This week’s advice (07/30/07)

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 30, 2007 - 8:48 am

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kwheeloc writes:  Okay, so I’m reading your book trying to help me get over this break up. I was the one that initiated it, thought that there was something better out there. Two weeks after we broke up, I told him that I still loved him and I made a mistake and wanted him back. He said he wasn’t ready right now and that he still loved me, but didn’t want to get hurt again. One week after that he got a girlfriend. He still calls me, emails me, etc. and says the same stuff. He still loves me, he is just afraid of change right now and wants to get bach together some day. I really want to wait for him- because I really do love him, but I feel like he is saying all this to me to keep me on the back burner in case something goes wrong with his new girlfriend. He says that that isn’t the case at all.

The Relationship Journalist says: I hate to break it to you, but your gut is probably right on the money. It sounds like you both are young and want to keep your options open for other people but just in case, you want each other to fall back on. That’s not a healthy approach to love and relationships. You broke up with him for a reason. Just because you didn’t immediately find someone else doesn’t mean he was the one for you. The key to finding the love of your life is to LOVE YOUR LIFE on your own terms. Take some time to heal, ask your Boo-Hoo Crew for help, create a life you truly love, and you’ll be surprised at the amazing opportunities that unfold for you. Good luck!

Anonymous writes: I broke up with my partner and I’m just finding it hard to get over them. I know for a fact they don’t want me anymore, but for some reason I tend to go back for more. How can I change this? Because we ended in such a bad manner, it’s holding me back from taking an approach to future relationships. HELP!

The Relationship Journalist says: It sounds like you’ve got some limiting relationship beliefs that are holding you back from finding real and lasting love. We all have them. And until we break up with them, they can wreak havoc on our love lives. I suggest you first create a new set of boundaries with your ex. No calls, emails, booty calls, etc. Then you find a Boo-Hoo Crew to help you thru the initial post-breakup timeline. Then you need to identify your limiting relationship beliefs and break up with them. I know it sounds daunting, but it’s doable! Here is just a sampling of some common limiting relationship beliefs:

• You believe love is difficult, painful, challenging
• You believe you are unworthy of healthy love
• You believe your partner will fix your life
• You believe you have to settle for less than you deserve

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