Advice to heal broken hearts (from tween girls!)
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 31, 2009 - 6:15 pm
This is sooo cute! My g.f. recently polled a group of pre-tween and tween girls on how to handle heartbreak. Here are the results, directly from the mouths of babes:
Cuties, crushes, and heartbreak. It’s all part of growing up, but boy, it can definitely sting! That’s why it’s good to get advice from others who’ve been through it. Like these awesome girls:
Well, I saw my crush with his arm around a girl. **Ouch** But then I got over it by finding a new best buddy!
- Grace
I had this boyfriend, and he made me laugh and smile. After almost two months, I found out he was starting to like someone else, so I broke it off with him. I just had to tell myself that there was someone else. And there was! I met this cute AND nice guy a week later.
- Megan
Here’s my recipe to cure a broken heart. You’ll need:
1) Lots of ice cream
2) Your best girlfriends
3) Lots of chick flicks
Guaranteed to cure a broken heart!
- Madison
I’ve had my heart broken and my advice is: Forget about him. There are plenty other good-looking guys out there. And who knows? Some of them might even be into you, but you just haven’t had time to really see the truth. So I think the best thing to do is forget about him. If he comes back, so be it. But DON’T waste your time crying over him. That’s exactly what he wants!!
- Leyla
I once thought my boyfriend was the boy of my dreams and that he would never break my heart. Guess what, I was wrong! I was very emotional for about 2 weeks and felt like I could never see his face again. Then my friends helped me out. They told me that I was an awesome person who is incredible in every way, and that I should not cry over him because if he doesn’t like me then he is missing out on something so sweet. You should not cry over a boy who does not like you!
- Jenny
What’s YOUR advice for young girls experiencing their first breakup?
The Single Gal Essentials
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 30, 2009 - 7:00 am
Our married-with-children friends have a checklist before they leave their suburban homes: diapers, toys, bottle, baby. When you leave your swanky bachelorette pad, what’s on your checklist? What provisions do you need to successfully and joyfully navigate your single gal life?
After a little research, here are the single gal essentials, as recently reported to me:
1. The 3rd Date Outfit
The first date’s a formality. The second establishes mutual attraction. And Date #3 is all about turning up the heat. So whether it’s those saucy black boots you splurged on at Bloomies, or that curve-hugging skirt, or even that sexy spaghetti strap top that shows just the right amount of cleavage, a single girl’s gotta have something that makes her feel like a million bucks for that rare but fabulous third date.
2. Girlfriends
We make each other laugh and soothe each other’s tears and stick together through even the toughest breakups, makeups, and in-between times.
3. Self-Confidence
Single gals of the world should always follow this simple but effective mantra: Always look like you know what you’re doing and that you’re having fun doing it!
4. A Passport
After a particularly painful breakup, I decided to take my dream Mediterranean vacation. Somewhere between exploring ancient ruins, hiking a 12 mile gorge with a cute air force officer, and sunbathing topless I realized My ex would have hated this trip. Which made me appreciate my experiences all the more. And whenever I look at my passport, I smile at the fond memories of my adventure not to mention my month long Paris honeymoon, and wonder where I’ll travel to next – this time with my fab Hubby.
5. The Perfect Workout
Working out is no longer about logging that hour of cardio on the treadmill. It’s about finding what works best for you. So get out of that gym and have some fun! Whether it’s hiking, biking, Pilates, yoga, or some combination thereof, hop to it!
6. A Financial Planner
Most of our mothers went from their father’s house to the sorority house to their husband’s house. Not today’s single gal. Most of us make enough money to live alone, give to charity, and still go on that amazing weekend getaway with the girls. But after awhile, it’s time to get smart. Start planning for the future. And that’s where a financial advisor comes in.
7. A Sense of Adventure
As we get older and the responsibilities mount, we often find ourselves feeling saddled with commitments like mortgage payments, family obligations, job duties. But a single gal must never lose her sense of adventure. Whether that means jumping out of a plane, buying that fire engine red dress, or flying to Vegas for an impromptu weekend of decadence, go for it!
8. A Hair Stylist
Women put a lot of stock – and product – in our hair. And if we’re not happy, it affects how we present ourselves to the world. So splurge a little and find the perfect stylist to meet your needs. You won’t regret it!
9. The Right Technology
I used to live with a boyfriend who had Surround Sound. When we broke up, I held off on buying a new T.V., speakers, or any other electronic devices for a long time. My logic was: The next boyfriend will have all that. After several short-term relationships involving techno-savvy men and their toys, I eventually invested in my own system. Whether it’s a home theater system, a decent computer, DSL, or just an iPod with your fave tunes, it’s time to take stock of what you’re waiting for a man to provide. And immediately provide it for yourself.
10. Toys
Boyfriends come and go, but our adult toys remain faithful – and fun – companions. (Translation: Invest in your personal satisfaction immediately!)
So there you have it. The top ten essentials for today’s single gal. May you learn it, love it, live by it. (And with that flirty self confidence and perfectly coifed ‘do, may you look good doing it, too!)
Are you waiting for your ex to come back? (Part 2 of 2)
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 27, 2009 - 7:00 am
Think your ex is above such heartless behavior as staying connected to you while still moving on? Think again. These post-breakup tactics are not limited to jerks, assholes, and players. Good men, honest men, kind men, men like your ex do this because we let them. Because on some level we accept their behavior. We say it’s okay because we still love them. We silently agree to be nothing more than a booty call because our heart tells us it’s better than being nothing to our ex. Maybe we can’t have the relationship we once had, but we can still hold onto our ex in some tiny way. Yes, it’s painful, but it’s also comfortable, familiar, and it means we don’t have to take any risks. Risks like walking away and focusing on our future.
We couldn’t be more wrong.
Maybe we are from different planets. But unlike the fair and balanced relationships we like to have on Venus, on Mars it’s perfectly acceptable to sleep with your ex, date someone new, fall in love, and kick your ex to the curb once things get serious. Ouch!
So what’s a savvy gal like you to do? For starters, wake up and smell the reality. Second, wise up and stop letting your ex back into your life. In fact, get rid of everything that reminds you of him, including old photos, his t-shirt you’re still secretly sleeping in, and any remaining connections to him online. You know what I’m talking about, Facebook lurker!
In doing so, you take your power back. You also take an important step into your more realistic future. Guess what else? In stepping beyond the invisible electric fence your ex has had around your heart, you create the space for someone new and amazing to come into your life, when you’re ready. Woohoo!
Now, I think I’ve done a pretty good job illustrating the dangers of staying connected to your ex or holding out hope for one last reunion. But let’s review one last time.
Regardless of how many times you’ve broken up and gotten back together, thought you were meant to be, and/or still compare every guy you meet to your ex, it’s time for a serious reality check. If you’re putting your fabulous future on hold indefinitely, how long are you willing to wait? How much more time are you willing to waste? And what’s it going to take for you to completely disconnect your heart from your ex?
Right here and now, I invite you to walk away for good. I know it’s scary. The big, bad unknown future is out there in front of you. But isn’t it time you explored it by cutting off all ties to your ex, including the emotional ones? Today, give yourself permission to stop looking over your shoulder waiting for him to come back one last time and instead commit to yourself and what lies ahead for you.
Good luck and happy healing!
I’m looking for 10 exceptionally brave and bold women…
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 25, 2009 - 6:03 am
If you’ve recently gone through a breakup and are hurting, you may have forgotten how brave and bold you really are.
I’m here to remind you.
I’d also like to invite you to participate in a rare opportunity: The chance to get a free 30 minute private coaching session with me!
Here’s how. Be one of the first 10 amazing women to e-mail me back with the subject line “Brave & Bold 10.” When you do, I’ll have my assistant set up a time for our private 30 minute free phone session.
Why am I doing this? I’ve noticed an influx of new subscribers recently, and I’d like to know how I can best support you. So rather than guess, I’m reaching out to you, offering you this unique opportunity for free ONE ON ONE coaching, and in return I’ll get a better understanding of your needs and what kind of free tele-seminars, coaching programs, etc. to create.
The way I see it, it’s a win win!
Plus, when you’re one of these 10 phenomenal women, I’ll give you a copy of my upcoming book FREE! The only catch is you have to have recently gone through a breakup and be in genuine need of assistance.
If you fit that description, be one of the first 10 amazing women to e-mail me back with the subject line “Brave & Bold 10.
When Love Gone Wrong Leads to Lessons Learned
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 20, 2009 - 7:05 am
I absolutely love this story! Out of much pain and heartache comes an amazing lesson.
I take the cake. I went from one heart break into another!
When I met the first Mr. Ex, I was in a relationship but fell so deeply in love that I had to break it off. As is usual, everything was wonderful. And then he started to stray. For five years I stayed with him, through affairs, disrespect,t baby mama drama. Finally, it was the day that I saw him kissing another woman who was dropping him off to work. Yes, we worked together, that I finally realized that I had to get a hold of myself. I broke it off, and told myself that I would never fall victim to another man’s stories again.
After 10 months of the single life, I met the new Mr. Ex. He seemed to be all that I dreamed of – witty, articulate, and kind. We fell in love and soon enough, started living together. That’s where the trouble started. Since it was really my house, he said that he felt at a disadvantage. Then, he started hanging out with his buddies, and would come home at all hours. Then I discovered his addiction to porn. Things were starting to unravel. The worst was when he told me that he had lost the ’spark’ in the relationship. Still he remained in my home, sleeping in my bed every night, and barely talking to me. On New Year’s Eve I walked into the house to find all his things gone. He had moved out without a word.
A month later, he called to ask me out on a date. Fool that I was, I went. Of course, we started up again. But this time he treated me like somewhere to go, when he had nowhere to go. He would be in my house almost every weekend, and I would cook and take care of him, do his laundry, almost as if we were still together. Meanwhile, he is saying that it was a ‘transitional’ period, and he was not sure how he felt. In short, he was getting all the milk he could drink, without having to purchase the cow.
One Sunday he remained all day without taking a bath, smelling all funky, and looking like a slob, and by evening I found myself just hoping that he would go. The next morning he left, and I haven’t seen him since. Oh he still calls, but now I answer the phone only when I feel like it. He’s asked me out since, but I turn him down. What helped me to make the change, is when I asked myself Why am I doing this? I realized that as hard as it seemed, in order to save me, I had to let him go. And so I did.
There are people who come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Mr. Ex taught me that I had to fall in love with myself first, before I could fall in love with someone else. It was a lesson well learned.
Thursday’s Rock Your Love Life Guest Speaker: Carol Allen!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 17, 2009 - 9:21 am
I’m thrilled to have vedic astrologer, relationship expert, and all around amazing woman Carol Allen as our guest on this week’s Rock Your Love Life Call! The topic is “Changing Your Single Status.” On the call, Carol will share 7 important lessons for singles, including:
1. Timing is everything! Your astrology chart shows WHEN you’ll marry and over half the population are “late bloomers in love,” marrying after 35.
2. The four best ways to meet the man you’d marry.
3. The five astrological archetypes keeping a woman single, and what to do about them.
4. The MOST important thing to know about attraction.
5. The top 2 reasons men stop calling a new woman.
6. The five critical astrological keys to relationships – only one of them is compatibility.
7. The 2 questions a person must answer when trying to decide if they could marry someone or not.
This is an exclusive call for members of my Rock Your Love Life program. However, Carol has asked that we open the call up to the first 10 people who email me @ Lisa@LisaSteadman.com. Don’t miss your chance to join the call!
Will you be one of the last lucky 5?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 16, 2009 - 8:07 am
Woohoo! My 8 Week Breakup Boot Camp Group Teleseries starts this Wednesday. And I’m thrilled to say that only 5 spots are left in this transformational program!
Will you be one of the last lucky 5 to enlist? If you’re in pain, if you feel lost, if your heart has been ripped to shreds, you NEED to do this! You need help! You WILL heal and move on with the hands-on help I provide in the Boot Camp!
To me, the program is a no-brainer. When you spend the next 8 weeks with me, you get weekly Wednesday night coaching calls from 6:30pm – 8pm. Plus, you gain access to an exclusive forum on my message board so we can stay in constant contact with one another (plus your fellow Boot Campers) between calls. PLUS, I’m giving you weekly worksheets, reading, and resources to help your healing heart. I’m also offering discounts on my private coaching AND a sneak peek at my next book It’s A Breakup, Not
A Breakdown The Workbook: A 21 Day Plan to Plot Your Revenge, Spoil Yourself, and Find Out How Good Life is Without Him. The book isn’t available anywhere else until May!
With a hands-on program like this, imagine where you’ll be just 2 months from now. Maybe not totally over your ex, but dramatically closer to having a healed heart, a clear head, and an exciting vision of your future.
So will you be one of the last lucky 5 to join the amazingly brave and bold women who have already signed up? I’ve been
meditating on who you are and what you need. I know you’re ready for real relief from the pain. I know you want to reclaim
your amazing future. And I’m certain you don’t want to be in this same painful place 8 weeks from now.
Because I’m a bargain shopper and I love a great deal, and because I’m committed to your success and healing, I want to offer you something really special. To reward you for your bravery in enlisting in my Boot Camp, I’m extending the Early Bird Special discount of just $497 for 8 weeks of accelerated healing.
Sign up for Breakup Boot Camp here: mybreakupbootcamp.com
But hurry – these 5 remaining spots will go fast! If you’re really ready to let go of the past and slowly but surely step into your future, enlist in my 8 Week Breakup Boot Camp today. I’m so excited to work with you!
Revenge – friend or foe?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 6:33 am
I get a lot of email from people wanting to know my thoughts on revenge following a breakup. While my upcoming book delves into the subject briefly, I thought I’d clear up my position on the subject. While I think revenge fantasies are fine, revenge realities can come with jail time and I don’t recommend them.Â
For example, if you dated a guy who stole from you, lied to you, cheated on you, or in any other way misrepresented himself, you could go online and warn other women about him on your social networking sites. In that case, it’s appropriate.
I don’t think it’s appropriate to defame someone just because you got your feelings hurt or your heartbroken. Take my site and message board, for example. My #1 rule when sharing your breakup story on the blog is that you do NOT name names. The purpose of the stories is not to hurt anyone else. Rather, it’s to exorcise your own demons by writing about what happened and the lessons you learned from the experience. If your ex happens upon the site and reads a story about him or her self, they are more than welcome to write their own side of the story. But again, they cannot use your real name.
Imagine dating and breaking up with someone who just wasn’t right for you, only to find out that they’re trashing your reputation online. How would you feel about that? What if you had done everything in your power to break up fairly and they were still trashing you? These are the dangers of e-venge. Who’s to say who’s right and who’s wrong?
As always, I think it comes down to karma. If you think someone has done you wrong and they deserve to be called out, then use your discretion in doing so online. Just remember, what comes around goes around. If you seek e-venge on someone who’s wronged you, be prepared for future retaliation. And in the age of social networking online, what comes around can go around very quickly.
The Importance of Having A Boo-hoo Crew
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 14, 2009 - 7:28 am
To successfully survive and thrive after a breakup, you’ve gotta recruit your Boo-Hoo Crew. Part cheerleader, part therapist, your Boo-Hoo Crew should be reliable, patient, and consist of at least three friends for round-the-clock supervision and support. Â
The role of the Boo-Hoo Crew is to provide the following:
- A shoulder to cry on
- A voice of reason
- Damage control (in case you get the urge to contact your ex)
- The bright sideÂ
Tips for assembling the perfect Boo-Hoo CrewNot everyone’s cut out to be a Boo-Hoo Crew member. It’s important to recruit only those friends who are up to the challenge. While assembling your crew, keep the following considerations in mind:Â
- Include only those friends who are loving and supportive.
- Exclude any so-called friends who might say things like “I told you so,†brag about their own relationship, or ask if they can call your ex (in fact, dump these “friends†immediately!).
- Do not include any mutual friends who might report back to your ex on your progress (and/or dish about your setbacks).
Â
The Boo-Hoo Crew code of honorDuring your slump, your Boo-Hoo Crew should be available 24/7. It may sound like a tremendous commitment, but that’s what friends are for. You’d do it for them (if you haven’t already). And let’s face it: There are times in life when you have to sleep in shifts. This just happens to be one of those times.Â
There are also going to be times when you’ll obsess about your ex, times when you’ll want your ex back, and times when all you can think about is picking up the phone and calling your ex. These are the times when you should rely on your Boo-Hoo Crew for support. You’ll want to choose friends who know you well enough to know when you need comfort versus when you need a kick in the pants. Friends who can remind you of the nitpicky negative things you once said about your ex that you’re going to forget when you’re wishing you two were still together. Your Boo-Hoo Crew should always know (and be able to remind you) why your ex wasn’t good for you then, and why he’s definitely not worth pining over now.
When we’re in post-breakup mode, some of us have trouble reaching out to others. We think asking for help is a sign of weakness, but it’s not. It’s a show of strength. So go out there and recruit the best Boo-Hoo Crew ever! (Right now.) And if you need additional help, enlist in my 8 Week Breakup Boot Camp or contact me about private coaching.
The first 30 days are the hardest…
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 12, 2009 - 7:10 am
Without a doubt the hardest time for any life transition, breakups included, are the first 30 days. Which is the simple but powerful premise behind a brand-new website first30days.com. Basically, the site offers useful tips, advice, and articles on how to survive and thrive the first 30 days of any life transition including breaking up, buying a home, changing your look, dating online, getting in shape, etc. With featured experts, myself included, weighing in on a variety of topics, the site offers tons of great information and resources. And they actually email you every day for 30 days with tips to help you move on. It’s like having your very own personal life coach!
PLUS, if you need ongoing support beyond the first 30 days following your Big Breakup, enlist in my 8 Week Breakup Boot Camp today and save $200. Prices go up tomorrow!
Older Posts »
