Breakup Tip of the Week: the Importance of New Boundaries

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 24, 2008 - 8:25 am

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This week’s breakup tip is your fast pass recovery! If you adhere to it, you’re going to heal and move on much quicker.

How fab is that?

This week, if you haven’t already, you are going to establish firm new boundaries with your ex. If, for example, your ex is still in your life, now’s the time to create new boundaries so you can still heal and move on.

Of course, the quickest way to heal and move on is to have zero contact with your ex. So if you can create that new boundary, excellent! That means no phone calls, no emails, no text messages, no leaving comments on their MySpace page, no driving by their house to see if they’re home, etc. And if they call, email, text you? Don’t answer, respond, pick up. These are new boundaries and they may be hard at first, but they are crucial to your recovery.

Now, there may be times when you can’t create such clear-cut boundaries with your ex. If you have children together, are going through a divorce, share property or work together, putting your ex out of your life entirely will be impossible. But creating new boundaries is a must. Limit your interactions with your ex as much as possible. And only discuss your mutual interest, i.e. the children, business, etc. Do not discuss your personal lives or how you’re getting through the breakup. Exes are notorious for preying on our weaknesses, and it’s up to us not to let them.

Your ex may not like these new boundaries. But you know what? They just have to deal. These boundaries are for you and your recovery. If they can’t respect them, too bad. Stay strong and keep those boundaries firmly intact!

Report your progress here.

Good luck and happy healing!