Should I stay friends with my ex?

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 25, 2008 - 7:22 am

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“My ex and I broke up after 7 months of dating. We had a pretty good relationship at times. I got so sick of waiting for him to come over my house, and it seemed like his friends and beer were more important. I lost my job and the next day he broke up with me. It was really hard at first but with time I just got over it. I was always very generous and sweet towards him when we dated and he seemed to distance himself. We have been broken up for about 4 months now, and every time he calls (which is about once a week) I am so mean and rude to him, but the more mean I am the more he calls and wants to hang out with me. He seems to still love me and I feel disgusted when I’m around him. Should I not be his friend anymore?”
– Laurie

Friendship with an ex. Is that possible? Sure. Does staying friends make healing and moving on after your breakup easy? Of course not! Which is why I recommend a certain amount of distance from your ex after a breakup. Actually, if you can cut out all contact with your ex immediately following a breakup, the easier time you’ll have moving on. I realize that’s not always possible. After all, some people have children together, the work together, they own property together. If that’s the case, you have to create new boundaries with the ex. Only talk about the children, business, property, etc. do not discuss how you’re handling the breakup, if you’re dating yet, etc. And no, absolutely no booty calls. This is crucial to your recovery!

Previously, I blogged about ways to deal with your ex if he or she tries to get back in your life. Check out those tips for yourself. In the meantime, stay strong, keep those boundaries intact, and give yourself permission to heal and move on.

The truth is, if you’re meant to be friends with your ex, the two of you can come back together as friends after you’ve had some time to heal. But with the breakup so fresh, friendship isn’t a wise decision for most. It’s just too hard to move on while keeping in contact with your ex. Good luck and happy healing!