30 Day Woohoo Challenge: Day 28 — Disappointment vs. heartbreak
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 6, 2010 - 5:57 am
Suddenly Single: How to Reinvent Yourself After Heartbreak
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 5, 2010 - 6:00 am
Whether you just got out of a relationship, or have been struggling to heal your broken heart for some time now, figuring out how to move on can be confusing, fear-inducing, and downright uncomfortable. Not only do you have to let go of your past, but you’ve got to be willing to embrace the unknown future.
If the task sounds daunting, don’t worry. By unlocking the following seven secrets from my 21 day workbook It’s a Breakup, Not a Breakdown Workbook: A 21-Day Action Plan to Plot Your Revenge, Spoil Yourself, and Find Out How Good Your Life Is Without Him, you’ll unleash your personal reinvention and go from “I’ll never be the same” to “What was his name?” in no time!
Secret #1: Become a “glass is half full” kind of person
Maybe your last relationship wasn’t so good. Maybe your entire relationship history makes you feel frustrated, confused, and/or disappointed. Instead of embracing bitterness or defeat, why not take a step back and look at your life from a different perspective? Start by asking yourself what you learned from your last relationship and all those previous relationships. By embracing the idea that there’s a reason for everything and/or a life lesson to be learned, how can you shift from being a “glass is half empty” kind of person to seeing the glass as half full? It may be as simple as shifting focus to the blessings in your life, rather than obsessing about what’s missing. Starting today, practice gratitude for your home, your health, your job, your friends, your pets, and/or your family. By celebrating the many blessings already in your life, you’re better able to feel good about your future, and ultimately attract healthy, happy, whole individuals who are also “glass is half full” kind of people.
Secret #2: Play up your strengths
It’s all too easy to focus on our flaws. But what if instead you played up your strengths? For example, instead of obsessing about the fact that your butt’s bigger than you’d like, or your childhood was kind of screwed up, or that you got passed over for that promotion at work, celebrate the many ways you’re magnificent. For example, rather than feel bad about your bodacious booty, show off your sexy calves by wearing sassy heels and skirts. Or, let go of your dysfunctional childhood and instead celebrate the amazing friends you have in your life right now. Or, infuse your work with renewed passion and enthusiasm, getting your boss’ attention in the process and possibly earning yourself a promotion in the months to come.
Secret #3: Fall in love with yourself
We all have those days when we don’t feel pretty, think we’ve missed out on our chance at love, and/or in general feel frustrated about the state of our lives. When you start to feel this way, remind yourself of your own innate fabulousness. You ARE a catch! You have a fantastic life full of possibility! You’re an amazing human being, flaws and all. By celebrating who you are at your very core, and learning to accept yourself warts and all, you’re better able to love and accept yourself in the moment. In the process, others will take notice. Before you know it, you’ll be attracting like-minded individuals who love themselves, warts and all.
Secret #4: Don’t take life too seriously
Sometimes it’s hard to get outside your comfort zone, take risks, and go for what you really want. But guess what? Now’s the perfect time to take life less seriously and increase your level of every day enjoyment. The radical results? You’ll free yourself from self-inflicted judgment, and create a space where doing things that once scared you now feels not only possible but easy. Maybe you’ll start writing that book, take that trip abroad, approach a cute stranger and just say hi, or splurge on your first home (a feat that once felt impossible). Whatever it is that used to seem out of reach, give yourself permission to go for it, starting today. By not taking yourself or your life too seriously, you begin to enjoy your everyday experiences so much more and start attracting amazing individuals.
Secret #5: Make time for things you enjoy
It’s all too easy to get bogged down by obligation. But what if in 2009, you regularly took time away from your “have to” schedule for that equally important “want to” list? At least once a week, make a date with yourself and have some fun. From signing up for salsa dance class to attending a creative workshop that speaks to you to having game night with friends, play time is just as important (if not more) as work time. By creating space to feed your spirit, you awaken your best self. The results? A more satisfying life, plus the possibility of meeting like-minded potential partners.
Secret #6: Meet new people
Now that you’re single again, it’s time to get out of your comfort zone and find like-minded individuals. Volunteer for a cause near and dear to you. Join a new club or take up a new activity. Get involved in your community. In the process, you’ll meet inspired individuals with similar interests. Seek them out on a regular basis and enjoy time with new friends. You never know how these new connections will enhance your life. From finding love to embarking on new adventures to experiencing amazing new opportunities, now’s your chance to expand your social circle.
Secret #7: Invest in your personal development
With your heart on the mend, why not do something to inspire personal growth? It’s a great way to celebrate yourself and encourage continued expansion. Invest in a self help book that appeals to you. Spend time with a mentor or guru you admire. Hire a life coach and create and action plan for the next six months. By investing in yourself and your personal development, you’ll be well-equipped to celebrate the amazing individual that you are and continue to become. Love that!
Learning to celebrate yourself is the key to rocking your breakup recovery. By unlocking the seven secrets above in the coming months, you’re sure to go from Boohoo! to Woohoo! in no time.
Share your challenges and successes here or on my Facebook Fan page.
And be sure to get your very own copies of my books It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good! and It’s a Breakup, Not a Breakdown Workbook: A 21-Day Action Plan to Plot Your Revenge, Spoil Yourself, and Find Out How Good Your Life Is Without Him.
30 Day Woohoo Challenge: Day 27 — Leggo the Neggo
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 5:57 am
30 Day Woohoo Challenge: Day 26 — Celebrate your 2009 successes!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 4, 2010 - 5:59 am
Do you have a history of dating disasters, drama, and disappointment?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 3, 2010 - 7:44 am
Do you have a history of dating disasters, drama, and disappointment? Are you hung up on bad love habits? While you may have chosen inappropriate partners in the past, the one surefire commonality is this: Y-O-U
Don’t beat yourself up over your past. Instead, honor those experiences, apply necessary lessons learned, and start holding yourself accountable. Let me give you some examples:
If in the past you thought love had to be difficult, painful, and/or hard, you may have gravitated towards relationships that matched your belief system. As a result, you probably found yourself involved with someone who was combative, dismissive, demeaning, and/or withdrawn.
If for some reason in the past you thought that you were undeserving of love, chances are you gravitated towards relationships that lacked love. For instance, maybe you got involved with an addict or a workaholic. You may have even found yourself the other woman. These are scenarios where you would definitely feel unloved.
If you felt unattractive and unhappy with your physical appearance in the past, you might have gravitated towards partners with commitment issues or who were perfectionists and constantly picked at your self-esteem. Or, you may have chosen to get in a relationship with someone who was not your equal because you thought they were all you could get.
If you’ve ever held onto the notion that a partner would fix whatever you didn’t like about yourself, did you find yourself in past relationships choosing partners based on their external worth rather than their personality and character?
These are just some of the ways your limiting relationship beliefs may have contributed to unsatisfying and unhealthy relationships in the past. Sound familiar? If so, congrats! One of the first steps on the road to breaking free of limiting relationship beliefs and bad love habits is to perform an autopsy on your past relationships, learn some lessons, and ultimately hold yourself accountable.
Ready to say Bad Love No More!? Click here.
30 Day Woohoo Challenge: Day 25 — Dealing with a difficult dater
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 6:00 am
Why Do you Keep Attracting Mr. Wrong?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 2, 2010 - 7:16 am
When it comes to attracting the opposite sex, do you sometimes feel like you’re a tractor beam with a magnetic pull on Mr. or Ms. Wrong? And if so, are you frustrated by your lackluster results in the love department? The good news is that you don’t need a frontal lobotomy. You just need to fine tune your Attraction Factor. Read on to see what attraction pitfalls you may have fallen prey to, as well as how to free yourself and become the attraction rock star you were born to be!
Attraction Pitfall #1: You may be addicted to bad love
If you subscribe to the limiting belief that romantic success is difficult, challenging, and/or impossible to attract, you’ve fallen into the attraction pitfall known as Addicted to bad love. Break this habit by writing a new relationship script for yourself. For example, replace I suck at dating or Romantic bliss is unattainable with Dating is easy and fun! or I deserve real and lasting love.
Reflect on any other destructive patterns you’re stuck in, and determine what you need to kick them to the curb. Remember, whatever you focus on expands so turn your back on attraction pitfalls and create a new story for yourself. As a savvy single, see yourself as a magnetic attractor of effortless, joyous, rock solid romance. Go ahead — create it, attract it, and claim it!
Read the full article on eHarmony.
To break free of your own bad love habits, click here.
30 Day Woohoo Challenge: Day 24 — Make room for love!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 6:01 am
Dating advice for men who don’t know how to meet Ms. Right
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 1, 2010 - 6:39 am
John asks: How do I get back into the dating thing after 6 yrs of estrangement? It’s a tough thing for me. I do have a lot of female friends, all married or attached so that’s no help. They give me advice, and many of my pals say to stay unattached. For me, that’s not an alternative. I want a relationship. What should I do?
Lisa says: The dating scene can be intimidating, especially if you’ve been out of it for awhile. Take your time, taking baby steps easing back into the single life. Online dating might be a good start for you because you can approach potential candidates from the comfort of your own home behind your computer screen (much less scary than the in person meet and greet). Start by joining a site like Match.com, Chemistry.com, eHarmony.com, or Yahoo Personals. Create a profile (be sure to include a photo) and start searching for matches.
Next, when you’re out and about in daily life, get in the habit of making eye contact with the women you encounter. If they make eye contact back, smile. If they smile back, say hello. If they respond, try to continue the conversation. Just be yourself. The right women appreciate a man whose authentic and genuine. The wrong women will easily fall by the wayside. Don’t think of it as rejection, thank them for being honest and not wasting your time.
You might also want to sign up for singles events in your area like speed dating, lock & key, or something more mellow like a singles wine tasting event or a singles Sierra Club hike. Just do something you actually enjoy so you can meet like-minded individuals.
Getting back out into the dating scene after time away can be daunting. Don’t give up. Have faith in yourself, practice patience, and persevere. Good luck and happy dating!
Got advice for John? Post a comment on my blog.
Are you a single woman looking to learn how to get back out there and date? My book If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right will walk you step by step through the process.
