Man on the Mend

Submitted by Lisa Steadman on April 27, 2007 - 10:41 pm

Comments (0)»

Mike W. recently emailed me this breakup story.  It’s unusual to get the guys’ perspective, so I thought it was worth sharing… 

I may be unique in that I haven’t seen many stories from guys on your site, but I am a guy and I am hurting.

The very first moment I saw Ms. Ex, I knew she was “The One.” She was attractive, witty, slightly silly and very independent. She was thirty and I was forty-six. She was divorced with four children, I was divorced but my only child was grown. She scared me. I later realized that knowing love, true love, could be very frightening.

After a few short months of dating, we moved in together. It was not easy from the start. I had to adjust to having a ready made family and she had to adjust to me. Believe me, not an easy thing to do. After awhile, love flourished! And then the problems started. Shortly after starting our life together, she had a breakdown. Her past, and it was not pretty, began to filter back into her mind. It was rough. I had to take care of a new family and a new relationship all at the same time. It was never easy, but some two and a half years later, she was back to her old self. I was so proud.

Along the way, my drinking got out of hand. I would drink daily and stay drunk all weekend. This continued for several years. One day, enough was enough. She came to me very calmly and gave me the greatest quote ever: “You’re an adult. You can drink, you’re just not going to drink in my life”. I realized then I had two choices: the bottle or the love of my life. It was an easy pick. I started in a twelve step program and with her help, haven’t had a drink or desire to drink in eleven years.

Now, this is where the story gets strange. We have been together for almost fifteen years. Ups and downs. Fights and makeups. But this past December, she stopped smoking. We were all excited. She had been enslaved to the smoke for twenty seven years. Once she stopped, things began to change.

Now, I’m skipping over a lot. And I must be honest and say I created a lot of the problems we encountered over the years, but on December 12 of ‘06, after an argument (no worse than most), she ended the relationship. I was destroyed. I begged, pleaded, everything; all to no avail. She wanted out. The strangest thing of all, we have two small boys, ages 6 & 7, and all on her own, she left them with me. Even though crushed by the ending of fifteen years, I was very happy to have our children. She did not seem as if she would have been able to take care of them. For some reason, she acts as if she is twenty years old.

It’s been five months now. The pain is like nothing I have ever known. I am having a horrible time letting go. How do you un-love the love of your life? How do you walk away from fifteen years and how does it all change in a flash? Thank the good Lord for our two sons. They are the light of my life and they give me reason to look forward to another day.

Let’s all send warm fuzzies Mike’s way.  He deserves to heal and move on soon.  xoxo, Lisa