake you can make at this point in your recovery is to stay stuck. Whether you know it or not, you’ve already taken a huge leap. The breakup happened. You’re still here. You’re well on your way to surviving and thriving. As the saying goes, feel the fear and do it (a.k.a. leap) anyway!
Fear #2: Fear of the Unknown
What will it be like over there? What if I don’t like it? These are common questions when you’re stuck in your fear of the unknown. But guess what? Whether you did the dumping or got dumped, your past no longer works for you. And your present probably feels an awful lot like limbo, a.k.a. being stuck. The only person who gets hurt in this scenario is you. Everyone else, including your ex, is leaping into their blissful futures. Why not feel the fear, take the leap, and join your friends on the other side? You deserve to move on. And I promise you, you will survive and thrive!
Fear #3: Fear of Leaving Your Old Life Behind
Regardless of how happy or unsatisfied you were with your ex, there was probably comfort in knowing what your immediate future looked like. You most likely knew who you had plans with on Friday and Saturday nights, where you were going for the holidays, and who you could count on in a crisis. And now I’m asking you to leave all that behind for a life you know nothing about? You better believe it! As scary as it sounds, it’s the only sane option. Which means that it would be insane to stay stuck.
Let me repeat that. Staying stuck in your old life and old ways is actually kind of insane. After all, that old life doesn’t actually exist anymore. And staying stuck in the past doesn’t honor the amazing individual you are right now and continue to become, thanks to the breakup. Leaping into your bright and beautiful future is the only sane option available at the moment. But before you leap, you may need to dump any excess emotional baggage, ties to your ex, and/or any old behavior and attitudes that no longer work for you. Think of it this way — you now have permission to not only let go of what no longer works in your life, but to reinvent yourself as well. Go for it!
Fear #4: Fear of Losing Control
There’s a little control freak in all of us (maybe even a big one!). And thanks to the breakup, your control freak is probably freaking out right about now. What about all those plans we had with the ex? What happened to our day-to-day routine? This isn’t control. This is chaos! To put it bluntly, your control freak does NOT want to embrace any more change right now, which means that letting go and leaping are out of the question. But guess what? Change is a natural part of life. Losing control happens from time to time. Going through a breakup forces you to lose control AND face your fears about change and the future. Now’s the time to face those fears and release them so that you’re able to let go and leap. I promise you this. You will not fall to your death. Instead, you are going to soar high in the sky — higher than you probably ever dreamed possible! But first, you gotta lose some of that control.
In reviewing the four reasons you might be feeling fearful about your future, were you able to identify which fear(s) currently hold you back? Regardless of which one resonated most with you, it IS possible to release all your fears and take flight. To put it another way, why wait? What else has to happen before you take that leap? Do you need to:
- Sink further into your post-breakup funk?
- Drive all your friends away with your obsessive rants about your ex?
- Get a (GULP) marriage announcement in the mail from your ex, a clear sign he’s moved on while you’re still stuck?
Why not give yourself permission to let go and leap today? Aren’t you worth it? I think so. But what’s really important is that you think so. Yes, change is scary. Yes, old habits die hard. But what’s harder and scarier is holding on to a past that no longer works, a past that has already moved on without you. And whether you know it or not, it has.
Starting today, let go of your fears moment by moment. Before you know it, you’ll be free to move into your brilliant future.
For hands on help getting through your breakup, get your copy of my book It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
You can also find comfort in other people’s breakup stories, courtesy of The Breakup Chronicles archive, AND get all the breakup rx advice you’ll need on my blog.
Ready to Rejoice, Renew, Reflect?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 29, 2010 - 7:00 am
As the holidays approach, are you approaching with sadness, despair, and disappointment over your last relationship?
If so, that’s okay. But it’s time for a reality check.
Instead of feeling sorry for yourself this holiday season, take the time to rejoice, renew, and reflect.
Ask yourself these questions:
- How did this year go?
- Where do I want to go next year?
- What do I want to celebrate that I learned this year, even if it was painful to learn it?
- What do I want to let go of that no longer serves me?
- What do I want to accomplish in the new year that I need to change my behavior to do?
Spend some time this holiday season rejoicing, renewing and reflecting. As you do, you will see that you are not behind schedule with your life, you are actually right on time.
For more tips on how to celebrate being single and ready to mingle this holiday season and into 2011, enroll in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
You can also pick up one of my 3 books, depending on where you are on the journey way from Mr. Wrong and towards Mr. Right:
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right
This Holiday Season, Become Your Own Arm Candy
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 28, 2010 - 7:00 am
Are you looking at the calendar and dreading the holiday social scene because you hate being minus a plus one at parties?
I get it.
But before you throw in the towel, hide under the covers, and mope until New Year’s, I’ve got a better idea…
Become your own arm candy!
You heard me.
Celebrate your fab single self so that when you walk into your next holiday party, you’re not announcing your breakup by suddenly being a minus plus one. Instead, you’re struting your stuff into that party like you own the room and are the most fabulous single woman there!
This may take some practice to cultivate if you are struggling with your self esteem these days.
Here are some practical tips to help you celebrate your fab single self :
- Get a new do’
- Get new makeup and a makeover
- Get a new wardrobe
Before each party, put on your fave fun girl music. Dance around the house. Put it on the car and rock out on your way to the party.
When you arrive, make your saucy entrance. Work the room. Laugh, have fun, and enjoy the party!
The goal here is not to make a love connection (although if that happens, great!). It’s to reconnect to your fabulous factor, heal your heart, and move on by New Years Eve.
For added support, pick up a copy of It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good! and It’s a Breakup, Not a Breakdown Workbook: A 21-Day Action Plan to Plot Your Revenge, Spoil Yourself, and Find Out How Good Your Life Is Without Him and immerse yourself in your very own 21 day recovery program.
You can also follow all my breakup rx advice and single and loving it advice for free on my blog.
Single this holiday season? How to survive & celebrate!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 27, 2010 - 7:00 am
With the holidays upon us, healing and moving on from a broken heart can be especially challenging.
You worry about being the only one minus a plus one at parties.
And sometimes you’re freaked out because you don’t want to answer all of those mind numbing and selfish questions:
Where’s whats his name?
What happened?
What went wrong THIS time?
Sound familiar? I get it. I’ve been there myself.
Healing your heart during the holidays can feel painful, hurtful, and like there’s something wrong with you.
Before you hide under the covers until New Year’s, give yourself permission to pick and choose the parties you go to.
Now, don’t become hermit — choose the parties where there will be people who love you, support you, and nurture you. Gravitate towards situations where your friends and loved ones can help you celebrate your single status.
While healing your heart during the holidays can be challenging, it’s not impossible. Stay focused, honor your progress and setbacks, and know that this, too, will pass.
For more tips on how to heal your broken heart and reclaim your single self this holiday season and into 2011, check out my breakup rx tips on my blog.
You can also pick up one of my 3 books, depending on where you are on the journey way from Mr. Wrong and towards Mr. Right:
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right
Tis the Season to…Celebrate Your Holiday Slump!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 26, 2010 - 7:00 am
With the holidays here, I’ve been giving you tips to help celebrate your single status so you’re not walking around feeling sad, depressed, and mopey.
But let’s be real. Sometimes a girl’s gotta feel sad, depressed and mopey.
Still go ahead – celebrate your slump this holiday season!
Give yourself permission to feel down, disappointed, and lost when the mood strikes you.
Give yourself permission to decline an invitation or two, If you’re not feeling up to being social. Sit on your couch, put on your sweats, watch a sappy movie, listen to tear jerking music, write in your journal, and/or read a good book.
Let yourself feel that slump and grieve.
Let yourself get mad, depressed, and feel every emotion you need to feel! You can’t really move through a breakup until you’ve experienced the 5 stages of grief.
While I don’t want you to live in your slump or spend the entire holiday season moping around, give yourself permission, when the mood strikes, to go to that dark place as long as you have an exit strategy.
For more tips on how to celebrate being single and ready to mingle this holiday season and into 2011, enroll in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
You can also pick up one of my 3 books, depending on where you are on the journey way from Mr. Wrong and towards Mr. Right:
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right
Minus A Plus One This Holiday Season? Splurge on Yourself?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 25, 2010 - 7:00 am
Here’s another great way to celebrate your single status this holiday season. With no expensive gifts to buy for your ex, you can splurge on yourself!
Maybe in the past you splurged a little to much on your ex during the holidays.
Maybe you stuffed his stocking, put a lot of presents under the tree, or bought the electronics you knew he would love.
Guess what? You don’t have to do that this holiday season. That is a HUGE savings on your budget.
And here’s what I want you to do with that cash. I want you to stash it away for something fun next year.
Maybe you put it away for that solo vacation you’ve been dreaming of, that home you want to buy, continuing your education or working with a coach. Or maybe you just want to do something fun and fabulous that in the past you’ve only dreamed of.
START DREAMING BIG!
Instead of overindulging this holiday season, be sure to celebrate your single self and set aside some cash for next year so you can have some fun and step into your fabulous future!
Ready to heal your heart by new years eve? Pick up a copy of It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
Top 5 Hot Singles Winter Getaways
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 24, 2010 - 7:00 am
‘Tis the season to celebrate being single! While your married with children friends are stuck at home trying to figure out how to assemble their kids’ Christmas presents, you are footloose and fancy free to get away from it all. Whether warmer climates beckon, an adventure on the high seas sparks your interest, or you simply want to slip away for a few days, there’s definitely a destination for you. In case you’re overwhelmed by all your winter getaway choices, I did a little homework and found the top five hot singles getaways this season. And now, for your reading pleasure…
Getaway #1: Set Sail on a Singles Cruise
Once upon a time, cruises catered to couples and families. The romantic dinners, family oriented activities, endless buffets, etc. Those days are over, my friends. All you have to do is Google “singles cruises” to see just how many cruises there are celebrating the single life. Love the idea of snorkeling, scuba diving, and/or hiking in the rain forest alongside your fellow single adventurers? Looking to relax poolside with other single sun worshipers? And what about the never-ending nightlife on board a singles cruise — the dining, dancing, live music, etc.? If the idea of setting sail in the company of like-minded singles appeals to you, then climb aboard this winter for destinations both known (sunnier climates) and unknown (a possible romantic rendezvous?).
Getaway #2: Hit the Slopes, Singles-style
Listen up, ski bunnies and other snow worshipers. One of the hottest singles spots this winter is the ski slope, of course! Whether you snowboard, ski, or spend your day lounging in the lodge, there’s no better place to meet like-minded singles than on a singles ski trip. All it takes is a little research to locate an organized singles ski weekend in your area or bound for your fave snowy slope. Recruit a friend or two to join you or make it a solo ski vacay — you decide. Then pack your parka, load up the skis, and board a bus for a few days of snow, sun, and fun!
Getaway #3: The Girl Getaway
Listen up, Ladies. With girl getaways increasing in popularity, what better time to take one with your best gal pals than this winter? Of course, first you have to decide where to go, and that all depends on your interests. Are you and your friends fanatical about art, wine, and/or culture? Then plan your trip accordingly including museums, wine tastings, and nightlife in Paris, Provence, or Italy. Would you and your posse prefer to get pampered? If so, a spa getaway complete with massages, mani-pedi’s, and facials should do the trick. Or, do you and your g.f.’s share a passion for fashion? Then perhaps a shopping spree weekend in New York City is the girl getaway for you. Regardless of how you and your friends decide to spend your vacation this winter, by spending it together celebrating your fabulous single gal selves, a good time will be had by all. And of course, if you fit in some nightlife complete with a little flirting with the local single guys, all the better!
Getaway #4: The Guy Getaway
OK, Guys. Wish you didn’t have to give up your golf game during the winter? Now you don’t have to. This winter, the hottest single guy getaway lets you not only “get away from it all” but improve your golf game as well. If this sounds like a win-win, then a golf school vacation is the ideal guy getaway for you and your buds. Of course, since you’re single and ready to mingle, golf shouldn’t be the only thing on the agenda. Therefore, you’ll want to find a resort golf school like the Nicklaus/Flick Game Improvement School in Scottsdale or the Advantage Golf School (various locations throughout Arizona) that also feature plenty of other entertainment in the surrounding area, including a happening nightlife. Golf by day, meet beautiful single women by night — what could be better? Be sure to book in advance as these guy getaways are becoming increasingly popular.
Getaway #5: The Do-Gooder Getaway
This holiday season, nothing’s sexier than doing something good for others. And if you’re single, why not combine your free time with a do-gooder getaway, a.k.a. a volunteer vacation? Nothing will make you feel more fulfilled than dedicating your vacation time to a cause near and dear to your heart. From helping to build a school or home in a needy community to swimming with endangered dolphins to record their behavior to tutoring orphaned children, giving back to others this winter is SO the thing to do. Plus, you never know who you might meet. A fellow sexy single with a charitable side? Score! To find out about volunteer vacation programs, visit charityguide.org.
So there you have it — the top five hot getaways for the savvy single this winter. Whether you’re looking to celebrate your single and ready to mingle self, simply want to get away from it all with your friends, or feel the need to do something good for others, there’s definitely a destination to fit your winter wishes. For help planning your singles vacay, check out Singles Travel International.
For tips on how to make the most of your single gal travel itinerary, check out the 60+ tips shared by 30 love experts during my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
How to be a Holiday Flirt!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 23, 2010 - 7:00 am
I’ve got another great tip to celebrate your single self this holiday season…
I want you to become a flirting master!
Now, you don’t have to lose 20 pounds to rock your inner flirt.
You don’t have to get plastic surgery or get a new wardrobe either.
Flirting can happen anytime, anywhere, with anyone.
When you’re at the grocery store and looking for produce, keep a look out for the cuties in your vicinity. Smile, make eye contact, and give him permission to approach.
By giving yourself permission to be open and to see who’s in your environment, you can start flirting and having fun today. This is your chance to reclaim your fabulousness, and what better time then the holiday season!
For more tips on how to celebrate being single and ready to mingle this holiday season and into 2011, enroll in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
You can also pick up one of my 3 books, depending on where you are on the journey way from Mr. Wrong and towards Mr. Right:
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right
How to get your ex back
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 22, 2010 - 7:00 am
Be honest…
As the holidays approach are you:
- Thinking about going back to your ex?
- Considering forgiving past betrayals, past lies, past deceits, past disappointments, past cheating, because you are afraid of being single and alone?
Don’t do it!
Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you will be alone forever.
Don’t be fooled into thinking you have to accept less than you deserve from someone in your past because your future relationship hasn’t showed up yet. When someone lies or betrays you, they are showing you a lack of character and also a lack of love and respect for you.
So rather than forgive them and continue moving into a relationship with them, take a step back and ask yourself what you truly deserve.
You don’t have to make it work with somebody because you have a history together.
You also don’t have to make it work with somebody because they were the love of your life.
Sometimes relationships end. Give yourself permission to walk away and move on. You can heal your heart by the holidays but you must stop going backwards. You must stop reconnecting to your ex. Instead, you must do something different to get a different result.
Starting today!
For more tips on how to get over your ex and move on by the new year, enroll in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
You can also pick up one of my 3 books, depending on where you are on the journey way from Mr. Wrong and towards Mr. Right:
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right
Woohoo Women of the Year Event Celebrates Women in Business with a Focus on Paying it Forward
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 21, 2010 - 7:46 pm
On Tuesday, November 30, 2010, 50 women business owners from around the country will gather at the first annual Woohoo Women of the Year event in Hollywood.
Hosted by best selling author, media personality, and CEO of Woohoo, Inc. Lisa Steadman, the event not only celebrates the leadership and passion of the 50 Woohoo Women in attendance. It also celebrates the hard work of women around the world. 50% of each ticket sold will be deposited into the Woohoo Women Lending Fund on Kiva.org, which helps fund women-owned businesses across the globe.
“By coming to the event and celebrating your own success, you actually uplift and uplevel the 49 other women in attendance AND help women around the world for years to come,” Lisa says, which was one of the reasons she created the Woohoo Women of the Year event. “I know so many incredible women who are in business for themselves. And they do amazing work on a daily basis to make a difference in the world. Often these same women don’t take the time to acknowledge their efforts, and instead are far too focused on what’s left on their To Do list. If we don’t celebrate the success we’ve already had, how can we make room for more?”
So what exactly is a Woohoo Woman? According to Lisa, all Woohoo Women possess 3 important qualities.
“First, a Woohoo Woman is living a life of her own design, or paving the way to live life according to her own rules. Even if she’s in the aspirational phase of her journey, she’s creating a vision for herself and getting ready to take her big leap. Second, a Woohoo Woman appreciates being part of a community of like minded women who support and celebrate one another, and mentor each other to success. Finally, a Woohoo Woman is interested in and available to uplift and uplevel herself and others.”
The event will take place at Gary Arabia’s Restaurant on The Lot in Hollywood from 6:30-10pm. Guests will enjoy strutting their stuff down the red carpet while being photographed by celebrated photographer Moriah Diamond, drink signature Woohoo!-tinis, and sample an incredible selection of Gary Arabia’s culinary creations, all while mingling with 50 of the most conscious women in business.
Event sponsors include Woohoo, Inc. Klean Spa, Om Aroma, Dhana, Inc., and Marketing Makes Me Smile.
If you’d like to join the circle of Woohoo Women who are stepping forward and celebrating their brilliance in a bold way while helping other Woohoo Women around the world, Lisa invites you to join her at Woohoo Women of the Year. To purchase your ticket, visit http://woohoowomenoftheyear.com/.
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