It’s A Breakup, Not A Breakdown: How to heal your heart in just 21 days
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on February 27, 2010 - 11:37 am
Conventional wisdom says it takes just 21 days to establish a new habit. So what if that new habit involves getting over a breakup? Is it possible to exorcise your ex, clear your head, and heal your heart in just 3 weeks? In my workbook It’s a Breakup, Not a Breakdown Workbook: A 21-Day Action Plan to Plot Your Revenge, Spoil Yourself, and Find Out How Good Your Life Is Without Him, I walk you step by step through your breakup recovery. Here’s a day-by-day breakdown of the fun, fearlessness, and fabulousness you’ll experience:
Day 1: Throw a pity party for one
Turn off your cell, call in sick to work, and slip into your best PJs (No sweats for you, Sister. You’re pining away in style!). Stock up on chocolate, Cheetos, and Kleenex. Spend the day crying, emotionally eating, and watching Sex & the City reruns. Go ahead — give yourself permission to embrace your inner drama queen!
Day 2: Live in denial for a day
Okay, you’ve had a good cry and the breakup still stings. Before you announce your breakup to the world, spend a day in denial. Pretend the breakup never happened. Act as if your ex never gave you the ax (or vice versa). Better yet — pretend your ex never existed!
Day 3: Delete your ex from your online (and offline) life
Like it or not, the breakup did happen and unfortunately your ex still exists. Today’s the day to build an impenetrable fortress around your heart so that your ex cannot break it again. Delete his phone number from your cell phone, his email address from your contacts, his profile from all your social networking sites. And if he calls, emails, or stops by to check up on you? Screen that call, delete his email (without even reading it), and hide under the covers, pretending nobody’s home.
Day 4: Widow for a day
Now that your ex is out of your life, it’s time to mourn the death of your relationship. Go ahead, Girl. Slip into your finest black ensemble, open a new box of tissues, and let the waterworks begin. Today, you’re writing a last will and testament (bequeathing his morning breath to him while keeping your joint CD collection), performing a eulogy, and dancing on your ex’s freshly dug grave!
Day 5: Get mad
You’ve had time to mourn the bastard. Now it’s time to shake off the gloom and get pissed. If you’re up to it, gather your girlfriends and throw an ex-boyfriend bash complete with photo burning, letter ripping, voodoo doll torture, etc. Or, if you’d rather get pissed in private, throw a solo ex b.f. bash. It’s your prerogative!
Day 6: Get bitter, then get better
At this delicate post-breakup stage, bitterness is your new best friend. By being bitter, you’re harnessing your pain and using it for good, i.e. exorcising your ex. If you haven’t already, start journaling and/or blogging about the breakup. Go ahead – get in touch with your breakup bitterness!
Day 7: Get even
And because nothing helps a girl through her post-breakup pain quite like getting even, it’s time to start scheming. Make a list of all your ex’s dirty little secrets and plot various ways to expose them. Put your pinky to your lips and let out an evil cackle as you indulge in fantasies about how your ex’s life will be ruined once you’ve spilled his secrets. (Don’t worry – you won’t actually engage any of these risky revenge fantasies!)
Day 8: Announce your breakup
Now that you’re in touch with your post-breakup rage, it’s time to tell the world all the dishy details. Call and/or email your friends and vent about your ex and the breakup. Don’t stop there — go online and update your social networking profile(s) with your newly single status. You can even let off some steam by sharing your story on a breakup message board. This is one time when airing your dirty laundry in public is the right thing to do (just don’t name names!).
Day 9: Disappear for a day
Just as you wish your ex would disappear, today’s the day to create your own missing persons report. Call in sick to work, pack a backpack full of goodies, and get lost for the day — without your cell phone. From getting back to nature with a day at the beach, lake, or park to museum or movie hopping, pick an activity that soothes your soul and then get lost.
Day 10: Reclaim your space
Now that you’re getting used to the idea that the breakup actually happened, it’s time to exorcise your ex from your home. You’ll want to make a clean sweep, gathering any remaining evidence of his existence (photos, clothes, shampoo, etc.). Put all his leftover stuff in a box and put the box in your car. You can decide later whether to burn it, donate it, or sell it on eBay. Once the exorcism is complete, it’s time to give your home a much-needed makeover. Paint the walls vibrant colors, rearrange the furniture, celebrate your inner girly girl!
Day 11: The Halfway Hump Slump
Now that you’re halfway through your detox, you may be feeling a little disoriented. Today’s the day to identify any remaining toxins in your system, as well as make a plan for purging the leftover demons.
Day 12: Dump your slump
Channel your inner super heroine and dump that post-breakup slump! Say sayonara to the past and yes to your fab future, sans What’s his name. Whether you know it or not, your reinvention is under way!
Day 13: Take a flying leap
Remember that fabulously fun and fierce girl your ex fell in love with? Now’s the time to reconnect with her. Look in the mirror and just say hi. Ask her how she’s doing. Find out what she feels like doing today and then no matter how self-indulgent it is, do it. It’s time to take that flying leap into your future!
Day 14: Plan a girl getaway
The absolute best thing about going through a breakup is the opportunity to reconnect with old friends. After all, boyfriends come and go but girlfriends are forever. And now’s the time to celebrate your girlfriends with a Girl Getaway or Ladies Night out — you decide. Wherever you end up going, give yourself permission to be a little risqué. Wear something revealing. Flirt with a total stranger. Tip your waiter 25% AND slip him your phone number. Behaving inappropriately for a night can be so liberating!
Day 15: Get a post-breakup makeover
Right about now you just might feel like you’re hitting your saucy post-breakup stride. If so, fabulous! If not, don’t despair. Today’s the day to celebrate your resilience by getting a much-needed movin’ on makeover. Get glam with a new cut, color, & highlights. Stop by your fave boutique and shop til you drop. Make an appointment at the makeup counter and get a new look.
Day 16: Reinvent yourself
Whether you know it or not, a brand-new you is emerging. It’s up to you to make room for her transformation. Today’s the day to let down your hair, shake your inner goddess loose, and let the REAL reinvention begin!
Day 17: Shake up your routine
Even though your ex is long gone, memories of him may still linger. Now’s the time to shake up your routine in hopes of shaking those memories loose. Take a different route to and from work today. Shop at a different grocery store for a day. Get your latte at a new coffee place. It’s time to shake things up as you ease into movin’ on mode!
Day 18: Start a healthy new habit
Since the split, you’ve been getting healthier by the day. Today is no exception. In fact, you’re gonna rock it even harder today by starting a healthy new habit. Whether it’s eating more vegetables, getting back to the gym, quitting smoking, or practicing positive affirmations, today’s the day to introduce a healthy new habit to your daily routine.
Day 19: Enroll in Single U
While it may be too soon to start searching for your next great love, it’s never too soon to embrace successful singledom. Sign up for a singles event. Enlist a friend to take some cute pics of you and then create your online dating profile. Flirt with a cute stranger today. Do whatever it takes to remind yourself that you’re still lovable and desirable.
Day 20: An ex marks the plot
Now that you’ve got a little breakup perspective, are you able to see how life after Mr. Ex is going to be so much sweeter? You have a better idea of what you’re looking for in a future partner, you now know what you won’t put up with, and you’ve probably even thought about new directions you’d like to pursue now that you’re on your own again.
Day 21: Celebrate your success
After 21 days, do you feel lighter, stronger, healthier? Now is the time to celebrate by throwing yourself a fabulous movin’ on party. Invite your Boo-hoo Crew-turned-Woo-hoo Crew and party like it’s 2009!
Got questions about how you can heal your heart in just 21 days? Email ask@lisasteadman.com.
Nice Guys Finish Last (And that’s a good thing!)
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on February 26, 2010 - 9:47 am
I have a confession. I used to be addicted to men who were bad for me. Workaholics, addicts, emotionally unavailable, and/or lost causes. And then one day, fed up with feeling frustrated, I decided to give nice guys a try. That’s when I met my husband. To help you understand the value and benefits of dating a nice guy, read on…
Nice Guys Are Sweet
Nice guys plan great dates. And pay attention to your likes and dislikes for future dates. Nice guys show up on your doorsteps with flowers. Not long-stemmed red roses that give a “too much too soon” vibe. But pretty spring flowers that will remind you of the great time you had long after he drops you off with a quick kiss and a promise to call again.
Nice Guys Call
I think we can all agree. Guys who say they’ll call and then never do are SO last year. Because there are nice guys who actually call when they say they’re going to. And when they call, chances are they’re going to tell you what an amazing time they had on your last date. They’ll even ask you out again. All you have to do is be gracious and say yes. Bad boys may have conditioned you to think dating and relationships have to be hard but the truth is, with a nice guy things are fabulous, fun, and drama-free! (And isn’t that what you deserve?)
Nice Guys Are Smart
Remember the hottie slackers we lusted after in high school and college? Not so hot anymore, are they? What’s super hot in 2010 are smart guys. They have good jobs. And pay their bills. And listen to NPR or watch PBS or have a subscription to Newsweek or The Atlantic Monthly or National Review. Which not only makes them well-informed, but excellent conversationalists. And who doesn’t want a guy who can both listen AND share?
Nice Guys Are Ambitious
Maybe they’re not as flashy as those career-obsessed men we used to think would make great husbands/providers. Or maybe they don’t toot their own horn on a daily basis. But don’t be fooled, Ladies. Nice guys possess ambition. They just don’t feel the need to broadcast their accomplishments to the world. An ambitious guy who doesn’t brag and boast all the time? Jackpot!
Nice Guys Are Attentive
Ambition’s important. But nice guys strike a balance between professional ambition and their personal lives. Sure, they give a lot of time and energy to their careers. But nice guys recognize the value of a good woman and make time for you even during hectic times. Nice guys snuggle on the couch. And cook you dinner. And remind you every day how much they love you.
Nice Guys Are Passionate
Let’s be honest. We assume nice guys are bad kissers. Bland in bed. Inexperienced, right? Not true! Nice guys can be just as passionate – if not more so – than those emotionally stunted bad boys we’ve been dating all these years. And nice guys aren’t just passionate in the sack, they’re passionate in life. Nice guys volunteer. Nice guys recycle. Nice guys love women. Nice guys aim to please. And who doesn’t want a man who loves his life AND knows how to go downtown? Can I get an Amen?!
Nice Guys Are Sexy
Not only are they passionate, but nice guys are definitely sexy! Maybe they’ll never be on a billboard in Times Square in their underwear. But when he wears that blue t-shirt that shows off his deliciously broad shoulders and those jeans that hug his butt just right? HELLO! Who needs a himbo with six pack abs and narcissistic tendencies when we can have a nice guy with soulful eyes that focus on you?
Nice Guys Take It Slow
Nothing’s sexier than a man who isn’t in a rush to get in your pants. Sure, you want to be wanted. But you don’t want to be groped on Date #2. Or have to fend off grabby hands before you’re ready to give up the goods. Nice guys get that. It’s not that they don’t want you. It’s just that they’re not in a hurry to heat things up until they know you better. So the next time you’re baffled by a boy who seems content to just kiss on his couch, remember this – taking things slow may be new to you, but that nice guy is definitely worth the wait!
Nice Guys Let Us Finish First
OK, Ladies. How many of us have fallen victim to the hot guy who skips over foreplay or races to orgasm before we even heard the starter pistol? Oh yeah. Been there, done that. Never again. And with nice guys, you don’t have to worry about that! Nice guys want you to finish first. In fact, they do everything in their power to ensure you finish first. They’re in no rush. They like and respect you AND think you’re hot. And they know the secret to keeping a good woman happy is to meet her needs – in AND out of bed. (Honestly, if that doesn’t cause you to reconsider nice guys, I don’t know what will!)
So there you have it. The little known secrets of nice guys. They may let us finish first but isn’t it time they got props for doing so? Woohoo!
Single Again, Now What?: How to pick up the pieces and start over after Mr. Wrong is gone
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on February 25, 2010 - 9:34 am
After a breakup or divorce, starting over can be hard. Starting over when you’re the only single person you know can be even harder. You may start questioning your value, grow increasingly insecure, and/or obsess about if and when you’ll find your perfect partner. However, instead of stressing about being the only single in your social circle, celebrate it! The following tips will show you how.
Tip #1: Be your own arm candy
When you’re the only one single in your social circle, it’s all too easy to get down on yourself. Everyone else seems so happily hooked up that, especially when you’re going through a dating dry spell, you can start to feel isolated, alienated, and/or insecure. Sound familiar? If so, stop. Instead of dreading going solo to your next social outing while everyone else has a date, give yourself permission to be your own arm candy. Buy yourself a fab new outfit, slip into those sky high stilettos (or sexy sandals, bold boots, etc.), channel your inner diva, and make a confident entrance your friends will not soon forget. Not only that, but turn on the charm, practice a little harmless flirting, and in general be your most fabulous self. By letting go of any fears and/or insecurities you hold about being the only single person in the group, you allow yourself to enjoy the fun and freedom that goes along with being footloose and fancy free.
Tip #2: Celebrate being single
While it can sometimes feel like being single is a life sentence you’re forced to endure, it’s simply not true. In fact, being single is nothing more than a state of mind. So while you’re in the single stage of life, why not celebrate? Enjoy the freedom to come and go as you please, take pleasure in the endless dating possibilities by putting yourself in target rich environments on a regular basis, and give yourself permission to flirt with cute strangers as often as possible. By making the most of this extraordinary time in your life, you take the pressure off of when you’re going to find your perfect partner, and instead celebrate Y-O-U and the amazing life you already have.
Tip #3: Enlist your friends for help
Instead of looking at your circle of happily hooked up friends as a liability, consider them an asset. After all, your friends’ boyfriends and husbands probably know a single guy or two worth meeting. Why not enlist their help by asking about their single friends? If they seem uncomfortable, let them know that they don’t have to play Cupid. All you’re asking them to do is invite these friends to your next social gathering so that you can get to know one another in a casual group setting. No pressure. If your friends still seem unwilling to help, they may need to be reminded that being single has its challenges and if the tables were turned, you’d gladly help them. Chances are, they’ll be more than happy to lend a hand.
Tip #4: Widen your social circle
If you feel that being the only savvy single in your social circle is keeping you from meeting potential partners and/or in any way makes you feel bad about yourself, it may be time to widen your social network. Start by taking a look around your current network. There may be other fun and fab singles under your nose that you just haven’t noticed before. Maybe a friendly coworker, neighbor, or friend of a friend. If so, great! Invite them to do something social just the two of you in the near future. If it goes well, continue nurturing that relationship, and join forces to “get out there,” enjoying target rich environments on a regular basis together.
If on the other hand, you don’t know any other singles in your existing social network, do yourself a favor and widen your circle further. Look into singles groups, joined a networking organization, and/or take a class/pursue a passion where you’re likely to meet like-minded singles (not to mention potential dates). Stumped for ideas? Do something fun like enroll in a salsa/swing/line dancing class, take a gourmet cooking course, or participate in a foreign language conversation group. This is a great way to meet new people while doing something you enjoy anyway. Talk about a win-win!
There will be times when being the only single person in your social circle will feel incredibly stifling. But just as it’s important to enjoy this stage in life and broaden your network of friends, it’s equally important to practice patience. Being single isn’t something to suffer endlessly through. Instead, with a slight attitude adjustment, you can easily fall in love with your footloose and fancy free life. In doing so, you take the pressure off, and celebrate Y-O-U for the amazing individual that you are.
To truly celebrate your savvy single self, you may need to break free of some limiting beliefs and past blocks about life and love. My ebook Bad Love No More! Walks you step by step through the process of reclaiming your life. Get your copy today!
Have questions or comments? Post them on the blog or email ask@lisasteadman.com.
Why You’re Still Single (it’s not what you think!)
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on February 24, 2010 - 11:03 am
You’re smart, successful, attractive. And single. So why aren’t you having better luck in the dating department?
Honestly, it’s not about the lack of good men.
It’s not that you’re too old or not pretty enough to meet Mr. Right.
It’s not about the fact that your work environment is filled with married-with-children types.
So what is it?
It’s your past. And not necessarily your ex.
Then again, maybe it IS your ex. Whether he’s still in your life or not, your ex may be sabotaging your chances of finding love if:
1. You compare every man you meet to your ex and they never measure up.
2. Even though he’s long gone, your ex’s critical messages are replaying over and over in your head.
You’ll never find love. You’re too old!
You’re too fat for some guy to want you.
Watch – you’ll be back when you realize I’m the best guy you’ll ever meet.
Sound familiar? The worst part is, you BELIEVE those old, evil voices. And they’re keeping you stuck.
The choice is yours. And I invite you to STOP listening to those voices immediately, change your story, and decide you deserve love right now, regardless of your age, weight, or dating history.
Not hung up on your ex?
Here’s another way the past may be keeping you single. Because of past heartbreak and/or dating disappointment (NOT the same thing), you’re so afraid of getting hurt again that you’ve completely shut down when it comes to love.
Am I getting warmer?
Don’t worry. You’re in excellent company. And yet you’re all alone.
While it’s understandable that past heartbreak has made you a little gun shy, now’s the time to summon your inner strength, apply lessons learned, and get back out there. Yes, risking again can be scary. But what’s scarier is letting past pain keep you alone and unhappy indefinitely.
Don’t go there!
And finally, if your ex and past heartbreak aren’t keeping you stuck, this MAY be what’s keeping you from manifesting Mr. Right…
Are you so focused on your ex’s future, who your ex will date next, what amazing things will happen for him, and if and when he’ll settle down, get married, and have children, that you’ve completely forgotten all about YOUR future?
It happens. Just don’t let it happen any longer.
Instead, now’s the time to move through that stage as quickly as possible so you don’t waste valuable time – and opportunities to meet amazing men – by being hung up on the past.
So how do you put the focus back on Y-O-U?
It starts with shifting your beliefs. And since we choose our beliefs, you can shift yours at any time.
Like right now.
Today is your day to step away from the ex.
Today is your day to stop believing in his hopeful future at the expense of yours. Now is your time to gracefully and effortlessly move on.
If any of the scenarios I mentioned above resonated with you, regardless of HOW you’re holding onto the past, write them down now. Your first step in manifesting Mr. Right is to recognize how your ex and the past are keeping you stuck.
And then it’s about getting un-stuck. In my book If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right I provide a lot of great resources for getting un-stuck. And in my 8 Week If He’s Not The One, Who Is? teleclass, I take a hands-on approach to helping you get un-stuck. If you’ve struggling to get un-stuck, now is a good time to step up and give yourself permission to get un-stuck.
Got questions about getting un-stuck? Email ask@lisasteadman.com or post a question or comment on the blog.
Are Bad Love Habits Keeping You Single?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on February 23, 2010 - 12:10 pm
In the search for love, it’s all too easy to get sidetracked by bad dates, broken hearts, and bad love habits. And while bad dates and broken hearts are part of the journey toward happily ever after, bad love habits can and should be avoided at all costs.
So what’s a bad love habit? Any dysfunctional, destructive, difficult belief or habit you have towards love and relationships that’s keeping you from finding, attracting, and/or maintaining a healthy relationship. The following are some common bad love habits:
* Do you choose potential partners who are incapable of meeting your emotional needs?
* Do you think love have to be difficult, painful, and/or hard?
* Do you think your potential partner is going to fix whatever it is that you don’t like about yourself or your life?
* Do you believe time is running out on your search for love and/or your chance to have children?
If any of the above sound familiar, don’t worry. You’re not a lost cause. In fact, with a little time and effort, you can turn things around! What follows are five simple and effective tips and techniques geared towards helping you break free of limiting relationship beliefs and bad love habits. Practiced over time, you can and will kick any bad love habit — for good!
Identify the dating traps you’re stuck in
Think you’ve got to miraculously solve all your problems before you’ll be deserving of love? Convinced there are no good men left? Or do you believe that Mr. Right will one day swoop in and magically save you from your life? If any or all of the above sound familiar, chances are good that you suffer from some common dating traps. In order to become a successful single, you first need to free yourself from these traps. Acknowledging the traps you’re stuck in is the first step. Next, you’ve got to break free of these traps, as well as any other limiting or destructive beliefs that are keeping you stuck.
Assess your excess baggage
It’s important to get really honest with yourself about what you might be lugging around with you on dates (or in life in general). What are you holding onto that no longer serves you? Rejection, disappointment, betrayal? This is from your past, NOT your present or future. If you’ve got negative or destructive beliefs or fears weighing you down, you owe it to yourself to dump that excess baggage – and move on!
Dump your excess baggage
In order to manifest Mr. Right and the happily ever after future you deserve, you first need to believe you deserve to be happy. Gather those painful memories, that chip on your shoulder, any residual anger from past relationship experiences, and tell them they’ve got to go. Thank them for the lessons you’ve learned and tell them that it’s now time for you to stand on your own two feet. In your mind’s eye, give them the heave ho! Next, start visualizing the kind of life you want to have, complete with your dream job, perfect partner, ideal home, etc. By getting clear about what you want, you give yourself permission to attract it.
Stop putting off your life and/or personal happiness
So many of us put off personal happiness waiting for some external result like “I’ll be happy when I lose weight, when I pay off my debts, when I get a better job,” etc. The truth is, you deserve to enjoy your fabulously imperfect life right this very minute! When you stop putting off happiness, you start attracting happy people, healthy relationships, exciting and new opportunities. Instead of postponing joy until your life is magically perfect, today’s the day to start celebrating the joy in your everyday life.
Embrace a new dating vocabulary
Now that you’re baggage light and dating trap-free, it’s time to introduce a new vocabulary to your dating belief system. Every morning and night for 30 days, practice the following exercise: Say to yourself “Love/dating/my ideal relationship is …” and then fill in the blank with the appropriate words. (Words like healthy, whole, loving, fun, etc.) By creating a new vocabulary for yourself, you may be surprised at how your outlook on dating and relationships changes, and as a result, you’ll start attracting happier and healthier potential partners. Love that!
Want to know more about the bad love habits that may be keeping you stuck? Check out my e-book Bad Love No More: How to kick limiting relationship beliefs to the curb and say yes to real and lasting love!, available now at http://www.badlovenomore.com/
Ready to manifest Mr. Right? Pick up a copy of my new book If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right.
Isn’t it time to start building your love WEALTH?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on February 22, 2010 - 4:45 pm
This weekend, my husband and I were talking about what it means to be wealthy.
As small business owners, we know a lot of entrepreneurs who are struggling in this economy.
We also know plenty of people who are struggling with love.
Honestly, it’s not about how much money you make, or how much love you have right now.
What’s truly important is what you are building for the future.
If you’re in business for yourself, it doesn’t matter how much cash flows into your bank account every month.
If it all goes back out the door, you are still living in poverty.
In matters of the heart, the same is true.
If you never learn from your dating experiences, never apply lessons learned to past relationships, and never take responsibility for your actions when it comes to your search for love, you will remain in love poverty.
However, if you decide to face yourself, deal with what’s happening, and start taking steps to become clearer about the kind of love you desire, you can start building your love wealth today.
With or without a man.
How fabulous is that?!
Here’s how it works.
Take an honest look at your life right now.
Where do you feel wealthy?
Where do you feel impoverished?
Chances are, the areas you feel wealthy in – health, home, family, etc. – you’ve been nurturing those areas for some time now.
You’ve figured out how to succeed in those areas.
You’ve devoted love, time, and attention there.
The areas you feel impoverished in – money, love, body, spirit – these areas you may be living in denial about.
Maybe these are areas that feel too dark and scary to discuss.
But by staying in denial and fear, we just perpetuate the problem.
And it grows.
And grows.
And grows!
So many people talk about wealth consciousness. How to make money. How to shift your awareness. How to believe money is flowing into your life…
But not everybody talks about the underbelly of true wealth.
It’s not a get rich quick scheme.
It’s a slow and steady, methodical, patient, loving journey.
It takes time. And it’s worth every minute you devote to it!
And you can start today, regardless of how much money is in your bank account right now, or how much you owe.
Let me share something with you.
I’ve been building my business for 5 years now. And I’ve experienced tremendous success. And I give thanks every day for the abundance of opportunities that I’ve attracted.
But 5 years into my business, I’m just starting to have the wealth conversations I should have been having for the last 5 years.
And while I’m just starting the conversations, I already feel — for the first time in my business — truly wealthy.
Why?
Because I’ve got a plan. I’ve hired a CFO to help me execute my plan. And if I have a question, all I have to do is pick up the phone and call my CFO.
Once upon a time, the idea of bringing a CFO into my business would have been scary.
But in order to continue building wealth, it’s time.
Isn’t it time for YOU to build YOUR love wealth?
Here’s how.
Starting right now, love yourself with compassion and clarity. You are an extraordinary individual who deserves all the good life has to offer.
As you are right now, you deserve the love of a good man (or woman, I’ve read your emails!).
You deserve the unconditional support, understanding, joy, and love of someone who sees exactly who you are and wants to be a part of your life.
You deserve all this just for being you.
And to start attracting such wealth of love into your life, start celebrating your life and the lessons you’ve learned.
Instead of casting every person from your past off as not “The One,” instead reflect back on what you liked, what worked, how they made you feel, and what you want to carry into your next relationship.
Then, shift into the awareness that you are not living in lack. You are making room for wealth by devoting daily gratitude for the love already IN your life, and creating MORE space for MORE love to flow in — and stay in!
Think of it this way. When love comes to you, if you’re still living in lack, you may try to hoard it.
And that will only drive it away.
But if you stay expanded, you can graciously receive the love, celebrate the love, give love in return, and create a space of love wealth that can build and grow and sustain itself for the long haul.
Today, start playing with the idea of investing in your love wealth.
And let me know what comes up for you. I always love hearing from you!
And…with my 8 Week If He’s Not The One, Who Is? Teleclass starting tomorrow, what better way to build your love wealth than by joining me?
Sign up here:
http://www.ifhesnottheonewhois.com/
Hurry! Class starts tomorrow. And we want you to join us!
Breaking Up, Facebook Style: Top 5 Mistakes People Make Following A Breakup
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 11:44 am
There’s no denying it. Breaking up is oh-so hard to do, especially in today’s 24-hour techno-savvy world of Facebook, Twitter, and post-breakup booty calls arranged via sex-ting. If you’re nursing a broken heart, be sure to avoid these emotionally costly social networking mistakes…
Heartbreak Mistake #1: Do NOT stay connected to your ex on Facebook and Twitter
Yes, social networking has made keeping up with friends both near and far incredibly easy and convenient. What it’s also done is make healing a broken heart excruciatingly difficult. Whereas once upon a time, we risked getting caught if we drove by our ex’s house or dialed his digits and hung up when he answered, in today’s techno-savvy world we can cyberstalk our ex in our pajamas, from the safe glow of our computer screens, at 3 a.m. If you find yourself lurking on your ex’s social networking pages, keeping tabs on who he’s talking to and what he’s doing, you may need an intervention from your Boohoo Crew. Seriously, call one of them immediately and have them come over to exorcise your ex from your online life.
Heartbreak Mistake #2: Do NOT blog about the breakup on Facebook and Twitter
Okay, so maybe you’ve removed your ex from your face book friends. Now you’re in a new phase of post-breakup rage, a.k.a. ranting about your ex online to anyone who will listen/read. Here’s the problem with doing this. Breakup karma is a bitch. It will come around and smack you upside the head. Maybe not today, maybe not this year, but one day in the not-too-distant future you will be dating somebody new. Things will be going really well. And then he’ll discover your online rants about your ex, label you a psycho, and delete you from HIS Facebook friends. Do you really want to earn a reputation as the scary chick who goes off on her ex online? I didn’t think so.
Heartbreak Mistake #3: Do NOT expect your social network to take sides
Chances are, you’ve got a few hundred or a few thousand cyber friends. Let’s be clear. Cyber friends are not the same as real friends. Do not ask your cyber friends to take sides in your breakup. It’s childish, unreasonable, and makes you look incredibly petty. Instead, reach out to your Boohoo Crew. They’re allowed to take your side. In fact, invite them over for a night of ex bashing, blaming, and shaming in the comfort of your own home. You’re allowed to wallow. Just don’t do it online to your faux friends.
Heartbreak Mistake #4: Do NOT engage in e-venge
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And a scorned woman with 24/7 access to the internet? There’s no telling the damage she can do! But before you send your ex a computer virus, hack into his email and delete everything, or IM his boss with inappropriate inuendos, stop. Step away from the keyboard. And remember that while revenge fantasies are sweet, revenge realities can come with serious consequences. Just don’t do it.
Heartbreak Mistake #5: Don’t forget to password protect yourself
After a breakup, it’s essential to your online and offline security to change all of your passwords. You don’t want an angry ex lurking in your email, logging into your online banking, and wreaking havoc with your cyber security. Right here and now, password protect yourself by updating all your online passwords. You’ll thank me later!
So there you have it. The top 5 costly social networking mistakes following heartbreak. If you’re nursing a broken heart, be sure to protect your online security, maintain your dignity, and disconnect from your ex as much as possible.
Want more tips about how to ex-orcise your ex, heal your heart, and move on, get my books It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good! and It’s a Breakup, Not a Breakdown Workbook: A 21-Day Action Plan to Plot Your Revenge, Spoil Yourself, and Find Out How Good Your Life Is Without Him.
Got a question for me? Want to know how to heal your heart in record time? Email ask@lisasteadman.com.
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