Wake up, break up, move on
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on February 11, 2008 - 5:54 pm
Over the weekend, I participated in a book event at the Torrance Public Library. My friend Steve works for the public library system in Torrance and helped set the gig up through his coworker Dana (who is awesome!). Now, I’ll be perfectly honest. I didn’t know what to expect. I did very little event promotion myself, but thankfully Dana and his team did an amazing job promoting my appearance in the local paper, distributing flyers, and they even created a giant poster board with my photo and information on it that was propped up in the library. Needless to say, I was shocked when I arrived and found a full house waiting for me.
Here’s what I loved about this event. Not only did I get to share my experiences in writing this book as well as talking about my big breakup, but the incredibly diverse audience (men and women, young and aging gracefully) trusted me enough to share their experiences as well. And while everyone was at different stages of the breakup process, it was clear that most were ready to embrace the positive and healing aspects of breaking up. I came away feeling inspired by the stories people shared as well as the wonderful sense of community in the room. It really is an honor to be in the presence of such trust and generosity from an audience. I don’t take that lightly.
I’m still processing all of the amazing sharing that went on at the event. While most people shared their strong stories of waking up, breaking up, and moving on, there was one woman whose story still weighs on my mind. She was actually at the event with her ex and wanted to share how they were helping each other through their breakup. I’m not sure if she was challenging my position that you should distance yourself from your ex immediately following a breakup, or trying to get some insight from me about her decision to remain so close with her ex. My take was that she wasn’t ready to hear what I had to say. And that’s okay. The breakup seemed pretty fresh. And the ex seemed incredibly uncomfortable to be put on the spot. Since it’s not my style to publicly denounce or judge anyone’s breakup, I acknowledged their bravery in sharing their story and simply questioned how they might handle the following scenario: What’s going to happen when one of you starts dating again?
This is why you can’t stay friends with your ex, at least not right away. Having been there, done that, I know firsthand how painful it is to watch your ex move on without you. I hope I’m wrong in the case of the woman and her ex. But I seriously doubt it. For her sake, I hope she focuses on her own healing and recovery. In any event, my thoughts are with her.
After my presentation, I sold/signed a few books and enjoyed chatting one on one with many of the audience participants. It’s always fun for me to meet my virtual friends in person so I was especially excited when one of my MySpace friends Tonya came up afterwards and introduce herself. Tonya is an example of someone who’s doing everything right. After getting blindsided by her breakup last fall, Tonya focused her energies on healing her broken heart, got back in touch with who she is and what she enjoys (LOVE her quest to make new friends and take up volleyball!), and in the process launched her fabulous blog The Ambien Chronicles. She is a true success story and I’m so thrilled to know her!
All in all, a fabulous day. I hope everyone who attended came away with a sense that they are making progress in their movin’ on journey.
Flirting 101 for Guys
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 9:43 am
In honor of Valentine’s Day, here’s a crash course for guys looking to brush up on their flirting skills…
Okay guys, listen up. Want to improve your overall game in 2008? Success is easier than you think — and you don’t have to be a player to score a girl’s digits. But you do need to master the fine art of the initial approach, a.k.a. first-impression flirting. If that’s not your strong suit, don’t stress. The truth is, it’s not about delivering a killer line or perfecting a suave smile that makes the girl weak in the knees. To make a lasting (positive) first impression, all you need is a relaxed confidence when you approach and the ability to sustain genuine interest in what she has to say. For more tips on how to master first impression flirting, read on…
Confidence is key
When approaching a woman, confidence is essential. Instead of over-thinking what you’re going to say or how she’s going to react, your focus should be on embodying your most confident self. That means good posture, eye contact, and a relaxed (not forced or smarmy) smile. Once you’ve approached, maintain that eye contact, relax your smile, and just say hi. If she smiles and says hi back, she’s giving you permission to talk to her. If she gives you attitude/the cold shoulder, don’t return the bad mojo. Instead, remain your confident self as you walk past her and look for someone else to approach. After all, you never know if she has a cute friend who may be more receptive to you. If you’re a jerk, her friend will never give you the time of day. If you’re cool, you may just leave Attitude Girl wishing she’d given you a shot when she sees you with her gal pal.
Click here to read the full article on eHarmony.com.
How to Get a Big, Fabulous Life in 2008
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on February 8, 2008 - 5:58 am
It may already be February, but there’s still time to live your best life this year. Read on for details…
Welcome to the new year, also known as The Year of You. That’s right, my fabulous friends. This is your year to live a big, fabulous life. And your first order of business? Throw out any resolutions you may have made on New Year’s Eve. You heard me. Throw them out right now. The truth is, resolutions are made to be broken. This year, you’re not so much making resolutions as you are grabbing life by the horns and holding on for dear life as you shake, rattle, and roll your way through your most fun and fabulous year yet! Here’s how…
Be Clear About What You Want (Then Go for It!)
The key to living a big, fabulous life in 2008 is to first be clear about what you want. Ready for a job change? Want to go back to school? Serious about finding someone special this year? Regardless of what your goal is, you can achieve it as long as you’re clear about what you want and then commit yourself to pursuing it. That means not only setting big and/or small goal(s) for yourself but also dedicating time to going after what you want — and not just in January when motivation strikes. To really get what you want, you have to be consistent throughout the year, even in the face of adversity. When faced with obstacles like a difficult boss, a grad school rejection, or any kind of dating disappointment, instead of letting that derail you use it as motivation to keep going. And give thanks for the temporary challenges you face along the way, as they make your victories even sweeter.
Click here to read the full article on eHarmony.com.
Tune in tonight to Situation Saturdayz on Blog Talk Radio!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on February 7, 2008 - 10:41 am
Looking for something fun and fabulous to do tonight? Tune in to Situation Saturdayz on Blog Talk Radio at 6pm (Pacific) to hear me talking to Chytownz Finest, the Sweetheart of Internet Radio. Situation Saturdayz is a variety show that focuses on current events, special appearances by exciting guests, and all aspects of entertainment, social and educational issues. Tonight, we’ll be discussing how to breakup without breaking down, as well as how to heal, move on, and get back in the dating game.
Target Rich Report (02/04/08)
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on February 4, 2008 - 10:14 am
Welcome to your first installment of The Target Rich Report for 2008. This year, the TRR will be a monthly feature in hopes of offering you great suggestions for where to meet and mingle with fellow savvy singles.
Click the Play button to hear my audio commentary! (NEW FEATURE)
With Super Tuesday just around the corner (get out the vote!), it seems fitting to tie in politics with this installment of the TRR. Before you head out to the polls tomorrow, be sure to shower, put on something you feel fantastic in, put on makeup (for girls), or shave (for guys). With record voter turnout expected, you may have to stand in line at the polls. Instead of the grumbling about the wait, take advantage of what could be a target rich environment. Keep your eyes peeled for cute fellow voters without rings on their left hand. Make small talk with people around you. Just have fun! And throughout the day, if you happen to pass by a cutie with an I Voted sticker on, point to yours and wink, smile, or say something clever. Sure, it’s kinda dorky but it’s a non-intimidating approach that will open the door for a shy politico to make his move! Plus, it’s yet another chance to strike up a conversation with somebody you might have something in common with.
While you could watch the returns from the comfort of your own home, why not do a little research to find out where supporters of your candidate are gathering to watch the returns in a public place? Gather your g.f.’s and head out together. You never know who you’ll meet! Plus, time with friends is always fun.
And at the end of the day, regardless of whether your candidate wins or you meet anybody particularly interesting, you’re still ahead of the game. You voted, you got yourself in a target rich environment, and you did your best. Keep up the great work!
Plus, if Super Tuesday inspires you, look into volunteering for a political organization that’s important to you like MoveOn.org. Not only will you be getting politically active, you’ll be meeting like-minded individuals. That’s always a win-win for the savvy single!
Good luck and happy voting!
Japanese company offers breakup leave as well as maternity leave
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 9:50 am
They make great cars (I’m a Honda Girl for life), watches, and of course sushi. Now Japan is leading the way in corporate culture. At least one company is. Tokyo-based Hime & Company, a cosmetics marketing company, offers its female employees breakup leave. You heard me — breakup leave!
Company CEO Miki Hiradate says, “Not everyone needs to take maternity leave but with heartbreak, everyone needs time off, just like when you get sick.”
Amen to that! According to a recent news article, Hime & Company gives employees under the age of 24 one breakup recovery day per year. After 25, they’re entitled to two days off annually and after 30, they get a full three days off.
“Women in their 20s can find their next love quickly, but it’s tougher for women in their 30s, and their break-ups tend to be more serious,” Hiradate explains.
It’s about time single gals get the same perks as married with child gals! And while it’s not as substantial as maternity leave, it’s a step in the right direction.
If you’re going through a breakup, obviously there’s no breakup recovery days at your company yet. However, I do suggest taking a mental health day every once in awhile to help aid your recovery. After all, these things take time. And if women in the workplace can take time off to have babies, take care of sick children, and/or attend to other personal matters, so can single girls when going through a breakup.
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