The absolute worst (and tackiest) way to breakup

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on November 27, 2007 - 11:58 am

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I recently stumbled across a site called BreakupEmail.com.  In a nutshell,  the site generates a form letter based on the reasons you’re breaking up that you can then copy into your own email program and send.  Here’s why I think this is the absolute worst and tackiest way to breakup with someone: 

1. First, dumping someone electronically may be the way of the future but I still think it’s cruel and unusual punishment and does not in any way reflect class or respect on the part of the dumper.  If you’ve been out with someone more than a handful of times and especially if you’ve been in a significant relationship with them, they deserve to be broken up with using a little more class and dignity than an auto-generated form letter.

2. If you decide to ignore the above and dump someone via text, email, etc. you should at least have the common courtesy to create an original Dear John message.  And don’t be cruel — instead, be concise, considerate, and honest.

3. I’ve said it a million times, but breakup karma is a bitch.  Dump someone digitally and you have no idea how it’ll come around and bite you in the ass down the road.  Do you really want a reputation as someone who does breakups badly?  Living down a bad cyber reputation is tough.

To be journalistically fair, I decided to give breakupemail.com a shot, creating a sample Dear John letter.  Quite honestly, I was horrified with the results.  I would never, ever send such an email nor would I ever want to receive one.  Here’s my auto-generated dump…

Dear _____, 

I’m writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. Here’s some food for thought: you’re an a$$hole! It’s not easy to carry on a successful relationship with someone like you. And by that, I mean someone who is downright stupid, you feebleminded dimwit. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to point out that you’re pure evil, a characteristic that most people do NOT appreciate. You might want to work on that.

You don’t live in a soap opera, so quit causing so much drama. Another problem is that you’re irresponsible, and I just don’t want to put up with the consequences of your decisions anymore. What really breaks the deal is your horrible grammar. Srsly d00d, learn 2 rite a sentance!

Sorry, but you’re not even worth keeping as a friend. Give me back my keys, I don’t want you coming around here anymore. It may be a typical line, but it’s true: we just aren’t meant for each other. Why are you so boring? I’ve seen rocks that are more interesting than you. I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I’ll beat you with a frozen salmon. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.

F*** off for ever,
Lisa

(BTW, I edited the curse words out of the email.)

The next time you’re considering a breakup, I caution you against using this service.  It’s cruel and unusual punishment for someone who’s already getting bad news.  Remember, breakups are hard.  Don’t make them harder by being mean and nasty.  For tips on breaking up nicely during the holidays, click here.