The Iraq Factor
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 23, 2007 - 10:39 am
jparks001 asks: I have been living with my boyfriend for over a year now. We both have very demanding, stressful jobs. Recently he has said, “I need space.” He claims with all the stress at work and post-traumatic stress from Iraq he loves me but doesn’t want to have to answer to me everyday. Is this him slowly trying to cause my Big Break Up? Or, do I need to try to give him the space….and cut off the sex?
A: This is the first email I’ve gotten someone who’s dealing with a soldier from Iraq. Let me start off by saying that life for soldiers in Iraq must be incredibly challenging and stressful. However, that doesn’t mean that you deserve to be the brunt of that post-traumatic stress. Can you ask him what his intentions for the future are? I think honesty is the best policy here. If he’s able to factor you into his future and it’s a future you want to be a part of, maybe he does just need some space to recoup. But if he can’t give you any solid answers and you need them, maybe it’s time for you to initiate the Big Breakup. Like I said, he’s going through a lot, but that doesn’t mean you have to suffer as a result. Good luck!
1 Comment»
August 20, 2007 at 11:44 am
My boyfriend was deployed to iraq for 18 months and asked that I wait for him. So I did. About a week before returning home, he broke up with me via email with a simular message…He said upon returning from Iraq, he wants to be alone. I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life. I don’t even know how to tell people this news. Especially when there are people out there and in the office who wishes my life would crumble. I did not want him to answer to me….I just wanted him to factor me into his life. I can’t talk to anyone about it because this is totally embarrassing for me. He didn’t even have enough respect for me to sit me down upon his return and tell me to my face……….AND this is a 51 year old attorney. You would think he would be mature enough to tell me in person. I was totally preapred for him to come home to me. I was going to give him his space….let him talk when he wanted to …..you know….the space thing but I still love you and I’m here when you need me sort of thing. I was ready for his homecoming. After sharing my tears with everyone on his deployment and talking great things about ….not to mention turning men away left and right…..he does this to me…….
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