5 Dating Rules you Should Never Break
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 27, 2008 - 8:10 am
When it comes to your love life, do you wish there was a rule book? While The Rules are so last century, a new dating handbook has yet to be created in the new millennium.
So how do you know the dos and don’ts of dating? The truth is there are no hard and fast rules, but the following guidelines should help you navigate the tricky terrain known as your dating life.
Rule #1: Listen to Your Gut
Whether you’re on a date, communicating with someone you meet online, or flirting with a cutie you meet in the flesh, it’s important to pay attention and listen to your gut. If a potential date’s actions or words set off an internal alarm system, you owe it to yourself to pay attention and act accordingly. These alarms can be both good and bad. For example, if you’ve met someone online and they seem interesting, then you talk to them on the phone and they sound completely different (in a negative way), you may decide not to meet them in person. A positive example would be if you were on a date with someone and they seemed nervous but well intentioned, your gut might tell you to give them a second chance. By going on a second date, you’ll gain a better understanding of who they really are and if you’d like to see them again.
Read the rest of the rules at eHarmony.com.
Here’s what eHarmony has to say about The Relationship Journalist.
Taking the plunge
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 26, 2008 - 7:28 pm
This afternoon, I did something 36 years in the making.
I took the plunge and went swimming in the Firehole swimhole in Yellowstone Park. Silly as it sounds, this is something I have always wanted to do but never done, even though I’ve spent time in Yellowstone Park almost every summer of my entire life.
So why today?
It was time. Growing up, my family would drive by the swimming hole, but never stop. I would look out the window enviously at the kids swimming and playing in the water. My mother would warn me of the dangers of fast currents and unsupervised hooligans.
As an adult, I had other reasons. I was too body-conscious, thought I was too old to play in the water, you name it, I made an excuse for it.
I’m done making excuses for living a small life. As owner of a company called Woohoo, Inc., my life is dedicated to helping others experience the best life has to offer them. From fulfilling relationships to embracing life in all its complexity to building a passionate business, my clients look to me for inspiration.
What a shame it would be if I continued making excuses for why I’ve never taken the plunge.
Even this morning I made excuses. It was too cold. I had work to do. But when the sun came out at noon, I put on my bathing suit, got in the car, and drove to the swimming hole. While it sometimes gets pretty crowded, there were only a few people hanging around. And no one was in the water. That is, until I took the plunge.
Setting my towel and car keys on a nearby rock, I waded into cool river water. And once I got deep enough, I completely submerged myself. When I resurfaced, I let out a Woohoo! The water felt great. I felt empowered and alive! And even though I’m not the best swimmer and the current was strong, I stayed in the water for as long as I felt like it. I just swam around, splashed, laughed, and felt pure joy in my heart.
Afterwards, I wrapped a towel around me, scaled the big rock, and just sat there, relishing in my accomplishment. I stayed there until I was warm and dry.
As simple as taking the plunge was, it was monumental because of what it meant to me. I had conquered a fear of sorts while treating my inner child to something she’d been waiting 36 years to experience. Talk about a high!
This isn’t the only plunge I’m taking these days. After getting back from New Zealand with Mr. XY, and spending one week in Los Angeles, I packed my bags and headed to Montana for my last single gal adventure. In a month, I’m getting married. Not only that, I just finished my next book and turned it into the publisher. And I just launched my first e-book Bad Love No More!. It’s all about taking the plunge and breaking free of limiting love beliefs.
I guess you could say I’m getting comfortable taking the plunge. Can I get a “Woohoo!”?
Every day, people go through breakups. That plunges them into a whole new journey in life. As difficult and devastating as breakups can be, they’re also freeing and fabulous because after the plunge, you discover so much about yourself. You discover your resilience, your fabulousness, your ability to survive and thrive and eventually move on with your life, etc.
If taking the plunge today taught me anything, it’s that sometimes the greatest obstacle in our path from Boohoo! to Woohoo! is ourselves. By getting out of our own way, we give ourselves permission to live, really live the way were meant to. We let go of fear. Stop holding on to what no longer works. In doing so, we reconnect to our authentic self, which ultimately leads us to the life were meant to live.
What plunge do you need to take to get where you need to go? Why not give yourself permission to let go and leap today?
And when you do, don’t forget to loudly and proudly exclaim, “Woohoo!”
Dating Tip of the Week: Embrace happiness today!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 25, 2008 - 8:01 am
Do you say “My life will be happy when…”? Stop right now and love your life today!
Good luck and happy dating!
Breakup Tip of the Week: Take a mental health day!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 24, 2008 - 7:41 am
Breakup blues got you down? You may just need to take a mental health day to get back on track…
Good luck and happy healing!
New: Upcoming Webinars!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 23, 2008 - 7:30 am
Woohoo! Back by popular demand, the following webinars have been scheduled for the fall:
EVENT: Break Free of Bad Love Habits – For Good!
DATE & TIME: Wednesday, September 10th at 6:30pm Pacific
FORMAT: Simulcast! (Attend via Phone or Webcast — it’s your choice)
Click here for details
EVENT: How to Keep Your Breakup from Becoming a Breakdown
DATE & TIME: Tuesday, September 16th at 6:30pm Pacific
FORMAT: Simulcast! (Attend via Phone or Webcast — it’s your choice)
Click here for details
EVENT: 26 Secrets Successful Singles Know
DATE & TIME: Thursday, October 2nd at 6:00pm Pacific
FORMAT: Simulcast! (Attend via Phone or Webcast — it’s your choice)
Click here for details
EVENT: How to Get Published (Non-fiction)
DATE & TIME: Tuesday, October 7th at 7:00pm Pacific
FORMAT: Simulcast! (Attend via Phone or Webcast — it’s your choice)
Click here for details
My first Big Breakup
Submitted by katrina on August 22, 2008 - 8:26 am
Now here’s a total breakup rock star story. Major Woohoo! to Katrina for being so strong, doing all the right things, and sharing her story…
After 6 years, of jumping from relationship to relationship, literally without a week to breathe, I now have all the space in the world – which is scary, daunting and uncomfortable right now. My addiction to relationships began when I was 14, leaving me no space or time to really be a teenager. I have not known any other way of life, than to have a partner. These relationships were not for the light hearted. By the time I was 15, my current boyfriend was sleeping over and we were inseparable and making marriage plans for when I turned 18. I am now 20 years old, and the past 2 years were devoted to Mr Ex. The boyfriend who taught me what heartbreak was, and the meaning of a Big Breakup. He was everything and more I had been looking for. By 17 he had a very successful job with major career options, his family welcomed me with opened arms (a first for me!), he was stylish (I saw him in a suit 5 days a week!), he had his own social group and didn’t attempt to merge into my friendship circles (also a first for me!), he was funny, tall, good looking, and a great kisser. It didn’t take much for this hopeless relationship addict to fall head over heals and into his arms and what seemed to be a fantastic relationship. I was wrong…
To cut a 2 year story short, as every strong minded teenager, I was once bubbly, invincible, unstoppable, very unique, loud, funny, and was not afraid to do what I wanted, regardless of people’s judgment or opinion. The girl I was 3 months ago? Depressed, sad, afraid, agreeable and would not think of doing anything without Mr Ex’s consent in the fear of upsetting him. This ranges from plans on the weekend, to what to wear to the shops, to deciding to call him when I was stressed about my studies, or simply telling him about my pay rise, because now I would be earning more money than him (highly unacceptable). At 20 years of age, I knew this was no way to be living, however I was so in love and devoted to Mr Ex I refused to see the world any other way. February this year we even packed our bags and even took an overseas trip together. I was so sure everything was so strong, despite all of the arguments, fighting, my many broken friendships and my constant unhappy state. So when Mr Ex dumped me over a text message a month ago, my entire world and universe crumbled.
I would love to write about the events surrounding how we broke up, which involved false promises followed by sever humiliation, however I can see now, that it would just be a way for me to try and slander his name and make him look bad – which is destructive and doesn’t achieve anything! So I am going to skip that story and jump forward to the grieving process.
We officially broke up on a Friday night. To keep you as informed as possible without rambling– the text message was the extent of our conversation surrounding our break up. After that message we didn’t talk about it face-to-face or over the phone (so to this day I do not know why our relationship ended). Waking up Saturday felt like waking up underneath 6 feet of earth. I couldn’t move. My body didn’t function. I was constantly sick. I couldn’t eat. My mum (the fantastic and most brilliant women she is) picked me up, and forced me to walk laps around the living room. Although our family may have looked slightly insane to an onlooker, for me it was the first steps I was taking as a single woman, something I hadn’t done since I was 14. And at the time, being single was feeling more like death or insanity. After a very stressful night of many tears, followed by many glasses of wine, I was an absolute wreck. Mr Ex tried calling me that day, I didn’t answer, I knew my pride had been stretched far enough and it was time for some painful, but called for, women power!
By the afternoon I had all my girlfriends assembled. We stripped my bedroom. Emptied my closet, book cases, bed sheets, study desk, DVD and CD collection, and threw anything that related to Mr Ex in a box (a rather large one at that). We then completely made over my room and rearranged all the furniture. This was followed by new curtains, quilt cover and been bag. Something snapped deep within me, in the foundations of the bubbly 14year old girl, and said “NO! He will not do this and you will not let this be the end of you! You CAN do this, and you WILL!â€. I handed over my facebook password to my best friend, she then changed it so I could not access my account (I still don’t have the password either!). She completely cleansed my facebook, so it had nothing to do with him. The outside world and 200 or so friends I have would see that I had simply deleted him from my life, not had a mental break down and had just moved on (little did they know!). Then my myspace was deleted, and my msn and my mobile phone contacts cleaned out. My msn password was also handed over to my mother (I got this password back about 2 weeks ago!). I accomplished all of this in one day. Now I just had to learn how to start eating, stop crying, and smile for 5 minutes.
First thing Monday morning I changed my mobile number. Probably the best idea I have ever had. Through the great vine I heard of many text messages that had been sent to my old mobile number, sending condolences, sympathy, and a handful of his friends messaging “ I hope we can still be friends†. For me, it was something I would rather not see. It was just a reminder he existed. And I wanted to forget that fact (still do!). With a new phone number, I couldn’t hold onto hope that he might contact me. He didn’t know my mobile number anymore. And only my very close family and girlfriends did, which meant he couldn’t even get it if he tried (mind you I knew he wouldn’t!). But this way, I couldn’t wait for him to contact me. I had to let go of all hope that we might talk again. With no msn, hotmail, myspace, facebook and that fact that he didn’t know my mobile number, I had severed all of the easy options for him. These methods of communication would have been the easy way out for him to try and tweak me into weakness – A simple email to let her know I miss her, tell her I hope we can be friends. A little text message to see if she is dealing ok. I’ll say hi on msn to ask how work and uni is. No! I didn’t want to allow him the opportunity, or take the chance of putting myself in such a destructive situation.
Following all of this, I didn’t eat for a week (I mean not one item of food entered my mouth). I was sick about 5 times a day. I slept for about 2 or 3 hrs a night, while breaking out in severe cold sweats all night. And I cried. I managed the first Monday at work, but by Tuesday I couldn’t bare it. I went home from work and spent 3 or 4 hours sitting out the back of my girlfriends house, smoking and staring into space, waiting for her to come home. I had to organise refunding my ticket to a festival we had organised to attend together (and the ticket was over $200). I then had to make the big decision to ditch those people who were going to insist to associate and be friends with him. I lost more than half of my close friends, but I knew it had to be done. Friends who are going to play “Journalist and Star Reporter for the Mr Ex Channel†are not friends needed. And then finally the first week passed. And the second rolled by, then 1 month. It is now 1 month and 2 weeks to. And it’s been a fight – but, boy, have a achieved a lot…
I have reinvented my life. I have started to rediscover an older version of the 14 year old bubbly girl I once was, and I still have so much to learn about myself and who I am! I started reading “It’s a breakup not a breakdown†a week ago, and it has boosted me forward and opened my eyes. I have rediscovered my love for music (not the techno music he liked, but the folk and alternative music I love), I have a love for art and creativity (I’m not good at it, but I’m pleased with what I achieve), my confidence is slowly coming back, I wear WHATEVER I feel like wearing (and I don’t care if everyone stares!!), I now spend a lot of very valuable time with my family, I saw how beautiful and loyal my true girlfriends are and my relationships with them are stronger than ever. However, my biggest achievement is I have changed career path and I have made it to the 4th and final round of interviews, I will know by next week if I am successful or not. The experience of applying for this new job has sparked a motivation in me to make change in industry, be my own boss, be jazzed up in a suit 5 days a week, be working in the city and also double my pay (something that once would have been very unacceptable). At this stage, sometimes I still uncontrollably cry, I revisit rock bottom and suddenly lose ambition and will to go on, miss Mr Ex to the ends of the earth. But every time I go there, I find a way to swim out of the lake of tears back on top, where I belong. I also went on my very first date to a movie on Friday. While there is no relationship potential (because I am definitely not ready for that!), I had fun and got to know someone new. It opened my eyes that there ARE still people out there that I don’t know, and I am going to find that someone, eventually.
And I am very VERY proud to say, that to this day we have not spoken again. I even saw him last week, and ducked and hid to get away. May it remain in silence for eternity.
I’m not sure how this blog works. Or if this will even make it to anyone else’s eyes. But just recalling this story has reminded me of my progress and brought a smile to my face.
Thank you very much for your book Lisa. You brought someone new into my life, someone I didn’t really know and I wasn’t sure if I liked…Me!
Dating Tip of the Week: Embrace online dating
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 21, 2008 - 7:37 am
While it shouldn’t be the only tool in your dating arsenal, online dating is a great way to practice, practice, practice…
Good luck and happy dating!
Breakup Tip of the Week: Set a deadline on your pain
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 20, 2008 - 7:30 am
One of the best things you can do during your breakup recovery is set a deadline for your pain and suffering…
Good luck and happy healing!
Dating Tip of the Week: Create a New Love Vocabulary
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 15, 2008 - 8:08 am
Calling all savvy singles! Want to increase your chances of dating success? First, create a fun and fab vocab…
Good luck and happy dating!
The Single Life
Submitted by LJMaggie on August 14, 2008 - 8:20 am
In this installment, frequent contributor LJ Maggie discovers the pleasure of her own company — love that!
I never thought I would embrace it as much as I have. I will admit at times, I do wish there was someone waiting for me at home when I was done with work. Or someone I could call when I am having a bad day.
I do have people like that in my life. When the roommate isn’t traveling she is there. And my girlfriends are always just a phone call away.
I have been making some realizations about myself in the past few weeks. I realized with the help of a friend that I might be trying to hard. And it is true, I just might be. In realizing that, if a guy flirts with me, I don’t ask for his number, I just flirt back. If a guy wants to be with me, he should make the first move. I know it is a bit old school but that is what I want right now. I haven’t logged into the dating site for a few weeks and right now have no desire to. I have guy friends that I can hang out with on occasion, right now that is fine for me.
I have also started reading Jack Canfield’s “The Success Principles”. Since I am focusing on my new business and writing, which is going very well. If someone wants to be a part of that and celebrate in my success, then that is great. They just have to understand that is what I am about.
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