Neva A. Lockhart on why Unconditional Love is a Lie

Submitted by Neva Lockhart on June 29, 2010 - 9:08 am

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During Lisa’s 30 Day Get Out There Challenge, I invite you to shift your thinking about what love really looks like so that you can find the kind of love you truly deserve. First, let’s get real about unconditional love.

We all long to find the love of our life, and when we do, we want that love to be all dressed up in “unconditional love.”

We believe having unconditional love is not only what the soul requires, but that it will somehow fortify our relationships and guarantee our unions will last. We believe it to be the greatest expression of love that can be exchanged between individuals and therefore we all want it. So, why is unconditional love so illusive and unattainable?

We all know the term is used time after time in various ceremonies as well as when describing the love parents have for their children. In fact, the term unconditional love is used as the epitome of that kind of love.

So, really then, what does unconditional love mean?

I want to ask you a few questions about unconditional love.

1. Have you been looking for a person who would be willing to love you unconditionally?

2. If so, what does being loved unconditionally mean to you?

3. Do you know how unconditional love should feel?

4. Is the unconditional love you seek physical or emotional?

Please take a minute to think about your answers. Connect with your thoughts and feelings on the term. Doing so will be pertinent to you understanding the truth about unconditional love.

Did you find your truth about unconditional love?

Did you gain clarity on the mate of your dreams by defining what unconditional love is?

If you were able to answer any of those questions, you should know that you just set yourself up for failure.

Shocked? Don’t be.

There is no such thing as unconditional love. The very idea of unconditional love is a lie. The mere statement “I want someone to love me unconditionally” is, in fact, a condition.

Ladies – we need to have conditions on our love! It is misleading and confusing to think we do not. Putting conditions on love is not at all a horrendous gesture. It is an essential element in creating lasting and fulfilling relationships.

Case in point, we want to be loved in a way that makes us feel good about ourselves and the person we love. None of us should allow ourselves by word or action to be disrespected in anyway. We do not want to give love and not receive the love we put out. This, too, is a basic condition of love. Is this a new thought? No. Universally, ALL wedding vows have conditions. Remember this one, “I promise to love you in good times as well as bad;” or how about this one “until death do us part.” Again, these are conditions.

Conversely however, if you say to someone or they say to you, “I love you unconditionally,” what actually is being said is that neither of you are under any obligation to return the love you expect or deserve. Unconditional love means love with no expectations or requirements. To ask for a love with no expectations or requirements is to ask for no love at all.

What we all want is really basic. We want someone to love us they way they would love themselves. No person in their right mind would inflict emotional pain or physical harm on themselves. We want to be respected and honored and not humiliated or treated badly. So, conditional love NOT unconditional love is a requirement. You must love me with respect, honor and dignity. Conditions.

Do not be fooled by this overly dramatic term. Look at it for what it is, deceiving and misleading.

And finally, heard of “tough love?” You hear it in relation to the kind of love parents have to implement with children that have taken a wayward course. Even parents have limits and conditions on their love, as they should.

So when you are out there looking for Mr. Right, know the true Mr. Right will not try to trick you into believing you can love each other unconditionally. If you meet a man who does try to sell you on that lie, run the other way and keep looking!

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