Advice to heal broken hearts (from tween girls!)
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 31, 2009 - 6:15 pm
This is sooo cute! My g.f. recently polled a group of pre-tween and tween girls on how to handle heartbreak. Here are the results, directly from the mouths of babes…
Cuties, crushes, and heartbreak. It’s all part of growing up, but boy, it can definitely sting! That’s why it’s good to get advice from others who’ve been through it. Like these awesome girls…
Well, I saw my crush with his arm around a girl. **Ouch** But then I got over it by finding a new best buddy!
- Grace
I had this boyfriend, and he made me laugh and smile. After almost two months, I found out he was starting to like someone else, so I broke it off with him. I just had to tell myself that there was someone else. And there was! I met this cute AND nice guy a week later.
- Megan
Here’s my recipe to cure a broken heart. You’ll need:
1) Lots of ice cream
2) Your best girlfriends
3) Lots of chick flicks
Guaranteed to cure a broken heart!
- Madison
I’ve had my heart broken and my advice is: Forget about him. There are plenty other good-looking guys out there. And who knows? Some of them might even be into you, but you just haven’t had time to really see the truth. So I think the best thing to do is forget about him. If he comes back, so be it. But DON’T waste your time crying over him. That’s exactly what he wants!!
- Leyla
I once thought my boyfriend was the boy of my dreams and that he would never break my heart. Guess what, I was wrong! I was very emotional for about 2 weeks and felt like I could never see his face again. Then my friends helped me out. They told me that I was an awesome person who is incredible in every way, and that I should not cry over him because if he doesn’t like me then he is missing out on something so sweet. You should not cry over a boy who does not like you!
- Jenny
The Single Gal Essentials
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 30, 2009 - 7:00 am
Our married-with-children friends have a checklist before they leave their suburban homes: diapers, toys, bottle, baby. When you leave your swanky bachelorette pad, what’s on your checklist? What provisions do you need to successfully and joyfully navigate your single gal life?
After a little research, here are the single gal essentials, as recently reported to me:
1. The 3rd Date Outfit
The first date’s a formality. The second establishes mutual attraction. And Date #3 is all about turning up the heat. So whether it’s those saucy black boots you splurged on at Bloomies, or that curve-hugging skirt, or even that sexy spaghetti strap top that shows just the right amount of cleavage, a single girl’s gotta have something that makes her feel like a million bucks for that rare but fabulous third date.
2. Girlfriends
We make each other laugh and soothe each other’s tears and stick together through even the toughest breakups, makeups, and in-between times.
3. Self-Confidence
Single gals of the world should always follow this simple but effective mantra: Always look like you know what you’re doing and that you’re having fun doing it!
4. A Passport
After a particularly painful breakup, I decided to take my dream Mediterranean vacation. Somewhere between exploring ancient ruins, hiking a 12 mile gorge with a cute air force officer, and sunbathing topless I realized My ex would have hated this trip. Which made me appreciate my experiences all the more. And whenever I look at my passport, I smile at the fond memories of my adventure not to mention my month long Paris honeymoon, and wonder where I’ll travel to next – this time with my fab Hubby.
5. The Perfect Workout
Working out is no longer about logging that hour of cardio on the treadmill. It’s about finding what works best for you. So get out of that gym and have some fun! Whether it’s hiking, biking, Pilates, yoga, or some combination thereof, hop to it!
6. A Financial Planner
Most of our mothers went from their father’s house to the sorority house to their husband’s house. Not today’s single gal. Most of us make enough money to live alone, give to charity, and still go on that amazing weekend getaway with the girls. But after awhile, it’s time to get smart. Start planning for the future. And that’s where a financial advisor comes in.
7. A Sense of Adventure
As we get older and the responsibilities mount, we often find ourselves feeling saddled with commitments like mortgage payments, family obligations, job duties. But a single gal must never lose her sense of adventure. Whether that means jumping out of a plane, buying that fire engine red dress, or flying to Vegas for an impromptu weekend of decadence, go for it!
8. A Hair Stylist
Women put a lot of stock – and product – in our hair. And if we’re not happy, it affects how we present ourselves to the world. So splurge a little and find the perfect stylist to meet your needs. You won’t regret it!
9. The Right Technology
I used to live with a boyfriend who had Surround Sound. When we broke up, I held off on buying a new T.V., speakers, or any other electronic devices for a long time. My logic was: The next boyfriend will have all that. After several short-term relationships involving techno-savvy men and their toys, I eventually invested in my own system. Whether it’s a home theater system, a decent computer, DSL, or just an iPod with your fave tunes, it’s time to take stock of what you’re waiting for a man to provide. And immediately provide it for yourself.
10. Toys
Boyfriends come and go, but our adult toys remain faithful – and fun – companions. (Translation: Invest in your personal satisfaction immediately!)
So there you have it. The top ten essentials for today’s single gal. May you learn it, love it, live by it. (And with that flirty self confidence and perfectly coifed ‘do, may you look good doing it, too!)
Breakup Behavior to Avoid: How to Keep Your Breakup from Becoming a Breakdown
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 29, 2009 - 7:00 am
Like the old song says breaking up is hard to do. But you don’t have to have a total breakdown. Instead, adhere to the following post-breakup Do’s and Don’ts and you’ll be healing your broken heart in no time:
Don’t: Call, email, or maintain any other contact with your ex. It’s just not healthy for your recovery. Instead, use this post-breakup time to focus on yourself and your own healing.
Do: Create a support group of friends (a.k.a. your Boo-Hoo Crew)who can help you through your post breakup recovery.
Don’t: Spend too much time obsessing about what went wrong, how things could have been different, or continue to ask yourself Why?
Do: Accept that the breakup has happened, give yourself time to heal, and allow yourself to mourn the loss (a.k.a. celebrate your slump).
Don’t: Engage in risky post-breakup behavior including rebounding and revenge (it will just cloud your vision and/or result in legal action).
Do: Take all that post-breakup rage and channel it into positive, healthy outlets. Join a gym and kickbox your rage away. You’ll look and feel better in no time! Instead of trashing your ex’s stuff, why not donate it to a homeless shelter? He still loses out on his Little League trophies, favorite blue shirt, etc. but someone else – someone in need – benefits!
Don’t: Lose yourself in misery. While it’s okay to celebrate your slump, the time will come when you’ll want to dump your slump, which is why you can’t get caught up in the post-breakup blues. Give yourself time to feel the pain, but then give yourself permission to move on.
Do: See your breakup for what it really is – a chance to learn some important life lessons, celebrate your resilience, and eventually meet someone new (someone better suited for you who would have gone unmet had the breakup never happened).
Breakups 101: Letting Go Of Your Old Self
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 28, 2009 - 7:00 am
On the journey from Boo-hoo to Woo-hoo, do you find yourself in an unknown destination somewhere between the past and your future? In order to heal and move on after heartbreak, your first order of business is to ask yourself what aspects of the old you no longer work. Keep in mind that your mission is not to launch a personal attack on your psyche. Rather, this is an opportunity to examine who you used to be and who you’re slowly but surely becoming, along the way identifying any old behaviors, beliefs, and/or personality traits that may be holding you back. Things you may want to leave behind include:
1. Limiting beliefs about love and relationships
2. Low self-esteem that inhibits your personal development
3. Deep seated fears that forecast a bleak future
4. Walls and/or boundaries you put up to keep people out but ultimately leave you isolated and unhappy
By letting go of what no longer works, you take yet another step towards your bright future. So go ahead, ask the question: What is it about my past self that no longer works?
Make a list of at least ten things. The more thorough you are in this exercise, the better. If you need help getting started, feel free to borrow from the following sample list, as it applies to you.
What is it about my past self that no longer works?
1. I was too needy with my ex (and in every other relationship, too)
2. I didn’t feel like I could be myself around my ex and his friends
3. I have a bad habit of throwing temper tantrums when I don’t get my way
4. Everyone I know is miserable and unhappy, so I’m doomed to be miserable and unhappy, too
5. I’m afraid I’m too screwed up to have a good relationship
Once you’ve made your list, review it. Pay special attention to how many items on the list relate to your ex as well as how many issues you’re still holding onto because of your ex, thinking there’s still value in being defined by them or him. The truth is, it doesn’t matter who you were with what’s his name. What matters is who you want to become now that you’re free to be your most authentic self. That’s one of the gifts your breakup gave you — the opportunity to become the real you.
Look at the list again. How many items on the list relate to low self-esteem or limited beliefs about what you deserve in life and love? There are probably at least one or two. Whether you know it or not, the only thing standing between you and the beautiful/amazing life you deserve is your future belief system. Your past beliefs don’t matter. Your new set of beliefs can be whatever you want and need them to be. You, too, can be whomever you want and need to be. The only thing stopping you is, well, you. Today, get out of your own way and embrace a healthy and happy new belief system.
Are you waiting for your ex to come back? (Part 2 of 2)
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 27, 2009 - 7:00 am
Think your ex is above such heartless behavior as staying connected to you while still moving on? Think again. These post-breakup tactics are not limited to jerks, assholes, and players. Good men, honest men, kind men, men like your ex do this because we let them. Because on some level we accept their behavior. We say it’s okay because we still love them. We silently agree to be nothing more than a booty call because our heart tells us it’s better than being nothing to our ex. Maybe we can’t have the relationship we once had, but we can still hold onto our ex in some tiny way. Yes, it’s painful, but it’s also comfortable, familiar, and it means we don’t have to take any risks. Risks like walking away and focusing on our future.
We couldn’t be more wrong.
Maybe we are from different planets. But unlike the fair and balanced relationships we like to have on Venus, on Mars it’s perfectly acceptable to sleep with your ex, date someone new, fall in love, and kick your ex to the curb once things get serious. Ouch!
So what’s a savvy gal like you to do? For starters, wake up and smell the reality. Second, wise up and stop letting your ex back into your life. In fact, get rid of everything that reminds you of him, including old photos, his t-shirt you’re still secretly sleeping in, and any remaining connections to him online. You know what I’m talking about, Facebook lurker!
In doing so, you take your power back. You also take an important step into your more realistic future. Guess what else? In stepping beyond the invisible electric fence your ex has had around your heart, you create the space for someone new and amazing to come into your life, when you’re ready. Woohoo!
Now, I think I’ve done a pretty good job illustrating the dangers of staying connected to your ex or holding out hope for one last reunion. But let’s review one last time.
Regardless of how many times you’ve broken up and gotten back together, thought you were meant to be, and/or still compare every guy you meet to your ex, it’s time for a serious reality check. If you’re putting your fabulous future on hold indefinitely, how long are you willing to wait? How much more time are you willing to waste? And what’s it going to take for you to completely disconnect your heart from your ex?
Right here and now, I invite you to walk away for good. I know it’s scary. The big, bad unknown future is out there in front of you. But isn’t it time you explored it by cutting off all ties to your ex, including the emotional ones? Today, give yourself permission to stop looking over your shoulder waiting for him to come back one last time and instead commit to yourself and what lies ahead for you.
Good luck and happy healing!
Are you waiting for your ex to come back? (Part 1 of 2)
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 26, 2009 - 7:00 am
Be honest. Are you still holding out hope that your ex may one day come back, sweep you off your feet, give you everything you ever wanted, and radically change everything about himself that didn’t work in your relationship? From getting his act together financially to learning how to be emotionally available 24/7 to loudly and proudly proclaiming his love for you to everyone he knows, are you putting your future on hold, praying for a miracle? Have you put in a good effort in your post-breakup recovery, even going so far as to create a cute online dating profile, go out on a few first dates, but deep down, you’re waiting for the phone to ring or your ex to show up on your front door step with flowers and a marriage proposal?
Remember, I said be honest.
The good news is you wouldn’t be the first woman in history to put her fabulous future on hold in hopes that with a little time, distance, and perspective, her ex would magically discover the error of his ways, come running back, and together, they live happily ever after.
The bad news is that while you’re fantasizing about your happily ever after reunion with your ex, he’s moving on without you. He’s dating other women. Even if he’s still calling you.
And yes, even if he’s still sleeping with you.
While it’s debatable whether or not men and women are actually from different planets, as John Gray would have us believe, the painful truth is this: Men and women handle breakups differently. Yes, we both mourn in our own way. Yes, we both feel grief, loss, disappointment – in our own way. But men can stay connected to their ex throughout their recovery and still move on while women cannot.
And while some couples do part ways, recognize the error of their ways, and reunite to create a brand new healthy, happy future, the more realistic reality is that while you’re snuggling in your ex’s arms after yet another night of late night passion (also known as the post-breakup booty call), he’s still moving on with his life. He’s still making other plans. He’s still dating other people. And while he likes the comfort of falling back into bed with you, he still believes you’re broken up for good because, well, you are.
If any of the above rings true, don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re the exception to the rule. If you’re reading this book, you’re looking for answers. And I’m going to give them to you whether you really want to hear them or not.
If the bestselling book and blockbuster movie He’s Just Not That Into You taught us anything, it’s that you’re not the exception. You’re the rule.
Let me clarify that. If you’re still in constant communication with your ex, calling, emailing, texting, enjoying the occasional or frequent reunion between the sheets, stop. This is not a sign you’re getting back together. It’s not even a sign he’s still in love with you. While you may still be madly in love with him, he’s moving on without you. You’re his emotional airbag, providing support and security as he slowly but surely re-enters the dating world. It doesn’t work in reverse. He’s not your airbag. He’s the accident waiting to happen that will destroy you (which is exactly how you’ll feel when you discover he’s dating someone else). The really infuriating part? He’s not even leading you on! You’re leading yourself on.
How? By silently agreeing to stay connected. By giving him your body, thinking he’s giving you his heart. By taking his calls, thinking that means you’re the only woman he’s talking to these days. And even if you are right this minute, who’s to say he won’t meet someone tomorrow, continue to see both of you until things get serious with the other woman, and then one day he’ll show up on your doorstep, hand you a box of things you left at his place, and tell you he’s madly in love with the new lady in his life and they’re engaged. Ouch!
Stay tuned for Part 2 of this article tomorrow!
I’m looking for 10 exceptionally brave and bold women…
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 25, 2009 - 6:03 am
If you’ve recently gone through a breakup and are hurting, you may have forgotten how brave and bold you really are.
I’m here to remind you.
I’d also like to invite you to participate in a rare opportunity: The chance to get a free 30 minute private coaching session with me!
Here’s how. Be one of the first 10 amazing women to e-mail me back with the subject line “Brave & Bold 10.” When you do, I’ll have my assistant set up a time for our private 30 minute free phone session.
Why am I doing this? I’ve noticed an influx of new subscribers recently, and I’d like to know how I can best support you. So rather than guess, I’m reaching out to you, offering you this unique opportunity for free ONE ON ONE coaching, and in return I’ll get a better understanding of your needs and what kind of free tele-seminars, coaching programs, etc. to create.
The way I see it, it’s a win win!
Plus, when you’re one of these 10 phenomenal women, I’ll give you a copy of my upcoming book FREE! The only catch is you have to have recently gone through a breakup and be in genuine need of assistance.
If you fit that description, be one of the first 10 amazing women to e-mail me back with the subject line “Brave & Bold 10.
When Love Gone Wrong Leads to Lessons Learned
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 20, 2009 - 7:05 am
I absolutely love this story! Out of much pain and heartache comes an amazing lesson.
I take the cake. I went from one heart break into another!
When I met the first Mr. Ex, I was in a relationship but fell so deeply in love that I had to break it off. As is usual, everything was wonderful. And then he started to stray. For five years I stayed with him, through affairs, disrespect,t baby mama drama. Finally, it was the day that I saw him kissing another woman who was dropping him off to work. Yes, we worked together, that I finally realized that I had to get a hold of myself. I broke it off, and told myself that I would never fall victim to another man’s stories again.
After 10 months of the single life, I met the new Mr. Ex. He seemed to be all that I dreamed of – witty, articulate, and kind. We fell in love and soon enough, started living together. That’s where the trouble started. Since it was really my house, he said that he felt at a disadvantage. Then, he started hanging out with his buddies, and would come home at all hours. Then I discovered his addiction to porn. Things were starting to unravel. The worst was when he told me that he had lost the ’spark’ in the relationship. Still he remained in my home, sleeping in my bed every night, and barely talking to me. On New Year’s Eve I walked into the house to find all his things gone. He had moved out without a word.
A month later, he called to ask me out on a date. Fool that I was, I went. Of course, we started up again. But this time he treated me like somewhere to go, when he had nowhere to go. He would be in my house almost every weekend, and I would cook and take care of him, do his laundry, almost as if we were still together. Meanwhile, he is saying that it was a ‘transitional’ period, and he was not sure how he felt. In short, he was getting all the milk he could drink, without having to purchase the cow.
One Sunday he remained all day without taking a bath, smelling all funky, and looking like a slob, and by evening I found myself just hoping that he would go. The next morning he left, and I haven’t seen him since. Oh he still calls, but now I answer the phone only when I feel like it. He’s asked me out since, but I turn him down. What helped me to make the change, is when I asked myself Why am I doing this? I realized that as hard as it seemed, in order to save me, I had to let him go. And so I did.
There are people who come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Mr. Ex taught me that I had to fall in love with myself first, before I could fall in love with someone else. It was a lesson well learned.
Thursday’s Rock Your Love Life Guest Speaker: Carol Allen!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 17, 2009 - 9:21 am
I’m thrilled to have vedic astrologer, relationship expert, and all around amazing woman Carol Allen as our guest on this week’s Rock Your Love Life Call! The topic is “Changing Your Single Status.” On the call, Carol will share 7 important lessons for singles, including:
1. Timing is everything! Your astrology chart shows WHEN you’ll marry and over half the population are “late bloomers in love,” marrying after 35.
2. The four best ways to meet the man you’d marry.
3. The five astrological archetypes keeping a woman single, and what to do about them.
4. The MOST important thing to know about attraction.
5. The top 2 reasons men stop calling a new woman.
6. The five critical astrological keys to relationships – only one of them is compatibility.
7. The 2 questions a person must answer when trying to decide if they could marry someone or not.
This is an exclusive call for members of my Rock Your Love Life program. However, Carol has asked that we open the call up to the first 10 people who email me @ Lisa@LisaSteadman.com. Don’t miss your chance to join the call!
Will you be one of the last lucky 5?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 16, 2009 - 8:07 am
Woohoo! My 8 Week Breakup Boot Camp Group Teleseries starts this Wednesday. And I’m thrilled to say that only 5 spots are left in this transformational program!
Will you be one of the last lucky 5 to enlist? If you’re in pain, if you feel lost, if your heart has been ripped to shreds, you NEED to do this! You need help! You WILL heal and move on with the hands-on help I provide in the Boot Camp!
To me, the program is a no-brainer. When you spend the next 8 weeks with me, you get weekly Wednesday night coaching calls from 6:30pm – 8pm. Plus, you gain access to an exclusive forum on my message board so we can stay in constant contact with one another (plus your fellow Boot Campers) between calls. PLUS, I’m giving you weekly worksheets, reading, and resources to help your healing heart. I’m also offering discounts on my private coaching AND a sneak peek at my next book It’s A Breakup, Not
A Breakdown The Workbook: A 21 Day Plan to Plot Your Revenge, Spoil Yourself, and Find Out How Good Life is Without Him. The book isn’t available anywhere else until May!
With a hands-on program like this, imagine where you’ll be just 2 months from now. Maybe not totally over your ex, but dramatically closer to having a healed heart, a clear head, and an exciting vision of your future.
So will you be one of the last lucky 5 to join the amazingly brave and bold women who have already signed up? I’ve been
meditating on who you are and what you need. I know you’re ready for real relief from the pain. I know you want to reclaim
your amazing future. And I’m certain you don’t want to be in this same painful place 8 weeks from now.
Because I’m a bargain shopper and I love a great deal, and because I’m committed to your success and healing, I want to offer you something really special. To reward you for your bravery in enlisting in my Boot Camp, I’m extending the Early Bird Special discount of just $497 for 8 weeks of accelerated healing.
Sign up for Breakup Boot Camp here: mybreakupbootcamp.com
But hurry – these 5 remaining spots will go fast! If you’re really ready to let go of the past and slowly but surely step into your future, enlist in my 8 Week Breakup Boot Camp today. I’m so excited to work with you!
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