Day 30: Celebrate YOUR success!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 30, 2010 - 6:00 am
Woohoo! Welcome to Day 30 in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge!
What was your favorite part of the challenge? What did you find most challenging?
Did you gain new dating skills, like how to flirt, how to talk to men, and how to be a man magnet in target rich environments.
What kind of results did you experience?
I can’t WAIT to here how you did during the challenge.
Even if you only implemented a few of the tips, celebrate your success. Treat yourself to a mani-pedi. A glass of wine. A relaxing massage. And keep rocking these tips moving forward.
And be sure to share your Woohoo!s here on the blog.
Day 29: Do you know the difference between Mr. Next and Mr. Right?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 29, 2010 - 6:00 am
With just two days left in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge, let’s review what you’ve been learning…
You’ve broken free from your belief that all men are JERKS.
You’ve unlocked the secrets of staying sexy, stylish, AND single over 40.
You’ve even learned how to date like a grownup.
Next, it’s time to understand the subtle differences between Mr. Next and Mr. Right. That way, when he shows up, you can recognize the difference.
Mr. Next is any guy you date who’s got potential. You can date Mr. Next as long as you want until you realize that he’s not a suitable match for you and your long-term goals and relationship requirements. Once you recognize that he’s not the guy for you, let him go. That way, you cut down on wasted dating time for both of you.
Mr. Right on the other hand is an elusive but oh so worth the wait guy who meets all of your relationship requirements, is emotionally available for commitment, and shares similar values and long-term goals. It takes time to find Mr. Right, and that’s fantastic! Not just anybody can be your perfect partner. Choose wisely.
For more on the sometimes subtle differences between Mr. Next and Mr.Rright, pick up my book If He’s Not The One, Who Is? What went wrong and what it takes to find Mr. Right.
And be sure to share your Woohoo!s here on the blog.
For more tips like this, check out http://lisasteadman.com/category/30-day-challenge/
Catherine Behan on Before You Try E-Harmony, Get a Dose of ME-Harmony
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 28, 2010 - 7:34 am
Here’s some great advice from my friend Catherine Behan on how to check yourself before you wreck your love life…
“I hate on-line dating!” Maggie sighed. “Everyone lies and posts pictures of themselves from 15 years ago.”
“I know what you mean,” moaned Lisa. “I want a guy over 6 feet and the last three matches were all under 5? 8!”
Can you relate? Have you worked and worked on your online dating profile and still attract people you would never pick for yourself? What’s wrong with the system?
Personally, I have worked with many people who have had excellent results with online dating. Some, though still single, really enjoy the people they have met through these dating resources. So what’s the deal? Why aren’t more people lucky in on-line love?
If you aren’t finding a good match, could it be that YOU are not a good match? Is it possible that you aren’t projecting the whole picture? If you are attracting people that are not even close to your ideals, you just might need to focus on a little ME-Harmony before you go to E-Harmony.
Long time singles like yourself have a Lost Love Legacy that holds your future captive. Each person you have encountered along the way…BFFs included, have left a sort of footprint in your mind and heart. Some past relationships have been good and the breakups mutual. But, the fact is, all past relationships have disappointments and heartbreak that lodge themselves in your heart.
No one is perfect. People hurt each other in relationship when misunderstandings happen, no matter how hard you try not to. When you attract the exact opposite of who it is you want to be with, it is a sure sign that you are coming across with a confusing vibration. The Law of Attraction is relentless and always brings exactly what you are vibrating…not what you are hoping for.
One part of you craves to be loved and adored. Another fears opening deeply to let love in. One part of you wants to co-create a marriage that works. Another part is intimidated by the negotiating it takes to walk it out.
One part of you wants a partner who is open and vulnerable. Another part of you is terrified of being open and vulnerable. See what I mean?
When you focus on ME-Harmony, you learn you can accept your doubts and fears and still move forward. Making peace with the ghosts of relationships past is the fastest way to get there. Each heart break in your past holds the power to make you an amazing partner. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. Finding self compassion and letting go of your hurts and disappointments will bring you to a place of shining self confidence.
When you have ME-Harmony, you may not even return to online dating. There is nothing more irresistible than a happy, confident person. Your luck in love will surely change when you choose that as your primary goal!
Curious about how to bring that harmony to yourself? Take the Soul Mate Quiz right here: http://AttractYourSoulMateNow.com
About The Expert
Catherine Behan is a gifted teacher, author, speaker, seminar leader and coach who has been helping people find True Love for over 30 years. She is the creator of “Seduce Your Saboteur: How To Enchant, Engage and Enlist Your Strongest Ally and Find True Love In 6 Months or Less.”
Day 28: Does the idea of finding Mr. Right freak you out?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 6:00 am
I rarely talk about what to do AFTER you meet a great guy.
And yet I find that this is where most women truly struggle.
We say we want love. We say we’re ready. And then when someone really great shows up who’s interested and available, we freak out. We sabotage. We run the other way.
Sound familiar?
As someone who has been there and done that, I had to break free of my own fears about actually finding love. My fears of being seen, heard, vulnerable, not to mention being in a relationship with an imperfect person. I had been looking for perfection for so long I couldn’t even accept a good man into my life when he showed up.
Until I broke free of my fear of what love actually looks and feels like.
If the idea of being in a relationship, taking risks, being vulnerable, and falling in love with an imperfect person terrifies you, pay attention to that. And works to shift your thinking.
Healthy and happy life is imperfect. You do have to be vulnerable. And that’s okay. That’s fantastic!
Surrender to the imperfectness of love. Give good guys a chance. And be willing to be imperfect yourself.
Got questions? Post them here.
For more tips like this, check out http://lisasteadman.com/category/30-day-challenge/
Day 27: Are you addicted to a man’s potential?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 27, 2010 - 6:00 am
Be honest. Do you fall over and over again for a man’s potential, only to be devastated and disappointed when he doesn’t measure up?
Stop. This is a vicious cycle you need to break free from.
So many women believe that a man’s potential is who he really is.
They’re wrong.
Who a man is TODAY is who he really is. Trust that. Believe that. And don’t try and change him.
If you cannot accept a man for who he is right this minute, don’t date him. Falling in love with potential will only leave you feeling frustrated. And it will only make your man feel like a huge disappointment.
It doesn’t matter if he’s the most talented artist, the most amazing singer, uber smart with tons of potential. If he’s not living up to that potential today and you can’t accept that, do not date . Period.
Instead, get clear about what you really want. Stop dating in extremes and date in the middle. And love yourself enough to stop sabotaging your love life by falling in love with potential.
Got questions? Post them here. I can’t wait to hear from you!
For more tips like this, check out http://lisasteadman.com/category/30-day-challenge/
Relationship Red Flags: Three things you must know by Jennifer Gauvain, MSW, LCSW
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 26, 2010 - 6:56 am
Earlier in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge, I introduced you to Jennifer Gauvain, co-author of the fabulous new book How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy: Is He the One or Should You Run? I’m thrilled to share Jennifer’s amazing insight into relationship red flags and how to stop ignoring them.
As you continue dating and meeting men during and after Lisa’s 30 Day Challenge, I want you to keep something in mind. When it comes to relationship red flags, there are three things you must know:
1. You can’t ignore them.
2. They are different for everyone.
3. Your gut feelings help you recognize them.
Let’s be honest. We all know what red flags in relationships are. They are seriously unappealing or problematic actions, attitudes and behaviors exhibited by your partner. We’ve seen countless articles detailing red flag after red flag. The problem is that while we recognize them, we often choose to ignore them.
My friend Jincey dated a guy who was 38 years old and lived with his mother. “I knew that was a red flag, but I ignored it,” she says. “One night, not too long after we started dating, we went back to his mom’s house to watch TV. He stripped down totally naked and sat on the couch. His mom brought us snacks and he just sat there. She cleaned up and ignored the fact he was naked. He must have done it all the time!” So what’s wrong with watching TV naked? Jincey said the real problem was his child-like dependence on his mother. Guess what? She married him anyway and it didn’t end well. “He could barely take care of himself and was terrible with money. He had a hard time keeping a job. He was sweet, but so irresponsible. He didn’t want a wife, he wanted another mommy.”
She would have saved herself a lot of heartache—and money—if she had paid attention to the irresponsibility red flag that was flying from the very beginning. “I just wanted the relationship to work out,” says Jincey. “I was tired of being alone.”
The other often misunderstood fact about red flags is that they are different for everyone. Jealousy, meanness, and avoidance are common red flags. And while it’s important to be aware of these red flags, a one-size-fits-all list doesn’t address your gut feelings. A-life-of the-party-girl may see extreme shyness as a red flag in a potential mate. Or a sports fanatic female may be turned off by a guy who dislikes sports. Or….maybe she won’t. Everyone’s different. So how do you know what a red flag is for you? Your gut will tell you. Or that little voice in your head will start to speak up and point out a potential problem in your relationship.
Katie, a 27 year old teacher, confesses that she is stuck in a relationship with the wrong guy. He’s a nice guy, but there are several red flags that are stirring up her gut feelings. “He sees the world as a sea of options, and has a hard time deciding what he wants to do,” she says. “Then, when he decides on something, he has a hard time sticking with it. That’s a red flag to me. And my gut questions his ability to help any family we might have someday. He also seems to care more about his adventures and his life than he does my own. It makes me think that he won’t be there for the important milestones in my life.”
Katie’s inner wisdom recognizes these red flags. Let’s hope she find the courage to take action. Here are some things to think about to make sure you can recognize red flags, and more importantly, not ignore them:
• When his behavior bothers you, pay attention. Is the little voice in your head trying to warn you about something? Don’t look the other way! Think about the behavior that concerns you and reflect on it.
• Ask yourself if you are changing your behavior in response to your boyfriend or partner’s behavior. Are you walking on egg shells? Are you avoiding difficult conversations? If you do try to talk about something, how does he react?
• Fast forward ten years. How will this particular behavior or attitude play out in the future? Will he be a good dad? A good friend? A solid employee? A reliable husband?
When it comes to red flags, what you see now is what you get later. Once you train yourself to recognize—and act on—the red flags in your relationships, you are on your way to a happier, more satisfying life. The choice is yours!
About The Expert
Jennifer Gauvain is the co-author of How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy: Is He the One or Should You Run? (Broadway/Random House, May 2010). She is a marriage and family therapist with clients around the country. For more information visit her website at coldfeetpress.com.
Day 26: Do you believe love is out of reach?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 6:00 am
Do you believe love is possible for everyone but you?
Are you convinced that you’re somehow the exception to the rule that happily ever after exists?
If so, then this is the REAL reason you’re single.
If our beliefs match our reality — and they do — then whatever you believe shows up for you every day.
Rather than spend another minute in despair about why love isn’t possible for you, why not instead shift your beliefs?
If needed, have amnesia for a day. Surrender to the fact that you have no idea when Mr. Right will show up. And live and love your life anyway. Pretend you have no relationship history bogging you down and TRUST that love is available for you. Tweak your love vocabulary and practice it throughout the day.
Report your progress and setbacks here. Good luck!
For more tips like this, check out http://lisasteadman.com/category/30-day-challenge/
Day 25: Plan a Girls Night Out
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 25, 2010 - 6:00 am
Now that you know how to talk to cuties every day, how to magnetize men, and how to flirt, today is the perfect day to play! So gather your gal pals for a girls’ night out.
Be strategic about where you go and what you do. The goal is to put into practice all of the skills you’ve been learning. So start by inviting three healthy and happy single girlfriends. Identify the ideal target rich environment for all of you. Then get all dolled up, put yourself out there, and have fun.
Make sure you’re approachable and easy going. Men can be intimidated by women in groups.
Practice being each other’s wing women, scoping out cuties and making connections. Laugh, be playful, enjoy yourselves. And above all else, have fun!
I can’t wait to hear where you and your gal pals go on your girls night out!
For more tips like this, check out http://lisasteadman.com/category/30-day-challenge/
Eris Huemer on 30 Of the Best Places to Meet Men
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 6:00 am
Here’s another gem of brilliance from my friend and dating coach Eris Huemer. 30 best places to meet men? Sounds like another 30 day challenge to me! 
You might be asking, “Where are all of the single fish in the sea?’
One of the Greatest Relationship Secrets that you must know now is: EVERYWHERE!
One of the greatest relationship myths is that “All the good guys are taken.”
In fact, the fact is that 44% of adult Americans are single, which means there are over 100 million unattached men and women. So, there have got to be some good – even GREAT – men out there.
So, the burning question on your lips right now is, “Where do I find these men?”
The answer is – OUTSIDE!
Yes, I said OUTSIDE. And, he’s looking for you.
That means he’s not in your home or hiding under your bed. And, he probably won’t be the mailman knocking on your door tomorrow morning. He’s out in the world, living his life, hunting for you.
That means that you need to start going out and about if you want to find your man.
As you probably know, attracting a relationship can be enjoyable but sometimes challenging. That’s why, if you want to attract the relationship that you want and deserve, you have to go where people gather.
But, before you start your quest you must know these 2 things:
1. What kind of a mate do you want to attract in your life? Write a list and be specific.
2. What hobbies do you enjoy? What hobbies do you want your mate to enjoy?
Write these things down and then begin to take on the perspective of men are everywhere. Remember the song “It’s raining men! Hallelujah!” Well, sing it and believe it.
After all, it’s all about perspective.
If you believe that all of the good men are taken. Then, you will attract all of the good men who are taken.
If you know that there are plenty of single, great fish in the sea, then that’s what you will attract.
Which perspective would you like to try on?
If you are ready to go out and attract the relationship that you want and deserve, I have scouted 30 of the top locations men can be found…
The Internet
Volunteering
The Apple store
A Fortune 500 or tech company
The weight room in the gym
A political rally or campaign
Sports Bar on a Sunday or Monday night
A volleyball league
A rock-climbing center
A steak house
Seminars
Business conferences
Baseball Diamonds
Restaurant Bar
Hotel Lounge
Polo Games
Golf Tournaments
Networking Events
Home Depot/Lowes
Singles groups
Grocery Store
Gas Station
Gallery Openings
Book Store
Best Buy
Airport
Work Functions
The Mall
Museums
The Beach
And the list goes on…
Do you get my drift? Men are everywhere.
There are many great men looking to attract the women of their dreams. I suggest that you go fishing and catch your mate.
Let me know how it goes. And keep rocking Lisa’s 30 Day Get Out There Challenge!
About The Expert
Eris Huemer, M.A., is an internationally sought after relationship counselor and coach, author, speaker and CEO of SIRE Enterprises, who specializes in doing Love Makeovers with singles and couples. She can be found at http://loveeris.com/
Day 24: F*** your beliefs
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 24, 2010 - 6:00 am
Ever wish you could have amnesia and wipe the slate clean of your limiting beliefs and bad love habits?
Do it today. Here’s how…
Instead of walking around with the same old tired belief system that says love is out of reach, relationship success is for others, that time has run out on your chance to get love right, change your story today.
Seriously, rewrite it. Get out a pen and paper and write the story you want to have. Get specific.
See yourself falling madly in love with someone who is equally crazy about you.
Picture your dream wedding. Be there. What music is playing? What food are you serving? How does it feel to be this blissfully in love?
No, this is not some cruel joke. By having amnesia for a day and connecting to the love you want and deserve, you give yourself permission to rewrite your story. You create the opportunity to break free of whatever is holding you back from believing it can actually happen for you.
If this exercise seems trivial or pointless, DO IT. Resistance proves that you need to do this exercise. Have fun with it. Play! Get creative! Give yourself the happily ever after ending you truly desire. You deserve it.
Once you’ve rewritten your beliefs, embody them for a day. Walk around strutting your stuff and knowing that your happily ever after future already exists. Mr. Right may not have shown up yet. But he’s here. And he’s doing everything possible to get to you. So why not do everything possible to get to him, including rewriting your story?
Share our stories here on the blog. I can’t wait to hear from you!
For more tips like this, check out http://lisasteadman.com/category/30-day-challenge/
