The Value of Voice Software
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 29, 2007 - 4:52 pm
I happen to be a big fan of using voice software. Recently Nuance, the maker of Dragon Naturally Speaking voice software invited me to participate in a promotional video for the 10-year anniversary of their product. Click here to view the short video.If you haven’t tried voice software for yourself, check it out. It’s easy to use and has greatly increased my productivity! I wrote the majority of my book using the software.
Pitfalls of Post–Breakup Recovery
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 3:10 pm
There will be times when you make great strides in your post-breakup recovery. Times when you feel healthy and strong and happy with your new life. But then there will also be times when you backslide. At these times, you will feel lost and alone—like the breakup just happened, even if it was over weeks or months ago. Somewhere between all that free time, your forward motion, and the inevitable backsliding, you may even discover that, gulp, you miss your ex. Breakup Secret #7: It’s perfectly normal to miss your ex.Â
That’s another thing no one tells you before the breakup. Just because your relationship is over doesn’t mean your feelings are. Missing your ex is one thing. Contacting your ex is another (see Chapter 1 for a refresher course in Ex Etiquette if needed). You’re allowed to miss your ex. After all, you loved him. He was a big part of your life—of course you’re going to miss him now that he’s gone! Â
The good news is if you still harbor feelings for your ex or you have moments (or days) when you miss him, you’re perfectly normal. Of course, if you’re completely over your ex, that’s fantastic, too! That’s the thing about breaking up—there’s no one perfect way to handle it. Just as your relationship was unique, your breakup recovery will be unique, too. So when those difficult post-breakup feelings pop up, remember this: As intense as the pain can sometimes feel, as much as you may or may not miss your ex, as challenging as managing all that free time can be, all of it is temporary. As time moves on, so will you. That’s the beauty of a breakup. You do eventually move on. And your life is so much better for having gone through these difficult times. While it’s perfectly natural and normal to miss your ex, I know there are things you’re not gonna miss. I want to turn your attention to those things for a minute. Sure, it’s easy to put your ex on a pedestal after it’s all over and remember all those wonderful qualities he had. But remember all those annoying habits? You know the ones—the things that drove you nuts when you were together. Right here and now, I want you to write down five things in your journal that you are not going to miss about Mr. Ex. Seriously, write them down now. Need some help? Here’s my list:Â
- His mood swings          Â
- His money problems          Â
- His dad
- Football season (and the moodiness after his team lost)
- His workaholic tendenciesÂ
Did you come up with five things? If ten come to mind, write down ten! When you’re done, look at your list for a minute and congratulate yourself. You no longer have to put up with any of those annoying things. And whenever you’re feeling blue or really missing your ex, I want you to look at this list and remember why it’s good he’s gone.  Once again, let me remind you—congratulations on your breakup! You really dodged a bullet there, didn’t you? (Just look at that list, and I think you’ll agree.)
So go ahead and share. What are you NOT going to miss about your ex?
DitchMail — friend or foe?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 23, 2007 - 2:56 am
I’m a big fan of technology when it makes our lives easier. But some technology just isn’t a good idea.Â
Case in point: DitchMail
This new service offered by youmail.com allows you to pre-record a message that lets you break up with someone over voicemail. The next time your soon to be ex dials your number? They get your prerecorded dump.
Call me old-fashioned, but this just seems cruel and wrong. Basically, we’re teaching the young and techno-savvy that it’s perfectly okay to blow someone off/hurt their feelings/break their heart without so much as a second thought on our part.
Think of all the times you’ve been dating someone and/or in a relationship with them and gotten pissed off. In the heat of that moment, we say all kinds of things (especially after a cocktail or two with our girlfriends). But ultimately, we don’t usually mean them. We’re just blowing off steam. But now, with services like DitchMail, drunk dialing takes on a whole new meaning. We’re drunk dumping. And I don’t know about you, but I think that makes the future of relationships for the young and techno-savvy incredibly temporary.
In this relationship journalist’s opinion, DitchMail is a foe. But then again, if you’re not mature enough to break up with someone in person, I guess I DitchMail may be your friend.
What do you think?
This week’s radio round up
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 21, 2007 - 1:45 am
Whew! What a week it’s been. I have had so much fun on the radio this week. From waking up with Liz Talk in Athens, Georgia to reclining on Dr. Carole Lieberman’s couch to hanging with my favorite Playboy radio hottie Tiffany Granath, a girl could get used to this!
 And I’m not done yet! Thursday morning, tune in from 8-9 to hear me on Star 98.7 in LA. I’ll be talking to Valentine and the super foxy Lisa Foxx about my book. I’m so excited! I’ve been a long time fan of the Fab Lisa Foxx, who has been a radio staple at Star for nearly a decade. I just hope I don’t embarrass myself by being overly effusive with Foxy. Stay tuned!
And if you want to call in during the show, dial these digits: 1-800-Star-987.
The Curse of Breakup Karma
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 20, 2007 - 5:15 pm
We get the guy’s POV this time around. And it’s a true tale of karmic retribution. Special thanks to all the guys who have been sharing their breakup stories lately!
The Curse of Breakup Karma
Submitted by AnonymousÂ
My breakup came in my life just as the relationship came: least expected.
Ms. Ex was beautiful, smart, funny, and fun to be with. I found that we were on the same page most of the time, and I liked her a lot. We were we both young and inexperienced in love and while I had had one minor relationship before, I wasn’t sure I wanted to jump into another one. And so we started out as friends.
Ms. Ex and I hung out a lot before the “it” happened. But one fateful night, she confessed her weakness for me when I was not expecting it at all. Yes, I might have been naive (I am not anymore). I was surprised. And flattered. I was even more surprised when Ms. Ex told me that it was up to me to decide whether to continue as friends or jump into a full-fledged relationship or to stop everything all together. I really did like her, so I decided to go for it.
Here was the problem. Over time I began to feel claustrophobic. But I also loved to be loved, by her as well as others. As much as I enjoyed her wanting me, for some reason I needed to be wanted by others, too. I wish I could have risen above these insecure tendencies but at the time I just didn’t know any better.
Ultimately, it came down to this. At the end of the day, I felt I was not meant to have a relationship at that time in my life. So after being with her for a year, I broke up with her. I felt she loved me more than I loved her. I wanted to be fair to her, and to myself. So we ended things.
It has been almost two years since my breakup. That was my first breakup, and my first real relationship. To my own surprise, I still have not been able to move on from Ms. Ex. I realize now how badly I treated her, how foolish my actions were, and that I did her a favor in ending things. I only wish I could go back in time and change everything as I now realize how wrong I was.
I even tried reconciling with Ms. Ex. But she’s a smart girl and has told me that it’s over. So here I am, left contemplating my participation in the failure of a relationship I wasn’t even sure I wanted, but now can’t seem to let go of.
I know guys get a bad rap for behaving this way. And I don’t excuse my own behavior. I’m just beginning to understand it myself, unfortunately a few years too late. I only hope I’ll know better and do better next time. And as for Ms. Ex? I hear through the grapevine that she’s engaged to a really great guy. Ain’t karma a bitch?
Do you have a true life tale of karmic retribution when it comes to breakups? Do tell!
What are you passionate about?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 4:24 am
With the recent birth of my book, I’m more passionate than ever about helping people heal from their breakups and move on to lives they can truly love. In my coaching business, I see women wake up, break up, and move on to more fulfilling lives on a regular basis. It’s so incredibly inspiring to watch as a new life unfolds before your very eyes!
Having said all that, I want to tell you about someone else who’s passionate about what she does. My friend Dana Hall just launched her website PassionateForLife.com, a site dedicated to the inspirations and celebrations of people living passionately. I’m so impressed with Dana and her passionate mission that I’ve agreed to become PFL’s Single Life Coach. In this capacity, I will contribute monthly articles about how to live your best single life as well as regularly answer questions submitted to the site.
You don’t have to be single to enjoy PFL. There are sections on the site dedicated to being passionate about marriage, family, health, career, travel, and more. And if you’re particularly passionate about a subject, feel free to contribute an article about your particular passion.
Be sure to check out this month’s PFL article for singles entitled Passionate for One: A Crash Course in Living & Loving Your (Fabulously) Single Life. Enjoy!
This week’s advice
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 2:30 am
Thanks for your recent emails! Below, I answer some of your tough breakup questions…
nanrykykelley writes: I was in a 20 year relationship, including 13 years of marriage. I separated three years ago. We will be divorced August 1. My husband was a nurse and was having a relationship with the obstetrician that delivered my two boys and was an aquaintance. I haven’t pursued any relationships since the separation and frankly, I’m scared to death. On the other hand, I don’t want to be alone forever. Where do I begin to start life as a single 40something dating in this world?
First things first. Welcome to your fabulous new life as a 40something single! The good news is, there are a lot of you out there starting life over in their 40s after a divorce. You are an excellent company! Second, I understand the pain you must feel from being betrayed by your husband. Getting cheated on temporarily robs us of our ability to trust in relationships. Notice I said temporarily. The truth is, you deserve someone amazing who will never cheat on you. But in order to find that person, you’re going to have to heal, move on, and open your heart again. Here’s what I suggest. Pick up a copy of my book and open it to the beginning of part two. There, I recommend breakup survivors create and accountability contract for themselves. What’s an accountability contract? It basically states that you will exercise excellent judgment in choosing who you give your heart to. Next, I recommend you read Chapter 8 which is all about being a savvy single woman. I know being single after 20 years of marriage can feel daunting. But it’s incredibly exciting time in your life. Take it slow, exercise excellent judgment, and be true to yourself. Good luck! Keep you posted on your progress.
cchristie996 writes: Married at 16, was a great wife and mother for 45 years. He’s retired & searching the internet for a sex partner. He found someone, shared ALL the details of previouis affairs for 35 years. We are now divorced but living together. This is sick and I’m stuck in it. I have 3 grown children, eight grandchildren, and when I tried to put time and distance between us, I still had to see him several times a week because of this wonderful family I’ve built. Time and distance? I tried. I’m only 61 and still have a lot of life left. I don’t want to be alone, and I can’t honestly say that if I leave my life will get better. Where do I start? HELP!
Maintaining distance can be tricky when there’s children and grandchildren involved. I feel for you. And I applaud you for your attitude and effort. You are trying, and you are acknowledging that you have plenty of time left to live and love your life. Love that! My advice is take it one day at a time. If at all possible, change your living situation. Keep trying for distance. Attempt to see your kids and grandkids separately. Create new boundaries with him. And stay strong!
tracy writes: I was dating a guy 10 years younger than me. We had a great connection and so much in common other than the fact I have two children and he did not have any. He was very bitter from a previous marriage but after a year and half and a few breakups we decided we wanted to be together and make it work. He finally told me he was in love with me. Those were the last words spoken since I have talked to him last. He will not answer calls or emails. What does this mean? What do I do from here? I know he has a lot of stress with his job and probably could not handle me and two kids on top of everything else. But did he have to end it without ending it??? How do I move on?
I’m going to tell you the red flags that popped into my head as I read your e-mail. 1. That you having kids and him having none was even an issue 2. That he brought baggage from a past relationship into your relationship 3. That the minute he told you he loved you he ran awayÂ
Age may have played a part in this, but it’s more about life experience. Clearly, this guy is not on your level. If he can’t handle loving you and sticking around, what’s the point? You deserve to be with someone who embraces the fact that you have children and who is emotionally equipped to love you unconditionally. You may never get closure from this man. I suggest you accept that and give yourself permission to move on anyway. You are fantastic and deserve to find someone who recognizes that! I wish you luck. Let me know how things work out.
Got a question? Need some advice? Click here.
I Heart New York
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 15, 2007 - 5:27 pm
You, too, would love New York if you were living mi vida loca. Here are the top 5 reasons why I’m digging New York City right now…
- The Today Show – It was a thrill to be on the show I watch every morning. I love the way they edited the Movin’ On party and makeover. And being interviewed by Al Roker was a special treat. He’s soo adorable and funny! I told him afterwards that Mr. XY and I have coffee with him every morning.
- Meeting my idol Candace Bushnell – Today I met the one and only Candace Bushnell, creator of Sex & The City as well as the other novels Lipstick Jungle, Trading Up, and 4 Blondes. As a true S&TC junkie, it was crazy cool to chat with Ms. B about the real Mr. Big!
- Mass transit – Having spent 15 years in the car culture capital known as La La Land, I am so loving the subway system! It was intimidating at first but now I feel like an old pro.
- Savvy singles EVERYWHERE! Another bonus of living in a pedestrian-friendly city like New York – the chance to meet like-minded singles EVERYWHERE! In the subway, on the street, at your fave local eaterie or watering hole. While I’m happily hooked up with Mr. XY, I’ve noticed a cutie or two in my travels. Plus, the ladies in this city are smokin’ hot! I actually got the best compliment of my life the other day when this guy told me on the street that I was the Caucasian Beyonce. Now, we both know it ain’t true, but admittedly I strutted my stuff for a few blocks afterwards!
- The fashion – New York and Paris have the most fashionable women by far. But I noticed in New York, the men are super stylish, too. Love that!
As seen on The Today Show…
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 14, 2007 - 2:09 pm
People have been asking about some of the products and services shown during my segment on the Today Show. Check ‘em out for yourself…
If you loved Theresa Fontana’s makeover dress or the dress I wore on the show, check out the fabulously talented Kathlin Argiro’s website kathlinargiro.com.
Want to know more about makeup artist Eve Pearl? Check out her website and product line at evepearl.com.
Loved Theresa’s brand new ‘do? Check out Stacey Lyn’s Violet Salon in New York at 296 Elizabeth Street, 212-353-2350.
As for those delicious finger foods you saw at the Movin’ On party, they were courtesy of Chef Janet of the French Culinary Institute. Delish!
In case you missed my interview with Al Roker, you can view my Today Show appearance here.
Tips for the perfect Movin’ On makeover
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 12, 2007 - 10:54 am
After a breakup it’s perfectly natural to feel blue. But breakups can also mess with our self esteem. You might even say we get a case of the uglies after a breakup! Suddenly we feel unattractive – our hair just won’t do its thing, makeup feels pointless, our wardrobe becomes nothing but sweats and other stretchy pants and wrinkled t-shirts.
If you’ve got a case of the uglies after a breakup, then you may want to schedule a Movin’ On makeover! Makeover tips to consider:
- A new cut, color, & highlights
- A mani/pedi
- An eyebrow wax (maybe even a bikini wax!)
- A relaxing massage and/or facial
- An ex-b.f. wardrobe exorcism (get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex)
- A fab new pair of strappy sandals, stilettos, or animal print ballet slippers
- A cute new bra and panty set to start feeling a bit saucy again
The key to getting a Movin’ On makeover is to reintroduce yourself to the fabulous you that’s hiding under that post-breakup funk. Remember, breakups are temporary but your fabulousness is forever! The makover may just remind you why your ex isn’t worth pining over and why you deserve to wake up, break up, and move on!
 For more tips, see It’s A Breakup, Not A Breakdown.
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