Rosie & Elizabeth – Soon to be exes
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 26, 2007 - 11:43 pm
I missed Rosie’s last day on the air but I did catch up on the knock down, drag out fight with ”Poor Little Elizabeth” on YouTube. Anyone else feel like this was the conversation they’d both been dying to have since Day 1?
Their on air drama reminded me of couples who are still in a relationship even though they know the breakup is unavoidable. The gloves come off. Cruel words fly. No more tolerating the other person. This is breakup war! And while it makes for great television, it makes me wonder what the last nine months have really been about. The minute Rosie arrived on The View, she and Elizabeth claimed to have the utmost respect for one another. They even spent time outside the show with each other’s children. Or was that just a load of crap?
I always felt like Elizabeth was that geeky girl in school who made friends with the bully not because she liked her but because it was easier than getting beat up every day. And Rosie acted like she knew it. She was the alpha, she ran the show, and out of pity she was kind to Poor Little Elizabeth.
Not anymore!
Their on-air feud had been brewing for some time. And Rosie was becoming more and more like a beligerant husband who barely tolerated good wife Elizabeth’s comments and behavior. Their explosive spat was like the last fight before both parties pack their bags and move out, the breakup finally erupting.
While I’m sorry Rosie won’t finish her time on The View, I think it’s for the best. Like the couple who breaks up and has regret for some of those horrible things said during the breakup, there are no take backs. Especially when all of America knows who said what and to whom.
Alas, Rosie is a single television personality again. And Elizabeth can go back to doing ridiculously enthusiastic segments about that disease that keeps her from eating wheat and what not. You can bet my morning ritual will change. No more 10 am date with Rosie and the gals.  Much as I love Joy Behar, her warmth and humor can’t overcompensate for Poor Little Elizabeth.
Love in the City of Brotherly Love
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 23, 2007 - 3:59 pm
As my train departs the 30th Street Station destined for New York, I am reflecting back on my amazing trip to Philadelphia. I just loved the city – the culture, history, beauty. Plus, having lived in the car culture capital of Los Angeles for 10+ years, I can’t get over how pedestrian-friendly Philly is. LOVE THAT! It’s so much more conducive to the savvy single who wants to meet like-minded individuals. In Philly, you can do that – EVERYWHERE! Walking down the street, in the park at lunch, at one of the numerous outdoor eateries.
And speaking of brotherly love, thanks to all the men who came to my book signing last night. You know, my publisher told me from the very beginning that men don’t buy relationship books and to gear my book towards women. But let’s face it – men go thru just as many breakups as women. And unlike women, who feel comfortable reaching out to friends for support after a breakup, men often go it alone. That can be alienating, scary, and very, very painful. So for all the men out there right now who are going through a breakup, be kind to yourself, acknowledge that you may need help, and don’t be afraid to lean on friends for support. At the very least, get into a support group to help you heal. It will get easier! And even tho my book is geared towards women, there are plenty of lessons for you as well.
Jessica Simpson takes my book’s advice
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 22, 2007 - 7:39 pm
According to TMZ.com, suddenly single singer Jessica Simpson is engaging in a little retail therapy to help her heal from her breakup with John Mayer. She must have been reading my book and decided that she’d celebrate her post-breakup slump with a shopping spree!
For those of you who aren’t aware of the Dos and Don’ts of the Shopping Spree Slump, A.K.A. Retail Therapy, I’m including an explanation/excerpt from my book below…
After your breakup, you may find that everything reminds you of your ex, INCLUDING your wardrobe. If this is the case, then a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do — go shopping! Now, because there’s a lot of prep time involved in this particular slump celebration, you’ll want to clear your ENTIRE schedule and make way for some serious post-breakup pampering. You may even need to take a mental health day off from work. (Seriously!)
Once you’ve cleared your calendar, the first order of business is a mani-pedi (and any waxing that you might need done), followed by a trip to your favorite lingerie store (a girl can’t spend all that time in a dressing room after a breakup without having the cutest bra and panty set). Then a decadent lunch at your favorite restaurant will help you power up for an afternoon of retail therapy. Don’t even think about skipping dessert — you’ll burn the extra calories off during your shopping spree (plus, your breakup has just earned you a comfort food hall pass). And should your retail romp go into overtime, be sure to have a protein bar in your purse. But don’t lose too much track of time because the best is yet to come. An end of day massage will work out those knots you got lugging around your new loot. Then later that night or the very next day, put on a fabulous fashion show for your friends. You’re sure to forget all about your ex in no time. (Work it, Girl!)
DO: buy something your ex would have hated, bring along a shopping buddy, splurge a little
DON’T: max out your credit cards, buy anything that will remind you of your ex (if he loved you in red, buy something purple), shop somewhere that you might run into your ex (too close to the breakup for a face-to-face encounter)
Retail therapy checklist: credit card and/or cash, dark sunglasses, a shopping buddy, comfy shoes that are easy to slip on and off (and show off your pretty painted toes!)
For more deets on how you can celebrate your post-breakup slump, pick up a copy of It’s A Breakup, Not A Breakdown.
Live from New York!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 21, 2007 - 2:43 pm
Greetings one and all from beautiful NYC. It’s a sunny 70 degrees in the Big Apple and I’m having such a good time. My cousin and her new hubby live in Brooklyn with their 2 dogs so we’ve been having fun catching up and seeing the sights. This morning I walked around Rockefeller Center and NBC Studios where I’ll be on the Today Show soon enough. The energy in the area is just incredible! I’m so looking forward to being on the show.
Thanks to everyone who came out and saw me at my book signing in New Jersey on Saturday afternoon. I met some fantastic people! Today, I’m headed to Philadelphia for my book signing there tomorrow night. I’m super excited because tonight I’m having dinner with a dear friend from my former life at Mattel. Speaking of that former life, I just have to give a quick shout out to all my wonderful Barbie collector friends who have recently been in touch to support me and my book. Special thanks to Jack, Brenda, and Sandi for buying my book, celebrating my success, and offering to help spread the word. You all ROCK!
If you’re in the Philadelphia area, come see me at the Barnes & Noble in Rittenhouse Square.
To Rebound or Not to Rebound?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 18, 2007 - 9:52 pm
Nothing can make a fab female feel more unwanted or unattractive than getting dumped, especially if we thought everything was going along just fine. Meeting someone new, on the other hand, can be exhilarating. It can make us feel beautiful, desirable (and even downright naughty!), which may be exactly what we’re seeking post-breakup. And while hooking up with someone new may delay the post-breakup pain you’re feeling, it will not mend your broken heart.
Let me say that again. Rebounding after a breakup may be a quick fix, but it will not repair the emotional damage that your breakup caused. It will not erase the memory of your ex. It will not heal your heartbreak. And it will not make you feel better in the long run. Only time can do that. If, however, you decide that a rebound relationship is in your future, the following are a few time-tested tips to help navigate this tricky terrain.
Honesty Is The Best Policy
When it comes to rebounding, it’s important to be honest with everyone involved and that means yourself, your friends, and the object of your rebound affection. First, it’s important to figure out what you’re emotionally equipped to handle at this point. Sometimes harmless flirtation is all you need to feel like your sensational self again. Then again, you may have your mind set on a one night stand-style rebound. If this is the case, just be sure you know what you’re getting into. And be sure to tell a least one member of your Boo-Hoo Crew so that if they can’t talk you out of it, they at least know what (and who) you’re doing. Keep in mind that sex with a stranger won’t make the memory of your ex any dimmer. It will most likely just add to your confusion and/or create more internal drama. But because being a fab female also means being pretty stubborn sometimes, a gal’s gonna do what a gal’s gonna do. Here are the do’s and don’ts of rebounding:
DO: see your rebound for what it is (a temporary quick fix), as well is what it is not (a replacement for your last relationship or a way to heal your heart)
DON’T: engage in unprotected sex, or lead anyone on (as in rebounding with a nice guy who’s looking for a girlfriend)
Location, Location, Location
If you’re serious about seeking out a rebound relationship, the following are some possible places to recruit your rebound guy:
Bars and Clubs
Happily ever after rarely starts on the dance floor at the club or on the bar stool next to you but a rockin’ rebound? Maybe! Just be prepared for cheesy pickup lines and beer breath.
At The Gym
If you’re looking for a muscle man to distract you from your broken heart, sidle up to Bicep Boy and ask him for some workout tips. It’ll give his ego a stroke (and possibly he’ll return the favor later!).
Online
We’ve all trolled for Mr. Right online but now’s the time to seek out Mr. Right Now. A word of warning: avoid marriage-minded sites and instead look for more casual dating sites where you’re more likely to meet potential rebound candidates (and not lead anyone looking for a wife astray).
And when Rebounding, Always Remember…
Be honest about your intentions with your rebound guy
Jumping into another relationship doesn’t mean you’re over your ex
And always, always practice safe sex (Nobody needs a broken heart AND an STD!)
 Have a rebound story to tell? Share it here!
Reese & Ryan are breakup rock stars, Jessica & John split, Denise and Richie are o-v-e-r!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 5:54 pm
According to my fave celeb gossip site TMZ.com, Ryan Phillipe is proving to be a total breakup rock star by not asking for spousal support or child support in his divorce from mega-successful Reese Witherspoon. When Reese & Ryan married, they didn’t sign a prenup (major no-no IMHO) so Ryan is entitled to ask for half of Ms. W’s assets. I’m so impressed by these two. They’re handling their divorce with class, style, and humility. No ex-bashing necessary!
Also, the extra chesty Jessica Simpson and John Meyer have apparently called it quits. I wonder if she’ll keep wearing Bob Marley tees or go back to her couture-crazed ways? Only time will tell.
And as for those resident rebounders Denise Richards and Richie Sambora, allegedly the couple split months ago and only recently came clean about it. I don’t know about you, but I’m not surprised. Rebounding after a breakup, especially with a friend’s ex, is such a faux pas and sure to alarm the breakup karma police.  Ring-a-ding-ding!
Life Lessons 101
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 5:09 pm
They say hindsight is 20-20. Here’s a recent email I got from a young woman who definitely learned her lessons the hard way but is ready to move on and enjoy her fabulous new life without the wrong guy. Enjoy!
Well, what can I say. At 16 you think you know what love is. I fell for this really great guy (or so I thought). It was all good at the beginning as it usually is and then things just got bad. I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere without him knowing about it. I wasn’t allowed to speak to any of my friends. I had lost everyone that was close to me because I thought he was The One. Two years later, after all the tears and all the fights and all the lies I got enough courage to end it with him. Later, I had found out while he had been keeping me locked away, he was out playing around with my cousin, he was bringing girls home while I was working, he’d go out and pick up girls and tell me he was home. All the lies and deception, wasn’t I a fool?
You would think I learned my lesson but alas I didn’t. I took the fool back. Months and months later and all the drama started again. My cousin was pregnant with his baby. I had girls ringing me and telling that they were going out with him. When I finally got enough courage to leave again, the stalking started. My crazy ex would show up at my doorstep, at my work, at my parents’ work, ringing me constantly, sending me messages. He even came into my house when I wasn’t home and steal stuff.
Four years later, I’m now 20. If I have learned anything from my experience it’s this:
- You can’t help who you fall in love with, it just happens.
- When the bad starts outweighing the good in a relationship, it’s time to get out.
- Nobody has the right to hurt you, yet you have to right to tell them where to go if they try.
- Nobody deserves to be treated any less than what they are worth
- If somebody makes you feel like that, well they just ain’t worth it!
- Whatever you do, don’t hold onto something that isn’t there.
- Time goes on and it does heal all wounds.
- Be strong and believe in yourself.
Do you have lessons learned from breaking up with the wrong person? Share your comments here!
Upcoming NYC, Jersey City, Philly book signings
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 16, 2007 - 11:16 pm
Do you live in or near Jersey City, Philadelphia, or New York City? If so, I invite you to my upcoming book signings. See sched below for deets…
Saturday, May 19th at 3:00PM
B. Dalton Booksellers
30-145 Mall Drive West
Jersey City, NJ 07130
Tuesday, May 22 @7:00PM
Barnes & Noble
1805 Walnut Street
Philadelphia, PA 19103
Tuesday, May 29 @ 6 PM
Barnes & Noble
2 East 18th Street
New York, NY 10003
Are you attending Book Expo? Come to my book signing on Saturday at 1 p.m.. I’d love to see you there!
Have you started reading It’s a Breakup, Not a Breakdown? If so, I invite you to write a review. The more rave reviews I get, the better!
And stay tuned… I’ll be on The Today Show later this month. Date is still pending.
After The Breakup: The ABCs of Moving Out and On
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on - 11:06 pm
Congratulations on your breakup! Nobody ever says that, do they? But they should. Breakups are big. And not just because of the heartache and pain but because of the empowering pleasure that comes from eventually moving on. If you’re not there yet, don’t worry. You’ll get there. One day soon enough you’ll be minding your own business, actively engaged in your new and amazing life and you’ll realize, I’m over it. Doesn’t that sound exciting?Â
If at the time of your breakup you and your ex were living together, your post-breakup progress depends upon your ability to clean house. And by that I mean the quicker you part domestic ways, the better. If you can move out? Great! Sure it can be a costly pain in the butt initially, but it will save your heart a lot of hurt in the long run. By breaking up with both your relationship and your shared space, you get to create a whole new home to heal and move on in. (Now that’s a win-win!)Â
Moving Out (And On)
If you’re the one moving out, do so as quickly as possible. Even if you have to move in with friends momentarily, it’s better than crashing at the scene of the crime for weeks on end. You can always put your stuff in storage until you find a more permanent place to live. Or maybe you’ll luck out and find the apartment of your dreams in your ideal price range right away. After a particularly painful breakup of mine, I stumbled upon my first solo apartment—a cute studio in my favorite neighborhood within weeks of moving out. I’d initially thought I might be staying at my sister’s place for a few months until I found something.
 Exit Etiquette
If you’re the one who’s moving out, arrange a time for you to pack up your belongings when your ex is not home. The less contact you have right now, the better. (You don’t want a bad breakup to escalate into a shouting match, restraining orders for the both of you, or worse, a reconciliation with the wrong person!) If at all possible, do not rely on your ex to pack your things. As hard as it may be to return to your shared space, you need to be responsible for your stuff. Plus, depending on how your ex feels about the breakup, your belongings might not make it to their new home in one piece.Â
After you’ve packed everything up, try to schedule your move for a time when your ex isn’t around, too. That will alleviate any unnecessary tension and stress. However, if your ex decides to be difficult, insisting he be there to ensure you’re not trashing the apartment in his absence or packing up any of his stuff (like you want his back issues of FHM or his video games that used to make you crazy), ask a friend along for moral support. Your ex is less likely to be a jerk if there’s a witness.Â
Staying Put (And Still Moving On!)
And if your ex is the one to heave ho? Show him the same courtesy you’d expect of him by making yourself scarce when he’s packing his things and moving out. If you’re worried about him trashing or stealing your stuff, ask a trustworthy guy friend to supervise in your absence. And try to resolve any security deposit issues, rent worries, or other financial issues amicably (and ASAP). Neither one of you needs to drag things out, act petty, or throw a temper tantrum. Things are difficult enough right now. You’re both adults. Act like it. (And be sure to get his keys back so that you don’t have to worry about any post-breakup revenge rage at 3 a.m.)
 Exorcising Your Ex
Once your ex has moved out, you’ll want to follow these post-breakup rituals to help exorcise your ex:Â
            Â
1.        Get rid of any evidence that your ex actually existed:
This includes old photos, his cologne under your bathroom sink, the alma mater mug he used to slurp coffee from, and so on.
           2.        Purchase a bundle of sage and cleanse your space:
You can find sage at New Age shops and health food stores. When in doubt, ask the sales clerk about the best way to smudge your space, or go online and do your own research using the keyword smudging. It’s pretty easy and doesn’t require a degree in the dark arts.
           3.        Rearrange furniture so things don’t look exactly the same:
Just be sure to plug in a night light so you don’t trip over that footstool or bookcase on your 4 a.m. trip to the bathroom.          Â
4.        Replace items your ex took with things that make you happy:
 Brighten your space with colorful flowers, a new picture on the wall, or that end table you’ve been eyeing that your ex always thought was too girly but you’re now free to buy.
          Â
5.        Sleep in the middle of the bed:
It’s all yours, Baby!
Â
If you follow these house rules, your breakup recovery will be that much smoother. Of course, there will still be times when it’s hard. Just remember—when you’re in the middle of all that breakup angst, you’re not having a breakdown. You’re breaking up so that you can eventually move on. (And that totally rocks!) When in doubt, visit www.BreakupChronicles.com to share your breakup stories, meet other breakup survivors in the online community, and shop for inspiring, insightful, and/or celebratory t-shirts, journals, and more in The Breakup Shop.
A Roller Coaster Romance
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 15, 2007 - 2:12 pm
A Roller Coaster Romance
By Anonymous
I never liked roller coasters. The slow panic-inducing ascent followed by the fast, seemingly out-of-control descent repeated over and over until the ride finally ends. It usually leaves me with a big headache and a queasy stomach.
Then I met him. Seeing him across the room, I had my one and only Westside Story moment. I knew him, even though we’d never met. I was absolutely sure we’d get together. He was everything I wasn’t – confident, sure of what he wanted in life, flush with money working at a law firm. I was a 23 year-old college graduate still working for minimum wage while I figured out what to do with my life.
I was also still a virgin. He brought passion into my life. Once I finally got a taste of what I’d been missing, I was hooked. To keep my fix, I would have followed him anywhere. So when he suggested we get an apartment together after only three months, I enthusiastically agreed. That’s when my emotional roller coaster ride really began.
I was either the love of his life whom he wanted to marry or I was a fat cow and a bitch he couldn’t bother coming home to. He had an explosive temper. He threw things at me. He kept the checkbook for our “joint†checking account at his office. He wanted me at home while he stayed out late, supposedly at his office. I always wanted to drive there late at night just to see if he was actually there but I never did. Maybe I just didn’t want to know.
As controlling, selfish, and cruel as he was out of bed, he was generous and attentive when we were in bed. Which was a lot. Which is why I stayed for nine months, rearranging my life to try and please him, reading endless relationship books, trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. Then one day the bank called. Checks from our joint account were bouncing. They gave me a copy of our bank statement and I was shocked to learn that the money I put in to pay for household bills was going instead to finance his lifestyle. I packed up the little self esteem I had left and moved home with my parents.
Eventually I went back to school to earn my Masters Degree. That led to a career I love, and one that pays enough to support my own comfortable lifestyle.
I won’t lie to you. I haven’t had sex like that since I left him. But I have learned so much about how I don’t want to live and what I won’t tolerate from a man. And I wouldn’t trade those lessons for anything.
Maybe one day I’ll find passion again. Hopefully this time it will be more like a merry-go-round – slow, steady, with milder ups and downs.Â
Isn’t it amazing how blinded we become when we’re in love? Whether it’s passion or a sense of obligation, or our caretaker ways, we sometimes get tangled in a tricky web that only we can extricate ourselves from.
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