How to Get Back into the Dating Scene after a Breakup

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 7, 2008 - 7:00 am

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After giving yourself plenty of time to heal following a breakup, getting back into the dating scene may seem overwhelming, intimidating, and/or downright scary. The following tips will help you take the fear out of your dating future and get back in the game:

Debunk the scarcity myth
In the past, have you uttered the phrase “there are no good ones left” or felt like you may have to settle for less than you deserve because all the good ones are taken? If so, you need to debunk the scarcity myth by showing yourself just how many men (or women) there are in your everyday life. Start by making eye contact with one member of the opposite sex who you don’t know every day for a week. You can do this in the elevator in your office building, walking down the street, in the produce department, or at a bar. The following week, make eye contact and smile at at least one member of the opposite sex every day. The third week, make small talk with a least one member of the opposite sex every day. The point of this exercise is to show yourself that there’s actually an abundance of people of the opposite sex in your every day life. They may not always be interested, they may not always be available, but by getting into the practice of noticing and acknowledging them, you’re more likely to spot the ones who ARE interested and available.

Use online dating as practice
There are millions of single people dating online every day. Whether you like the idea of online dating or not, it’s an excellent way to get a lot of practice dates into your life. Why not just try it? At the very least, create an online dating profile, do an online search just to see the singles that are in your area, and then if you feel like it, contact them. See if they’re interested. Meet for coffee or a drink. A first date doesn’t have to be more than an hour. Again, online dating is all about seeing who’s out there, practicing your dating skills, and then deciding if you’d like to see anyone again.

Put yourself in target rich environments regularly
If you want to increase your chances of meeting someone with similar interests, then you’ve got to put yourself in target rich environments at least once a week. What’s a target rich environment? A location where like-minded people congregate in large numbers. For example, if you like live music, art, or culture, instead of just going to see an art, music, or cultural show and running home why not enlist a friend, have dinner at the theater or nearby beforehand, see the show, and then go for drinks afterwards nearby? Chances are good that other theatergoers will be out before and after the show as well. If possible, strike up a conversation about theater and see what happens.

Enlist the help of friends
If you have fellow single friends, then support one another in your dating pursuits by hanging out in target rich environments at least once a week. If your friends are married, let them know you’re interested in getting back out on the dating scene. They may have a single friend, coworker, or acquaintance that they could introduce you to. You won’t know until you ask.

Ultimately, the key to getting back out on the dating scene after a break is to relax, have fun, and not take it too seriously. Good luck and happy dating!