The importance of talking in bathrooms
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 31, 2008 - 8:20 am
Men often joke about how women are much more social in the restroom than men are. Whereas men go in, do their business, and get out, women pee, gossip, put on makeup, and swap stories. We’re very communal in the restroom.
Recently, I was in the restroom at Mark Victor Hansen’s Mega Business weekend workshop chatting with a lovely woman about her desire to write a book. I gave her my card and said if she had any questions, she could email me. Part of what I do as owner of WooHoo Inc. is help people through the book proposal writing process. As she and I were exchanging cards, the woman next to us asked if she could have my card. She explained she wanted to write a book, too. I handed her my card, and her eyes widened and she started getting excited. She looked at me, incredulous, and said, “I read your book!” We both started laughing and squealing like schoolgirls, and she told me a little bit about her breakup.
Here’s what’s so amazing about that exchange. Outside of book signings and media events, I’ve never randomly met someone who read my book. It was a rewarding and beautiful experience.
But here’s what makes it even more amazing. Shelly, the woman who read my book, wants to write a book about her own breakup experiences. I can only hope that our bathroom encounter inspired her to move forward with her project. She hasn’t e-mailed me yet, but when she does I’m ready to help.
Networking in bathrooms? Just another reason why being a woman rocks.
Holidating
Submitted by Kelly Westhoff on May 30, 2008 - 8:16 am
Not too long ago, I wrote a post about taking a first trip with your new, potential big love.
I quoted a writer named Nadine Nardi Davidson who wrote a book called Travel with Others Without Wishing They’d Stayed Home. In it, she claims that couples are most likely to fight over money and expectations when they go traveling together.
I also questioned in that post just how long a couple should be together before they struck out and vacationed together. Well, apparently, now there is an answer to that question. A recent online survey quizzed readers on the topic. And voting is still open if you’d like offer up your two cents.
But so far, the winning response, out of a 1517 polled, is that a couple should be together for 4 – 6 months before they plan a trip together. At the time of this posting, 423 people had said so.
But the online poll isn’t really want I wanted to write about today. The poll was actually created in response to an article published online at the Globe and Mail about a new cultural phenomena called “holidating.”
Holidating happens when a new couple goes away on a trip together. According to this article, more and more couples are heading out on holidates on as soon as the third date. So popular has the trend become that hotel chains have caught on and are now offering holidating packages. For example, one hotel has come up with a deal in which a couple can reserve two adjoining hotel rooms, but if they end up only using one of the rooms, they will get a partial refund on the unused sheets!
Whether you’re close to planning a holidate or not, perhaps its comforting to know you’re not the only one out there contemplating this new relationship milestone.
Just Do It
Submitted by LJMaggie on May 29, 2008 - 8:10 am
Let’s hear it for our gal LJ Maggie! She recently went out on a limb and confessed her crush. I know how hard that is, having been there myself. Read on…
Just Do It, the infamous Nike Slogan. It tells all athletes just to go for it, no matter what obstacle is in your way. Dating should have the same slogan but many of us are scared of rejection. Fear of being rejected by that one person that makes your heart do a little dance, makes you smile on a bad day, and you can’t wait to hear from. Many of us are afraid to tell that one person how we really feel about them. There are a few of us brave and courageous ones who bite the bullet, tell that person and live happily ever after.
I have been brave and courageous twice. The first time was four years ago when I told a very good guy friend of mine that I had feelings for him. I had gotten a strange stomach a few months before when he was telling me about these two women he was dating. I couldn’t explain it or why but my friends said “It’s about time”. They had known before I did that something was there. After I told him through email (we were exchanging emails one day and it came out), things were a little awkward. We tried to act like nothing was said but it was something neither one of us could ignore. A few months later I told him I was moving to California, that is when his true feelings came out. He didn’t want me to move and was being even more affectionate than ever. When I moved he didn’t talk to me for two months, which was hard because we were such good friends. I was having a hard time adjusting to my new home and being away from everyone I cared about and all I wanted was my good friend. Anytime I would go back home to visit we would plan a date and he would always ask me to move back. When I asked him to move to California to be with me he said he couldn’t because he was comfortable in the Midwest. We both know if we lived in the same state we would be together, but we have accepted the other’s desire to go after their dreams.
The second time I was brave and courageous to tell someone I wanted a relationship was two weeks ago. When we first met a little over a year ago, the thought of a serious relationship was never in the picture. Since then we have been ‘friends’ seeing each other every couple of weeks and emailing or texting when we can. I will admit I did have thoughts of a serious relationship with him before but quickly dismissed it. Then two weeks ago I went to hang out with him the topic came up very randomly. He had been scanning a number of his childhood pictures into his computer because as he put it, “I want to be able to show this to my child someday”. That comment alone took me by surprise because I never thought of him wanting kids and that is how the mention of relationship came up. He had told me about his desire to settle down not only for him but to make his parents happy. He had told me about his search for a wife and it involved women from other countries. He made a comment about how hard it is to find an American woman that fits what he is looking for. When I answered “Thanks”, he replied “I didn’t mean it that way, besides you don’t want me for a boyfriend.” That is when I went ‘balls out’ and told him I would want him as a boyfriend. He didn’t think I was that type of girl, which I am guessing is because of the type of relationship we have. I did tell him I am that type of girl and I would like a relationship with him.
IÂ am not sure what will happen, the conversation was random and just slightly awkward. Hopefully it won’t change things between us because he is a great guy. But if it does change things I hope it is us taking our relationship to the next level.
We’re cheering you on, LJ! Good luck, and congrats on being so brave and bold! It takes a lot of guts. You should be very proud of yourself.
Webcast Replay: 26 Secret Successful Singles Know
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 28, 2008 - 11:47 pm
In case you missed Wednesday night’s Teleseminar/webinar on 26 secrets of successful singles, the webcast replay is now available.
During the call, I unlocked 26 secrets that make your single life that much more successful, including:
- Why it’s better to be single than sorry
- How to make the most of every day as a savvy single
- How to quickly and easily handle dating rejection
- How to easily attract the kind of partner you want
- How to play the dating numbers game and play to win!
At the end of the call, I gave a very special (FREE) offer. To take advantage of the offer, listen to the replay.
Dating Tip of the Week: Don’t Play Games
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 9:04 am
Successful singles don’t play games…
Want to know 25 other secrets successful singles know? Click here to join tonight’s free webinar/teleseminar.
Breakup Video Tip of the Week: Mark Your Calendar
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 25, 2008 - 3:44 pm
Woohoo! I’m now offering video tips to help you heal and move on following a breakup…
Bad Love No More Coaching Program Launches!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 15, 2008 - 10:39 pm
Just one last thing on my to do list before I head for bed…Tomorrow, I’m attending Mark Victor Hansen’s Mega Business Empire and it’s going to be a busy and exciting weekend!
First things first — at long last, my Bad Love No More coaching program has launched! I now accepting applicants for this session beginning June 4. This is such a thrilling and exciting program that really makes a difference in people’s lives, including my own. After all, I was my first guinea pig. 
So what is the Bad Love program? Here’s just a snippet of what the program entails:
Ready to say Sayonara! to dead-end dating and welcome real and lasting love? First, you may need to break free of limiting relationship beliefs and bad love habits.
What’s a bad love habit/limiting relationship belief?
Any dysfunctional, destructive,difficult notions you have about love and relationships are bad lovehabits and/or limiting relationship beliefs. The following aresome common ones:
â–¡ Do you choose potential partners who are incapable of meeting your emotional needs?
□ Do you chase potential partners who aren’t interested in you?
â–¡ Do you think love have to be difficult, painful, and/or hard?
â–¡ Do you believe that you are unworthy of love?
□ Do you think your potential partner is going to fix whatever it is that you don’t like about yourself or your life?
â–¡ Do you believe time is running out on your search for love and/or your chance to have children?
My six week teleseminar coaching program will take you step-by-step through the process of letting go ofany bad love habits and limiting relationship beliefs so that you canbecome healthy, happy, and whole. The coaching program is based on my e-book Bad Love No More: How to kick bad love to the curb and say yes to the real deal!
Click here to get the inside scoop on this exciting program. And be sure to take advantage of the Early Bird registration, expiring on Sunday at midnight!
And in case you missed the preview call tonight, you can listen to the webcast replay here.
Tonight’s Bad Love No More webinar
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 9:38 am
Join me tonight, Thursday, May 15 at 6:30 p.m. Pacific online or via phone as I introduce you to my Bad Love No More e-book and coaching program. The following outlines the basics:
Do you struggle to find real, authentic, lasting love in your life? You’re not alone. Millions of men and women have trouble finding their perfect life partner. If you’re frustrated in your search for Mr. or Ms. Right, don’t give up. Get smart and break free of Bad Love Habits!
Before you can kick a bad habit, you first have to identify the habit. And for many singles, that bad habit often revolves around relationships. Can you think of any dysfunctional, destructive, difficult beliefs you might have about love and relationships?
– Do you choose partners who are incapable of meeting your emotional needs?
– Do you chase men who aren’t interested in you?
– Do you think that a man will fix all your problems?
– Do you think love have to be difficult, painful, hard?
Regardless of what your bad love habit is, you can kick the habit for good with the following 12 step program:
Step 1: Acknowledge the problem
It’s important to not only identify what your limiting belief is, but to acknowledge how it sabotages your romantic relationships. For me, being addicted to bad love meant that I was drawn to men who were not capable of meeting my needs and then getting upset when they failed to meet those needs. If you’ve identified your bad love habit, now’s the time to acknowledge it.
Step 2: Hold yourself accountable
I used to think that my only problem in relationships was that I chose the wrong men. I thought they were the real problem. And that was an easy copout. The truth is, I was drawn to the drama of bad relationships. Ultimately, I was dooming any chance at a good relationship because I was unhealthy and attracting unhealthy partners. And until I acknowledged my participation in those failed relationships, nothing was going to change. It was a painful realization, but a necessary one to my recovery. What actions can you hold yourself accountable for that will aid your recovery?
Step 3: Let go of old patterns and habits
This step can be hard because it means we have to let go of our limiting beliefs about love and relationships. For me, I realized that the only kind of love I thought I deserved was bad love — the kind that hurt, the kind that made me chase it. In order to let go of those destructive notions, I had let go of my limiting beliefs about love and trust that the right love would find me when I was ready for it. When I was capable of loving myself in healthy, happy, grown up ways. What old pattern, habit, or limiting belief can you let go of that will help you in your pursuit of healthy love?
Step 4: Believe you deserve to be happy
Are you trapped in the notion that, “My life will be better when…†and then filling in the blanks? Whether it’s paying off debts, losing weight, getting a new job, or finding the love of your life, putting off happiness until some external thing happens is a vicious cycle. The truth is, we’re all worthy of love just as we are right now. Can you embrace and work that into your belief system today? What, if any, resistance pops up?
Step 5: Live/Love Your Life
Just like we’re not sure we deserve happiness in the here and now, we may also be unsure how to love our lives as they are. Maybe you want to get married and it’s just not happening. Maybe you want a baby but you can’t find a partner. Maybe you hate your job. And while there are some things in our lives we just can’t change, it’s important to still find ways to love your life in the here and now. If you’re stressed about finding Mr. Right, how would you feel to put the search on hold while celebrating the fabulous single life you already have? If you’re feeling the tick, tick, tick of your biological clock, what would happen if you turned down the volume and focused on other areas of your life? If you hate your job, look for another one. And if you’re not going to, make peace with the fact that your career isn’t going to fulfill you — and find something else that will. Volunteer. Take a class. Plan a much-needed vacation. The key to loving your life is to LIVE your life, as it is right now, in this moment. You don’t need to meet Mr. Right in order to be happy. And whether you do or don’t find him is not a reflection on the quality of your life. What would happen if you let go of all that self-imposed pressure and lightened up? Chances are, you’ll fall madly in love with your life. Can you identify one thing you might lighten up about that will help you live and love your life right now?
Step 6: Reframe old/destructive notions about love
In the past, my ideas about love kept me from finding the authentic love I deserved. I thought love had to be painful, difficult, a struggle. I couldn’t imagine finding someone who liked the real me, warts and all. And that was the problem. If I couldn’t see it, I couldn’t believe it. And so I started changing how I saw love. Every day when I woke up and again before bed, I finished the following sentence, “Love is…†Some days I couldn’t think of anything so I borrowed from the old standby — “Love is patient. Love is kind.†But more often than not, I created a new love vocabulary. “Love is real. Love is here. Love is healthy. Love is whole. Love is unconditional.†Can you identify some new vocabulary words that will help you reframe how you feel about love and relationships? Would you be willing to do this exercise every day for 30 days? You’ll be surprised at what happens!
Step 7: Figure out what you want
Once upon a time, the only path for fabulous females was to meet a partner, get married, settle down, and have babies. But we’re lucky enough to live in an age when that’s not the only life goal anymore. If it happens to be your life goal, that’s fantastic! But if it’s just something you think you should do because everyone else is doing it, you may want to rethink your plans. Plenty of women remain single. Plenty more find a partner but don’t have children. And yes, there are still plenty of fabulous females who get married and have children. What’s most important is looking at what you really want and what really works for you and your life. Are you willing to take an honest look at your life and figure out what you really want?
Step 8: Shake things up
Once you’ve figured out what you really want, it’s time to go for it! And this is where things get really fun. Give yourself permission to take some risks. You may be surprised to find that taking those risks isn’t nearly as scary as you thought — and may actually be fun! Is there one action you can take very soon that will help shake things up?
Step 9: Practice (a lot!)
Once you’re clear about your intentions for your new and improved life, it’s time to get out there and put it into practice! If you want to date, date a lot! If you want to take time off to enjoy your life, then enjoy your fabulous single life to the fullest! Now’s the time to put the previous steps into action and really live and love your life! Remember, the only result you’re looking for is to have F-U-N. How freeing is that?
Step 10: Be open to the possibilities
Don’t be surprised if people treat you differently with your new outlook. Be prepared to meet new and interesting people. And be open to the possibilities! You never know who you’ll meet or what purpose they’ll serve in your life. Maybe they’ll help you find that new job. Or give you that much-needed break you’ve been searching for. And maybe you’ll meet Mr. Right! Your only job right now is to say Why not?
Step 11: Reap the rewards of your efforts
It’s amazing what will come to you when you’re healthy, happy, and in love with your life. Be prepared for unexpected surprises and rewards!
Step 12: Repeat (if necessary)
Like kicking any bad habit, breaking up with bad love habits is never easy. It takes time, commitment, and perseverance. You may find that you have to revisit the steps several times along the way. After all, old habits die hard. But don’t give up. It’s worth the effort!
For more info on this unique coaching program designed to help you break free of limiting love beliefs, join me tonight!
Dating Tip of the Week: Become baggage-light
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 8:01 am
Be honest — you probably know somebody who carries their dating baggage around with them like a badge of honor. All those times they’ve been hurt? The pain accompanies them on dates. They talk about how they’ve been hurt, they’re closed off to the idea of finding real and lasting love, they’re completely cynical and critical of anyone who has a healthy and happy relationship, and they probably don’t have a lot of second dates.
Don’t be that person.
The key to a healthy and happy dating life and eventual happily ever after future is to become baggage light. Instead of looking at your past dating and relationship experiences as something to mourn, celebrate them! There are lessons to be learned. It’s all practice anyway.
So how do you become baggage light? The following are a few tips:
Assess your excess baggage
First, it’s important to get honest with yourself about what you might be lugging around with you on dates. What are you holding onto that no longer serves you? Rejection, disappointment, betrayal? This is from your past, not your present or future. It’s probably time to let go of that excess baggage.
Dump your excess baggage
In order to have a happily ever after future, you have to first believe you deserve one. Gather those painful memories, that chip on your shoulder, any residual anger from past relationship experiences, and tell them they’ve got ago. Thank them for the lessons you’ve learned and tell them that it’s now time for you to stand on your own 2 feet. In your mind’s eye, give them the heave Ho!
Embrace a new dating vocabulary
Now that you’re baggage light, it’s time to introduce a new vocabulary to your dating belief system. Every morning and night for 30 days, practice the following exercise: Say to yourself “Love/dating/a relationship is ____. And then fill in the blank with the appropriate words. Words like healthy, whole, loving, fun, etc. By creating a new vocabulary for yourself, you may be surprised at how your outlook on dating and relationships changes too, and as a result, you may start attracting happier and healthier singles. Love that!
Good luck and happy dating!
Breakup Tip of the Week: Start a healthy new habit
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 13, 2008 - 7:50 am
Breaking up will always be hard to do, but healing and moving on can be easier than you think. You just have to take the focus off of your ex and put it onto your own happiness and healing. How? By filling the void left by your ex with healthy and happy activities. Not only that, but introducing healthy new habits will help take the focus off of your ex and put it where it needs to be — on your fabulous future! The following are some tips to help you kick start your recovery:
Make a list of activities you enjoy that you gave up during the relationship
Maybe you used to go to Pilates or yoga on Saturday morning, but stopped because snuggling with your ex seemed like a better idea. Or maybe you gave up movie night with the girls because your ex felt left out. Make a list of activities you enjoy that you’re now free to reacquaint yourself with, thanks to the breakup. One by one, start checking things off the list!
Make a list of things you want to try
Maybe you have a burning desire to go skydiving, or take an ethnic cooking class, or go back to school. But while you were in the relationship, those desires remained unfulfilled. Now’s the time to claim those lurking desires and act on them. Give yourself permission to go for it!
Start a healthy new habit
And finally, one of the best ways to heal and move on after a breakup is to start a healthy new habit, one your ex will never have the pleasure of enjoying alongside you. Possible healthy new habits include hiring a personal trainer and getting in kick butt shape, going organic, giving up meat, taking public transportation instead of driving everywhere, etc. You decide on the healthy new habit, then implement it every day for 30 days. It’s amazing how making such a simple shift in your life can help get your mind off your ex and onto your own happily ever after future.
Happy healing!
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