Rock Your Love Life: 5 Ways to Get Real Results in 2009!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 29, 2008 - 8:15 am
Raise your hand if you’re looking for love (or at least dating success) in 2009. Go ahead — raise ‘em. Congratulations! You’re one step closer to achieving that success. And in an effort to maximize your dating and mating success in 2009, I want to talk about the importance of taking risks. No, I’m not talking about dating an ex-con, falling back into bed with your ex because so far nobody better has come along, or trying your hand at dating a married man. I’m talking about taking calculated dating risks, risks that get you out of your comfort zone and into target rich environments on a regular basis. By taking calculated risks, you exponentially increase your likelihood of dating and mating success. Read on for details.
Rock Your Love Life by Multi-tasking
Thankfully, gone are the days of sitting at home alone on a Saturday night, knitting, watching TV, eating Ben & Jerry’s, and wishing you had a date. In 2008, you’re going to put your natural born multitasking skills to work in the dating arena. Yes, you’re going to join an online dating site (or 10) and actively pursue potential matches. But you’re also going to get up from behind that computer, put on your most bootylicious jeans, and go out on Saturday nights with your girlfriends (in target rich environments no less!). You’re going to attend singles events on a regular basis this year, not to mention recruit your happily hooked up male and female friends to be on the lookout for a cutie for you. Plus, you’re going to start flirting with strangers on a regular basis so that you can get comfortable with your personal flirting style.
Rock Your Results with Target Rich Environments
Say it loud, say it proud — I WILL put myself in target rich environments as often as possible in 2009! Now repeat that mantra on a daily basis and be sure to follow it. What’s a target rich environment? Any location where plenty of potential partners, a.k.a. single men or women with shared interests can be found. Chances are, your living room doesn’t count. Neither does your car, your cubicle, or your parents’ house. So where exactly do you encounter the kind of partner you could be into? Only you’ll know for sure but again, think about target rich environments in a calculated way. If you’re a culture junkie, try a museum on Saturday afternoon, that new jazz club on Friday night, or a fund-raising event for the arts. If you dig the outdoors, sign up for a sailing class, join the Sierra Club, or recruit your gal pals and have a picnic in a local park on Sunday afternoon. You get the idea. In 2009, it’s essential to get outside your comfort zone and into a target rich environment. ASAP!
Rock Your Love Life By Flirting With Strangers
Trolling online dating sites on a Friday night is one way to meet singles. In 2009, you’re going to flirt with actual live human beings, too. On a regular basis, no less! Here’s how. In addition to going to work, the gym, and home each day, you’re going to find a way in your daily routine to talk to/flirt with a stranger. Sound scary? It’s not. Again, this is about calculated risk. I’m not asking you to approach a stranger in a dark parking lot at midnight by yourself. I’m asking you to take your self-imposed blinders off long enough to see that there are singles everywhere. You heard me – everywhere! This is so easy for us to forget, but so unbelievably important to remind ourselves. Think about it. When you go to the grocery store, the bookstore, Starbucks, the dry cleaners, the gym, or even in the elevator at work, there are usually members of the opposite sex there. They may not all be single. They may not all be cute. They may not all be interested in you. But plain and simple, they are there. And in order to attract somebody fabulous, you’ve got to get comfortable talking to the opposite sex, starting with the people in your everyday life. The next time you’re in an elevator, or waiting for the light to change at the corner, or picking out produce and there happens to be a cutie nearby, you’re going to strike up a conversation. It doesn’t have to be witty. It doesn’t even have to be flirty. It just has to kick start your practice of talking to the strangers in your everyday life. A simple Hi, Do you know what time it is?, or Beautiful day, isn’t it? will suffice. This isn’t rocket science. It’s calculated conversation. And you’re going to get good at it. Someday soon, you may even enjoy it!
Become A Rock Star By Multi-Dating
Here’s the deal. In 2009, you’re going to date like you’ve never dated before. You’re going to go on coffee dates, speed dates, blind dates, etc. And you’re not going to wait to see how you feel about one date before booking another with someone else. Dating is a numbers game and you’ve got to be in it to win it! So go ahead and say yes to that lunch date with the cutie who works in your building while still making a coffee date with that potential sweetie you met online. By juggling multiple dates, you not only get a lot of practice in but you also take the pressure off the importance of any one particular date. And that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy them all.
Rock Your Results By Turning Down Your Inner Critic
Okay, you’re putting yourself out there in 2008. You’re multitasking and multi-dating with the best of them. There’s just one more risk you need to take, and that involves turning down the volume on your inner critic. Your inner critic is that evil awful voice that whispers in your ear throughout dates. It’s the one that points out all of the flaws and all of the reasons why the cutie sitting across from you at Starbucks isn’t right for you without considering their good qualities or the reasons why they might be great for you. TURN THAT VOICE DOWN. Right now. Trust me — this is not the same as ignoring red flags. In fact, by turning down the volume on your inner critic you’ll be better equipped to notice red flags because you’re not so distracted by the incessant negative chatter going through your head throughout your dates.
Now that you know how to rock your love life in 2009, your dating future looks promising. When in doubt, revisit the tips above. Always remember that dating is a numbers game, and in order to be successful you have to put yourself out there, actively participate, take calculated risks, and try to have fun.
Ready to rock your love life in 2009?
Holiday Breakup Survival: 5 Tips to Rock Your Recovery
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 28, 2008 - 7:11 am
Whether your summer breakup still stings, your fall heartbreak feels fresh, or your holiday heartache has yet to happen, one thing’s for sure. The holiday season is almost upon us and dealing with a broken heart can be especially tough during these “feel good†months. After all, there are holiday gatherings to attend, mistletoe to stand under (GASP – alone!), and happy couples cozying up to one another wherever you turn.
Even with your broken heart, you can still enjoy the holidays this year. Here are some tried and true tips for surviving and thriving the holiday season following a breakup:
Breakup Survival Strategy #1: Focus on friends and family
Instead of obsessing about what went wrong with your ex, focus your energy and attention on your friends and family. You are loved by many people! You may just need to tweak your perspective. Take some time this holiday season to reconnect with old friends, tell a family member how much you love them, and in turn heal your broken heart.
Breakup Survival Strategy #2: Pamper yourself
Think of all the money you’re saving by being single this holiday season! No ungrateful ex to shop for, no annoying in-laws to visit, no ridiculous lovers’ spats after one too many cups of eggnog. This holiday season, celebrate your single status by pampering yourself. Spend a day at the spa. Splurge a little on gifts for yourself. Decorate your home to your heart’s content. Whatever floats your boat, you’re footloose and fancy free to do it!
Breakup Survival Strategy #3: Reserve the right to say “None of your bees-waxâ€
Nosey relatives asking too many questions about What went wrong? Well-meaning but intrusive friends trying to tell you what to do next time? This holiday season, your breakup is nobody’s business but your own. So when someone sidles up to you with a gossip gleam in their eye and asks, “So where’s What’s His Name?†reserve the right to protect your healing heart. Simply smile and say, “None of your business.†Or, if you’re so inclined, choose a more radical response, i.e. “I shipped him off to Iraq for the new year,†or “He’s contemplating his bad behavior from behind ex-boyfriend bars.†This holiday season, put your healing heart first and put a stop to those nosey questions about the breakup.
Breakup Survival Strategy #4: Become your own arm candy
After a breakup, it’s sometimes difficult to get used to going to parties alone again. The holiday season makes it even tougher because there are so many parties to go to. Instead of fretting about all those outings by yourself, celebrate being single by being your own arm candy! Before going to the party, stop by the mall makeup counter and get a professional makeover. Wear that saucy red dress and stiletto boots. (Or if you’re a guy, invest in that cologne that makes women weak at the knees, or buy a new sweater or blazer that makes you feel like the hunk o’ man you are). Then walk into the party like you own the room. Go ahead – give yourself permission to be your own arm candy!
Breakup Survival Strategy #5: Reserve the right to celebrate your slump
There will be times this holiday season when you won’t feel like celebrating. Times when you will want to mourn the loss of your past relationship. And that’s okay. Give yourself permission to turn down a party imitation or two in favor of curling up with a good book, a glass of wine, or your favorite sappy movie in your pajamas at home. The best way to truly move on after a breakup is to first celebrate your slump. And if you want to celebrate your slump all season long? That’s your prerogative. Go for it!
For ongoing breakup recovery help, check out my weekly breakup video tips!
You can also share your recovery journey on the message board.
Ready to rock your recovery? Join my next Breakup Rock Star telecourse!
What Are Your Breakup Lessons?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 27, 2008 - 8:10 am
‘Tis the season for self-reflection. And that includes contemplating how a breakup changed your life…for the better! Thanks to everyone who shared their lessons with me this year. Here are some of my faves:
Lesson #1: In the right relationship, you never have to apologize for or compromise who you are
Have you ever been in a relationship where you couldn’t be who you really are? Were there parts of your personality you felt like you had to tone down in order to make your partner comfortable? The truth is, in the wrong relationship we can’t be our authentic selves. In the right relationship, we are celebrated. Even our quirks are accepted, even loved. The beauty of breaking free of the wrong relationship is that you’re now free to be who you really are, maybe even the person you’re transforming into. Maybe you wouldn’t know that person if you hadn’t gone through the breakup. What a blessing!
Lesson #2: In the wrong relationship, dreams go unrealized
We all have dreams. Some are not yet spoken, but they’re lurking, bubbling, making their way into our conscious mind. However, when we’re in the wrong relationship, we may not be able to realize our dreams. We may have to sacrifice some part of our dream life to make our partner happy. Maybe our efforts are focused on fulfilling THEIR dreams, or maybe we know deep down that our dreams would intimidate our partner and so it’s just easier to keep them under wraps. Who gets the short end of the stick? Ultimately, you do. Nobody else suffers from your unrealized dreams. If you had dreams that were put on the back burner during a past relationship, now’s the time to reignite the passion, allowing yourself to bring your dreams into your reality. In fact, commit to realizing at least one unfulfilled dream in the coming year.
Lesson #3: Some relationships are temporary
Not every relationship lasts forever. But that doesn’t mean the relationship was a complete and total failure. It just means that your ex served their purpose in your life (and vice versa), but the time came for you to part ways and move on. By giving thanks for the short-term relationships you’ve had, you learn to respect your lessons. You also discover what you’re looking for in your next relationship. Instead of focusing on your breakups as failures, celebrate them for the beautiful life lessons that they are.
Lesson #4: Your gut will never steer you wrong
How many times has your gut told you “caution,†and yet you jumped headfirst into dangerous water? Whether it was a wrong relationship, a wrong job, etc., something inside you knew that things would not end up well. But you went for it anyway. You ignored your gut. Consider it a lesson learned. After a breakup, get reacquainted with your gut. Promise to listen to it and honor it in the future. Trust that it will never lead you astray. The truth is, it won’t.
What valuable lessons have you learned from your breakup? Share them here!
Holiday Breakup Etiquette
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 26, 2008 - 7:25 am
Contemplating a breakup this holiday season? You better do it soon. According to breakup etiquette experts, myself included, breaking up during the holidays is a risky proposition. Nobody wants to get dumped with the smell of turkey roasting in the oven (Thanksgiving will be ruined forever). Or get the ax at 30,000 feet on the way to see the in-laws for gift giving and tree trimming (and now ex-bashing). But then again, spending yet another holiday season under the mistletoe with that sloppy kisser you’re just not in love with anymore can be a real drag.
If you’re seriously contemplating a breakup, the time is now. Yes, you’re breaking someone’s heart, and that’s never easy. But if you know in your heart of hearts that this relationship just isn’t going to last, you need to do yourself and your soon-to-be ex a favor and breakup before the holidays. You’ll save each other both a lot of time, money, and tears. (Plus, think of the cash you’ll save by not buying that plane ticket to see the in-laws, or that expensive sweater she’s been eyeing/the new gadget he’s been hinting about, etc.).
But remember. Breaking up is hard to do. So be nice about it. Be honest. And don’t prolong the inevitable. But don’t succumb to guilt and/or tears either. You’ve made up your mind. Be strong, firm, kind. Always keep in mind that breakup karma is a bitch, and what goes around comes around. The better you are at breaking up, the easier your future breakups will be, regardless of whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee.
When in doubt, ask your Boo Hoo Crew for help. Or consult other breakup survivors on The Breakup Chronicles message board. After all, ‘tis the season to be jolly. And ending the wrong relationship at the right time just may be the best gift you give and/or get this holiday season, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time. By New Year’s Eve, chances are you’ll both be giving thanks.
Breakup Tip of the Week: How to handle “What went wrong?”
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 25, 2008 - 7:51 am
According to The Relationship Journalist, ’tis the season for nosey friends and family! Instead of dreading the inevitable question “What went wrong (this time)?” handle it with style and sass!
Good luck and happy healing!
Dating Tip of the Week: Splurge on yourself!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 24, 2008 - 7:52 am
Forget the economic crisis and the fact that you didn’t meet Mr. Right this year. According to The Relationship Journalist, ’tis the season to splurge on your fab single self!
Good luck and happy dating!
Holiday 101: The Joys of Being Single
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 7:00 am
Need a reminder or two about the joys of being single? Read on…
As the saying goes, ’tis the season to be jolly. But for some, being single during the holidays can be a real drag. Whether it’s the idea of spending yet another Christmas without a significant other, being the only single person at all those family gatherings, or just feeling like another year has flown by without meeting that special someone, being single during the holidays can be overwhelming. But never fear, my fabulous friends. The key to having a fun and festive holiday season actually has nothing to do with having a significant other or not. In fact, the secret to the celebratory season lies in giving thanks for exactly where you are in life. And for the savvy single, that means celebrating the many joys of being single, especially during the holidays.
Joy #1: No In-Laws
Finding love is hard enough. Finding in-laws you love is even harder. So this season, give thanks that there are no in-laws in your life right now. And that’s a very good thing! No quarrels over whose house you’re spending the holidays at. No guilt trips about when the wedding, baby, and/or big promotion will happen. And as much as your own family may drive you nuts, spend a little extra time appreciating your quirky family members this holiday season. Next year, you may be dealing with your new significant other’s family. And you never know whether you’ll be lucky or not so be grateful for what you’ve got this year.
Joy #2: No Expensive Gifts to Buy
With no significant other to shop for this holiday season, your wallet may be feeling a little fat. You can lighten the load in a myriad of ways. From padding your savings account to splurging on the single friends in your life to doing something charitable for others in need, your hard-earned dollars will find their rightful home soon enough. And in the meantime, give thanks for being single and all the fabulous freedom it affords you this holiday season!
Joy #3: The Mystery of Mistletoe
Sure, it would be nice to have someone special to kiss under the mistletoe at every holiday party this season, but Joy #3 of being single is that you never know who you’ll meet under the mistletoe! You could kiss a couple cuties during the holidays this year. That’s the fun of being single. Knowing that the possibilities are endless, and that your next great kisser may just around the corner, or under the mistletoe. So why not put on your best party dress and flirt a little this holiday season?
Joy #4: The Freedom to Flirt
And speaking of flirting, one of the best things about being single is that you have the freedom to flirt 24-7. Sure, when you’re coupled up you can still engage in the occasional flirt fest. But while you find yourself free of a romantic entanglement at this time of year, live it up! Strike up a conversation with every cutie you meet this holiday season. Whether they smile, respond, and/or ask for your number is irrelevant. The point is to practice, practice, practice your flirting skills. You, my footloose and fancy free friend, have a free pass to flirt your booty off right now. Go for it!
Joy #5: Rejoice. Renew. Reflect.
The holidays are the perfect time to take stock of your life as it is and to make any changes for the coming year. And the beauty of being single is that all of the choices are up to you so you get to be incredibly selfish! Really spend some time this holiday season thinking about what you want for your fabulous life. Looking to make a career change? Make it happen! Want to go back to school? Go for it! Serious about finding the love of your life? Enlist the help of friends and experts and make 2009 the best year possible. You deserve it!
So there you have it. The joys of being single during the holidays. May you learn it, live it, love it!
My honeymoon gift to you!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 22, 2008 - 9:44 am
I’m FINALLY back from my honeymoon – a blissful month in Paris! I know it sounds dreamy (and it was!). But that’s just part of my story. See, before I found my most amazing husband, before I broke free of my own bad love habits and limiting relationship
beliefs, before I was over the pain and heartbreak of my Big Breakup that I write about in my book It’s A Breakup, Not A Breakdown, I felt like a loser at love.
I was the perpetually single girl at holiday party after holiday party envying my happily hooked up friends.
I was the one who kept taking calls from my ex, kept sleeping with my ex, and kept wondering why no one else was coming into my life.
I was the truly amazing woman who had no idea that until I broke free of my own limiting beliefs about what I deserved in life and love, I’d never get to experience real and lasting love with a truly amazing partner.
Thankfully, I’m not that girl anymore. I’m now in a healthy and loving marriage. I have a truly fantastic career where I get to write books that inspire thousands of people. I also have the pleasure of coaching so many amazing single women on how to break free of the pain of the past, create a future they can get excited about, and ultimately step into their own beauty and brilliance. When they do, they become attraction magnets and enjoy more success in life and love than they ever imagined.
It’s so inspiring!
While I was on my honeymoon, I kept asking myself, how did I get from where I was – miserable and alone in a life that no longer worked for me – to a place where I get to travel the world, fall more and more in love with my perfect partner every day, and
basically call the shots in my own life?
I also asked myself how I could help more of you get to such an inspired place in your own life.
Don’t you want to let go of the pain of the past and enjoy a blissful future?
Wouldn’t you like to become your most authentic and amazing self?
If you could be loved and cherished by your perfect partner just for being who you really are, wouldn’t your personal happiness skyrocket?
Yes. The answer is simple and true. YES!
While I was in Paris, I had an epiphany of sorts. I realized that it’s not enough for me to enjoy all this love and success. I want YOU to enjoy it, too!
Now, not everyone is willing to do whatever it takes to get what they want out of life and love. Having said that…
If the idea of being the token single girl at this time next year makes you sick…
If the quality of dating candidates who courted you this year makes you want to hurl…
If the thought of spending another year in a dating desert or forced to endure more dating drama and disasters makes you want to tear your hair out…
Then you’re ready to do whatever it takes to break that cycle of drama and disappointment.
You’re ready to manifest all the love, happiness, and success you deserve.
Are you with me?
Together, let’s get you out of that unhealthy, unsatisfying, unsuccessful rut.
Let’s create your meaningful, magnetic, and amazing future. In fact, let’s get started right now by going to:
This is my honeymoon gift for you. And I’m so excited about it! Together, we will rock your WHOLE life so that you, too, can enjoy your very own version of happily ever after.
Imagine where you’ll be a year from now. Happy, fulfilled, on the road to real and lasting love. All because today you decided
enough was enough and you wisely invested in your happily ever after future.
You can invest in that fabulous future right now by going here: RockYourLoveLifeIn2009.com
And because I’m committed to your success, because I want you to get real and lasting results, and because I know everyone loves a good deal, I’m offering the first 20 people who commit to their brilliant and beautiful futures my extra special Happily Ever After gift of $2188 in free bonuses.
Will you be one of the lucky 20?
Find out now at RockYourLoveLifeIn2009.com!
But hurry. The price of my success program won’t stay this low for long. In fact, my super secret discount ends at midnight the day before Thanksgiving.
Speaking of Turkey Day, isn’t it time you committed to no more turkeys in your love life?
Give yourself a gift this holiday season. Gift yourself a fantastic turkey-free future right now!
Here’s to your success!
Breakup Tip of the Week: Find Your Healing Sanctuary
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 19, 2008 - 6:19 pm
According to The Relationship Journalist, when healing and moving on from a breakup, it’s essential to find a safe and soothing environment that doesn’t in any way remind you of your ex. This holiday season, find your healing sanctuary!
Dating Tip of the Week: Your Holiday gift? Being inlaw-free!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 6:01 pm
According to The Relationship Journalist, this holiday season is the perfect time to celebrate the fact that you’re footloose and inlaw-free. That means YOU and you alone get to decide how to enjoy the holidays. Woohoo!
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