Are you stuck in a dating trap?

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on October 17, 2008 - 7:20 am

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During the course of your life as a savvy single, you may find yourself from time to time stuck in a dating rut. From attracting the wrong kind of partner to suffering from a lingering dating dry spell to believing that you are somehow unworthy of finding the real love deal, it’s these ruts that can temporarily derail your chances of dating and mating success.

Unsure how to free yourself? You may need to first figure out if you’re stuck in a dating trap. What follows are some common ones. See if any sound familiar. And if they do, don’t worry. I’ll show you how to break free and move on to the kind of dating and love life you deserve!

1. The Packaging Trap
If you’re stuck in the Packaging Trap, rather than focus on how a partner treats you, your focus may be on external packaging, i.e., looks, job, wealth, material possessions. It’s these external things that you’re drawn to. Ultimately, this is not how a healthy relationship begins. Instead, you should be attracted to who a person is and not their possessions or bank account. To free yourself from this trap, start thinking about ways you can love your own life more in order to stop focusing on a potential partner’s external value and what they may bring to your life. (When you’re living and loving your life, you’re bound to attract a healthier, happier partner!)

2. The Attraction Trap
Do you think that successful relationships start with animal attraction? Think again. Yes, it’s important to be attracted to your significant other. However, by basing your feelings for someone solely on your feelings of attraction, you are confusing hormone-driven attraction with emotional compatibility. Just because he or she is hot and/or gives you butterflies in the pit of your stomach doesn’t mean they’re the right match for you. To free yourself from this trap, start paying attention to more appropriate attraction attributes (like common interests, shared values, similar life goals) rather than just surface chemistry.

3. The Sex Trap
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where your sole commonality was based on your sexual compatibility? Did you mistakenly think that great sex equaled great love? If so, it’s time to start paying attention to what you really want to prioritize in future relationships. Yes, a healthy sex life is important. However, it should not be the only source of compatibility in a relationship. Emotional intimacy as well as physical intimacy are the cornerstones of any truly healthy and happy long-term relationship. You deserve to be hot for your partner’s personality and character just as much as you are for them between the sheets!

4. The Fairytale Trap
This is predominantly a trap women fall into. If you subscribe to the Fairytale Trap, you believe that love is like a Disney movie. One day Prince Charming is just going to show up, knock on your door, sweep you off your feet, and whisk you away to some dream life. As fabulous as that sounds, it’s not realistic. Nor is it empowering. Basically, you’re saying that you don’t have to do any work towards your ideal life. It’s just going to happen to you one day, courtesy of a man. In reality, the man is the bonus. It’s up to you to create your dream life on your own terms now, with or without a man. Unsure how? Keep reading!

5. The Rescue Trap
The Rescue Trap is also pretty common among women. It’s similar to the Fairytale Trap only in this scenario, you believe that all of your emotional, financial, and other life difficulties will be solved by the man in your life. Like winning the lottery, you think meeting a man will miraculously make any and all challenges (debt, insecurities, work) in your life disappear. But again, this isn’t realistic. You’re not taking responsibility for your life, nor are you finding solutions to your everyday problems. Instead you think, “Hurry up and rescue me!”

If you suffer from the last 2 traps, it’s time to focus on creating a life you can love in the now rather than waiting for someone to come along and provide it for you. That way, when the right person comes along, they will see your life for all of its amazing attributes. They’ll be excited and want to become a part of your fabulous life rather than feel burdened by your desire to be rescued. PLUS, you’ll be better equipped to find the perfect partner for you – someone who is so much more than a financial life preserver or meal ticket.

So there you have it. Five common dating traps. By identifying which one you may be stuck in, you take the first step towards freeing yourself and getting back on track. What comes next is a step by step process of breaking free of dating traps and other bad love habits. To get started on your happily ever after journey, visit BadLoveNoMore.com.

Here’s to your success!