Breaking Up Your Finances: How to Untangle Your Lives After Heartbreak
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 21, 2010 - 7:00 am
Breakups aren’t just about the end of a romantic pairing. There are numerous financial, legal, and business decisions that may need to be addressed. If you and your ex share bank accounts or other assets, you’ll need to come to an agreement about how to divide the money/other assets and then contact the relevant banking/other institution(s) to find out how to legally proceed. Again, it’s important to keep a level head about these things and not act out of anger, spite, or bitterness. These are financial decisions. Respect yourself as well as your ex, and be fair throughout the process (no matter how much you want to punch him in the face!).
You may also need to identify others ways your lives became intertwined. Car insurance, health insurance, retirement plans, credit cards, personal loans, household bills, etc. These are all potential accounts and/or policies that you and your ex may currently share. When you breakup, it’s essential that you remove the other person from each and every one of these items. If you don’t, one or more of the following scenarios could come back to haunt you in the future:
- You get turned down for a home or car loan because your ex, still attached to an account you shared while you were together, negatively affected your credit.
- Because you never removed your name (or your ex’s) from an account, a collection agency comes after you for a debt your ex never paid.
- By not taking your ex off your health insurance policy, you become financially responsible (and ultimately financially drained) for a medical emergency they encounter weeks, months, years down the road.
- If you die in an accident and haven’t changed the beneficiary on your assets (your home, retirement plan, savings account), your ex can possibly claim those assets, leaving a rightful heir with nothing.
As uncomfortable as conversations about money, property, and other assets can be when going through a breakup, you must have these difficult discussions if they apply to you and your ex’s situation. Do your best to broach the subject with fairness and compassion, and insist that your ex does the same. Obviously, the situation becomes stickier if and when one of you uses the unresolved issues as a way to seek revenge, hold on to the other person, or prolong the separation process. If you feel that things are getting out of control, you may need to involve a mediator. Trust your gut about the situation and proceed with the necessary caution.
Need help navigating the tricky terrain of breakups and money? Pick up copies of my books
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good! and It’s a Breakup, Not a Breakdown Workbook: A 21-Day Action Plan to Plot Your Revenge, Spoil Yourself, and Find Out How Good Your Life Is Without Him.
And leave a comment about how you’re handling the splitting of assets with your ex.
Men Weigh In On Their Backup Plans
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 19, 2010 - 7:08 am
Recently, I blogged about some amazing women and how they implemented their Backup Plans when Plan A no longer suited them. Now, the men weigh in on their Backup Plans…
“After a PhD in physics and 9 years of holding corporate roles in the software industry, when my company had to close the Atlanta office, I decided to fully pursue my passion – photography. Now, over a year later, I own a thriving portrait photography business (lifestyle portraits of babies and families).
- Oana
“I had been in the military and Corporate America as an engineer for 12 years and it just wasn’t working for me. I was fed up with poor leadership and micromanagement and finally realized that engineering, manufacturing, and Corporate America weren’t my passions. My passions were teaching, speaking, coaching, small business and personal finance/debt free living. So, I left the corporate world to found two companies: one to coach clients through the process of eliminating debt and staying debt free, and one to launch an invention that a friend had created. The results? I’ll never work for someone else again! The coaching business is growing rapidly. I’m helping families change their lives and for the first time have control over their money. It’s one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. The invention is gaining popularity and has a huge potential as a money maker. We expect to release the website and full production later this year.”
- Matt Wegner
“In my job with Intel Corp., I traveled around the world, doing technical demonstrations on stage with chairman Andy Grove. I was nervous about speaking and decided to take a comedy class to get over my stage fright. The comedy kind of took off, and I left Intel to pursue my dream. Since then, I’ve performed my 100% clean comedy at the Democratic National Convention, three inaugural events, at the United Nations, etc. (Plus, I just shot a commercial for Apple). Essentially, I live the lifestyle of George Clooney in Up in the Air, except instead of bringing people misery by laying them off, I bring people joy and happiness!”
- Dan Nainan
“I left my steady bi-weekly paycheck and concrete job to open up my own consulting business. Business is booming and we’ve had to hire several people. My firm helps federal agencies and major Fortune 500 companies make their technology accessible for people with disabilities. We hire folks with disabilities with IT/Computer Science backgrounds around the country who telework and audit software, hardware, and websites from our clients. It’s been going and growing great and I’m so glad I made that decision.”
- Dana Marlowe
Do you have a story of how your Backup Plan ROCKED? Share it here!
5 Reasons You’re REALLY still single
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 18, 2010 - 7:02 am
Do you secretly wonder why you’re still single?
Deep down, are you afraid you don’t know how to find, attract, and keep really great guys?
Are you worried YOU might be a failure at love?
Stop right there. Here are five reasons you may still be single. In less than 10 minutes, you may have the answers you’ve been looking for…
And to change your dating future TODAY, sign up for my 8 Week If He’s Not The One, Who Is? TeleClass NOW!
Reason #1: You’re so afraid of getting hurt again that you’re holding your heart hostage
Reason #2: You’re so sick of lackluster dating results that you’d rather give up than try again.
Reason #3: You’re still hung up on your ex, convinced he was The One, and there’s no room for someone new (what a shame!)
Reason #4: Your sense of entitlement is killing your chances of calling in great guys
Reason #5: You don’t have healthy dating skills, a clear idea of who’s right for you, or any idea how to change your dating results
Ready to change your dating future? Sign up for my 8 Week If He’s Not The One, Who Is? TeleClass NOW! Class starts May 18.
It’s not too late to change your dating future!
It’s not to late to call in the love of your life.
Let 2010 be the year you finally break free of what’s holding you back so you can find, attract, and keep the real love deal.
Sign up for my 8 Week If He’s Not The One, Who Is? TeleClass NOW!
How do I get my ex back?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 16, 2010 - 7:00 am
Be honest. Are you still holding out hope that your ex may one day come back, sweep you off your feet, give you everything you ever wanted, and radically change everything about himself that didn’t work in your relationship? From getting his act together financially to learning how to be emotionally available 24/7 to loudly and proudly proclaiming his love for you to everyone he knows, are you putting your future on hold, praying for a miracle? Have you put in a good effort in your post-breakup recovery, even going so far as to create a cute online dating profile, go out on a few first dates, but deep down, you’re waiting for the phone to ring or your ex to show up on your front door step with flowers and a marriage proposal?
Remember, I said be honest.
The good news is you wouldn’t be the first woman in history to put her fabulous future on hold in hopes that with a little time, distance, and perspective, her ex would magically discover the error of his ways, come running back, and together, they live happily ever after.
The bad news is that while you’re fantasizing about your happily ever after reunion with your ex, he’s moving on without you. He’s dating other women. Even if he’s still calling you.
And yes, even if he’s still sleeping with you.
One of the reasons I wrote my books It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good! and It’s a Breakup, Not a Breakdown Workbook: A 21-Day Action Plan to Plot Your Revenge, Spoil Yourself, and Find Out How Good Your Life Is Without Him is because once upon a time, I was hung up on my ex. I kept sleeping with him — for a year after our final breakup! And guess what? I was miserable. I also scared away from really great guys during that year because I was so emotionally hung up on my ex.
While I have since rewritten my happily ever after story with my husband, I have made it my mission to help single women break free of their death grip on the past and step fearlessly into their unknown futures.
While it’s debatable whether or not men and women are actually from different planets, as John Gray would have us believe, the painful truth is this: Men and women handle breakups differently. Yes, we both mourn in our own way. Yes, we both feel grief, loss, disappointment in our own way. But men can stay connected to their ex throughout their recovery and still move on while women cannot.
And while some couples do part ways, recognize the error of their ways, and reunite to create a brand new healthy, happy future, the more realistic reality is that while you’re snuggling in your ex’s arms after yet another night of late night passion (also known as the post-breakup booty call), he’s still moving on with his life. He’s still making other plans. He’s still dating other people. And while he likes the comfort of falling back into bed with you, he still believes you’re broken up for good because, well, you are.
If any of the above rings true, don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re the exception to the rule. If you’re reading this book, you’re looking for answers. And I’m going to give them to you whether you really want to hear them or not.
If the bestselling book and blockbuster movie He’s Just Not That Into You taught us anything, it’s that you’re not the exception. You’re the rule.
Let me clarify that. If you’re still in constant communication with your ex, calling, emailing, texting, enjoying the occasional or frequent reunion between the sheets, stop. This is not a sign you’re getting back together. It’s not even a sign he’s still in love with you. While you may still be madly in love with him, he’s moving on without you. You’re his emotional airbag, providing support and security as he slowly but surely re-enters the dating world. It doesn’t work in reverse. He’s not your airbag. He’s the accident waiting to happen that will destroy you (which is exactly how you’ll feel when you discover he’s dating someone else). The really infuriating part? He’s not even leading you on! You’re leading yourself on.
How? By silently agreeing to stay connected. By giving him your body, thinking he’s giving you his heart. By taking his calls, thinking that means you’re the only woman he’s talking to these days. And even if you are right this minute, who’s to say he won’t meet someone tomorrow, continue to see both of you until things get serious with the other woman, and then one day he’ll show up on your doorstep, hand you a box of things you left at his place, and tell you he’s madly in love with the new lady in his life and they’re engaged. Ouch!
I know disconnecting from your ex isn’t easy. I know it’s scary to let go and walk away from your past when your future hasn’t quite shown up yet.
Here’s the truth. Your future can’t show up if you’re hung up on your past. Plain and simple, give yourself permission to let go of your ex and start moving on, starting today.
For help, pick up my books It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good! and It’s a Breakup, Not a Breakdown Workbook: A 21-Day Action Plan to Plot Your Revenge, Spoil Yourself, and Find Out How Good Your Life Is Without Him.
And share your story with me by leaving a comment on the blog. Good luck and happy healing!
30 Day Woohoo Challenge: Day 30 — Play to win!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 8, 2010 - 5:53 pm
Welcome to Day #30 of my 30 Day Woohoo Challenge!
Today, I invite you to celebrate the BEGINNING of your journey. Get out there, stay focused, and always play to win!
Join me for Woohoo! Wednesdays in April!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 7, 2010 - 11:07 am
In the last few months, I’ve been busy working behind the scenes on something pretty exciting.
See, in addition to all of the amazing email I get about love and relationships, I also get tons of emails, phone calls, and requests on social media to share how I’ve built my company Woohoo, Inc. into such a successful business.
The truth is, I love my business. I’m passionate about being an entrepreneur as well as a coach and author. And it’s my pleasure to share how I’ve built my beautiful business.
I used to answer these questions individually. Now, that’s taking up a lot of my time. So starting next Wednesday, April 14, I’m giving a FREE three call series I’m calling Woohoo! Wednesdays: Love, Business, and Cha-Ching!
On these three FREE calls, I’ll reveal:
- How your love life affects your professional persona
- How to get published in today’s changing book business
- How to master your message, generate golden opportunities, and create consistent cash from your expertise
While this may feel like a bit of a departure from my more traditional relationship coaching, many of you have been asking for this information. My clients consistently ask me to coach them in business as well as love. My colleagues have been asking for this, too. And so have my friends.
I’ve even gotten approached by people I respect to coach them on how to build a business like mine. And I gotta say, I’m having a BLAST collaborating with other entrepreneurs on their businesses!
Like I said before, this has all been going on behind the scenes for months. And now it’s time to share it with you.
So, if you’re interested in joining me for my FREE three-part Woohoo! Wednesdays call series, please register here:
http://lisasteadman.com/love-business-and-cha-ching/
I can’t wait to start sharing this information with you next week!
Got questions about what I’ll be covering on Woohoo! Wednesdays? E-mail ask@LisaSteadman.com. I’ll answer some of your questions live on the calls.
And, let me be clear. I’m not abandoning my relationship coaching practice. It’s still an extraordinarily amazing part of my business. And I love, love, love my clients and fans! Whether you’ve worked with me personally, bought one or more of my books, or just been a loyal fan, please know that I appreciate you tremendously.
Woo-to-the-hoo! 
Now you know the beginnings of what’s been happening behind the scenes at Woohoo, Inc. I’ll be revealing more exciting details next week. And I can’t wait to share Woohoo! Wednesdays with you in April!
Back by popular demand: NYC Event “How to Live, Love, and Flirt with Heart”
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 7:15 am
I’m THRILLED to announce that I’m once again joining forces with my fellow relationship experts Lois Barth and Robyn Vogel in an experiential workshop in Manhattan on Friday, May 7 @ 7:30pm. We’ll send you home with the power tools you need to manifest the relationship of your dreams.
Join other women, like you, who intend to have the best year of their lives in 2010!
Here are the event details:
Fri, May 7, 2010; 7:30-9:30 pm
Address:
36th Street Studio
260 West 36th Street/8th Ave.
Manhattan
Details of the event include:
Session I -Flirting 101 – How to Charm Your Way to Love and Relationship with Robyn Vogel
We all know her – the woman that walks into a room, breezes across the dance floor, effortlessly attracting everyone’s attention. She may not even be the prettiest or the smartest woman in the crowd. What’s her secret? She’s an excellent flirt with the right attitude and the ability to make others feel good. This part of the workshop, you teach you:
1. What flirting is (and isn’t!)
2. How to have the right attitude – The Flirting Attitude
3. 3 most effective ways to flirt your way to connection
Robyn Vogel, MA, LMHC is a psychotherapist and an expert at flirting! She loves love and has been helping women fall in love with themselves and others for the past 19 years! The butterflies in the stomach at first attraction, the intense joy of mutual expression and the depth of human emotion – all fuel her passion to assist others in creating the relationships they desire. In 2009, Robyn launched a new phase of her Boston-based psychotherapy practice, Flirting With Heart. She is successful at helping others build confidence, become naturally flirtatious and attract the right person to them. More information can be found at www.RobynVogel.com.
Session II – Become a Successful, Smart, Single Woman: Overcome the 3 most common mistakes you can make! with Lois Barth
Lois’ portion of the evening will assist you in:
1. Unraveling the great mystery of “chemistry,” separating chaos from true connection
2. Clarifying your requirements, needs and wants are in a relationship VS. a partnership, and how that makes all the difference.
3. Creating a luscious life, so that you are better able to attract luscious life partnership into your life.
Lois Barth is an empowerment and relationship coach and speaker and owner of “Luscious Living with Lois, Coaching and Consulting Services.” In addition to having a private practice in coaching women (and a few good men) to create luscious lifestyles, livelihoods and life partnerships, she speaks to groups around the country on how to live powerfully and playfully, both personally and professionally. She was the life coach, creator, and source expert for two makeover campaigns for SELF and FITNESS magazine as well as being a source expert for ALL YOU Magazine, MSN.com, WomansDay.com, and many relationship sites. She heads up the relationship department for Female Think, an on-line learning community for women.
Session III - If He’s Not the One, Who Is? with Lisa Steadman
If you knew Mr. Right was out there, and he was doing everything possible to meet you, wouldn’t you do everything possible to meet him FASTER? If one of your New Year’s Resolutions was to find love (or at least go on a date this year!), then you must first ask yourself these three important questions:
1. What or who from your past is keeping you from calling in the love you deserve?
2. Deep down, do you BELIEVE you deserve the kind of juicy, blissful love you desire?
3. Do you know the difference between dating disappointment and heartbreak?
With Lisa’s expert guidance, you’ll experience her 3 step process that will help you release the past and step into empowered action.
Lisa Steadman is an internationally acclaimed relationship journalist, relationship coach, best-selling author, sought-after speaker, and CEO of Woohoo, Inc. Women around the world have been able to heal the pain of past relationships and step into their brilliant futures with guidance from Lisa’s books, as well as the information she shares through her blog, YouTube Channel, newsletters, social media, and her many TV and radio appearances, which include The Today Show, The Tyra Banks Show, Playboy Radio, and New Zealand’s Good Morning.
Hurry – space is filling up FAST! If you’re in New York, I want to meet you. To secure your spot, make your payment by clicking the button below.
30 Day Woohoo Challenge: Day 29 — Create a realistic action plan
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 5:55 am
How to get over Your Big Breakup
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 6, 2010 - 6:00 am
Whenever I’m at a dinner party and meet somebody new, the inevitable question comes up: what do you do? When I tell them I’m a best selling author of 2 breakup recovery books, it always leads to an interesting conversation. Usually, I get to hear the story of Their Big Breakup, and it’s always gut-wrenching, soul-shifting, and chock full of life lessons.
Having written about my Big Breakup in It’s a Breakup, Not a Breakdown, I can tell you easily what my lessons were. In sharing them, I have discovered that they are pretty universal. So here, in no particular order, are the top universal lessons learned following a breakup:
Lesson #1: In the right relationship, you never have to apologize for or compromise who you are
Have you ever been in a relationship where you couldn’t be who you really are? Were there parts of your personality you felt like you had to tone down in order to make your partner comfortable? The truth is, in the wrong relationship we can’t be our authentic selves. In the right relationship, we are celebrated. Even our quirks are accepted, even loved. The beauty of breaking free of the wrong relationship is that you’re now free to be who you really are, maybe even the person you’re transforming into. Maybe you wouldn’t know that person if you hadn’t gone through the breakup. What a blessing!
Lesson #2: In the wrong relationship, dreams go unrealized
We all have dreams. Some are not yet spoken, but they’re lurking, bubbling, making their way into our conscious mind. However, when we’re in the wrong relationship, we may not be able to realize our dreams. We may have to sacrifice some part of our dream life to make our partner happy. Maybe our efforts are focused on fulfilling their dreams, or maybe we know deep down that our dreams would intimidate our partner and so it’s just easier to keep them under wraps. Who gets the short end of the stick? Ultimately, you do. Nobody else suffers from your unrealized dreams. If you had dreams that were put on the back burner during a past relationship, now’s the time to reignite the passion, allowing yourself to bring your dreams into your reality.
Lesson #3: Some relationships are temporary
Not every relationship lasts forever. But that doesn’t mean the relationship was a complete and total failure. It just means that your ex served their purpose in your life (and vice versa), but the time came for you to part ways and move on. By giving thanks for the short-term relationships you’ve had, you learn to respect your lessons. You also discover what you’re looking for in your next relationship. Instead of focusing on your breakups as failures, celebrate them for the beautiful life lessons that they are.
Lesson #4: Your gut will never steer you wrong
How many times has your gut told you “caution,” and yet you jumped headfirst into dangerous water? Whether it was a wrong relationship, a wrong job, etc., something in you knew that things would not end up well. But you went for it anyway. You ignored your gut. Consider it a lesson learned. After a breakup, get reacquainted with your gut. Promise to listen to it next time. Trust that it will never lead you astray. The truth is, it won’t.
What valuable lessons have you learned from your breakup? Post a comment here.
Before you can meet Mr. Right, you must first know these dating dos and don’ts
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 6:00 am
Spring has sprung and you’re ready to meet Mr. Right. Well, before you leap into the dating pool, first brush up on these important dating do’s and don’ts:
Dont: Drag excess baggage on dates
Just as you shouldn’t have to date a guy who lugs his emotional baggage wherever he goes, you shouldn’t be That Girl either. Nobody in your present dating life wants or deserves to bear the brunt of your past relationships. Your relationship history — the good, bad, and even the ugly — is just that. History.
Do: Learn your relationship lessons
Instead of obsessing about past relationship failures, look at those experiences as valuable lessons. You can learn from any dating disaster, relationship gone awry, and even a bad breakup. These experiences ultimately teach us about our own resilience, what we’re really looking for in our perfect partner, and how we can do better next time by applying our lessons learned.
Don’t: Be a critic
Raise your hand if the following scenario sounds familiar: You’re on a date with someone new, and instead of being present and actively getting to know the person seated across from you at the coffee house/restaurant/cocktail lounge, you’re stuck in your own head judging your date. He’s too short. He doesn’t drive the right car. I don’t think he makes enough money. Chances are, you’ve been there, done that. And if so, you may have walked away from what could have been a great date because your inner critic got the best of you. While you may think your inner critic is merely pointing out relationship red flags, what it’s really doing is sabotaging your ability to get to know someone new; someone who could be a great guy if you gave yourself a chance to get to know him. You owe it to yourself to turn the volume down on your inner critic, pay attention to the person you’re on a date with, and then decide for yourself if you’d like to see him again. By muting your inner critic, you may just discover you’re a better judge of character.
Do: Have fun
In your quest to meet your partner, you may sometimes lose sight of the fact that dating is supposed to be fun. Yes, it takes a lot of time, energy, and patience. But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the process. If you’re feeling particularly stressed about dating, maybe it’s time to take a brief break. Focus your energies elsewhere for a while; on work, a hobby, or just on nurturing yourself. When you’re ready, get back out there. But first adopt a more Zen approach to dating. Enjoy getting to know new people without worrying about where it’s leading or if he’s The One. By enjoying your dating journey, you’re all the more likely to attract a healthy and happy partner because you yourself are happy and healthy.
Don’t: Look at being single as a bad thing
Be honest — does being single sometimes feel like a life sentence you’re forced to endure? If so, don’t be surprised if you’re attracting like-minded individuals or not attracting anyone at all. This kind of negative thinking is both dangerous and defeating to your dating efforts. After all, would you want to date someone who hated being single?
Do: Become a successful single
The key to enjoying your social life as a savvy single is to relish in the possibilities. You have yet to meet the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with and that’s fantastic! By being footloose and fancy free, you have the opportunity to meet and date and try on different partners until you find the right fit. While not every person you date is going to be right for you, by playing the field you exponentially increase your chances of meeting that perfect person. By becoming a successful single and enjoying the quality of your life in general, you’re bound to attract like-minded healthy and happy partners — maybe even Mr. Right.
For more tips on getting back out there and manifesting Mr. Right, check out my book If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right.
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