The Best of The Breakup Chronicles

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on October 21, 2008 - 8:01 am

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We all know breaking up sucks. But what we sometimes forget is that breakups can also be freeing and fabulous! They allow us to learn and grow and eventually move on with our lives. Here are some of my favorite excerpts from The Breakup Chronicles…

“I never liked roller coasters. The slow panic-inducing ascent followed by the fast, seemingly out-of-control descent repeated over and over until the ride finally ends. It usually leaves me with a big headache and a queasy stomach. Then I met Mr. Ex…”
– A Roller Coaster Romance

“The day I learned I was a dumbs*** was the same day that Ms. Ex and I almost got matching tattoos. This was our attempt to re-ignite, for all the wrong reasons, a fizzled romance that had ended two years prior.”
– It’s The Shoes, Dumbs***

“Ex-boyfriends are like black tar heroin. You can’t have just a little.”
– Kicking the Habit

“Something in me had changed. What had once seemed safe and controllable now felt stale and tiresome. I was bored with ‘yours and mine’ and I wanted to get to the business of ‘us.’ I was ready to share my life with someone. I was ready to grow up.”
– Thirty-six and Single. Again.

“On occasion, when I feel melancholy about oh-so-many short-term relationships, I mentally list things I learned to appreciate as a result of dating around: jazz, snowshoeing, hiking, Gilbert and Sullivan, art gallery openings, cowboy poetry, drumming, various musical artists, and (mmmmm) massage techniques. My life is richer and spicier thanks to the variety.”
– The Gift of Many Breakups

“A jet black Harley-Davidson bandanna hangs on my bedroom wall to serve as a reminder of my triumph. Never again, will I wait for the telephone to ring so that Mr. Ex can apologize for hitting me the night before.”
– Heart Of Glass

“I knew early into the relationship that he was an addict. Although in his circle, they called themselves collectors. Addict, collector, fanatic. Call it what you will. But in my book, anyone who camps outside overnight to see a movie needs help.”
– The Force Wasn’t With Us

“On the national spectrum of good-looking men, Mr. Ex would probably fall in at about a five. On this remote resort’s spectrum of good-looking men, Mr. Ex leaped to a whopping nine. He had all his teeth, a full head of hair, some rippling muscles, and the flirty confidence of Tom Cruise.”
– Happily Ever After

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