Question of the week (09/24/07)

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on September 23, 2007 - 4:57 pm

Comments (3)»

Michelle writes: “I’ve been single (after 16 yrs marriage) for 2 years now, and have dated a lot of men and had a couple short lived boyfriends. At this point I feel like I’m never going to meet The One.  Should a person look so hard and does sleeping with someone too early doom any possibility of something good happening?”

Lisa says: First of all, congratulations on getting out of a marriage that wasn’t working!  Whether you initiated it or not, you’re very brave to walk away after so much time together.  Secondly, I think it’s great that you’ve been dating a lot.  After all, practice makes perfect.  And how do you really know who’s going to be right for you if you don’t date a sampling of potential partners?  Now, to answer your questions.  Here’s my advice about looking for love.  The truth is, if you look too hard or focus too much of your efforts, chances are you’re going to be really frustrated.  It’s kind of like an unwritten rule of the universe - Look too hard and you won’t find anything.  That doesn’t mean you should stop searching.  It just means that you should look at your life holistically and find meaningful ways to nurture and love your life as it is today.  As for sleeping with someone early on, I wouldn’t say that dooms your chances of long-term happiness, because everyone’s experience is different.  But if you feel like it’s sabotaging your efforts, try a different approach.  Wait and get to know someone before becoming physically intimate.  See how that approach works for you.

One last thing.  I recently saw a friend of mine who didn’t get married until she was in her 40s.  They recently celebrated their fourth wedding anniversary.  Here’s what she said to me — and I thought it was very profound. “It just goes to show that you should never give up on love.  It’s never what or where you expect it, but it does happen.”