Upcoming events
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on January 30, 2008 - 1:50 pm
February is shaping up to be a busy month! Next weekend, I’m presenting at two awesome events. Here are the deets…
Saturday, February 9
2:00 p.m.
Book event/author signing
Torrance Public Library
3301 Torrance Blvd.
Torrance, California
310-618-5959
If you live in Los Angeles, come join me at the Torrance Public Library where I’ll be talking about the positive side of breaking up.
Sunday, February 10
1 to 5 p.m.
Chic-Life Presents “Conscious Couples Retreat”
Culver Events Center
11948 West Washington Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90066
I am one of four invited speakers at this amazing conscious couples retreat. CHIC-life.com invites creative couples to explore their relationship through deeper levels of emotional and spiritual intimacy. Join us for a multi-sensory experience, for couples who want to open their hearts and merge their minds through a series of interactive workshops lead by leading personal growth innovators and live performances by international vocalist and dance performances. A fresh, eclectic buffet will be provided by Tender Greens and sampling s of exotic chocolates from Vosges Chocolat. A unique Gift Gallery will offer special sentiments, one of a kind jewelry, books, music cd’s, stationery, scented candles and fragrances. Celebrate the Holiday of Love with activities designed to stimulate the senses and mingle with other like-minded people in a fun, supportive and dignified environment!
For more details, click here.
What to Do When She’s More Successful
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 9:42 am
Being an ambitious and independent woman myself, I happen to know a lot of other super successful women. Truth be told, most of them are single. So is this a problem for guys — dating a successful woman? I recently researched the subject for eHarmony.com. Read on…
Like it or not, when it comes to dating our genders are not operating on a level playing field. While it’s perfectly culturally acceptable for a man to date a woman who is shorter than he is, makes less money than he does, and is generally considered less of a catch than the guy is, society would say that the opposite scenario implies that the woman hasn’t done quite as well as she should have.
But what happens when you meet an amazing woman who just happens to look better on paper than you do? Are you supposed to just walk away? Or should you pursue and woo her regardless of what your pay stubs, bank statements, and portfolio say? In the new millennium, a time when men and women have equal earning power, when more and more husbands are opting to become stay-at-home dads and let their wives bring home the bacon, and when single women are putting off marriage and monogamy longer than previous generations, is dating a woman who makes more money than you still an issue? And if you happen to meet a savvy and successful woman who doesn’t care about who makes more money, is it still an ego-bruising deal-breaker for you, regardless of how amazingly sexy she is? Click here to read the top five tips for dating and mating with a successful woman who just might earn more than you without killing your confidence.
And share your comments on the subject here or on the message board.
Breakup videos debut
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on January 23, 2008 - 8:30 pm
Recently, I was approached by my friends at Post Haste Media, a small but feisty media company interested in creating a promotional online video campaign for my book It’s a Breakup, Not a Breakdown. We brainstormed all kinds of fun ideas geared towards promoting and selling my book. And while Rick and Tara are consummate pros, nothing quite gelled. None of the ideas really excited us. Then we came up with this idea — a video confessional chronicling the five stages of breakups based on the five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, acceptance. We held a casting session, met tons of great actresses (and a few actors), and realized we were onto something. Each and every actor we met brought something unique, fresh, special to their audition. We recognized they were tapping into their own breakup history as well as the history of friends. It was an honor to witness.
That’s when we realized we didn’t need a script. We’d just let the actors do their thing. We just set up the camera (properly lit by the extraordinary cinematographer Alec D. Boehm), and sat back while the actors rode the wave of the five stages of breaking up. Real or made up, their stories are raw, exposed, beautiful, and emotional. The results are fantastic, thanks not only to the actors but to Tara’s perceptive direction and editing, as well as Rick’s producing and editing.
Without further ado, I present to you the breakup videos.
Your Guide to Taking (Calculated) Dating Risks in 2008
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on January 17, 2008 - 4:03 pm
Click the play button to hear audio commentary on this entry.
Raise your hand if you’re looking for love (or at least dating success) in 2008. Go ahead — raise ‘em. Congratulations! You’re one step closer to achieving that success. And in an effort to maximize your dating and mating success in 2008, I want to talk about the importance of taking risks. No, I’m not talking about dating an ex-con, falling back into bed with your ex because so far nobody better has come along, or trying your hand at dating a married man. I’m talking about taking calculated dating risks, risks that get you out of your comfort zone and into target rich environments on a regular basis. By taking calculated risks, you exponentially increase your likelihood of dating and mating success. Read on for details.
Multi-tasking = multi-dating
Thankfully, gone are the days of sitting at home alone on a Saturday night, knitting, watching TV, eating Ben & Jerry’s, and wishing you had a date. In 2008, you’re going to put your natural born multitasking skills to work in the dating arena. Yes, you’re going to join an online dating site (or 10) and actively pursue potential matches. But you’re also going to get up from behind that computer, put on your most bootylicious jeans, and go out on Saturday nights with your girlfriends (in target rich environments no less!). You’re going to attend singles events on a regular basis this year, not to mention recruit your happily hooked up male and female friends to be on the lookout for a cutie for you. Plus, you’re going to start flirting with strangers on a regular basis (more on that later) so that you can get comfortable with your personal flirting style.
Target rich environments
Say it loud, say it proud — I will put myself in target rich environments as often as possible in 2008! Now repeat that mantra on a daily basis and be sure to follow it. What’s a target rich environment? Any location where plenty of potential partners, a.k.a. single men with shared interests can be found. Chances are, your living room doesn’t count. Neither does your car, your cubicle, or your book club. So where exactly do you encounter the kind of guy you could be into? Only you’ll know for sure but again, think about target rich environments in a calculated way. If you’re a culture junkie, try a museum on Saturday afternoon, that new jazz club on Friday night, or a fund-raising event for the arts. If you dig the outdoors, sign up for a sailing class, join the Sierra Club, or recruit your gal pals and have a picnic in a local park on Sunday afternoon. You get the idea. In 2008 it’s essential to get outside your comfort zone and into a target rich environment. ASAP!
Flirt with strangers
Let’s face it. Trolling the online dating sites on a Friday night is getting old. In 2008, you’re going to flirt with actual live human beings. On a regular basis, no less! Here’s how. In addition to going to work, the gym, and home each day, you’re going to find a way in your daily routine to talk to/flirt with a stranger. Sound scary? It’s not. Again, this is about calculated risk. I’m not asking you to approach a strange man in a dark parking lot at midnight by yourself. I’m asking you to take your self-imposed blinders off long enough to see that there are men everywhere. You heard me – everywhere! This is so easy for us to forget, but so unbelievably important to remind ourselves. Think about it. When you go to the grocery store, the bookstore, Starbucks, the dry cleaners, the gym, or even in the elevator at work, there are usually men there. They may not all be single men. They may not all be cute men. They may not all be interested in you. But plain and simple, they are men. And in order to attract somebody fabulous, you’ve got to get comfortable talking to the opposite sex, starting with the men in your everyday life. The next time you’re in an elevator, or waiting for the light to change at the corner, or picking out produce and there happens to be a man nearby, you’re going to strike up a conversation. It doesn’t have to be witty. It doesn’t even have to be flirty. It just has to kick start your practice of talking to the men in your everyday life. A simple Hi, Do you know what time it is?, or Beautiful day, isn’t it? will suffice. This isn’t rocket science. It’s calculated conversation. And you’re going to get good at it. Someday soon, you may even enjoy it!
Date more than one person at once
Right about now you may be thinking, But I can’t even find one person I want to date, let alone multiple partners! Here’s the deal. In 2008, you’re going to date like you’ve never dated before. You’re going to go on coffee dates, speed dates, blind dates, etc. And you’re not going to wait to see how you feel about one date before booking another with someone else. Dating is a numbers game and you’ve got to be in it to win it! So go ahead and say yes to that lunch date with the cute guy who works in your building while still making a coffee date with that cutie you met online. By juggling multiple dates, you not only get a lot of practice in but you also take the pressure off the importance of any one particular date. And that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy them all.
Turn down your inner critic
Okay, you’re putting yourself out there in 2008. You’re multitasking and multi-dating with the best of them. There’s just one more risk you need to take, and that involves turning down the volume on your inner critic. Your inner critic is that evil awful voice that whispers in your ear throughout dates. It’s the one that points out all of the guy’s flaws and all of the reasons why he’s not right for you without considering his good qualities or the reasons why he might be great for you. TURN THAT VOICE DOWN. Right now. Trust me — this is not the same as ignoring red flags. In fact, by turning down the volume on your inner critic you’ll be better equipped to notice red flags because you’re not so distracted by the incessant negative chatter going through your head throughout your dates.
Now that you know the importance of taking calculated risks, your 2008 dating future looks promising. When in doubt, refer to this article. Always remember that dating is a numbers game, and in order to be successful you have to put yourself out there, actively participate, take calculated risks, and try to have fun.
Good luck and happy dating!
The Top 5 Male Turnoffs
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on January 15, 2008 - 6:47 am
Apparently, I struck a nerve with this eHarmony article. 256 comments and counting!
In our quest to find, attract, and keep our perfect partner, we often wonder what turns men on. And while it’s important to know how to light a man’s fire, it’s equally important to understand what douses his dating flames. By being clear about what kind of behavior turns men off, we can be better prepared to keep the spark alive from our first encounter to happily ever after. What follows are the top five male turnoffs.
Turnoff #1: Flakiness
Guys report that one of the biggest turnoffs when dating a woman is when she either can’t commit to plans or constantly flakes on plans. If you regularly pencil in your plans with a “maybe†and/or cancel plans at the last minute, you’re giving your guy the impression that he’s tentative in your life, aka “good enough for now.†Who wants to date someone who makes them feel temporary? Chances are you don’t, and you shouldn’t be the girl who makes her date feel that way either.
Click here to read the full article.
The Dos and Don’ts of Dating
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on January 13, 2008 - 7:54 am
I’m loving these eHarmony assignments! I hope this one helps savvy singles become successful daters, too…
In the new millennium, finding someone to date isn’t nearly as tricky as mastering the art of dating. Between online dating, singles events, and the old-fashioned in-person meet and greet, it’s possible to date someone new on a regular basis. But how do you make the most of these chances to meet your perfect partner? How can you ensure that a first date, good or bad, is a learning experience rather than a missed opportunity? The following are the top five dating don’ts, followed by helpful dating dos:
Don’t: Misrepresent yourself
While online dating is a valuable resource for the savvy single, there are people out there who misrepresent themselves. Don’t be one of them. Just as your online dating profile should accurately represent who you really are, your in-person encounters should be equally authentic. Don’t pretend to be something or someone you’re not in an effort to impress a potential partner. You’re fabulous just as you are and if somebody else can’t see that, it’s his loss. Besides, a relationship founded on lies and/or insincerities will quickly crumble.
Do: Be clear AND realistic about what you want
The most successful daters are those who not only know exactly what they want, but are realistic about themselves and what they’re looking for. Make a list of the qualities and traits you’re looking for in your perfect partner. Then look at that list and ask yourself how realistic it is. For example, is finding someone who makes great money more important than finding someone who lives within his means? Or if you think you want to meet someone who’s highly educated with multiple degrees, is that as important as finding someone with one degree but amazing life experiences that have helped shape and educate him? Make your list, and as you continue dating, tweak it to make it as clear and realistic as possible.
Click here to read the full article.
Kathy Griffin rocks (and may have met her Mr. XY)!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on January 11, 2008 - 5:30 pm
For Christmas, my sister got us tickets to see Kathy Griffin at the Kodak Theatre. We’re both huge fans — her more than I only because she faithfully watches her on Bravo while I remain cable-free (although in my defense I did catch up with a My Life On The D List marathon on JetBlue while traveling this summer). But I digress…
Needless to say, Kathy did not disappoint. She started with Britney, touched on Obama and Hilary (While she commented on what a strong ticket they’d be together, I was surprised she didn’t mention my theory that if Obama gets the nomination and chooses Hilary as a running mate, he’d never get assassinated because nobody would want her to be in charge. I’m not picking sides — I still haven’t decided who to vote for!). By evening’s end, the fab Ms. G had worked her way through Jamie Lynn, Pam Anderson, those zany ladies on The View, plus the old school crazies Liza, Marie Osmond, and Lady O. Even from our nosebleed seats, we were in hysterics.
I was all the more excited when she started talking about her new squeeze, Apple cofounder Steve Wozniak. While the two might seem an odd match, I actually think they’re perfect for each other. She’s not after his money (and thankfully, he’s not after hers), and her zany, crazy celebrity life doesn’t faze him. You can imagine if she tried dating someone in the business how tricky that would get, what with her raw honesty and all. But with a guy like Steve, she’s footloose and fancy free to be her fabulous self. And vice versa. Love that!
I’m thinking Steve could be Kathy’s Mr. XY, i.e. her perfect partner. He digs her for exactly who she is and she doesn’t mind that he’s a billionaire techie geek who drives a Prius, lives in the house he grew up in, talks like a computer, and takes her to Bob’s Big Boy on Riverside Drive (next time you’re there, Kathy, try the onion rings — delish!). Their cute and quirky compatibility remind me of Mr. XY and myself. On the surface, it may seem strange, but underneath, it makes perfect sense.
Regardless of how they’re courtship plays out, I wish them the best. I thoroughly enjoyed the two hours I spent being entertained by the one and only Kathy Griffin. If you have the chance to catch her live show, do yourself a favor and go for it. It’s so worth it!
The Lifetime Love Panel answers “Is My Hubby Sick of Me? “
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on January 10, 2008 - 6:46 am
Q: My marriage got off to really rocky start from the beginning. My husband was constantly lying to me, having conversations with other women online and speaking to his ex-fiancée. We managed to work through that, and he changed … for a while. Now he doesn’t do any of those things that drove me insane, but we have a whole different problem. He would rather be at work than be with me. When he’s home he is in such a bad mood that just comes in barking orders at me and my son. I really don’t know what to do anymore. He says he loves me, but he never shows it. I don’t know if I’m hanging on to anything anymore. Help!
—Jaycee, Minneapolis
Lisa says: I’m not sure if what you’re holding on to is worth saving. From the start, the relationship has sounded questionable. Lies, betrayals and now downright nastiness? You don’t deserve that. You deserve to be with someone who loves, adores and respects you. If nothing else, think about the message you’re sending your son. Basically, you’re telling him that it’s OK for people to treat you (and him) like dirt. Repeat after me: “I am lovable and capable, and in 2008 I don’t take crap from anyone!”
Find out what the rest of The Lifetime Love Panel has to say!
This Week’s Advice (1/09/08)
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on January 9, 2008 - 6:37 am
someone_babe_1002 writes: The guy that I’m in love with has walked in and out of my life twice. Six months ago, he finally moved back home and wanted to be with me. I was very worried at first because I was afraid he would leave me again (for the second time). When I finally let go and trusted him, he left me again, this time one month ago. Recently, he came back to visit for a little while and this time told me he didn’t want me anymore, that he had too much to worry about. Then the next day, he called and said he wantd a relationship with me, just not right now. What am I supposed to do?
Lisa says: His pattern is clear. He loves you, leaves you, loves you, leaves you. And while it would be great if that changed, it probably won’t. What can change is you and your actions. Let’s make 2008 your year to get what you want out of love and relationships. And that starts with you saying sayonara to dead-end dating, including waiting around for some guy who doesn’t deserve you to make up his mind. I know you love him, but his actions are not loving. Maybe that’s because he doesn’t love himself. I don’t know. But in any case, if you can summon the strength to emotionally kick him to the curb and move on, you’ll be much better off. When in doubt, refer to your crash course in loving your savvy single life this year. Good luck!
Your 2008 Crash Course in Loving your Savvy Single Life
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on January 7, 2008 - 9:27 am
Click the play button to hear audio commentary on this entry.
Welcome to your 2008 crash course in living and loving your life as a savvy single. Whether you know it or not, there’s so much to be thankful for. Freedom of speech. Freedom to date. The right to vote. The right to flirt! The opportunity to fall in love — again or for the very first time. And most important of all, the opportunity to live and love our lives as they right now. Regardless of where you are along your path to happily ever after, your life is pretty magnificent. The only thing that’s truly lacking may be your ability to see it that way. If that’s the case, it’s time to tweak your perspective.
In creating a life that you love, you exponentially increase the likelihood that you will attract a more suitable partner. Maybe that person will be the love of your life. Or maybe they’ll be someone you date briefly along the road to happily ever after. Either way, the experience will be rewarding.
Unsure how to live and love your life? The following are a few tips:
Tip #1: Clear out mental/emotional clutter
Hung up on an ex? Stuck in a negative emotional space? Paralyzed by some kind of fear? Your mission is to clear out any residual mental/emotional clutter you may be clinging to. It’s the clutter that may be holding you back from a life you can truly live and love. So do yourself a favor and take an inventory of your emotional baggage. Then repeat after me: I deserve to live and love my life as it is right now!
Tip #2: Keep a gratitude journal
While there will always be something we wish we could change (our bodies, our debt, our job, etc.), it’s important to make peace with our lives as they are right now. That doesn’t mean you can’t strive for change. It just means you need to take time to be grateful for your life right now. Every day, write down five things you are grateful for. You can start with this: I am grateful for my life as it is right now!
Tip #3: Be honest about what you want
Having trouble living and loving your life? The next step in living and loving your life is to be honest about what you truly desire in life. Want to find real and lasting love? Make it a priority! Want to change jobs? Work towards making it happen. Want to pay off debt or go back to school? Make a plan and go for it. And repeat after me: I owe it to myself to go after what I really want!
Tip #4: Break up with limiting relationship beliefs
Take a quick survey of your past relationships. What do they have in common? Aside from the fact that they all ended, the other common denominator is you. No, I’m not saying you’re the problem. But you may have some limiting relationship beliefs that are hindering your ability to have a successful long-term loving relationship. I’ll show you how to break up with these beliefs in the coming months. For now, repeat this: I am ready, willing, and able to kick my limiting relationship beliefs to the curb!
Tip #5: Create a new love/life vocabulary
Are you stuck in relationship limbo because you just can’t visualize healthy, whole love? Then it’s time for you to create a new love vocabulary. Here’s how. Write down a few current beliefs about love. For example, you may believe love is hard. Now, replace that negative vocabulary with positive vocabulary, i.e. love is beautiful. Repeat this exercise every day for 30 days. You’ll be surprised at how your outlook can change in just one month.
Congratulations! You are now five tips closer to living and loving your life as a savvy single. Each month, I’ll bring you additional tips and tools to help you make your quality of life that much more enjoyable. Remember, in creating a life that you love, you constantly attract the love of your life. Love that!
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