Dating Tip of the Week: Rock the vote!

Submitted by on October 30, 2008 - 8:20 am

Calling all savvy singles! Want to rock your dating life? Get involved in the upcoming election and/or a political cause near and dear to your heart. You never know who you might meet…

Good luck and happy dating!

Rock Your Dating Life This Election Season

Submitted by on - 8:20 am

With the presidential election just around the corner (and the massive media spin machine in high gear), it’s almost impossible to think about anything else. In fact, dating just might be the LAST thing on your mind these days. But did you know that, election season is a terrific time to rock your dating life?

Instead of putting your romantic pursuits on hold during the next few weeks, use the election as the ultimate target-rich environment. To help get you started, the following are five fantastic ways you can get involved and meet like-minded individuals this election season:

Volunteer your Time
It’s not too late to volunteer your time for a political cause you care about. In fact, your party would probably appreciate your support right about now. So go ahead and volunteer your time to make phone calls, register voters, or talk to people on the street about your candidate. In the process, you’ll not only meet like-minded, politically passionate individuals, but you’ll also have fun and possibly make a difference in what may just be the most important election of your savvy single life. If you happen to meet a cutie who’s single AND shares your political views? Make eye contact, smile, and flirt a little, if you feel like it!

Click here to read the full article on eHarmony.com.

Breakup Tip of the Week: This Halloween, forget your ex!

Submitted by on October 25, 2008 - 8:26 am

Want to rock your breakup recovery? Put down the candy, get out of the house, and have fun this Halloween…

Good luck and happy healing!

Dating Tip of the Week: Reinvent yourself for Halloween!

Submitted by on October 23, 2008 - 8:20 am

Halloween is the perfect time to rock your dating life! How? By mastering the art of reinvention…

Good luck and happy dating!

Do you settle for less than you deserve?

Submitted by on - 7:36 am

Do you regularly find yourself settling for less than you deserve in the dating/relationship department because you think it’s all you can get? Are you convinced there are no good single people left? Ladies, are you obsessed with your biological clock and believe that time is running out on your chance to get married and/or have a baby?

If so, then you may suffer from the Scarcity Trap.

Recently, I blogged about 5 common dating traps. The Scarcity Trap is the sixth trap.

The Scarcity Trap thrives on fear. Its very existence relies on your insecurities about age, marriage, babies, and the notorious biological clock. The Scarcity Trap convinces you there is a limited supply of decent men and/or women in the world and you better just take what you can get while the gettin’s good.

Well guess what? I’m here to tell you it’s just not true. I’m here to liberate you from your Scarcity Trap and tell you that time is not running out on your chance for happiness, nor have all the good ones been snatched up, leaving nothing but losers for you and the other singles to fight over.

Truth: The notion that single men or women are scarce is just preposterous. There is no need to settle. There is only a need to tweak your thinking, break free of the Scarcity Trap, and welcome real and authentic love into your life. You can do this by breaking free of your bad love habits and limiting relationship beliefs. Let me show you how!

And P.S. – Men and women get married and have children well into their 40s and even 50s. Plus, adoption and surrogacy are realistic alternatives to pregnancy for women, should you want to have a child after your childbearing years wane.

The Best of The Breakup Chronicles

Submitted by on October 21, 2008 - 8:01 am

We all know breaking up sucks. But what we sometimes forget is that breakups can also be freeing and fabulous! They allow us to learn and grow and eventually move on with our lives. Here are some of my favorite excerpts from The Breakup Chronicles…

“I never liked roller coasters. The slow panic-inducing ascent followed by the fast, seemingly out-of-control descent repeated over and over until the ride finally ends. It usually leaves me with a big headache and a queasy stomach. Then I met Mr. Ex…”
– A Roller Coaster Romance

“The day I learned I was a dumbs*** was the same day that Ms. Ex and I almost got matching tattoos. This was our attempt to re-ignite, for all the wrong reasons, a fizzled romance that had ended two years prior.”
– It’s The Shoes, Dumbs***

“Ex-boyfriends are like black tar heroin. You can’t have just a little.”
– Kicking the Habit

“Something in me had changed. What had once seemed safe and controllable now felt stale and tiresome. I was bored with ‘yours and mine’ and I wanted to get to the business of ‘us.’ I was ready to share my life with someone. I was ready to grow up.”
– Thirty-six and Single. Again.

“On occasion, when I feel melancholy about oh-so-many short-term relationships, I mentally list things I learned to appreciate as a result of dating around: jazz, snowshoeing, hiking, Gilbert and Sullivan, art gallery openings, cowboy poetry, drumming, various musical artists, and (mmmmm) massage techniques. My life is richer and spicier thanks to the variety.”
– The Gift of Many Breakups

“A jet black Harley-Davidson bandanna hangs on my bedroom wall to serve as a reminder of my triumph. Never again, will I wait for the telephone to ring so that Mr. Ex can apologize for hitting me the night before.”
– Heart Of Glass

“I knew early into the relationship that he was an addict. Although in his circle, they called themselves collectors. Addict, collector, fanatic. Call it what you will. But in my book, anyone who camps outside overnight to see a movie needs help.”
– The Force Wasn’t With Us

“On the national spectrum of good-looking men, Mr. Ex would probably fall in at about a five. On this remote resort’s spectrum of good-looking men, Mr. Ex leaped to a whopping nine. He had all his teeth, a full head of hair, some rippling muscles, and the flirty confidence of Tom Cruise.”
– Happily Ever After

Are you stuck in a dating trap?

Submitted by on October 17, 2008 - 7:20 am

During the course of your life as a savvy single, you may find yourself from time to time stuck in a dating rut. From attracting the wrong kind of partner to suffering from a lingering dating dry spell to believing that you are somehow unworthy of finding the real love deal, it’s these ruts that can temporarily derail your chances of dating and mating success.

Unsure how to free yourself? You may need to first figure out if you’re stuck in a dating trap. What follows are some common ones. See if any sound familiar. And if they do, don’t worry. I’ll show you how to break free and move on to the kind of dating and love life you deserve!

1. The Packaging Trap
If you’re stuck in the Packaging Trap, rather than focus on how a partner treats you, your focus may be on external packaging, i.e., looks, job, wealth, material possessions. It’s these external things that you’re drawn to. Ultimately, this is not how a healthy relationship begins. Instead, you should be attracted to who a person is and not their possessions or bank account. To free yourself from this trap, start thinking about ways you can love your own life more in order to stop focusing on a potential partner’s external value and what they may bring to your life. (When you’re living and loving your life, you’re bound to attract a healthier, happier partner!)

2. The Attraction Trap
Do you think that successful relationships start with animal attraction? Think again. Yes, it’s important to be attracted to your significant other. However, by basing your feelings for someone solely on your feelings of attraction, you are confusing hormone-driven attraction with emotional compatibility. Just because he or she is hot and/or gives you butterflies in the pit of your stomach doesn’t mean they’re the right match for you. To free yourself from this trap, start paying attention to more appropriate attraction attributes (like common interests, shared values, similar life goals) rather than just surface chemistry.

3. The Sex Trap
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where your sole commonality was based on your sexual compatibility? Did you mistakenly think that great sex equaled great love? If so, it’s time to start paying attention to what you really want to prioritize in future relationships. Yes, a healthy sex life is important. However, it should not be the only source of compatibility in a relationship. Emotional intimacy as well as physical intimacy are the cornerstones of any truly healthy and happy long-term relationship. You deserve to be hot for your partner’s personality and character just as much as you are for them between the sheets!

4. The Fairytale Trap
This is predominantly a trap women fall into. If you subscribe to the Fairytale Trap, you believe that love is like a Disney movie. One day Prince Charming is just going to show up, knock on your door, sweep you off your feet, and whisk you away to some dream life. As fabulous as that sounds, it’s not realistic. Nor is it empowering. Basically, you’re saying that you don’t have to do any work towards your ideal life. It’s just going to happen to you one day, courtesy of a man. In reality, the man is the bonus. It’s up to you to create your dream life on your own terms now, with or without a man. Unsure how? Keep reading!

5. The Rescue Trap
The Rescue Trap is also pretty common among women. It’s similar to the Fairytale Trap only in this scenario, you believe that all of your emotional, financial, and other life difficulties will be solved by the man in your life. Like winning the lottery, you think meeting a man will miraculously make any and all challenges (debt, insecurities, work) in your life disappear. But again, this isn’t realistic. You’re not taking responsibility for your life, nor are you finding solutions to your everyday problems. Instead you think, “Hurry up and rescue me!”

If you suffer from the last 2 traps, it’s time to focus on creating a life you can love in the now rather than waiting for someone to come along and provide it for you. That way, when the right person comes along, they will see your life for all of its amazing attributes. They’ll be excited and want to become a part of your fabulous life rather than feel burdened by your desire to be rescued. PLUS, you’ll be better equipped to find the perfect partner for you – someone who is so much more than a financial life preserver or meal ticket.

So there you have it. Five common dating traps. By identifying which one you may be stuck in, you take the first step towards freeing yourself and getting back on track. What comes next is a step by step process of breaking free of dating traps and other bad love habits. To get started on your happily ever after journey, visit BadLoveNoMore.com.

Here’s to your success!

Hung up on What Could Have Been?

Submitted by on October 14, 2008 - 8:23 am

Let’s be honest. Breakups are tough. Whether you got dumped or did the dumping, it’s still hard to heal and move on without getting hung up on those unanswered questions and “what could have been.”

But guess what? You’ll most likely never get complete closure. Chances are, you’ll be left with plenty of unanswered questions.

And that’s okay.

You still deserve to heal and move on.

Here’s how. Today, write down all those unanswered questions you have. If you feel like it, answer those questions for yourself. Or, make a list of all the things you’re still angry about. Then take your rage out on a voodoo doll or other symbol of your ex.

If needed, write a scathing and juicy letter to your ex. Don’t worry, you’re not going to send it. But in order to heal and move on, you have to face those unanswered questions, engage your rage, and ultimately let it all go.

So right your questions, make your list, or draft your letter. Give yourself plenty of time to engage your rage. Then, when you’re ready, let it all go. You’ll feel so much better for having done this exercise. Plus, you’ll be one step closer to rocking your recovery.

For more tips on how to become a breakup rock star, check out my weekly breakup recovery video tips here.

And if you need extra support, join my next Rock Star Recovery Telecourse.

Breakup Tip of the Week: Create a New Morning Ritual

Submitted by on October 9, 2008 - 7:27 am

Want to get over your ex in record time? I’ve got a great breakup recovery tip for you…

Happy healing!

Dating Tip of the Week: Turn Down Your Inner Critic

Submitted by on October 8, 2008 - 7:39 am

Dating Tip of the Week: Turn Down Your Inner Critic
Want to increase your chances of dating and relationship success? Turn down your inner critic. You know the one — that voice inside your head that keeps a running tally of all the reasons why the potential partners you meet and/or date are wrong for you. Your inner critic is just that — a critic. He or she does not have your best interests at heart. So the next time you’re sitting across from someone and your inner critic starts ripping them to shreds, i.e. He doesn’t make enough money, Did you see that car he rolled up in?, Ew! He’s got spinach in his teeth. Dump him immediately!, turn down the critic and get to know the person seated across from you. By really listening to what the person has to say, you’ll get a better understanding of whether or not you’d like a second date.

Having said that, your inner critic is not the same thing as your red flag specialist. Stay tuned for next week’s tip. When I talk about how to become an expert at red flag warning signs.

Good luck and happy dating!

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