Yet another reason not to date a rock star (especially the struggling ones!)

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 20, 2007 - 10:14 am

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Q: My boyfriend went out for 3 years.  We had our problems but everything was going fine! One day he sounded really weird on the phone and I asked what was wrong. He said nothing! I kept on and finally he said that we should breakup.  His reasons were that he would be working a lot at work and working on his bands’ CD so he probably wouldn’t see me at all and thought it better if we ended it now.  About two weeks later I found out that he was planning on going to go to England for a holiday.  Only to find out that he would be staying with a girl I’d been suspicious of for awhile but was told “they were just friends!” I believed that.  It is now almost 3 months after the breakup and he is now going out with her.  It looks to me like this breakup was planned and that he was working out all of this in his mind for a while.  I, of course, am still in love with him even though he has done this to me and I’m finding out all this other stuff. It was still a sudden breakup so my heart is still hurting.  I’m just hoping that I’ll get over him soon because it’s obvious that he’s moved on.  Any advice?

A: My obvious advice is this – never date a struggling musician.  But seriously…it sucks that your man wasn’t man enough to be honest with you when he first felt like breaking up.  This breakup does feel very calculated.  But you can learn from this and turn your lessons into positive growth and change.  So first things first.  If you notice a red flag like a girl you’re suspicious about in your man’s life, pay attention.  They’re called red flags for a reason.  Second, allow yourself some grieving time.  You just got blindsided by your breakup.  It’s going to take some time to heal and move on.  And third, don’t blame yourself.  You didn’t see it coming.  Maybe you ignored a red flag or two.  We all do sometimes.  Next time you’ll do better.  In the meantime, stay strong and give yourself time to heal.