Speaking of Exes…

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on January 11, 2009 - 6:19 am

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Now would be a good time to talk about YOUR ex and to assess your Ex Factor. Did you just break up? Has it been a few days, weeks, months? Are you and your ex still speaking? And more importantly, are you still sleeping together? Your answers to these questions are very important because they help us figure out where you are in the breakup timeline. According to the breakup timeline, the more time and distance you put between yourself and your ex, the better your chances are of healing your heart and moving on. Which is why the following rule is crucial to your recovery…

Breakup Rule #1: You cannot sleep with your ex.

Some of you may think this is a ridiculous rule. You may be so hurt, angry, or just plain over the relationship that you can’t possibly imagine sleeping with your ex. But as someone who’s been there, I know just how tempting it is to fall back into the arms of your ex. There’s momentary comfort there. Sex with your ex offers that false sense of security that everything’s the way it once was. But it’s not which is why you have to follow Breakup Rule #1. It’s the first rule I share with you because it’s crucial to your recovery. And I think it’s worth repeating…

You cannot move on from your Big Breakup while still sleeping with your ex. Just don’t do it!

Which leads me to the second rule of breakup recovery…

Breakup Rule #2: Not only can you not sleep with your ex after a breakup, but you should avoid any contact with him at all including calling, texting, emailing, checking his MySpace page, instant messaging him, driving by his house, showing up at his work, or leaving notes on his car. (Repeat after me — you cannot move on if you’re still holding on!)

IF you’re still sleeping with your ex (or maintaining any kind of contact with him), I want you to find the closest mirror, look into it, and ask yourself why. And then wait for a good answer. Maybe you’re holding out hope that the relationship isn’t really over. Or maybe you’re seeking comfort in the arms of someone you love. Or maybe, if you did the dumping, you’re trying to soften the blow of the breakup for your ex. (If so, stop it right now.) The harsh reality is that by sleeping with your ex or maintaining any kind of close connection with him immediately following the breakup, you’re only delaying your own happiness and making moving on impossible.

And if you’re NOT sleeping with your ex…

Look in the closest mirror and congratulate yourself on how well you’re handling your breakup. You are a total breakup recovery rock star!

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