Breakup Tip of the Week: Recruit A Boo-Hoo Crew
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 31, 2008 - 8:20 am
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After going through a breakup, a lot of us want nothing more than to retreat under the covers and hide for the next six months. But you’re never going to get through this breakup all by yourself. You need help. A support system. And that’s where your Boo-Hoo Crew comes in.
Chances are, you’ve heard me talk about Boo-Hoo Crews before. If this is your first introduction to the term, keep reading. A Boo-Hoo Crew is your inner circle of support. It should consist of a least two if not three friends who are loving, nurturing, but also know when to give you a kick in the pants. The role of the Boo-Hoo Crew is to provide the following:
Not everyone’s cut out to be a Boo-Hoo Crew member. It’s important to recruit only those friends who are up to the challenge. While assembling your crew, keep the following considerations in mind:
There will be times when you’re going to obsess about your ex, times when you won your ex back, and times when all you can think about is picking up the phone and calling your ex. These are the times when your Boo-Hoo Crew is crucial. They’re the ones you call instead, the ones who will remind you of the nitpicky negative things you use to say about your ex, and why your ex isn’t worth pining over now.
If for some reason you don’t have friends close enough to be part of your Boo-Hoo Crew, then you’re going to have to find a support system elsewhere. Join an online message board where you can share your experiences. Find a support group in your area of people going through transitions. Or get into therapy for a while. You’ve got to be able to get these confusing feelings out in order to move on.
Good luck and happy healing!
Dating Tip of the Week: Don’t Fear Rejection
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 25, 2008 - 8:18 am
In today’s world of casual dating, rejection is not a four letter word. It’s just part of the process. After all, you’re not going to be a perfect match with every single person you meet online, at a bar, etc. So instead of letting rejection slow you down and stall your progress, embrace it as part of being a successful single.
The next time you’re on a date and you think everything goes well, only to never hear from that person again or to get a rejection email from them, chalk it up to one less rejection you’ll get later. You’re one step closer to a yes! And give thanks that the person was honest enough not to waste any of your fabulous time if they weren’t interested.
The same goes true for you. If you sense that someone isn’t a match for you, you owe it to yourself and to them to be honest, straightforward, and not waste any of their fabulous time.
By looking at rejection as just part of the dating process, it becomes easier to let people down gracefully and move on without hard feelings.
Good luck and happy dating!
Breakup Tip of the Week: the Importance of New Boundaries
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 24, 2008 - 8:25 am
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This week’s breakup tip is your fast pass recovery! If you adhere to it, you’re going to heal and move on much quicker.
How fab is that?
This week, if you haven’t already, you are going to establish firm new boundaries with your ex. If, for example, your ex is still in your life, now’s the time to create new boundaries so you can still heal and move on.
Of course, the quickest way to heal and move on is to have zero contact with your ex. So if you can create that new boundary, excellent! That means no phone calls, no emails, no text messages, no leaving comments on their MySpace page, no driving by their house to see if they’re home, etc. And if they call, email, text you? Don’t answer, respond, pick up. These are new boundaries and they may be hard at first, but they are crucial to your recovery.
Now, there may be times when you can’t create such clear-cut boundaries with your ex. If you have children together, are going through a divorce, share property or work together, putting your ex out of your life entirely will be impossible. But creating new boundaries is a must. Limit your interactions with your ex as much as possible. And only discuss your mutual interest, i.e. the children, business, etc. Do not discuss your personal lives or how you’re getting through the breakup. Exes are notorious for preying on our weaknesses, and it’s up to us not to let them.
Your ex may not like these new boundaries. But you know what? They just have to deal. These boundaries are for you and your recovery. If they can’t respect them, too bad. Stay strong and keep those boundaries firmly intact!
Report your progress here.
Good luck and happy healing!
The Savvy Single’s Guide to Scoring a Second Date
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 8:16 am
In the game of dating, there are many milestones to covet. The first amazing kiss. The first intimate encounter between the sheets. The first time you exchange those three little words I love you. But along the road to these major milestones, you first have to get past the first date. And if you decide you like someone on a first date, even the savviest single sometimes finds him or herself hoping (and praying) the other person feels the same way and secures a second date. While there is no one-size-fits-all formula for scoring a second date, the following are some tried-and-true tips for first date success in hopes of snagging a second:
Tip #1: Be yourself
First and foremost, it’s important to be yourself on a first date. Yes, you should put your best foot forward but you should NOT pretend to be somebody or something you’re not in hopes of impressing your date. In an effort to make your best first impression, wear something that makes you feel comfortable and cute and is activity-appropriate. For example, a short skirt on a rollerblading adventure is a definite no-no and so are Bermuda shorts at the fancy wine bar. When it comes to first date dress codes, follow this general rule: guys, don’t be too sloppy casual and ladies, avoid wearing something too risqué.
Tip #2: Have fun
While first dates can be nerve-racking, they should also be fun. You heard me — fun! By putting the fun back in first dates, you take the pressure off. So instead of worrying about where this might be going, sit back, relax, and give yourself permission to be your most fabulous self. That involves making eye contact, smiling, and engaging your date in casual conversation, not grilling them about their job security, relationship history, and credit report. There will be plenty of time to assess long-term compatibility if and when you decide to continue seeing one another. But on a first date? Flirt a little and just have fun!
Tip #3: Turn down your inner critic
The purpose of going on a first date is not to decide if you want to marry the person seated across from you at the bar, coffee house, or restaurant. It’s to discern if they’re worthy of a second date. So do yourself a favor and instead of obsessing about what went wrong on your last date or worrying about whether or not this particular date is The One, turn down your inner critic and just enjoy getting to know your date. Ask questions, and actually listen to their responses. Share things about yourself that are genuine in hopes of helping your date decide if they would like a second date with you as well. It’s important to remember that dating is a give-and-take and if you spend the entire date stuck in your own head with your inner critic babbling noisily, you’ll never actually enjoy the pleasure of your date’s company nor will you be able to make an educated decision about whether or not to green light a second date.
Tip #4: Leave your date wanting more
Just as you shouldn’t let a first date go too far physically, you should also avoid being emotionally slutty on a first date. There are certain subjects that are appropriate for first date conversations (where you grew up, what you do for a living, what you’re passionate about), while others should be saved for later (How many sexual partners you’ve had, the many ways your ex was a jerk, how your parents really screwed you up, etc. In fact, it’s just better if you permanently bench these baggage-heavy topics.). The purpose of the first date is not to tell your entire life story. Rather, it’s to provide a brief and honest glimpse of the incredible person you are and the amazing life you have so that the other person can decide if they want to know more.
Tip #5: Don’t play games
Just as you should be yourself on a first date, you should be equally genuine with your intentions and actions following it. If you’re interested in a second date, say so. But if you’re not, don’t string the other person along with the promise of a call that you’ll never actually make. And if the other person calls or emails you, practice common courtesy and respond promptly, regardless of whether or not you’d like to see them again. If their invitation for a second date doesn’t appeal to you, don’t play games. Instead, be honest but kind. After all, you never know when you’ll be on the receiving end of a similar call. And if you both agree to a second date? Success!
Ultimately, the key to scoring a second date is to relax and have fun on the first date. By being yourself, allowing yourself to get to know your date, and not participating in unnecessary games, you greatly increase your odds of dating success. At the end of the day remember this: just because one or both of you doesn’t pursue a second date doesn’t mean the experience was a waste of time. After all, practice makes perfect. And in order to eventually experience those major relationship milestones we all covet, it’s important to get plenty of practice in.
Mega Business is sure to be Mega Awesome!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 21, 2008 - 1:49 pm
After attending Mark Victor Hansen’s Mega Book Marketing University, I’m sold on his hands-on approach to empowering individuals to make the most of their lives. As the owner of a brand-new business WooHoo Inc., I have much to learn. That’s why I’m attending Mega Business.
At Mega Business, you’ll discover how to:
Turn a simple idea into a multi-million dollar business
Make your business completely recession-proof
Uncover the secret to earning more, while working less
Stop simply surviving and start THRIVING
I’ll be there! Will you?
Dating Tip of the Week: Make yourself market ready
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 20, 2008 - 6:49 am
Click the play button to listen to the podcast:
According to my fellow relationship professional Evan Mark Katz, the beauty myth is not a myth. What does that mean for the savvy single? You’ve got to make yourself market ready! Now, before you tune me out, hear me out. I’m not saying you have to drastically alter your physical appearance in order to attract members of the opposite sex. All I’m saying is that you should make your existing appearance as pleasant as possible. And by that I mean when you leave your house, try to look your best. For women, put on a little lip gloss & mascara to run your Saturday errands. Instead of running said errands in sweats and a ratty T-shirt? Put on something cute and casual that makes you feel good about yourself. Gentlemen, when you leave the house, make sure there aren’t remnants of the last meal you ate on your face or clothes. Showering is a good thing! And if you’ve got a unibrow, book an appointment with Helga the hot waxer. Even if it’s winter, ladies should shave their legs. You just feel better about yourself when you’re smoothe, don’t you?
If there are physical changes you want to make, i.e. losing weight, getting LASIK eye surgery, revamping your wardrobe, take the necessary steps to achieve those goals. Don’t put off living your best life as your best self for some “later” date. This is your life — right here, right now. Live it up!
Other ways to make yourself market ready include:
– Getting a new haircut, color, style
– Updating your makeup/beauty regimen
– Practicing the art of smiling confidently at cute strangers
– Tackling a toleration or two in your life (organizing your unorganized office, cleaning your messy refrigerator, paying down debt, etc.)
Ultimately, making yourself market ready involves doing whatever it takes to make you feel your best. Good luck and happy dating!
Tonight’s breakup webinar + April coaching calendar!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 6:09 am
If you’re healing and moving on after a breakup (or know someone who is), don’t miss out on tonight’s free webinar for breakup survivors. Here are the deets:
Thursday, March 20th at 6:30pm Pacific
Listen online or by phone
Webinar description
Instead of just surviving your breakup, how about thriving? It’s absolutely possible! Join me for this unique webinar where I’ll let you in on 30 tips for surviving and thriving after a breakup, based on tips from my book It’s A Breakup, Not A Breakdown as well as some all-new tips. Here’s a sneak peek what you’ll discover:
- Remove all evidence of your ex (both online and off)
- Get a support system, a.k.a. Your Boo-Hoo Crew
- Give your bedroom a makeover
- Allow yourself time to feel the pain, a.k.a. celebrate your slump
- Create your fabulous factor list to remind yourself of why you’re better off without your ex
I hope you’ll join me for this empowering online event! And feel free to forward to friends who you think might enjoy the event as well.
Got questions? Submit them here. I’ll answer all questions during the webinar. PLUS, I’m offering two more amazing webinars in April. Check the coaching calendar for details.
Breakup Tip of the Week: Find healthy ways to fill your free time
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 19, 2008 - 7:46 am
Click the play button to listen to the podcast:
After a breakup, you may find yourself with plenty of free time on your hands. Time you used to spend with your ex is now spent in isolation, possibly obsessing about what went wrong and how you can get your ex back. STOP RIGHT NOW. The truth is, rather than obsessing about the past, you deserve to heal and move on. But first, you’ve got to figure out what to do with all that free time on your hands. Make a list of activities you enjoy, things that make you feel good about yourself. They may be things you used to do before you met your ex, but gave up during the course of the relationship. Or there may be new things you want to explore like taking a class or exploring a new hobby. What’s important is to make a list of at least 10 things (20 is better) that you are now footloose and fancy free to do and enjoy on your own. That way, when you find yourself with too much free time on your hands and no one around to keep you company, you can engage in one of these activities.
Possible activities include:
– Get a mani-pedi
– Go for a walk
– Write in your journal
– Take a relaxing bubble bath
– Call your Boo-Hoo Crew
– Bake cookies
– Finally sign up for that salsa dance class
Go ahead, make your list. And the next time you find yourself with too much free time on your hands, pick an activity and enjoy!
March/April Webinars Announced!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 18, 2008 - 12:10 pm
Check out the event calendar to find out about upcoming relationship webinars. Just added:
03/20/08
6:30-7:30pm Pacific
How to Keep your Breakup from Becoming a Breakdown
04/03/08
6:00-7:30pm Pacific
26 Secrets Successful Singles Know
04/16/08
6:00-7:30pm Pacific
26 MORE Secrets Successful Singles Know
Stay tuned for more webinars coming up!
Heather Mills gets $12.5 million per year of marriage to Sir Paul
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on March 17, 2008 - 10:18 am
How’s this for a cautionary tale? Heather Mills, former wife of Beatle Paul McCartney, just got awarded a $50 million divorce settlement. Roughly, she got $12.5 million for every year she was married to McCartney. Now, how is this fair? She didn’t help him make his fortune. She didn’t give him the best years of her life only to find herself an older woman without prospects for the future. All she did was give him four years of her life, bear him a child, and then engaged in one of the nastiest celebrity divorces in recent history. Now it’s true that there are two sides to every story and shame on Sir Paul for not insisting on a prenup, but still. 50 million? Ridiculous! This just seems like fodder for all the other golddiggers (men and women alike) out there who think that they can take advantage of someone else’s success. Once again, I can’t express enough the importance of a prenup. It doesn’t mean you don’t love the other person — it simply protects both individuals in the event that something goes horribly wrong in a marriage.
Wha do you think? Share your thoughts here or on the message board.
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